What follows is an attempt to rank those books, with some basic information and a very short review of each. Rankings are entirely subjective based on my personal enjoyment. Books in a series will be ranked together and share one write-up, for ease. Entries that I listened to as audiobooks will include durations and narrators; ones I physically read will have page numbers. (How listening times and pages numbers translate varies too much for me to want to bother making comparisons.) To avoid making a very long post even longer, I’ll reserve some bonus rankings and stats for comments to this post. A final note: I’ve gotten pretty good at picking books that I’ll enjoy. So unfortunately, some really good books will get buried in these rankings. As a result, this year I’m breaking up the rankings into tiers by 1-5 star ratings to contextualize that almost all of these were quite enjoyable. Without further ado:

Dishonorable Mention

Empire of Imagination: Gary Gygax and the Birth of Dungeons & Dragons  by Michael Witwer

I also tried to read what could have been a 105th book early in the year, and as a rabid D&D player, this semi-biography of D&D creator Gary Gygax seemed up my alley. But the writing was so atrocious, it became the one book I could not finish, giving up with my Kindle progress at 49%. What could have been a fascinating biography was instead subjective and ridiculous, with fictionalized dialogue and unabashed (often unwarranted) hero worship.

ONE STAR

104. The Miracle Morning  by Hal Elrod

Narrated by Rob Actis (4 hours, 57 minutes)

The first audiobook I listened to in 2017 was also the worst. A self-help book that could have been condensed into a single Lifehacker article of short to moderate length, Elrod pads the run time with casual swipes at people who suffer from depression and frequent allusions to celebrities who supposedly practice the tips he gives. (Oprah should get a royalty for how many times she’s name-checked.)

103. The Snow Queen  by Hans Christian Anderson

Narrated by Julia Whelan (1 hour, 14 minutes)

This was a free audiobook given out a couple years ago that I just got around to this year. The tale is marketed, wisely, as the inspiration for Disney’s Frozen, but the concept of winter and the word “queen” are about the only things in common. It’s fair to criticize Disney for cynically sterilizing certain darker stories for kid audiences (looking at you, Pocahontas), but honestly, Disney is just much better at storytelling than the famous but not-actually-that-great Hans Christian Anderson.

102. Gather Round the Sound: Holiday Stories from Beloved Authors and Great Performers Across the Globe  by Charles Dickens and various writers

Narrated by Simon Callow and various narrators (1 hour, 12 minutes)

Another Audible freebie, this collection of holiday stories started with a radio documentary that was interesting but failed to go as deep as it could have; from there, it went quickly downhill. The Dickens short story was solid, albeit a complete misfit with holiday stories. And the improv performances that ended the book were genuinely painful to listen to.

TWO STARS

101. The Jungle Book  by Rudyard Kipling

Narrated by Bill Bailey, Richard E. Grant, and a full cast production (2 hours, 32 minutes)

Again, sometimes the Disney version is better. The point is proven once more by Kipling’s uneven series of stories of Mowgli that frankly failed to inspire much interest for me. The full cast production does its best to bring out the genuine high points though.

100. If this Isn’t Nice, What is?: Advice for the Young  by Kurt Vonnegut

Narrated by Kevin T. Collins and Scott Brick (2 hours, 23 minutes)

Vonnegut is a favorite of mine, but this audiobook is a bit of a mess. It’s a collection of graduation speeches that Vonnegut gave, but the returns diminish rapidly. One bigger speech early on is truly great, but it’s also collected in Vonnegut’s Palm Sunday, to be ranked later in this list. From there, the speeches get increasingly rambly and borderline incoherent.

99. Money Management Skills (The Great Courses)  by Professor Michael Finke

Narrated by Professor Michael Finke (6 hours, 9 minutes)

Another early-year resolutions buy, there’s nothing particularly wrong with this Great Courses entry. It’s rather dry, and probably would be more useful in a written format. But the information is mostly good stuff, if nothing revolutionary.

98. The Left Hand of Darkness  by Ursula K. Le Guin

Narrated by George Guidall (9 hours, 39 minutes)

Widely regarded as a classic, Le Guin’s story does have some fascinating (albeit heteronormative) things to say about gender identity. But the actual plot was surprisingly boring, and Guidall’s extremely dry monotone narration only exacerbated this.

97. The Halloween Tree  by Ray Bradbury

Narrated by Bronson Pinchot (3 hours, 11 minutes)

Bradbury was a master of interesting and disturbing plot concepts, but his actual writing can be hit or miss for me. This one was mostly a miss, a Halloween time travel story that never fully landed.

96. The Year of the Hare: A Novel  by Arto Paasilinna

Narrated by Simon Vance (4 hours, 36 minutes)

A well-regarded Finnish absurdist tale, I just could never quite get into this. Too much of the humor didn’t translate for me, despite the ever-reliable Simon Vance doing narration.

95. The Lost World  by Arthur Conan Doyle

Narrated by Glen McCready (8 hours, 39 minutes)

I really wanted to love this book; I think I read a kid’s abridged version as a child, and a story about discovering a lost colony of dinosaurs is right up my alley. But similar to Journey to the Center of the Earth for me last year, the concept and the execution just didn’t match for me, and the adventure wasn’t as fun as it sounded.

THREE STARS

94. Redwall, Book 1  by Brian Jacques

Narrated by Brian Jacques and a full cast (10 hours, 26 minutes)

I listened to a decent handful of kids/young adults books the past couple years, inspired in part by how imminently enjoyable Neil Gaiman’s young reader entries still are for adults. Of course, most people aren’t Neil Gaiman, and my first entry into Redwall suggested that this was a series that one needed to read as a kid (I bet I would have enjoyed it a lot back then). Still, the full cast narration was very good and quite engaging.

93. Alcatraz versus the Evil Librarians  by Brandon Sanderson

Narrated by Ramon De Ocampo (6 hours, 59 minutes)

I’m not one of Sanderson’s many mega fanboys, but I am a fan and could see myself entering the former group if I get into his Cosmere. This book, aimed again at younger readers, didn’t hit the mark great for me. There was a good deal of cleverness, but also a fair amount that felt facile

92. The Greatest Story Ever Told – So Far: Why Are We Here?  by Lawrence M. Krauss

Narrated by Lawrence M. Krauss (10 hours, 31 minutes)

91. A Universe from Nothing: Why There Is Something Rather Than Nothing  by Lawrence M. Krauss

Narrated by Lawrence M. Krauss (5 hours, 22 minutes)

This pair of books by the renowned physicist take on worthy topics about the origin of the universe and what we should make of it. The central thesis of Universe from Nothing — the concept that nothing itself is an unstable state — is something I wish I’d learned way back in middle school at the latest. But Kraus also get rambly and just goes on about various things in astrophysics that interest him; worthwhile topics, but often straying from a clear throughline and without the clarity of thought of other popular physicists. His mediocre narration probably doesn’t help.

90. Homeland: Legend of Drizzt: Dark Elf Trilogy, Book 1  by R.A. Salvatore

Narrated by Victor Bevine (10 hours, 48 minutes)

Another attempt to merge my D&D hobby and my reading hobby, I wouldn’t call this a failure, just not a complete success. Salvatore’s story is interesting, and often exciting, lending itself to quite a bit of fun lore. I enjoyed the listen, but when it ended, I didn’t really feel compelled to go on with the rest of the story, either.

89. Star Wars: Ahsoka  by E.K. Johnston (400 pages)

Between the Clone Wars and Rebels cartoons, I had come to think of Ahsoka as the best non-movie Star Wars character. I revised that opinion again after revisiting Timothy Zahn’s novels, as I’ll get into later, but I do still love Ahsoka. This book, however, struggled to deliver on her full potential. It had some really good moments, but it lacked the complexity and depth of the best Star Wars books. It would have been interesting to see Ahsoka get a more involved trilogy arc of books.

88. Dynasty: The Rise and Fall of the House of Caesar  by Tom Holland

Narrated by Derek Perkins (16 hours, 4 minutes)

I made a couple more forays into ancient Roman history this year, with more to come in 2018. It’s still a topic and era that fascinates me. Holland’s book engages with a narrative view of history that I enjoy, but treats the subjects too credulously, letting slip the role of objective historian. There’s a merger between those two paths that I’ve found in other histories but still not fully yet for Rome.

87. The Oedipus Plays  by Sophocles (translated by Ian Johnston)

Narrated by Jamie Glover, Hayley Atwell, and a full cast (5 hours, 8 minutes)

86. The Oresteia  by Aeschylus (translated by Ian Johnston)

Narrated by full cast (3 hours, 37 minutes)

These two aren’t a series together, but share such a specific subgenre — ancient Greek play productions — that grouping them still felt appropriate. I had read snippets of each set of plays, possibly even the whole things, for a college course. I think they were better suited to that academic study setting than to a dramatic production.

85. Breakfast at Tiffany’s  by Truman Capote

Narrated by Michael C. Hall (2 hours, 52 minutes)

I’d seen the Audrey Hepburn adaptation, but never experienced Capote’s book until this year. While they mostly followed the same track until near their ends, Capote’s feels darker and more sinister even before the big deviation, in which Hollywood wrapped things up happily with a kiss, while Capote instead leaves us in a poignant misery. Capote also engages in a casual racism, however, that makes the book age quite poorly at times.

84. Seveneves: A Novel  by Neal Stephenson

Narrated by Mary Robinette Kowal and Will Damron (31 hours, 55 minutes)

Seveneves had one of the more intriguing plots I read this year, one worthy of a higher ranking. And yet, the book’s total was somehow less than the sum of its parts. As good as its epic journey should have been, the pacing was all over the place, and the characters were too hard to latch onto for the book to ever make the leap.

83. John Quincy Adams  by Harlow Giles Unger

Narrated by Johnny Heller (9 hours, 42 minutes)

This was an old sale buy that interested me but left me wanting. John Quincy Adams lived truly one of the more fascinating and underrated lives among prominent Americans, which made this an eye-opening listen. But it also felt like a surface skimming that could have been three times the length before exhausting its subject.

82. A Confederacy of Dunces  by John Kennedy Toole

Narrated by Barrett Whitener (13 hours, 32 minutes)

Largely considered a comedic classic, this has long been a blindspot for me, and perhaps remains one even after finishing it. I can certainly understand the popular fascination with the book, and often did appreciate its absurdity. And yet, much of it didn’t quite land for me, and the absurd situations soon felt repetitive in a way that wore out their welcome rather than expanding on their impacts. I liked it, but it wasn’t the great love I half expected.

81. The Silk Roads: A New History of the World  by Peter Frankopan

Narrated by Laurence Kennedy (24 hours, 17 minutes)

This was one of the books I was more excited for in 2017, as I loved the premise of reframing a world history through the interplay between East and West, Europe and Asia. Ultimately, it was both interesting and disappointing. Good information abounded, but the central reframing was often lost, and the nearer in history the book got, the more Western-centric it became. By the time it reached modern eras (the past century-ish, but especially the past 30 years or so), it also abandoned objective history in favor of political rants — rants I mostly agreed with, but which felt more like a screed than an examination.

80. I Am Legend  by Richard Matheson

Narrated by Robertson Dean (5 hours, 19 minutes)

Matheson’s famous book remains one of the more interesting vampire tales out there, famous mostly for its sense of desolation and especially the twist that gives the book its name (and which the film adaptation ignored completely). Perhaps it was because I knew what was coming, but I was a bit disappointed that the twist didn’t hit nearly as hard as I expected, with more of a soft narrative in the moment. I also felt like the long passage of time wasn’t adequately mined. Still, I really enjoyed the overall mood of the book, aided by Dean’s narration.

79. Ubik  by Philip K. Dick

Narrated by Luke Daniels (7 hours, 56 minutes)

The sci-fi ideas in Ubik are great, but I felt like the book never reached its full potential. Dick gives you a big twist too early, then spends the rest of the book making you wonder whether that twist was true. It works, but I felt like it would have hit much harder if all that information had come in one big blow nearer the end.

78. The Great Courses: The History of Ancient Rome  by Professor Garrett G. Fagan

Narrated by Professor Garrett G. Fagan (22 hours, 42 minutes)

Another Roman history, Fagan is concise and informative, mostly giving a good balance of the narrative and the analytic. As the book goes on, he abruptly gives up the former to devote the remainder of the lectures to the latter, and I ended up thinking maybe it could have been more interesting to have two separate courses instead.

77. Seneca Falls and the Origins of the Women’s Rights Movement  by Sally McMillen

Narrated by Barbara Goodsen (12 hours, 32 minutes)

This was a very good introduction to the women’s rights movement, which had been a poor blindspot in my historical instruction. The book served as a sort of survey, leaving me interested in more. Yet if I can find more books on the subject, I’m hoping for more insight into the cross sections of the women’s rights movement and both racial and class issues, both of which are touched on here but not delved into as deeply as I would be interested in.

76.  Food: A Love Story  by Jim Gaffigan

Narrated by Jim Gaffigan (7 hours, 17 minutes)

I’ve had a long fondness for Gaffigan, and while this book recycles some of his standup bits, it still works well as a comedic book, likely better in audiobook form than it would if only read. There’s also a real awareness of America’s unhealthy food issues that keeps the book from ever feeling obtuse.

75. Yes Please  by Amy Poehler

Narrated by Amy Poehler (7 hours, 31 minutes)

Poehler is one of the most gifted writers and performers of my lifetime, and that often shines through in her book. There are funny stories, and sweet stories, and good celebrity stories. Really, this is one of the chief books that should probably be even higher, but I admit I kind of burned myself out on celebrity memoirs over the past several years, which likely affected my overall enjoyment.

