“The Mule” Is The Best Movie About Constipation Ever Made

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Well, except for this Czech Activia ad or this French Dulcolax spot, but it’s just as uncomfortable. And it’s 100 minutes long, rather than a 30 second commercial. Unless you love poop dramas, you’re checking out The Mule for its cast, a fun mix of Australian’s finest. You’re coming to see John Noble crunch dialogue … Get hard

Gillian Jacobs & Leighton Meester Shine In Painfully Real & Awkward “Life Partners”

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In many ways, it’s comforting and exciting that Life Partners exists: a genuinely funny comedy about two female friends that doesn’t involve a wedding or fighting over guys. Plus, it’s a smorgasbord of incredible talent, with Community’s Gillian Jacobs and Gossip Girl’s Leighton Meester possessing a stranglehold on the two leads, … Get hard

Even in Daft Punk-Era France, EDM Isn’t An ‘Eden,’ But Mia Hansen-Løve’s Movie Is

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I *gasp* like EDM. I actually listen to it while writing, because its synthbeats are familiar, and its lack of lyrics are less distracting (I’m less likely to sing along to Knife Party than T-Swift). Before I left Seattle for LA, I was a bystander to the rave scene, finding … Get hard

Timothy Spall Shines In “Mr. Turner,” A Two And A Half Hour Ode to Human Flatulence

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Every couple years, director Mike Leigh (Another Year; Vera Drake) delivers a delightfully British drama, oftentimes mined from history (Topsy-Turvy). This year brings Mr. Turner, a dour biopic illuminating the life of Joseph Mallard William Turner, one of the finest landscape painters (with a nautical obsession; Orlando Bloom’s character name … Get hard

No More Miyazaki? No Problem: Enchanting Irish Folklore Tale “Song of the Sea” Is Beacon Of Hope

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Do you ever stumble upon a movie at exactly the right point in your life, like you were fated to fall in love with this heretofore unforeseen discovery on this particular day? I had that exact experience with Song of the Sea, the kind of Serendipity that doesn’t star Kate Beckinsale. Going … Get hard

“The Babadook” Is The Scariest (And One of the Best) Movies You’ll See All Year

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Halloween has arrived, and it’s a shame that the Babadook likely won’t be haunting your dreams. Yet. Hell, maybe consider yourself lucky The Babadook won’t be released until November 28th stateside. You might not be ready. When it does, the critical darling (a phrase rarely trotted out for horror fare) whose performance … Get hard

“The Monster Squad” Drinking Game

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If your ideal Halloween is getting drunk while watching horror movies, then The Monster Squad is the perfect nostalgic choice. The 1987 film arrived in the same year as the first Lethal Weapon, both written by Shane Black (who co-writes here with Night of the Creeps‘ Fred Dekker, the Squad’s director). More for Lethan Weapon than Monster … Get hard

Richard Linklater’s Timeless “Before” Trilogy

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Boyhood is my favorite film of the year and that doesn’t seem likely to change. The inspiring experimental film was, in many ways, a diary for Richard Linklater as a writer and director, the movie equivalent of a hand-scribbled height chart in your child’s room. Boyhood may be about Mason’s coming-of-age, but it’s also … Get hard

“Urban Legend” Drinking Game

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Urban Legend is one of the holy pillars of the movie drinking game phenomenon (?), and with Halloween around the corner, it’s time to add 7 Inches of booze to the proceedings. Coming two years after the zeitgeist-y Scream, Urban Legend is one of many numerous glorious 90′s knockoffs of Kevin Williamson’s meta take on … Get hard

Star-Studded Poe Adaptation “Stonehearst Asylum” Somehow Works Because Of Its Bajillion Twists

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Over the first twenty minutes of Stonehearst Asylum, you slowly begin to dread watching the rest of the film, thanks to looking and feeling like your typical insane asylum movie. Jim Sturgess’ medical school graduate Edward Newgate has arrived at the mental institution to become an alienist, a Lovecraftian term … Get hard

Twisted New Zealand Home Invasion Horror Film “Housebound” Injects Fun Into Genre

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Kylie Bucknell (Morgana O’Reilly) is a perpetually pissed off juvenile delinquent, except she’s closer to 30 than high school. Treatment facilities have failed time and time again, so she’s sentenced to eight months of house arrest with her mother Miriam (Rima Te Wiata, MVP) and her “cabbage in a polo” … Get hard

2014 Fall TV Power Rankings, Round 1

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TV has become a year-round affair that’s nearly impossible to keep track of, with most of the best and our favorite shows airing anywhere but fall (Game of Thrones, Hannibal, Orphan Black, True Detective, Parks and Recreation). Aside from The Walking Dead, is there a must-watch show premiering this fall? Probably not, but I watched … Get hard

Antonio Banderas & Company Break Laws of Robotics in Sci-Fi Snoozer “Automata”

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It’s 2044 A.D. and 99% of the human population has perished from radiation. It’s a testament to how flawed, unfortunate and cliché this movie is that I feel bad for the surviving 1% of the world who had to weather this foggy, nonsensical I, Robot knockoff. The ROC Corporation (of … Get hard