74. Leonard: My Fifty-Year Friendship with a Remarkable Man  by William Shatner

Narrated by William Shatner (6 hours, 47 minutes)

Shatner’s euology to his Star Trek co-star and friend Leonard Nimoy is well worth the listen despite some notable flaws. Sections of the book feel dry, almost a Wikipedia recounting of life and career details of Nimoy before and between his significant interactions with Shatner. When Shatner reaches the fact, late in the book, that Nimoy died still angry at Shatner, for reasons Shatner professes to not understand, I felt like there was much going unsaid, even though Shatner seems perfectly sincere in his confusion. Yet there’s a real sweetness to the book’s best moments, where you really feel the import of the two men’s friendship, and how much they each gained from it.

73. On Power  by Robert A. Caro

Narrated by Robert A. Caro (1 hour, 42 minutes)

Essentially an extended audio essay, the famed biographer Robert Caro discusses his journey as a chronicler of powerful men. Along the way, he shares some truly interesting insights about the way political power impacts everyday people, which has made me put diving into a Caro biography as one of my musts for 2018.

72. Billy Budd, Sailor  by Herman Melville

Narrated by William Roberts (3 hours, 34 minutes)

Melville’s novella is a classic for a reason, and while it didn’t slam with the full force of Moby Dick (a pretty impossible standard, to be fair), I could understand the fascination with its titular tragic hero.

71.  Brave New World  by Aldous Huxley

Narrated by Michael York (8 hours, 5 minutes)

I actually faked reading this in high school (10th grade?), so this was the debut for me of the original dystopian novel. It remains a fascinating, gripping piece of literature, well worth the study, even though the thankful fall of eugenics on a popular scale after WWII has taken away some of the immediacy of the book’s impact.

70. M is for Magic  by Neil Gaiman

Narrated by Neil Gaiman (5 hours, 29 minutes)

This was perhaps the most difficult book on the list to rank in some ways. Neil Gaiman is one of my two or three favorite authors, as you’ll see plenty later in this list. M is for Magic is a perfectly delightful collection of short stories aimed at younger readers, worthy, on its own merits, of both a higher rating and ranking. Truly its only flaw is that the stories are mostly, perhaps even all, also collected in Gaiman’s three general collections of short stories: one of which I read last year, and the other two this year, all before M is for Magic. As a result, the stories here were mostly repeats; a couple weren’t familiar, but I couldn’t say for sure whether I had just forgotten them in time. So I’m basically going to average out the merits of this book by itself, and its slight repeition for me personally, and place it here.

FOUR STARS

69. Light Falls: Space, Time, and an Obsession of Einstein  by Brian Greene

Narrated by Paul Rudd, Brian Greene, and a full cast (2 hours, 26 minutes)

A brief but highly enjoyable recounting of Einstein’s most famous discoveries, written by one of the most famous physicists today, Brian Greene. Paul Rudd leads a cast by voicing Einstein, though I was disappointed (in an amused way) that Rudd didn’t try out a thick German accent. The real highlight, however, is in a conversation that comes after the narrative concludes, between Greene and Rudd. Listening to a brilliant scientist and a charismatic actor interview each other is something that I would not have thought to even try, but the results are borderline electric. Rudd is so game for that conversation that I came away liking him even more than I already did.

68. The Emperor’s Soul  by Brandon Sanderson

Narrated by Angela Lin (3 hours, 55 minutes)

Sanderson is particularly well-known for his famously long books. (I haven’t read the Stormlight Archives yet, but I’ve seen Oathbreaker in the store, and it looks like a testament to the limits of modern book binding techniques.) But I think this quick novella showed what he can do when well-focused, and its economy of storytelling was quite enjoyable.

67. The Bonfire of the Vanities  by Tom Wolfe

Narrated by Joe Barrett (27 hours, 28 minutes)

Wolfe’s book is a true testament to his skill in writing, as the novel ends up being much better than the sum of its parts. By intention, no major character is worth rooting for. The plot feels icky, treating the death of young black student as a mere pawn in the struggles of powerful people, and I often felt like the most interesting perspectives on events would have been the ones we don’t get. And yet, Wolfe’s writing is just fantastic, weaving it all together in a way that frequently spellbound me.

66. The Selfish Gene  by Richard Dawkins

Narrated by Richard Dawkins and Lalla Ward (16 hours, 16 minutes)

Dawkins’ book remains one of the great scientific classics in explaining and developing evolutionary science, and I learned much while listening. Admittedly, the details scientific discussions could get a bit dry and technical for a non-scientist such as myself, but not prohibitively so, thanks to how inherently interesting I find Dawkins and his perspectives.

65. The Sirens of Titan  by Kurt Vonnegut

Narrated by Jay Snyder (9 hours, 20 minutes)

I went into this book expecting a fanciful adventure story, and the book starts off selling such a promise. I should have really known better, from having read enough Vonnegut previously. What followed instead was jarring and fascinating, and I’m already looking forward to rereading it someday; I think it might only rise in my estimation in the future.

64. A Gathering of Shadows: Shades of Magic, Book 2  by V.E. Schwab

Narrated by Michael Kramer and Kate Reading (16 hours, 9 minutes)

63. A Conjuring of Light: Shades of Magic, Book 3  by V.E. Schwab

Narrated by Michael Kramer and Kate Reading (19 hours, 10 minutes)

I listened to the first book in the Shades of Magic trilogy last year, but felt later like I underrated it. Revisiting and concluding the trilogy this year only deepened the feeling, as Schwab expanded her cast and scope to great effect. Importing narrators Michael Kramer and Kate Reading, who guided me through the later entries of the Wheel of Time series, was also a boon to these audiobooks.

62. The Quartet: Orchestrating the Second American Revolution, 1783-1789  by Joseph J. Ellis

Narrated by Robertson Dean (8 hours, 25 minutes)

The period between the end of the American Revolution and the birth of the Constitution is a fascinating, under-discussed period that The Quartet tackles very well. The book perhaps could have been a deeper dive, but it was nonetheless a great overview into the actions of Washington, Madison, Hamilton, and the underheralded John Jay, the titular quartet who helped spur America into its next age.

61. The Great Courses: Gnosticism: From Nag Hammadi to the Gospel of Judas  by Professor David Brakke

Narrated by Professor David Brakke (12 hours, 9 minutes)

I’m quite interested in the early Christian Church and the bizarre and haphazard ways in which modern dogma evolved. And to tell that story is to also tell of the rejected creeds that, with a few different quirks of history, could instead have come to dominate. Gnosticism is the most fascinating of those, and this course is a really strong overview into its unique mythology and history.

60. The Crown Tower: The Riyria Chronicles, Book 1  by Michael J. Sullivan

Narrated by Tim Gerard Reynolds (12 hours, 49 minutes)

59. The Rose and the Thorn: The Riyria Chronicles, Book 2  by Michael J. Sullivan

Narrated by Tim Gerard Reynolds (11 hours, 58 minutes)

58. The Death of Dulgath: The Riyria Chronicles, Book 3  by Michael J. Sullivan

Narrated by Tim Gerard Reynolds (13 hours, 57 minutes)

57. Age of Myth, Book One of the Legends of the First Empire  by Michael J. Sullivan

Narrated by Tim Gerard Reynolds (16 hours, 55 minutes)

56.  Age of Swords: The Legends of the First Empire, Book 2  by Michael J. Sullivan

Narrated by Tim Gerard Reynolds (20 hours, 2 minutes)

55. Theft of Swords: Riyria Revelations Volume 1  by Michael J. Sullivan

Narrated by Tim Gerard Reynolds (22 hours, 37 minutes)

54. Rise of Empire: Riyria Revelations Volume 2  by Michael J. Sullivan

Narrated by Tim Gerard Reynolds (26 hours, 30 minutes)

53. Heir of Novron: Riyria Revelation Volume 3  by Michael J. Sullivan

Narrated by Tim Gerard Reynolds (31 hours, 49 minutes)

It’s always pleasant to discover a new author or series, and this year, I discovered Michael J. Sullivan and his Riyria. It started for me with coming across Age of Myth in a sale and being intrigued by the description and reviews. It ended with me listening to eight of his books this year, with the ninth in the series (the fourth Riyria Chronicles) kicking off 2018 for me. While these eight are technically three separate series, each series is so closely related that lumping them together makes sense to me. Sullivan’s writing has a truly addictive quality to it, and I feel like it has only improved over the course of his books. His two main characters, Royce and Hadrian, were among my favorites this year, and narrator Tim Gerard Reynolds greatly elevated the experience with consistently outstanding performances.

52. Moving Pictures (Discworld)  by Terry Pratchett (416 pages)

While I read more of Terry Pratchett than any other author in 2017, as I continue to wind my way through his unparalleled Discworld books, grouping all the Discworld entries together, as I am for other books in a series, feels like not the best practice; each book is too self-contained, despite certain characters picking up threads between books. Moving Pictures, both a parody and homage to classic Hollywood, is my lowest ranked of the nine Discworld entries I read this year, but it’s still such a clever and rewarding book.

51. Babylon’s Ashes: The Expanse, Book 6  by James S.A. Corey

Narrated by Jefferson Mays (19 hours, 58 minutes)

After binging through the first five books in The Expanse in late 2015, Book 6 brought a welcome return to the series (Book 7 is on tap for me in early 2018). While the alien storylines didn’t progress as I’d hoped, the major human conflict was resolved to great satisfaction, with respectable time allotments to the series’ two best characters, Bobbi and the superb Avasarala. I’m looking forward to where things go from here.

50. Pale Blue Dot: A Vision of the Human Future in Space  by Carl Sagan

Narrated by Ann Druyan and Carl Sagan (13 hours, 18 minutes)

Carl Sagan was perhaps the greatest science writer to ever live; Richard Dawkins pointed out in another book that scientists like Sagan should have been considered for the Nobel Prize for Literature, and I can’t argue; Sagan’s other entry on this list was certainly on that level. Sagan’s famous “Pale Blue Dot” essay, which gives this book its name, was one of  my highlights of the year. The rest of Sagan’s own audio was too corrupted for use here, and his widow and fellow scientist Ann Druyan did a very good job replicating his sense of wonder in narrating the remainder, even if the subject matter could become a bit meandering at times.

49. Astrophysics for People in a Hurry  by Neil deGrasse Tyson (224 pages)

Neil deGrasse Tyson has become the face of space science, if not science as a whole, in recent years, and it’s for a good reason. He’s incredibly engaging and capable of distilling massively complex concepts into easily digestible narratives. This book is in some ways the capstone of that ability, explaining the basics of astrophysics in a way surprisingly simple to understand in brief. The real highlight, though, is his final chapter, “Reflections on the Cosmic Perspective,” which echoes the poetic abilities of his mentor Carl Sagan.

48. Mrs. Dalloway  by Virginia Woolf

Narrated by Juliet Stevenson (7 hours, 10 minutes)

Woolf’s famous stream of consciousness novel is a slow burn, and a sad one. At times I found myself wishing for more insight into the characters, particularly the confused sexuality that they themselves mostly brush aside, but I suspect that to ask that of them would be to miss the point of how tenuously the identities in the book are constructed. Woolf’s groundbreaking structure and existentialism remains powerful even now.

47. The Wise Man’s Fear: Kingkiller Chronicles, Day 2  by Patrick Rothfuss

Narrated by Nick Podehl (42 hours, 59 minutes)

46. The Name of the Wind: Kingkiller Chronicles, Day 1  by Patrick Rothfuss

Narrated by Nick Podehl (27 hours, 56 minutes)

The Kingkiller Chronicles were another particularly difficult duo of books to rank. The first book left me on an absolute high, completely absorbed with this fantasy world. By the end of the second book, though, that journey was already wearing thin, as the plot progressed at such a glacial pace. On the whole, the series thus far made for a delightful listen, just one with a tendency to frustrate.

45. Norse Mythology  by Neil Gaiman

Narrated by Neil Gaiman (6 hours, 29 minutes)

Gaiman was another of my most frequent reads and listens in 2017, as he was in 2016. (His View from the Cheap Seats is another book kicking off my 2018, but then, sadly, I’ll be nearly caught up on all his published works aside from a few comics and children stories.) This book, a reframing of Norse myths for a modern audience, was an absolute treat that showed again how fun mythology can be. I wish now that I had been able to read it before his Sandman, and perhaps before his American Gods too, as it explains his presentation of characters better than a lifetime of just reading the Marvel Comics versions prepared me for.

44. Sourcery (Discworld)  by Terry Pratchett (336 pages)

More delight in the world of the Discworld. I remember when I first finished the first two Discworld books, The Colour of Magic and The Light Fantastic, I felt mildly skeptical about the series’ format of jumping around to many different characters. I had fallen for Rincewind and primarily wanted more of his adventures. I still love Rincewind, and he’s as charming and clueless as ever in this book, but I love even more that several other characters have surpassed him for me.

43. The Hike  by Drew Magary (288 pages)

Magary is one of my favorite internet columnists, so I was curious about his foray into fiction. (The Hike is not his first novel, but it is the first I read and the first to garner widespread attention.) The result was a fast-paced read that was wildly entertaining, funny, and exciting. The climax felt like a mild cop-out, but even that was redeemed with a spectacular final page that got in one last gut punch.

42. Outbound Flight (Star Wars Legends)  by Timothy Zahn (464 pages)

41. Specter of the Past (Star Wars Legends: The Hand of Thrawn #1)  by Timothy Zahn (400 pages)

40. Vision of the Future (Star Wars Legends: The Hand of Thrawn #2)  by Timothy Zahn (704 pages)

39. Star Wars: Thrawn  by Timothy Zahn (448 pages)

38. Heir to the Empire (Star Wars Legends: The Thrawn Trilogy, Volume 1)  by Timothy Zahn (416 pages)

37. Dark Force Rising (Star Wars Legends: The Thrawn Trilogy, Volume 2)  by Timothy Zahn (439 pages)

36. The Last Command (Star Wars Legends: The Thrawn Trilogy, Volume 3)  by Timothy Zahn (467 pages)

Only one of these books — Thrawn at #39 — technically “counts” as Star Wars canon now. That book’s release, coming on the heels of the Rebels cartoon reintroducing Thrawn into the new continuity, is what drew me back into the character. From there, I felt compelled to reread the old Zahn books, all of which are now in the “Legends” line of the old Star Wars EU, and had an absolute blast rediscovering them (plus Outbound Flight, an old Thrawn book I’d never read). It had been probably close to 15 years since I had read the books, allowing me to forget everything in them until the events happened. As a result, I fell in love all over again, with these perfect blends of beloved favorites and new characters really setting the standard for what Star Wars books should be. Zahn had a few other “Legends” books that I never read (no more with Thrawn, though his other great and famous creation, Mara Jade, stars in some) that I might visit in 2018.

35. The Beautiful Struggle  by Ta-Nehisi Coates

Narrated by J.D. Jackson (6 hours, 23 minutes)

This autobiography follows Coates’ childhood on the rough streets of Baltimore, through endless fights and family tribulations and setbacks, culminating in his narrow entry to college. The narrative feels almost stream of consciousness at times, and transported me to a world far beyond my own experiences. It was a valuable exercise, and this book also serves as a very recommended foundation before going into Coates’ masterpiece, Between the World and Me.

34. Coraline  by Neil Gaiman

Narrated by Neil Gaiman (3 hours, 36 minutes)

Gaiman’s tale of a little girl exploring her way through and out of a dark other world is wonderfully entertaining, with Gaiman’s own narration adding greatly to the sense of mood.

33. The Brothers Karamazov  by Fyodor Dostoevsky (translated by Constance Farnett)

Narrated by Frederick Davidson (34 hours, 53 minutes)

One of two Dostoevsky books I listened to this year; this one was the more difficult to absorb, though well worth the effort. The long philosophical dissertations that periodically interrupt the plot narrative are fascinating and warrant further study, even as the brothers themselves, and the great mystery of the central crime, keep one’s attention.

32. Deadeye Dick  by Kurt Vonnegut (271 pages)

I checked this book out knowing nothing about it but its author, which is plenty. My guess was that it involved a private detective, a guess that felt amusingly inaccurate by the time I finished. The tale of a family’s, and town’s, descent into despair is told with the heartbreaking anachronisms that only Vonnegut can manage. This was also the 104th book I finished in 2017, a very worthy final book to end the year on.

31. My Cousin Rachel  by Daphne du Maurier

Narrated by Jonathan Pryce (11 hours, 57 minutes)

My only experience with Daphne du Maurier before this year was viewing the two Alfred Hitchcock films (The Birds and Rebecca) based on her stories. After listening to this and another audiobook, I can see why her work held such fascination for Hitchcock. She held such mastery of suspense and mystery, and this book was a beautifully executed series of question marks. Only a rather abrupt ending kept it from a five-star rating.

30. John Adams  by David McCullough

Narrated by Nelson Runger (30 hours, 1 minute)

McCullough’s biography is one of the most quintessential of the many founding father biographies, even spurring an HBO miniseries adaptation. It’s easy to see why, as McCullough weaves such a wealth of information into such a captivating and easy to follow narrative. It did seem slightly too defensive of Adams at times to me, trying too hard to excuse the Sedition Act while not fully addressing Adams’ absences during his presidency. Neverthless, it remains a must-read for those interested in the time period.

29. The Tao of Pooh  by Benjamin Hoff

Narrated by Simon Vance (2 hours, 46 minutes)

This is the book that probably no one else would rank quite so highly, but I found myself so taken by it. It uses the characters and stories of Winnie the Pooh to illustrate and explain the tenants of Taoism, and both Pooh and Taoism come out all the more interesting as a result.

28. Palm Sunday  by Kurt Vonnegut

Narrated by Tom Stechschulte (9 hours, 40 minutes)

The last of my four Vonnegut entries for 2017, this was a collection of essays and assorted writings over Vonengut’s career. The experience was a bit uneven, but on the whole, quite lovely. Stechschulte’s gruff narration wouldn’t suit every book, but worked great for the two Cormac McCarthy books I listened to last year, and fits well here too for Vonnegut.

27. Eric (Discworld)  by Terry Pratchett (160 pages)

The shortest of the physical books I read this year, this Discworld entry still packs a great, quick punch. Playing off the plot and themes of Faust to amusing effect, this is probably my favorite Rincewind book yet.

FIVE STARS

26. The Birds & Don’t Look Now  by Daphne du Maurier

Narrated by Peter Capaldi (2 hours, 56 minutes)

My other du Maurier experience, this audiobook presents her most famous short story, The Birds, plus the gripping Don’t Look Now. The Birds is the better of the two, a masterpiece of mood and suspense that’s all the creepier for its lack of explanations. But Don’t Look Now is no slouch itself, taking more twists and turns than I was ever prepared for. The great Peter Capaldi provides strong narration, though the recording quality can be iffy, occasionally coming in too quiet.

25. I Am Spock  by Leonard Nimoy

Narrated by Leonard Nimoy (4 hours, 8 minutes)

Leonard Nimoy’s 1995 memoir, chronicling his life in Star Trek, may not be a universal five-star work, but it hit that chord for the fanboy in me. The book apologizes and explains Nimoy’s tongue-in-cheek I Am Not Spock from 20 years earlier, and features wonderful insights into the character (often delivered as dialogues between Nimoy and Spock) and Trek history; of particular worth in the section covering Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan, which really took me through the emotional journey of both character and actor in the film. Also, it just felt fucking great to be hearing Nimoy’s voice again for a few hours. He’ll always be missed.

24. All the Birds in the Sky  by Charlie Jane Anders

Narrated by Alyssa Bresnahan (12 hours, 36 minutes)

Written by the co-founder of one of my favorite websites, io9, this book got off to a mildly rocky start for me; the first quarter, exploring the main characters as children, leaned on tropes of exaggerated awful adults (Dursley types) that always annoy me. But the plot was otherwise interesting enough to carry me through that section, and thank goodness, because then the book blossomed into something great. The two main characters were outstanding, and the blending of sci-fi and fantasy elements collided into an excellent edge-of-the-seat book.

23. Stardust  by Neil Gaiman (288 pages)

The ever-great Gaiman tells his own fairy tale, full of the oddities and quirks that grace all his writing. But there’s also a fair amount of traditional fairy tale stuff here, with magic and wonder and lots of heart. It’s a sweet, exciting book that left me feeling wonderfully warm.

22. Gandhi & Churchill  by Arthur Herman

Narrated by John Curless (29 hours, 22 minutes)

This is the highest pure history book on my list, though a memoir and a science book still to come both overlap into the genre. I barely made it through the prologue of the book, an unnecessarily visceral account of a brutal insurrection. But when the book settled into its subject, it was captivating. Gandhi and Churchill remain today two of the most beloved figures of the 20th century, yet their diametric opposition to each other was so intense, and with such far-reaching repercussions at every stage of the rivalry, that it’s a wonder that both men managed to exit the stage so revered by many of the same people. The book gives insights into the greatness of each man, but also their very real and oft-overlooked flaws that could be devastating.

21. Witches Abroad (Discworld)  by Terry Pratchett (352 pages)

When I read the first of the Witches books of Discworld last year (Equal Rites), I enjoyed myself, but didn’t think it was as strong as some of the other book lines within the series. This year, the Witches vaulted up to my very favorite, with all three of the Witches books I read this year making my top 21. The interplay between Granny Weatherwax, Nanny Ogg, and Magrat is just spectacular, a level of character chemistry unequaled on this list. This book, featuring the trio’s road trip across the Discworld, is a characteristic delight.

20. The Girl Who Drank the Moon  by Kelly Barnhill

Narrated by Christina Moore (9 hours, 37 minutes)

As I said previously, I’ve tried several younger reader books the past couple years, and this list shows the results have been mixed. But the experiment is proved worthwhile by a book like The Girl Who Drank the Moon, a lovely story of magic and coming of age that took me by surprise in all the best ways. I do think this one might be a touch better read than listened to; Moore’s narration is mostly strong, but one character’s whiny inflection was a minor mar. But in any event, this sweet book is well worth the try for any reader.

19. Murder on the Orient Express  by Agatha Christie

Narrated by Dan Stevens (6 hours, 37 minutes)

18. Five Little Pigs  by Agatha Christie

Narrated by Hugh Fraser (6 hours, 40 minutes)

I struggled terribly with which order to place these two Hercule Poirot novels in, but this felt right for me personally. I read Murder on the Orient Express way back in 8th grade, and it made too strong of an impression for me to forget the ending. Five Little Pigs, on the other hand, was entirely new, and itself a superb whodunnit. Agatha Christie is reliably entertaining, but these two books became the class of her Poirot stories for me. (And Then There Were None may possibly be a touch ahead of both.) Hugh Fraser narrates most of Audible’s Poirot books, and was as good as ever. But so too was Dan Stevens, who seemed to be having a blast getting to play with the many accents present in Orient Express.

17. Smoke and Mirrors: Short Fictions and Illusions  by Neil Gaiman (384 pages)

Every Gaiman book is a journey, but his short story collections get the added benefit of being a whole host of journeys in one. Within this collection were stories that amused, disturbed, and left me on a haunting note with the concluding “Murder Mysteries,” which was likely the best of the bunch.

16. The Golem and the Jinni  by Helene Wecker

Narrated by George Guidall (19 hours, 43 minutes)

It’s hard to believe this was the debut novel for Helene Wecker, as the plotting is so crisp and the characters so enchanting. The wonderfully inventive story brings together two separate mythical creatures, a Jewish golem and an Arabian jinni, in the cauldron of late 1800s New York City. It’s a story about immigration and culture clashing and magic, and it all comes together so, so well. Wecker has a sequel planned to come out in 2018 and I can’t wait.

15. Anansi Boys  by Neil Gaiman (448 pages)

Another novel about what happens when mortals get mixed up in the affairs of gods, this book isn’t quite the equal of Gaiman’s American Gods, but nor is it far off. The trickster god Anansi leaves behind two sons, and their rivalry and challenges are an amusing ride with well-crafted excitement.

14. War and Peace  by Leo Tolstoy (translated by Louise and Aylmer Maude)

Narrated by Frederick Davidson (61 hours, 8 minutes)

My longest book of the year. Maybe my longest book of any year (certainly my longest audiobook), though there may be something I’ve not thinking of. The length is significant because Tolstoy uses that runtime to full effect to craft a true epic, winding us through Russian lives in the Napoleonic wars. It would going too far to call the book perfection; the extended fox hunt, for instance, is almost cruel to listen to. But the artistry in execution of this story is genuinely staggering and worthy of revisiting for further study.

13. Lords and Ladies (Discworld)  by Terry Pratchett (384 pages)

Another Witches Discworld book, this entry played with aging, relationships, and missed opportunities in some quite touching ways. But the humor was again especially on point, with Magrat in particular stepping out to shine like never before.

12. Fragile Things: Short Fictions and Wonders  by Neil Gaiman (400 pages)

A final collection of Gaiman short stories, this was my favorite of the lot, with a deep set of stories that featured a clever use of Sherlock Holmes in the midst of a Lovecraft world, an American Gods novella, the hilarious “How to Talk to Girls at Parties,” and probably too many more to single out.

11. Reaper Man (Discworld)  by Terry Pratchett (352 pages)

Death is among Pratchett’s best Discworld characters; his previous Death-centric book, Mort, was the book that cemented by undying love of the series as a whole. Reaper Man might have been even better, a hysterical and exciting story of Death in retirement.

10. Wyrd Sisters (Discworld)  by Terry Pratchett (368 pages)

The last of my Witches series of Discworld books this year, and narrowly my favorite of the trio (though I would accept arguments for them ending in any order). But the first great exploration of a fledgling attempt at a coven, leading to an extending play off Macbeth, was just a special achievement of storytelling.

9. The Idiot  by Fyodor Dostoevsky

Narrated by Robert Whitfield (22 hours, 33 minutes)

Another Dostoevsky book, this one landed the best among my attempts to explore more Russian literature, ranking near Anna Karenina for my favorite from the country. The tale of Prince Myshkin is so endlessly sad, even before the inevitable climax, that it kept me rapt as it explored a man whose presumed idiocy comes almost entirely from his unfailing niceties.

8. Siddhartha  by Hermann Hesse

Narrated by Firdous Bamji (5 hours, 17 minutes)

A story of self-discovery and enlightenment in the East, Siddhartha is a work of true beauty. While based in part on Buddhist principles, Siddhartha takes its own paths, taking us on a twisting journey that leads ultimately to the seeking of illumination and inner peace. The philosophical discussions are endlessly provoking, but the absolute gorgeous writing by Hesse is what truly elevates this book into a classic.

7. Spaceman: An Astronaut’s Unlikely Journey to Unlock the Secrets of the Universe  by Mike Massimino

Narrated by Mike Massimino (10 hours, 57 minutes)

I had never heard of Massimino, though he’s certainly quite famous in the right circles, before deciding to take a chance on this book on sale. After nearly 11 hours, I loved the man, or at least his story. Massimino’s memoir of becoming an astronaut, working with the space program, and eventually helping to save the Hubble Telescope, never lags in interest. But hearing the charismatic Massimino narrate the story is what really takes it to a new level, as the sense of wonder and awe in his voice shines through.

6. Men at Arms (Discworld)  by Terry Pratchett (432 pages)

Last year I only ranked Audible books, but it was the 2016 physical read of Guards! Guards! that ultimately stuck with me most as I moved through 2017. Men at Arms is the next entry in the Night’s Watch series, and while the plot might not have the same magic as Guards! Guards!, it reaches a similar level by bringing in new characters that breathe an amazing new life into the Watch.

5. The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time  by Mark Haddon

Narrated by Jeff Woodman (6 hours, 6 minutes)

The premise for this book — a first-person narration of an autistic boy trying to solve a crime — intrigued me enough to give the book a shot. But that premise managed to dramatically undersell the experience this book provided. I don’t even want to say more, because the twists the book takes are what makes it so special, and so gut-wrenching.

4. The Bell Jar  by Silvia Plath

Narrated by Maggie Gyllenhaal (7 hours, 24 minutes)

It’s easy to understand why The Bell Jar has so entranced readers for decades. Plath’s suicide shortly after writing the book only underscores the deep sadness that pervades the novel as we journey with a young woman through her spiral of mental illness in an unforgiving world. Maggie Gyllenhaal’s performance is superb, also bringing out the best in this beautiful melancholy.

3. Small Gods (Discworld)  by Terry Pratchett (400 pages)

Terry Pratchett may be the funniest novelist to ever live, or at least that I’ve read. But amidst the humor of this book about religion — and of course, there’s plentiful humor — is some real poignancy. I still have a lot of Discworld to go, thankfully, but I won’t be surprised if this ends up my favorite of the lot.

2. Cosmos  by Carl Sagan

Narrated by LeVar Burton, with Seth MacFarlane, Neil deGrasse Tyson, and Ann Druyan (14 hours, 31 minutes)

I mentioned previously that Sagan’s writing was worthy of Nobel consideration, and this is the masterpiece that proves it. I saw the 2014 TV series Cosmos with Neil deGrasse Tyson and loved it, but listening to Sagan’s original book was even a step beyond that. Cosmos proves that science is cool, fun, and interesting, even to an adult with a mediocre science background. It tells historical stories, explaining how we got where we are and the men and women whose breakthroughs helped illuminate the world around us. But none of that really gets to the heart of why Cosmos is so moving, which is that Sagan was a damn poet who just so happened to also have the mind of brilliant scientist. His writing is so lyrical, with gorgeous turns of phrase that light up the world around us in all its beauty. And while the best narration jobs are usually in the fiction world, LeVar Burton gave one hell of a performance in bringing out the dignified awe of Sagan’s words.

1. Between the World and Me  by Ta-Nehisi Coates (176 pages)

The older I get, the more I’ve come to recognize the need to learn outside the realm of my own experiences. I’ve probably done a middling job of it, but the effort is worthwhile, and this is the book that proves it. Coates’ extended essay, addressed to his teenage son, is the clearest elucidation of racial identity and its many tribulations that I have personally ever read. His writing is so clear, meaningful, and powerful, with a forcefulness of language and a clarity of thought that provide so much insight into the hurt and ills that plague and divide and kill us. A pull quote on the cover, from the great Toni Morrison, refers to Between the World and Me as “required reading,” and I can’t argue. It tears down the illusions so many of us put up, perhaps not even knowingly, and lays bare the costs of The Dream and who it is still paying those costs today. It’s not an easy read, but I do indeed wish it could be a required one, because it feels just that important.

I always grew up loving to read, and as both digital books and audiobooks became more popular, I stuck to only physical copies for a long time due to some vague romantic notion of their superiority. I still somewhat feel that way, but I also have grown increasingly short on attention span, and simply don’t breeze through real books like I once did. The solution became Audible.com. I first got into their audiobooks as a way of powering through the slog of the middle parts of The Wheel of Time series, and kept going with a subscription off and on after that.

But it wasn’t until 2016 that I really hit my stride listening to them. I finally got to the point where they became the perfect companion, and suddenly, I was both able and desirous to listen constantly: in the car, while working out, walking the dogs, doing yardwork, even while eating if by myself, etc. A few weeks ago, I suddenly realized the immense number of books I’d gotten through this year and wanted to take stock of them. I’ll probably never get through this many books again; I moved this year, and the many hours spent packing and unpacking, not to mention a lot of one-time house improvement projects, inflated my listening hours higher than I’m likely to reach in the future.

But in the midst of such a largely mediocre year, my binges brought so much joy through my headphones and various speakers. (I even feel like there was residual improvement to my ability to focus on physical books, as I read more of those this year than I had since undergrad.) I got through some incredible books of immense variety: genre fiction, literary classics, a few modern acclaimed fictions, and a generous helping of history. Ranking so many books is difficult, especially when I quite liked almost all of them; it results in some highly enjoyable options looking buried in these rankings, but it’s really just because I listened to a lot of good to great books this year. So without further ado:

TIER 7: The Only Ones I Didn’t Like

44. Journey to the Center of the Earth

Written by Jules Verne; narrated by Tim Curry; length: 8 hours, 20 minutes

I read abridged versions a bunch of Verne and H.G. Wells books as a kid, and while another Verne book on this list held up wonderfully for me, this one fell flat. I don’t think I would have cared that Verne’s scientific hypotheses (delivered by Professor Lidenbrock) on the earth’s core have turned out to be so wrong, except that he spends a lot of the book arguing for them, as if that’s more the point than telling an adventure story. And unfortunately, every problem is exacerbated by Tim Curry’s narration. And I LOVE Curry, so that’s hard to type. But his choices turned the narrating character — a character with no small amount of natural whinyness — into being nearly unbearable to listen to.

43. SPQR

Written by Mary Beard; narrated by Phyllida Nash; length: 18 hours, 30 minutes

SPQR was my attempt to expand and renew my knowledge of Ancient Rome. But while SPQR is a critically acclaimed book, it’s a book that feels aimed solely at those who’ve read plenty already on main narratives of the Roman Empire and want something to fill in overlooked gaps. It’s obsessed with the topics that the author doesn’t feel have gotten enough attention: how the poor lived, the nature of gender politics, and whether the common people were all that affected by changes in emperors. It’s a laudable goal that’s held back by its own admission of how little we can know about many of those topics. Meanwhile, it skips quickly over famous dramatic moments with a sense of disdain: it pauses to mention something like Hannibal crossing the Alps, one of the most daring military gambits in history, then rolls its eyes and wonders what kind of idiot would want to hear more about that. Well, this idiot. It’s why I got the book, only to have it not be at all what I expected and wanted. Oh well. I’ll probably try another book on the topic in 2017.

42. Wuthering Heights

Written by Emily Bronte; narrated by Patricia Routledge; length: 14 hours, 14 minutes

This ranking is sacrilege, but whatever; my list is more about my own personal enjoyments than a sober perspective on objective literary merits. Wuthering Heights is a notable member of the western canon, but I could barely stand it (despite fairly loving the 1939 Laurence Olivier film adaptation — which I now know took a lot of liberties in its omissions). It was so much meaner, less romantic, and lighter on redemption than I expected from my knowledge going in. And Routledge’s narration was another one that only made the problems worse. The voice she used for Linton was so impossibly grating that I could feel no sympathy for one of the characters most deserving of it.

TIER 6: Enjoyable but missable

41. Mrs. McGinty’s Dead

Dramtised version of book by Agatha Christie; narrated by John Moffat; length: 2 hours, 14 minutes

My wife and I began a tradition in 2015 of listening to Agatha Christie audiobooks during road trips; so far, confined to just Christie’s Hercule Poirot stories. Poirot is one of the great characters of all mystery/detective fiction, and it’s already become a fun tradition. This was a short one for a short trip: a play dramatization of one of Christie’s books. It was clever and quick, though the sing-song refrain that appears several times in the play gets a little annoying.

40. The Inexplicable Universe: Unsolved Mysteries

Written and narrated by Neil deGrasse Tyson; length: 3 hours, 3 minutes

Audible has a “Great Courses” series of various topics performed by professors and subject matter experts. I enjoyed a couple of them quite a bit in 2015; this was my only one this year, and it was a mild disappointment. I’m a fan of the sharp and charismatic Neil deGrasse Tyson, but he seemed to be going through the motions on this quick discussion of unsolved questions in astrophysics.

39. Born Standing Up

Written and narrated by Steve Martin; length: 4 hours, 3 minutes

Comedy legend Steve Martin’s autobiography of his start in stand-up is fun and witty, but his story has limits to how dynamic it is, while the format limits how funny his old material comes across. Still, it was an easy good time.

38. The Light Fantastic

Written by Terry Pratchett; narrated by Nigel Planer; length: 6 hours, 59 minutes

I got into Terry Pratchett’s delightful “Discworld” series late in 2015 with a physical copy of The Colour of Magic, and thought I’d continue it via audiobook. But this performance of The Light Fantastic disabused me of that plan. The material was still witty and weird in Pratchett’s unique way, but the audio sounded like it was recorded from inside a steel can — hollow and sometimes difficult to understand. I got worried that maybe all the Discworld recordings were cheaply made, and switched back to hard copies to read a few. That still worked out, because while it isn’t part of these rankings, Pratchett’s Discworld novel Guards! Guards! was the best physical book I read this year.

37. Washington’s Immortals: The Untold Story of an Elite Regiment Who Changed the Course of the Revolution

Written by Patrick K. O’Donnell; narrated by William Hughes; length: 13 hours, 29 minutes

A history of the American Revolution, told through the lens of one Maryland regiment that played a role in several key battles. I don’t think the book quite lived up to its wonderfully dramatic title, but it was an interesting glimpse into the rank and file of the Revolutionary army.

36. Thomas Jefferson: The Art of Power

Written by Jon Meacham; narrated by Edward Hermann; length: 18 hours, 50 minutes

This book won a Pulitzer, so I’m probably a dick for not liking it more. I listened to it right after a biography on Alexander Hamilton (stay tuned) in the interest of getting more on the other side of the Jefferson/Hamilton feud. And I did, plus a lot more on Jefferson’s fascinating life. But Meacham, one of the most respected American historians of today, felt shockingly one-sided to me. It gradually became maddening how often he discussed what Jefferson believed his contemporaries to be thinking or doing (not just Hamilton, but Adams and many others) without making the slightest attempt to discuss whether Jefferson was correct. So much perspective felt lost as a result. And yet, Jefferson was such a fascinating, complex, hypocritical figure that this was still worthwhile.

TIER 5: Getting Good

35. Hamilton: The Revolution

Written by Jeremy McCarter and Lin-Manuel Miranda; narrated by Mariska Hargitay and Lin-Manuel Miranda, with Jeremy McCarter; length: 6 hours, 2 minutes

2016 was the year of a lot of bad things, but at least one good one: the year when the historical hip-hop musical Hamilton completed its unreal ascension, winning 11 Tony Awards and becoming a cultural staple. I was a little late to that particular party, but the soundtrack blew me away. This book, chronicling the musical’s origins, cast and crew, and rise to prominence, captures a lot of the fun. Miranda’s notations to his songs are the highlight, though you have to follow along with the complimentary PDF to get the effect.

34. Three Act Tragedy

Written by Agatha Christie; narrated by Hugh Fraser; length: 5 hours, 47 minutes

Another Poirot, though the man himself is only a bit player until fairly late in the proceedings. But he still steals every scene and brings home a strong conclusion.

33. The Turn of the Screw

Written by Henry James; narrated by Emma Thompson, with Richard Armitage; length: 4 hours, 40 minutes

A short gothic ghost story that packs a good punch. Henry James’s infamously voluminous use of language has a tendency to strangle his own sense of dramatic suspense at times, but Emma Thompson’s superb narration always steals it back.

32. The Death of Ivan Ilyich

Written by Leo Tolstoy; narrated by Simon Prebble; length: 2 hours, 36 minutes

Tolstoy’s famous novella is one of the shortest entries on my list, but perhaps the one that could rise the most in my rankings with more reflection. As well as I feel I was able to absorb what I listened to this year, Tolstoy’s story about a man’s slow decline into suffering and death was one that I felt needed more study and consideration to fully appreciate. Even as it was, I found it effective and unsettling.

31. A Darker Shade of Magic: A Darker Shade of Magic, Book 1

Written by V.E. Schwab; narrated by Steven Crossley; length: 11 hours, 34 minutes

This book had some of the cleverer treatments of both magic and of alternate dimensions that I’ve read in quite some time. It never quite reached greatness, but it was an engaging world that was built quickly. This book was the beginning of a trilogy, but so self-contained that I feel content to wait for the books to finish coming out (book 2 is out, book 3 still pending) before I feel compelled to dive back in.

30. The Hunt for Vulcan: And How Albert Einstein Destroyed a Planet, Discovered Relativity, and Deciphered the Universe

Written by Thomas Levenson; narrated by Kevin Pariseau; length: 5 hours, 49 minutes

This book was such a pleasant surprise: a topic I knew nothing about, which turned out to be so engaging while hitting cross sections of history and science. It recounts the story of how astronomers and mathematicians came to believe that Mercury’s unusual orbit could only be explained by an undiscovered planet (Vulcan) between it and the sun; the journey from that hypothesis, to the search for evidence for it, to the uneasy decline of that theory, was finally capped off the brilliant entry of Einstein into the problem.

29. Cat’s Cradle 

Written by Kurt Vonnegut; narrated by Tony Robbins; length: 7 hours, 11 minutes

My Vonnegut knowledge felt sorely lacking; Slaughterhouse-Five might be my pick for the best book of the 20th Century, but I tried to broaden my base with two more of his famous works this year. Cat’s Cradle was the less successful of the two for me (though I had friends in college who viewed it as his best work). It was still wonderfully crafted, and I loved the way it spiraled out of control and landed on such an insane ending, but I rarely felt the same connection as I did with Slaughterhouse years ago or with Vonnegut’s other entry on this list. Robbins’ voice was also grating and didn’t help.

28. The Great Siege: Malta 1565

Written by Ernle Bradford; narrated by Simon Vance; length: 7 hours, 14 minutes

The history books I listened to this year were largely dives into topics I knew a little about and wanted to learn more, but this was one on a story I’d never even heard of until stumbling onto it. It tells an incredibly dramatic story from the height of the Crusades, when Islamic forces launched an offensive to gain control over the Mediterranean, only to be foiled by Knights of St. John making an unbelievably unlikely stand on the small island of Malta.

TIER 4: Really Good Books

27. The Big Four

Written by Agatha Christie; narrated by Hugh Fraser; length: 5 hours, 33 minutes

The last Christie entry on this list, The Big Four was her attempt at giving Poirot his own Big Bad, in the form of a super secret international crime quartet responsible for numerous illegal intrigues. It’s the most cinematic Poirot story, with the Big Four fading in and out of Poirot’s life until the big showdown. On a traditional scripted TV show, they’d be the season-long tease that gradually ramps up its efforts.

26. Sense and Sensibility

Written by Jane Austen; narrated by Wanda McCaddon; length: 11 hours, 9 minutes

I have a soft spot for the queen of the comedy of manners, but had never actually read or listened to Sense and Sensibility (though the Emma Thompson-led film adaptation is wonderful). It’s a delight.

25. Ready Player One

Written by Ernest Cline; narrated by Wil Wheaton; length: 15 hours, 46 minutes

This was one of the most exciting books I listened to this year, and I think its upcoming film adaptation will be an absolute blockbuster. The book version lapsed into several annoying tendencies, though, with rough dialogue and frequent ramblings that passed beyond the bounds of cleverness. As much as I adore Wheaton as a person and entertainer, his inflection often only added to these drawbacks. But the plot itself was Top 10 worthy and kept this book aloft.

24. The Jewel and Her Lapidary

Written by Fran Wilde; narrated by Mahvesh Murad; length: 1 hour, 48 minutes

The shortest audiobook I listened to this year, this novella was a breezy and wonderfully efficient piece of storytelling. It established its universe with impressive brevity, built up characters to care about faster than I have hardly ever seen, and brought it all to an exciting conclusion. It was a satisfying lesson in quick story building.

23. Trigger Warning

Written and narrated by Neil Gaiman; length: 11 hours, 1 minute

A book of short stories by maybe my favorite living writer, Neil Gaiman. As expected, Gaiman’s brilliant mind covers a substantial amount of ground. But the ones that stuck with me most were his superb Doctor Who story, his unconventional Sherlock Holmes story, and another short story in his great American Gods world.

22. The Graveyard Book

Written by Neil Gaiman; narrated by Derek Jacobi with a full cast production; length: 8 hours, 24 minutes

Another dose of Gaiman in my continuing quest to eventually read everything he’s written. Ostensibly a kids’ book, The Graveyard Book is a reliably clever all-ages thriller with some dark moments and a cast of fun and interesting characters. The cast production, led by the great thespian Derek Jacobi, made this an even more engaging listen.

21. 2001: A Space Odyssey

Written by Arthur C. Clarke; narrated by Dick Hill; length: 6 hours, 42 minutes

Clarke worked with Stanley Kubrick to create the story of 2001, writing the book even as Kubrick was filming. Clarke’s book isn’t the spectacular achievement Kubrick’s film is, as he can replicate neither the stunning visuals nor the same level of suspense that Kubrick manages. Yet there’s a straight-forwardness to the novel that sets it apart as being almost a different story (despite no major plot deviations), in a pleasing way. Props to narrator Dick Hill for almost perfectly replicating the voice of HAL from the film; the voice of HAL is so infamous that any big difference could have been distracting. As an aside, I was unaware that 2001 had three sequels (2010, 2061, and 3001; 2010 had its own film version by Peter Hyams), but now hope to get to them in 2017 (so many years in this sentence).

20. The Road

Written by Cormac McCarthy; narrated by Tom Stechschulte; length: 6 hours, 39 minutes

I read one Cormac McCarthy book, Blood Meridian, five years ago, and the experience was so haunting that it took me til this year to dip back in with two more. Neither book was the masterpiece that Blood Meridian was, but McCarthy’s writing itself is still undeniably masterful. The starkly apocalyptic The Road is often depressing and always tense.

19. Fall of Giants: The Century, Book 1

Written by Ken Follett; narrated by John Lee; length: 30 hours, 41 minutes

Follett’s sprawling story spans the years of World War I with representatives of every major power. It’s a strong piece of historical fiction that touches on a series of great historical touchstones without undermining any of them with its insertions of fictional characters. But the real highlight is narrator John Lee, who switches between half a dozen or more highly distinct foreign accents with incredible ease without giving a hint that he wasn’t a native of each country and region. This book was so self-contained that I don’t necessarily feel the need to continue on with the second and third parts of the trilogy any time soon, but I’m sure I will eventually, if only for Lee’s voices.

18. The Magician’s Land (The Magicians: Book 3)

Written by Lev Grossman; narrated by Mark Bramhall; length: 16 hours, 27 minutes

17. The Magician King (The Magicians: Book 2)

Written by Lev Grossman; narrated by Mark Bramhall; length: 15 hours, 48 minutes

16. The Magicians (The Magicians, Book 1)

Written by Lev Grossman; narrated by Mark Bramhall; length: 17 hours, 24 minutes

We come now to The Magicians trilogy, which will share one write-up. It’s probably a cop-out to group these three together — there were some differences in quality and my enjoyment among them, and this is indeed the order in which I would rank the three — but they are ultimately inseparable, telling one thrilling and occasionally frustrating story.  For a fuller discussion, check out Andy’s spoiler-light review of the series from 2014 (and my very spoilery comment on that post from earlier this year).

15. I Am Malala: How One Girl Stood Up for Education and Changed the World

Written by Malala Yousafzai, narrated by Archie Panjabi; length: 9 hours, 55 minutes

Malala was shot in the head, survived, and became the youngest recipient ever of the Nobel Peace Prize. That was about the extent of my knowledge of her going into this autobiography, only to learn that the depths of her impressiveness ran far deeper. She’s fearless, principled, and relentlessly hardworking in her campaigns for a better tomorrow. This book was often depressing in its darkest moments, but coming through them to the other side was inspiring.

14. Genghis Khan and the Making of the Modern World

Written by Jack Weatherford; narrated by Jonathan Davis; length: 14 hours, 19 minutes

I went into this one as a fairly blank slate. By the time I finished, I felt mildly appalled at how little I was taught about the Mongolian Empire in school: an empire that held a larger area than any that came before (nearly five times larger than the peak of the Roman Empire) or any after except the British Empire’s peak shortly after World War I. It’s a dramatic story of conquering and cultural influence, with several corrections to long mistaken beliefs about the both the Khans and the whole Mongolian machine.

TIER 3: Great Books

13. The Ocean at the End of the Lane

Written and narrated by Neil Gaiman; length: 5 hours, 48 minutes

Yet more Gaiman, this was a tale he conceived as a short story before expanding it into a novel. It packs a dramatic, exciting punch into a quick narrative.

12. No Country for Old Men

Written by Cormac McCarthy; narrated by Tom Stechschulte; length: 7 hours, 33 minutes

Here’s the second and final McCarthy of the year for me. Though I know now that the Coen brothers’ adaptation was nearly exact, McCarthy’s sense of tension kept me in a state of suspense til near the end despite knowing how it would ultimately resolve. It was also easier to appreciate the deviations from traditional narrative expectations in this book form.

11. Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea

Written by Jules Verne; narrated by James Frain; length: 14 hours, 55 minutes

Unlike my other dive back into Verne for the first time since childhood, Twenty Thousand Leagues held up as a true delight. I still felt a similar sense of wonder while forming a much greater appreciation for the depths (pun!) of character of Captain Nemo.

10. The Handmaid’s Tale

Written by Margaret Atwood; narrated by Claire Danes; length: 11 hours

Atwood’s dystopia of female disempowerment is disturbing, depressing, and, unfortunately, relentlessly topical. It sets itself apart from the typical dystopia by the sheer lack of hope. There are no battles to overthrow a corrupt society, just a quiet struggle for survival. Soon to be a prestige series starring the perfect actress (Elizabeth Moss), it will be interesting to see how its storytelling crosses media.

9. Anna Karenina

Written by Leo Tolstoy; narrated by Maggie Gyllenhaal; length: 35 hours, 40 minutes

I read this classic as a freshman in college and thought it was the greatest book I’d ever read. I revisited it via audiobook for the first time since then and found the juxtaposition between Anna’s and Levin’s stories to be more jarring than I recalled; coupled with already knowing the ending, the book got bumped further down than I expected. Nevertheless, it’s breathtakingly beautiful at its best, and Maggie Gyllenhaal’s performance only added to its power.

8. Breakfast of Champions

Written by Kurt Vonnegut; narrated by John Malkovich; length: 6 hours, 27 minutes

My second Vonnegut of the year, which I found all the more effective despite its sad brutality. It forged such a visceral reaction in me that it stayed with me for days after. Malkovich had the unenviable task of narrating not just the story but Vonnegut’s drawings that are sprawled throughout the book, and does an admirable job.

7.  A Tale of Two Cities

Written by Charles Dickens; narrated by Simon Vance; length: 13 hours, 39 minutes

Like many (most?) Americans, I was required to read Dickens’ Great Expectations in high school, and like many (most?) of those, I was unable to fully appreciate it. I came to appreciate Dickens in college (Bleak House, a difficult but impressive book, turned me around), but I can’t help but wonder if High School David would have gained a younger enjoyment of his work if this were the required text instead. A Tale of Two Cities is so much more naturally dramatic to me, with an exciting conclusion that lends itself to an engaging read that leaves an impact.

TIER 2: Now All-Time Favorites

6.   The Goldfinch

Written by Donna Tartt; narrated by David Pittu; length: 32 hours, 29 minutes

There were times in The Goldfinch where I wanted to stop and go on to something else; the plot was such an onslaught of impossible life difficulties that it was hard to keep at it at times. But the writing never ceased to impress, so I did keep at it. The reward for that endurance is hard to overstate: the closing pages of the book were the most beautiful passages I read or listened to this year, and among the most moving of my life.

5. All Quiet on the Western Front

Written by Erich Maria Remarque, narrated by Frank Muller; length: 6 hours, 55 minutes

A classic look at the life of young German soldiers during World War I, Remarque’s book paints the realities of war in such a bleary picture that, after finishing it, it’s hard to believe that another world war came on its heels. The idea that “war is hell” is such an oft-repeated phrase that it’s easy to lose the truth behind the cliche. All Quiet reclaims it with a deft, moving touch.

4. Alexander Hamilton

Written by Ron Chernow; narrated by Scott Brick; length: 36 hours, 2 minutes

Yet again we see the Year of Hamilton, this time the historical version. The real Alexander has seen his story regain prominence thanks to the aforementioned musical, leading to a last-minute retention of his place on the $10 bill. But it all comes back to Chernow’s 2005 biography, which captured Hamilton’s life story in a way no one else ever had (or still has) in more than two hundred years of attempts. Chernow weaves an insane amount of historical detail (this was my longest listen of the year) into a fascinating narrative that never stops reading like a novel. Ultimately, that’s thanks to Hamilton himself, a man who lived a truly dramatic life that lends itself to being gawked at centuries later.

3. Good Omens

Written by Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman; narrated by Martin Jarvis; length: 12 hours, 32 minutes

The clear highlight of all the genre fiction I read or listened to this year was the collaboration between the two authors who have entered my pantheon of very favorites in recent years as I’ve explored more and more of their work. Counting this, I read or listened to six Gaimain books and five of Pratchett’s in 2016, but their combination was better than either’s work alone. Good Omens has several laugh-out-loud moments, but the humor shows more of Pratchett’s hallmark of just constantly sharp and present wit. Add in Gaiman’s gift of plot and both authors’ originality, and you have a book that manages to place itself among the very best in genre fiction.

2. Jane Eyre

Written by Charlotte Bronte; narrated by Thandie Newton; length: 19 hours, 10 minutes

My experiences in listening to my two Bronte sister books this year obviously could not have been more different. Whereas Emily’s Wuthering Heights shocked me by how little enjoyment I derived from it, Charlotte’s Jane Eyre was the best kind of surprise: the universal classic that somehow manages to exceed your expectations. It’s all anchored by Jane herself, one of the great characters in literary history (and surely the greatest heroine), who was so far ahead of her time. Thandie Newton (who had a big year for me, with this and Westworld) gave a fucking phenomenal performance of the book that greatly elevated it.

TIER 1: Life-Changing Greatness

1. All the Light We Cannot See

Written by Anthony Doerr; narrated by Zach Appelman; length: 16 hours, 2 minutes

From the moment I finished All the Light We Cannot See, I began recommending it to people around me. I soon found that I was almost underselling in an unconscious attempt to avoid sounding like I was overstating its greatness. How can you describe a book as maybe the most gorgeous piece of art of your life without sounding like you’re engaging in hyperbole? And yet it’s true. This novel of World War II mixes a blind girl in occupied France with a sensitive German youth forced into the Nazi army, and from the crucible of their fear and growth and pain, emerges a story so wondrously touching that it brought me to tears. Maybe now I’m building this up so much that it will disappoint anyone I can convince to read or listen to it, but honestly, I don’t expect so. Some art can draw you in so inexorably that the expectations will fall away and leave you in the tranquil bliss of true greatness. All the Light We Cannot See is that book.

–

Bonus rankings: Top 10 Narration Performances

10. Dick Hill, 2001: A Space Odyssey

9. Claire Danes, The Handmaid’s Tale

8. Hugh Fraser, The Big Four and Three Act Tragedy

7. Zach Appelman, All the Light We Cannot See

6. Maggie Gyllenhaal, Anna Karenina

5. Emma Thompson, The Turn of the Screw

4. Derek Jacobi and cast, The Graveyard Book

3. John Malkovich, Breakfast of Champions

2. John Lee, Fall of Giants

1. Thandie Newton, Jane Eyre

About one year ago, Andy and I each counted down our 10 most anticipated sci-fi-/fantasy movies for 2015. I assume that everyone who read our posts (millions) only saw our respective Top 10 films, for lo, our power is great and terrible to behold. Feel free to relieve how largely wrong our anticipation skills were in predicting quality: my rankings included Minions, but not The Martian or Ant-Man; Andy’s list included fucking Pixels. Yeah, THAT Pixels. What a doof. But, to be fair, the goal was never to predict what will be the Top 10 in quality at year’s end, but rather, to list what we were most excited about. It just turned out that our instincts were wrong. A lot.

This year, I’m expanding my list to a Top 15, out of respect for a packed year — though whether packed with quality or disappointment obviously remains to be seen. I honestly have a bad feeling about a lot of the movies I’m going to rank; and yet, at least for now, the idea that they stand on a knife’s edge between success and disaster is kind of exciting in its own way. So let’s get to it. Once again, my syllabus will be the indispensable io9, which listed 75 movies of note.

Let’s start with some of the notable movies that didn’t make the Top 15.

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

I have no clue if this film will actually be good, or if/when I’ll even see it, but I’m so glad it’s going to exist. The core concept is actually one of my favorite things coming out this year. I still have a vivid memory when the book first came out — at first, with relatively little fanfare, before quickly gaining steam. An advance review copy was sent to the college newspaper where I was then editor-in-chief. The packaging was nondescript and I had no idea what I was opening. The bemused bewilderment when I pulled out Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, a book none of us had yet known existed, is a weirdly cherished moment. I soon ordered our best copy editor to read and review it (he liked it!), and if I still had any power over him (alas, power is fleeting), I would order him to review this too.

Gods of Egypt

This looks like it could, and should, be one of the year’s biggest bombs. It’s trailer looks generic and unmoving (though pretty, admittedly), and that’s even before you get to the fact that almost all of the “Egyptian” leads are white. This is going to crash and burn, deservedly, and yet that surety of disaster almost makes me intrigued by it.

Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon: Sword of Destiny

I actually never saw the first film, and I’m surprised to see a sequel so many years later. But it looks so gorgeous that I want to catch up on the first one and catch this too.

Zootopia

This may have actually been the closest film to cracking my Top 15, as its advertising so far is quite charming.

Jungle Book

This movie was an honorable mention for me last year, too, before getting pushed back about a full year. Now we a trailer to go off, and it does look visually impressive, with a notable voice cast. It just doesn’t excite me yet.

Angry Birds

I kind of love it when a movie so obviously misses a trend, as this one clearly has by a pretty wide margin.

Alice: Through the Looking Glass

Whyyyyyy. Well, I know why. But still.

Now You See Me 2

The first film was a fun enough ride. I didn’t feel any need or desire for a sequel, but Daniel Radcliffe is supposedly the villain, so sure, why not.

Warcraft

I’ve never played any Warcraft game, and have no strong feelings either way about the franchise. But I did find the first trailer for this to be intriguing, and I could see myself getting sucked in if reviews are good.

Finding Dory

This is a likely bet to finish in Top 15 in quality, because, you know, Pixar. But while I certainly like Finding Nemo a fair amount, I don’t have just a particularly strong pull to it; it finished middle of the pack in my futile Pixar film rankings. Plus I’m a little disappointed in another Pixar sequel, rather than a new original.

Independence Day: Resurgence

Oh, I’ll see this for sure. Jeff Goldblum = end of story. But will it be anything other than a messy disaster fest? Ehhhhhhhhh. But then, does it need to be?

The BFG

Spielberg does his first Disney movie, complete with a pleasant cast. Still, nothing about the teaser trailer got me excited yet, though it does make me want to rewatch The Iron Giant instead.

Assassin’s Creed

I have no attachment to this franchise, but hey, Michael Fassender in a cool cloak!

The Legend of Tarzan

It looks like it could be a mess, but maybe an entertaining one. I’d rather have George of the Jungle 2, though. Oh, they did that? Fine, then bring Fraser back to complete the trilogy!

Ice Age: Collision Course

I won’t see this in theaters, or when it comes out on video. But someday, about five years from now, it will be on cable TV some Saturday afternoon, and I’ll put it on in the background while reading or exercising or doing something else. And when it ends, I’ll distractedly think, that was enjoyable enough. So it goes for all Ice Age movies.

Bourne 5

Oh hey, there’s another of these, with Matt Damon back. I don’t really care about this franchise, but I am excited to see what they subtitle it (Bourne 5 is just the working title, apparently). My vote is for Bourne Harder.

Pete’s Dragon

Ehhhhh no thanks.

Sausage Party

The Rogen/Franco/Hill/etc. team can be grating, but also hilarious when hitting the right notes. It’d TBD which this will be, but it’s a hard-R animated film, something rarely seen today in wide release, so that’s interesting.

Kubo and the Two Strings

I’m fairly neutral toward the Laika studio, but this does look pretty.

Inferno

The first two Howard/Hanks adaptations of Robert Langdon adventures were enjoyable fare, and I’d expect no less from the third. Plus, Felicity Jones! I wonder if she’ll make another appearance in this post? (Spoiler: yes.)

Moana

This looks super adorable, with high upside, but I’m not ready to put it higher yet.

Passengers

A sci-fi romance starring everyone’s darlings, Chris Pratt and Jennifer Lawrence! I think this could end up being this year’s The Martian: a film I was unsure about until I saw the first trailer, then was totally sold and had my anticipation levels shoot through the roof.

Jumanji

No.

—-

And here it is at last, the countdown you’ve been pissing your pants in excitement for!

THE TOP 15

15. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows

My surprise pick for #15! I haven’t even seen the first film of this reboot yet (though I suspect I’ll give in), and I understand all the considerable cause to doubt a Michael Bay production. But Steven Amell as Casey Jones! Bebop! Rocksteady! KRANG! And the first trailer just looked fun as hell. So why not? Turtle power!

14. The Huntsman: Winter’s War

I thought the first film was gorgeous but kind of empty, and had no enthusiasm for the idea of a sequel. But the trailer took me by surprise and left me actually rather sold on this idea. Plus, that cast.

13. The Little Prince

The animation looks so wondrously charming that I fell in love with the first trailer, and look forward to this quite a bit.

12. Suicide Squad 

This is, in all likelihood, going to be a bad movie. But even that is intriguing in its own way. I’ve seen a lot of bad movies, and many of them are still quite entertaining. And this was is just insane enough that it could be a messy blast. The cast is theoretically strong, and the concept is a relatively new one in the world of comic book movies.

11. Captain America: Civil War

Look, I’ve made no secret about my disdain for the comic book story this is based on and Marvel’s choice to adapt it. I’m still having a hard time getting past that, to be honest. Why would noted anti-establishment Tony Stark be the pro-government character here? (You can claim that the Ultron failure showed him the error of his ways, but bullshit: only shortly after that backfired, he was still charging blindly ahead and activating Vision despite the exact same danger. Tony didn’t change then, and it’s lazy to pretend he’s changed between movies.) Why would Tony even think he and Cap were “friends” when almost all their previous interactions have had them fighting? Why this story, when there is so much else out there? But I’ll put a cork in it. It’s Marvel, and it’s the Russos, and we’re finally getting one of my very favorite superheroes (BLACK PANTHER!), so this still stands a shot at being at least entertaining. But my anticipation levels aren’t that high.

10. Kung Fu Panda 3 

I remember thinking that the first Kung Fu Panda looked stupid, and I avoided it. But then I got free passes for Kung Fu Panda 2 when it was in theaters, and relented and watched both. To my delighted surprise, they were actually quite wonderful, full of charm and some of the best-animated fight scenes I’ve seen. So despite the relatively long delay between movies, I’m feeling good about this one too.

9. Ghostbusters

Paul Feig plus a cast of some of the funniest women on the planet, featuring Thor as a secretary. This looks like it could be a worthy successor to a classic.

8. Gambit

I actually had this much lower when I started to sort through movies, and even considered leaving it unranked. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized I actually am kind of pumped for this. Gambit was overrated for most of the 1990s, but I think he’s swung too far in the opposite direction now and is an underappreciated character. Tatum once seemed super pumped about this passion project, and despite some development drama, they ended up with the often-great Doug Liman directing, plus my mega crush Lea Seydoux as Bella Donna. If we end up with a great Mister Sinister too, then this could take off in a big way. That said, the fact that we only have two confirmed cast members right now for a 2016 release suggests that Fox might be better off pushing this to the 2017 slate.

7. Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them

Harry Potter without Harry Potter! I often thought when reading through J.K. Rowling’s series that it was a shame we were only getting a fairly narrow slice of what was clearly a much larger magical world. This year, we’ll get another slice, via a prequel that sound fun and charming. Plus, Eddie Redmayne looks like a plucky leading hero.

6. Star Trek Beyond

The first trailer for the latest installment of NuTrek was quite underwhelming, and yet we have gotten a lot of positive signs, too. Simon Pegg co-wrote the movie and has repeatedly pushed the idea that this movie will have new worlds and races, getting back to Trek’s exploratory origins. Director Justin Lin is best known for the Fast and Furious franchise, not exactly the first fit one thinks of for Trek, but he has expressed a deep childhood love of the series, too. Plus, Idris Elba as the villain. I think this will work out great.

5. Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice

This is, easily, the most difficult movie to rank. I could make a case for it being #1, or a case for it unranked, though I’m not sure how convincing either case would be. Like Suicide Squad, I suspect this will not be a good movie: it looks too grimdark, too Zack Snyder, with mediocre trailers that have seemingly given a hell of a lot of the plot away. And yet, it’s the first time we’ll ever see live-action Batman and Superman together. It’s the first time live-action Wonder Woman will appear in a movie. Those are things I could only dream of, once upon a time. This is so much of my childhood coming to life, even if it is in a way that leaves me almost as uneasy as it does excited. For good or bad, I’m anticipating the shit out of this.

4. Doctor Strange

Doctor Strange is theoretically one of, if not the highest-upside character to enter the MCU post-Avengers, and getting fan-loved Benedict Cumberbatch for the title role should only increase the chance that Strange fulfills my expectation of becoming the bridge of popularity between the current iteration of the MCU and the one we expect to dawn post-Infinity War(s). The rest of the cast is also superb, and early buzz has been playing up the possibility of the movie going to some psychedelic, Steve Ditko-inspired places, which is exactly what I want.

3. X-Men: Apocalypse

The X-Men mean a lot to me, even if their films have been steadily surpassed by the MCU and likely the DCCU in terms of audience attention. I loved Days of Future Past, and despite some concern about the look of Apocalypse himself, I enjoyed the first trailer for this. Most importantly, it’s Apocalypse, star of some of the great X-Men stories and the character who most made me go “oh shit!” as a kid when he’d show up. This appears to have so much of the comic book feel that I wanted out of previous X-films, even when I enjoyed previous movies despite the absence thereof. Plus, Storm has a mohawk!!!

2. Rogue One: A Star Wars Story

I adored The Force Awakens, and while my excitement for the first “anthology” movie isn’t as high as my anticipation for the start of a new trilogy was, Disney has certainly proven their trustworthiness in shepherding the franchise. By December, I’ll be through the roof again for this cool concept of checking out the Rebel Alliance’s other members, besides the A-Team. The cast is awesome (hey, Felicity Jones again!), and Gareth Edwards’ career is off to an impressive start.

1. Deadpool

Surprise! In a year with Star Wars, Batman and Superman, Apocalypse, two MCU movies, and plenty more, my top pick is a February release of a movie that Fox spent years not wanting to make.  A lot of that is because of how much I’ve grown to love Deadpool himself over the years, but if I were considering that alone, this movie with still be at least a couple spots lower. What shoot it all the way to #1 is what this movie could be: a radical departure from what we’ve come to expect from mainstream superhero films. It’s not that I have superhero movie fatigue, per se — eight of my Top 15 films this year are still based on characters originating in comics — but I am more than ready to see the genre push in some new directions and become less formulaic. A violent R-rated superhero isn’t quite new, with the Kick-Ass films coming first to mind, but it’s far newer than anything else this year. Add in copious amount of humor and, most importantly, the fourth-wall-breaking title character, and you really do have something we’ve never seen before. A violent comedy starring a postmodernist superhero? I didn’t realize, until Deadpool got made, that we need that, but I think we do. This is the sci-fi/fantasy movie that stands the best chance at breaking new ground in 2016 and pushing its genre to take more chances. That alone is worth anticipating, and it should also be a shit-ton of fun.

Only later did I realize that this Stormtrooper set wasn’t even for The Force Awakens, but instead an old Attack of the Clones tie-in of the Battle of Geonosis. By then, it didn’t matter that the Legos were merchandise for a terrible prequel movie; they were a blast to put together. Shortly after finishing it, I already wanted more. I ended up with another Lego set, this time a new Force Awakens piece: Poe’s X-Wing.

The X-Wing was a much bigger construction project, taking me a few hours (I’m slow) over two nights, but it was also an absolute treat and some of the most fun I’ve had in a while. Who knew how much fun modern Legos have become? Well, lots of people knew, I’m sure; but for me, this was a new realization.

I finished Poe’s X-Wing last night, and soon found myself taken by nostalgia, and dug through my closet for a very old Walmart sack full of my old Star Wars action figures, which I hadn’t seen in years, maybe even a decade or more. My collection was never quite huge, especially when you consider the insane multitude of action figures made for the franchise. Plus, I had a few figures destroyed by my childhood dog — a Boba Fett figure, which I quickly replaced, and a few others I never did: a Darth Vader, an IG-88, a Yoda, a Y-Wing, and an Endor-style Stormtrooper/Scout trooper (which I always thought were the coolest-looking Stormtroopers). Oddly, I never owned a Luke Skywalker, RD-D2, C-3PO, or an X-Wing. I also found, lumped in with all the Star Wars pieces, a random action figure of Marvel’s Strong Guy, sporting his early 1990s-style X-Factor costume. Why was he in with a bunch of Star Wars pieces? I have no clue anymore, but his comics-accurate disproportionately huge upper body foiled my attempts to even stand him up for a photo.

Of those actual Star Wars toys that remain, all were a bit dusty, and a couple were a bit banged up (because fuck keeping them in the packaging; I got these thing to play). All of them have fond memories associated with them. So here’s a rundown of what’s left and how they compare.

11. Endor-style Han Solo

One thing you’ll quickly become aware of in this list is my childhood love of The Return of the Jedi. It’s become en vogue to criticize the film for its cutesy Ewoks, but I was blissfully unaware as a child that it even could be considered anything less than great. But this Han Solo figure in his Endor camouflage certainly isn’t great. His face looks downright dumb, and only mildly Harrison Ford-like at best.

10. Dengar

You’ll also notice my love of the Bounty Hunters, whom I was obsessed with in the old, now-defunct Expanded Universe. In fact, I once owned almost all the original Bounty Hunters from Empire, only lacking 4-LOM, and I regret never replacing my IG-88 figure. But poor Dengar in this action figure. I loved that he came with two guns, something that was mildly rare then, but he looks like an old homeless man here.

9. Endor-style Princess Leia

Yeah, more Endor.  This version of Leia was originally super lame, coming in a bundle with Wicket (who was the only reason I bought it) but no weapon. However, when my old dog destroyed several of my action figures, one survivor was Boba Fett’s gun. I ended up getting a replacement Fett, but now had an extra gun of his, so it went to Leia, whose hand can just barely support it. She still looks mediocre, but it amuses me to see her in her celebration dress while holding Boba Fett’s gun.

8. Imperial Shuttle

The Lamba-class T-4a shuttle, better remembered as the Imperial Shuttle, was one of the cooler-looking ships in the original trilogy to me. I was fairly mesmerized watching its wings fold and unfold in the film as kid. The toy version also has that ability, though as you can see above, it can’t stand on its own with the wings in their flight position.

7. Wicket Warrick

With bonus mini-Wicket! It looks like mini-Wicket is some kind of figurine attachable, but I can’t recall what for. Big (well, relatively big) Wicket was a sometimes-favorite, as evidenced by the fact that I still recalled his last name from memory all this time later. (Alas, I failed to recall his middle name, Wystri.) His staff has become bent and droopy with time, but hey, it happens to every Ewok.

6. TIE Fighter

Classic as fuck, the TIE Fighter still looks cool. And this one remains fully functional, still capable of firing a plastic laser.

5. Shadows of the Empire-style Chewbacca

I once saw this Chewbacca figure on a “worst Star Wars figures” type of list, and I suppose I can understand why. Everything about its design screams of an attempt at 90’s-style EXTREME. It was part of a tie-in with the multimedia project Shadows of the Empire, a book/comicbook/video game combination release in 1996 (I only read the book, and enjoyed it). In that story, Chewie has to go undercover as a bounty hunter. As an aside, I remember telling that to my dad, who scoffed because obviously someone as big and hairy as Chewbacca couldn’t disguise himself (in fairness, my dad only knew what he’d seen in the original trilogy, and he didn’t understand that Chewie wasn’t the only Wookie; clearly, he needs to see the Star Wars Holiday Special).

Anyway, this Chewie originally also came with a battle ax, which was another casualty of The Great Dog Attack. Luckily, most of the figure survived, though the part of his cape that attached to his back was also broken off; I’ve posed him just holding the cape instead. Is this whole design pretty ridiculous? Sure. But I thought it only made him look even cooler. If I’m being honest, I still do.

4. Darth Maul

Darth Maul was the only prequel action figure I ever bought, the result of those movies coming out right as I was starting to outgrow the toys (boooo Young David; action figures will always be cool) and the underwhelming quality of the films. But I still think Maul himself was undeniably cool. Devoid of any characterization, but he kicked ass, and the double-bladed lightsaber ruled. This action figure kicked ass too; his face still looks intense even now. His double-bladed lightsaber broke in two at some point, but he actually looks just as cool holding two lightsabers now instead.

3. Boba Fett

The king! You watch the original trilogy as an adult, and you realize how little of a factor Boba Fett actually is. He doesn’t really do that much, and he dies (or only appears to die, if you’re an old EU fan) in the dumbest way possible. But never mind all that. I fucking loved Boba Fett. He looked cool as hell, so much so that he was the only of my destroyed or damaged figures that I ever got around to replacing. He had a friggin jetpack! I’ll never not consider Boba Fett to be cool.

2. Admiral Ackbar

Surprised? I don’t care. I love me some Ackbar, and no, this is not a trap. That fishy bastard is just magnificent, and he could lead my armada into battle any time, if you know what I mean (I don’t even know what I mean). His figure was a huge favorite; I think generally, that era of figures managed to look much better when not having to replicate a human face. He also had my favorite gun of any figure, attaching on his arm using his fishy arm scales.

1. Bossk

And at last, we come to my enduring #1. Like I said, I just loved the Bounty Hunters, and Bossk looked awesome. He does even less than Boba Fett in the films, though I enjoyed getting to read about him in the old EU. But I loved that he looked like a giant lizard, and managed to pull that off.  Have I ever lay in bed at night and wondered about who would win in a fight between him and a member of the Gorn? You’re damn right I have. And it’s Bossk. Bossk wins that fight, Bossk wins these rankings, Bossk wins everything. My fingers are fully crossed for Star Wars Episode VIII: Like a Bossk.

Being overly obsessed with trying to rank things, my natural impulse is now to figure out where Inside Out falls among the 15 Pixar films released thus far. (A 16th, The Good Dinosaur, comes out in November to begin this dilemma all over again.) And I will indeed give it a shot at the end of this post, but with no real sense of conviction, especially as compared to my usual style of pretending to be way too self-assured in my rankings. The “problem” is that Pixar is just so damn good at what it does.

There are only two Pixar movies I don’t love. Cars 2, which I think is the only bad movie the studio has done, and Cars, which I don’t think is bad necessarily, but nor did I think it was all that good. Everything else, I liked. All those descriptors of Inside Out can apply to almost every film the studio has put out: funny, well-animated, well-acted, and capable of working on deeper levels or creating great emotional resonances than we used to associate with most cartoons.

And that degree of resonance is what makes trying to come up with any definitive Pixar rankings so futile. All movie opinions are inherently subjective, but we can usually come up with some degree of objective consensus: The Godfather is better than Smurfs 2; Frozen is better than The Human Centipede; and so on. But Pixar movies blur those lines of objectivity more than most. For instance, Brave is often considered one of the studio’s lesser offerings; this list has it next in line at the bottom after the Cars duo. But I liked it more than most, really enjoying its relationships and falling head-over-heels for its Scottish musical score. Meanwhile, the original Toy Story is rightfully regarded as a classic, but rewatching it recently, I was struck by how little heart the film actually has for most its duration, especially in comparison to Pixar’s later offerings.

I think there’s a broad consensus for the worst Pixar movie, and a lesser but still existent consensus for the best. In between, it’s chaos. The 13th-best Pixar movie on my list is still better than most animated films I’ve ever seen, but by that point, you’re making judgments based on the slightest degrees of personal preference. Unlike with other rankings lists, there’s nothing to really argue for or against with Pixar movies. You can put #2-13 in any random order drawn from a hat and still end up with something perfectly defensible.

So without further ado, here’s mine:

15. Cars 2

14. Cars

13. Ratatouille

12. A Bug’s Life

11. Monsters University

10. Brave

9. Toy Story

8. Finding Nemo

7. Toy Story 2

6. The Incredibles

5. Inside Out

4. Monsters Inc.

3. Up

2. WALL-E

1. Toy Story 3

But there’s only so much of an actual review I can do of The Plantagenents, which became one of my favorite nonfiction books ever, without just becoming quickly redundant. So instead, allow me to comb through the couple hundred historical figures who play a role in the centuries of history in the book, and present the 9 people whom I’d most like to see get their own biopic movie or show. I’m a general fan of at the least the idea of biopics, and often find myself drawn to underused compelling historical figures. The one limiting factor in this list is how much representation the person has already received; Henry II is a fascinating figure, but he’s already gotten two excellent movies (1964’s Beckett and 1968’s The Lion in Winter, both times portrayed by the brilliant Peter O’Toole); likewise for Richard I or John I, etc . The following are people whose lives or stories either haven’t been done yet in popular media, have only gotten a supporting role, or haven’t been done in a high-profile way.

9. Simon de Montfort

De Montfort was the 6th Earl of Leicester, best known for his temporarily successful revolt against King Henry III. Henry III was himself an interesting character, a long-ruling and pious but weak king who followed the disastrous King John (and preceded his son, the brutal but effective Edward I of Braveheart fame).  De Montfort gradually became a revolutionary against Henry’s rule, leading an uprising that surprisingly won the Battle of Lewes, capturing the king and Prince Edward and giving de Montfort effective supreme power for a time. De Montfort then used his newfound authority to call the first relatively populist Parliament in 1265 in the name of reform. But his downfall was inevitable and almost comical. Prince Edward escaped from his genteel captors in a rather farcical manner: suggesting he and his captors have a game of horse racing to determine the company’s fastest horse, then using that horse to ride away to freedom. Edward then gathered the opposition to defeat and kill de Montfort at the Battle Evesham. While it would probably be a mistake to go too far in making de Montfort a figure of true proto-democracy, he remains an interesting figure in favor of early reform and a key benchmark in the centuries-long gradual efforts to force the monarchy to answer to its subjects.

8. Queen Phillippa (of Hainult)

Much like Isabella and Mortimer later on in this list, Queen (Consort) Philippa of Hainult had one of the rare true love stories of the medieval age, or at least as close one could get back then in an arranged marriage. She and her husband, the strong King Edward III, seemed to have had genuine affection, as he took no known mistress until near the end of her life (which hardly earns him any gold stars, but was actually quite remarkable for a monarch of the era) and often had her accompany him on military campaigns — also a rarity that shows a sincere desire for her company. But Philippa was more than a doting wife and mother, though she was also quite successful at the latter, bearing 14 children in her 31 years as queen consort. She persuaded her husband not to execute the infamous Burghers of Calais, thus inspiring centuries later one of the masterworks of bronze sculpture. When she didn’t accompany Edward on campaign, she ruled England in his stead as Queen Regent. And most interesting to me, she directed the founding of Queen’s College of Oxford, a gorgeous school that was one of the best places I visited in the city; the school has notably produced alumni ranging from King Henry V to the great Rowan Atkinson.

7. Arthur of Brittany

King Richard I had no son to name as his heir, so he originally named as his heir his nephew, Arthur, the Duke of Brittany. Arthur was the son of Richard’s deceased  younger brother, Geoffrey. However, on his deathbed, Richard changed his heir to his youngest brother, the now-infamous King John, probably knowing that John would try to take the crown by force anyway (Arthur was only 12 years old at Richard’s death, so certainly not strong enough to stand up to John). However, Arthur remained a duke of the English-ruled French possessions, and as such, a potent pawn for King Phillip II of France to play against John. After being coerced into a rebellion by the French, Arthur was captured and imprisoned in Normandy, in which prison he disappeared. But Jones gives a rather chilling account of his death, setting the scene for John working into a mad rage and marching into his nephew’s cell and killing him with his bare hands. It’s one of the most compelling moments in the entire book, and a key moment in John’s reign, as well, as rumors of his murdering Arthur would become powerful propaganda in the growing resistance to his reign that culminated in him being forced to sign the Magna Carta.

6. Richard II (with Wat Tyler and Henry Bolingbroke)

King Richard II forms the finale of The Plantagenents, with his overthrow ending his family’s dynasty. Richard was probably not the most inept of the Plantagenent monarchs — he’d probably rate behind both John I and Edward II — but his ineptitude was the final straw that broke the Plantagenent succession. But he didn’t start out that way, which is why I think a biopic could be fascinating by contrasting two of the key events of his reign: a high point, revolving around his action during Wat Tyler’s peasant revolt, and his downfall, revolving around Henry Bolingbroke, the future Henry IV. Richard became king as just a child, and had no real power for several years. But during that childhood kingship, a peasant revolt led by commoner Wat Tyler rose up, threatening all London nobles and the king himself. One such noble was Henry Bolingbroke, Richard’s cousin, who hid in a cupboard to avoid being torn to pieces by rioters. With a mob army of peasants backing him, Tyler soon became more powerful than the king himself, though he had no clue what to do with it. After Tyler was foolishly killed by the London mayor during a summit with the king and his advisers, the peasant army could have attacked in vengeful rage and likely destroyed the whole of the London nobility. But the 14-year-old Richard immediately rode by himself in front of the peasant army, both calming and confusing them from attacking until Richard’s own army could restore order. It was a dramatic scene that Jones writes well, and the daring bravery was probably the positive highlight of Richard’s reign.

Years later, Richard had come of age and become a truly bad king. He was unable to handle foreign pressures and acted like a tyrant toward his own people. Before long, the widespread dissatisfaction reached its boiling point, with his own cousin, Henry Bolingbroke, rising up and claiming the throne as Henry IV while Richard was away in Ireland, then defeating and capturing Richard when the deposed king tried to return and win back his crown. Richard would later die in prison under mysterious circumstances, likely murdered to remove a claimant to the throne. I think it’s a fascinating juxtaposition between young Richard II improbably saving the day against Wat Tyler’s forces through his blind courage, and the older Richard being so hated by his people that he was overthrown by his very cousin who’d once had to hide for his life during those same revolts.

5. Prince Edward, the Black Prince

Prince Edward, the oldest son of Edward III, is a tragic figure to me. Plus, of course, he has one of the better nicknames in British history: the Black Prince, likely given to him after his death, on account of his black armor (and depending on the source, partially because of his dark temper). He was enormously successful as a prince, perhaps the most strikingly prototypical prince in English history. He played a famous role at the thrilling Battle of Crecy, one of England’s seminal wins in the Hundred Years War, when his father let him loose in the thick of battle, saying it was time to let the prince win his spurs. The prince did so, dramatically, becoming  a war hero at the age of 18 and basically looking like everything the British wanted in their next king. But then years passed and he fell ill and was robbed of his legendary vitality, falling into bad tempers and mostly disappearing from court for years. The young man who seemed destined for a glorious kingship never ended up ascending to the throne, dying a year before his father; the crown instead passed to his young son,  the disastrous Richard II.

4. Queen Isabella and Roger Mortimer

Isabella was the daughter of the French king Phillip IV, married off to Edward II when she was still a girl to a man who was quite possibly gay (see the Edward II entry). When Edward II’s reign turned toward its final disaster, Isabella began an open love affair with Roger Mortimer, the Baron of March. The two led an army of mercenaries into England, easily defeating Edward when his armies abandoned the king. They forced Edward to abdicate in favor of his son he’d had with Isabella, Edward III; however, Isabella became regent and ruled with Mortimer for four years. Isabella and Mortimer probably also arranged for Edward II’s murder in prison, to remove a figurehead for any possible revolts against them. Their lavish lifestyle made them no more loved than Edward II, though, so when Edward III turned 18, he made a dramatic escape from the castle, then returned to depose (and execute) Mortimer; Isabella retired to house arrest (well, castle arrest), treated well for many years until her own death.

While Isabella and Mortimer’s alliance was ultimately of great political importance and, for a time, great political success, they were, by most accounts, also a true love story. There appears to have been a genuine love and passion between them in an age where that was little allowed, for married women especially; two of Isabella’s sisters-in-law had died over adultery accusations. Doomed medieval romances are arguably a dime a dozen, but this is one that at least hasn’t been told much yet; it’s particularly interesting to me because of the parallel between Isabella and her estranged husband; as much at they were at odds, Edward II and Isabella were both challenging the sexual norms of their time in their own ways, with enormous political repercussions.

3. Edward II (with Piers Gaveston and/or Hugh Despenser the Younger)

Edward II has been famously portrayed at least once before, as a supporting character in Braveheart when still a weak-willed prince. After those events, he became an even weaker-willed king, with his weakness perhaps made all the more notable for his placement between the capable kings Edward I and Edward III. But Edward II was a disaster, and a large part of it was his two famous relationships with lower nobles: first, Piers Gaveston, and later, Hugh Despenser the Younger. Edward lavished first Gaveston, then Despenser, with titles and favor far exceeding the socially acceptable amounts befitting men of their level of birth at the time. Gaveston was the more scandalous of the relationships, with Edward favoring him beyond all reason even as that favor drove his nobels into the brink of open rebellion; they finally executed Gaveston without Edward’s permission, enraging him. And yet, later in his reign, he turned around and committed similar faults with the Despenser family, having a particularly close relationship with Hugh Despenser the Younger. As explained in Isabella’s section above, his own wife ultimately led a French invasion that caused Edward to abdicate, ostensibly in favor of his son, and he died in prison (probably murdered).

Jones tries to explore the open question of sexuality raised by Edward’s close relationship with the two men, which Edward insisted on maintaining even at the cost of jeopardizing his entire reign. As Jones writes, it’s difficult to parse the truth; accusations of sodomy were raised at the time by his rivals, but it’s difficult now to say whether they were true or merely politically expedient. There’s enough evidence, though, that it certainly wouldn’t be unreasonable to paint it as true, and that would be a fascinating biopic material: combining kingship and rebellion with homosexual love stories in an era where they were almost nonexistent.

2. Sir William Marshal

Sir William Marshal, 1st Earl of Pembroke, was at the heart of one of the most dramatic moments of The Plantagenents. Marshal was a prominent figure during the later stages of King Henry II’s reign and throughout the reigns of Richard I and John I. After Richard’s untimely death, Marshal supported John’s claim to the throne because of his legal right to succeed before the more likable Arthur of Brittany. He alternately feuded with and supported John, but was on his side when it mattered most, leading John to name him as the protector to John’s son, who at just age 9 became King Henry III upon his father’s death. With the country already weakened by John’s years of misrule and a mere child now on the throne, England had never looked weaker; even before John died, King Louis VIII of France had invaded English soil, captured London, and proclaimed himself King of England. The only thing standing in the way of a complete French conquest was now the 70-year-old William Marshal.

And Marshal was up for the task. At the Battle of Lincoln, he besieged the French invaders, having to also fight against English barons who’d joined the French against John. He personally led the English charge — again, this was at age 70, during a time of much shorter lifespans — and won. The battle became the turning point as the French were soon expelled from England. With no true king to protect the realm, one old knight had rescued the country from conquest. Marshal is regarded to this day as one of history’s greatest knights and the knight who saved England.

1. Eleanor of Aquitaine

Eleanor takes the first place on this list, and is also the single person in all of history whom I most want to see get her due. The story of her life would almost have to be a series, just because a single biopic film would stand no chance at capturing how incredible her life story was: the wife to two kings, the mother of three more kings, and perhaps the most important political figure of her age. At just age 13, she became the heiress to all of Aquitaine, one of the most pivotal and wealthy duchies of France. She thus became the most important would-be bride in the country, marrying the French prince who’d soon become King Louis VII. She remained an important political figure as queen, supporting various plots and taking the cross as a symbolic pledge of Crusade, only to be cast aside after 15 years of matrimony when Louis annulled their marriage; he and Eleanor had clashed often, and she only gave him two daughters, no sons.

At 28, Eleanor was again a bachelorette and still the duchess of Aquitaine, a fascinatingly dangerous title because of the very real danger that she could be kidnapped and forced to marry by someone seeking to co-opt her wealth and power. She instead chose her own match, writing to the young Henry, Duke of Normandy, who was himself in the process of trying to secure the English crown and needed such a powerful match. He’d succeed, becoming Henry II and having one of history’s most interesting reigns; Eleanor did her part, giving him four sons who survived to adulthood: another Henry, Richard, Geoffrey, and John. But their marriage also grew sour, with Jones intelligently pointing to Henry’s disrespect toward Eleanor’s Aquitaine holding, a place where her heart always remained. Her oldest son, Henry, was crowned as a co-king with his father, with his kingship junior to Henry II but intended to ease the eventual transition between the two. But spurred on by Eleanor, her sons revolted against their father, with the younger Henry eventually dying of illness and Henry II locking Eleanor away in a tower. Richard became next in line, but Henry II toyed with the idea of passing him over in favor of Geoffrey or John; this indecision about his heir forms the basis for the superb The Lion in Winter story. Geoffrey died as well, leaving Richard as the obvious choice; when his father still hesitated, Eleanor spurred Richard into his own revolt, and Henry II died of fever before it could be resolved. Richard became her second son to be crowned and freed Eleanor from prison, and she became one of his lead advisers.

However, Richard also died without an heir, and it finally fell to Eleanor’s youngest son, John, to become her third child to be crowned King of England. Eleanor helped John secure the crown despite widespread dislike of him, and continued to advise him until her death at age 80; without her, John’s already tenuous rule fell into chaos, and he was eventually forced to sign the Magna Carta. But Eleanor had possessed all of the strength he’d lacked. The strength to rule her duchy, to become Queen of France, to survive her annulment, to choose her next match and become Queen of England, to survive her imprisonment, and to guide three of her sons into being crowned Kings of England. In a era dominated almost entirely by men, Eleanor achieved more, and with less power, than nearly any of her male counterparts.

It blows my mind sometimes to think of how far we’ve come in my time as a superhero fan. The genre started as a niche market, then grew steadily in popularity in movies until they now dominate the big screen; and now, we’re in the midst of a full-fledged TV superhero explosion. Four of the shows on this list debuted this year, and only one failed (with Constantine getting canceled); at least four more new superhero/comic book shows (Supergirl on CBS, Legends of Tomorrow on CW, aka Jessica Jones on Netflix, and Preacher on AMC) will join next season. This list is going to get so damn long.

So while we still only have seven superhero shows, let’s get to the ranking. Previously: season rankings for supporting characters, for lead heroes, and for villains. You can also see the preseason rankings of these shows and the midseason rankings, plus two mean posts about Gotham (one and two), and Andy’s excellent breakdown for the future of Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. Some SPOILERS will be mentioned for the involved shows: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., Agent Carter, Daredevil, Constantine, Arrow, Flash, and Gotham. And my halfhearted apologies to iZombie, The Walking Dead, and Powers for not watching or including you.

7. Gotham

Looking back: At some point, this is just beating a dead horse. I’ve discussed my distaste for Gotham plenty, and I’m sure it says something bad about me that I’ve spent many more words writing about a show I obviously disliked than I have on the shows I do enjoy (which is all other six on this list).  So let’s just briefly recap here: this show was over-the-top in a bad way, beating us over the head with obvious developments and over-acting.

Looking forward: The show could be interesting by toning down how corrupt everyone but Jim (and also kinda Jim) is at policing, and cooling it on the pre-Batman references. But Bruce discovered the Bat-cave in the season finale, and Harvey Dent will join the show as a series regular next season. So, yeah. See you at next season’s finale, Gotham.

6. Arrow

Looking back: Arrow had a solid first half, leading up to a great fall finale. But then the show immediately walked that back, having Oliver survive injuries he couldn’t possibly have survived. The second half only grew more cringey from there, with the angst and melodrama becoming excessive even for its CW standards. I think it would have been far more interesting to introduce the Lazarus Pit right away in the spring (to heal Ollie), then dramatically move up his ascendancy to head of the League of Assassins and let him try to help Starling City from that post. Oh, and just letting Felicity be happy with Ray, and more of a badass on her own instead of just pining for Oliver. Alas.

Looking forward: I have no clue. Merlyn as the new Ra’s is an intriguing development that could pay dividends, and I’m excited for a new Team Arrow featuring Thea’s Red Arrow, Laurel’s Black Canary, and a costume identity for Diggle (Guardian, perhaps?). But how will Oliver and Felicity riding off into the sunset be undone? (Because you know it will be undone.) Is Damien Darhk (and H.I.V.E.) the new Big Bad, and can he/they succeed where Ra’s failed in the spring? Is the entire CW-verse about to reset because of the finale events in The Flash? I think Arrow has a strong bounce-back season in it, but I’ve not sure the angle.

5. Constantine

Looking back: This show had the best lead character on television this year, in my opinion, as you’ll note from John’s placement in that post. It had solid supporting characters, though it only sometimes took advantage of them. And it had moments of true greatness — I freaking loved the Anne Marie episodes and the fall finale, especially the use of the Rising Darkness, Brujeria, and the Invunche. But it also had such mediocrity to go with that framework. The show mostly used a demon-of-the-week format that was almost never compelling. It didn’t build up its big picture fast enough or with a good Big Bad representation. And as a result, it ended up a very fun show on the strengths of its characters, but also a disappointing show on the weaknesses of its plots.

Looking forward: NBC canceled the show after its short 13-episode run, which was disappointing but understandable. There was some initial hope that another network could pick it up (I don’t know why Syfy didn’t; that should have been a no-brainer for everyone involved), but now, that too looks unlikely. So, goodbye Constantine, and especially goodbye to actor Matt Ryan’s freaking perfect portrayal of the Hellblazer himself.

4. Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.

Looking back: AoS had a really strong first half of the season, taking my top spot in the winter rankings and looking so full of potential (despite its unfortunate waste of actor B.J. Britt’s charming Agent Triplett). But the second half fell apart in a bad way, with the “Real” S.H.I.E.L.D. plotline turning the show into absolute garbage for a while, with almost every character acting insane and irrational, including the keeping of ridiculously unnecessary secrets (why couldn’t Coulson have told at least May about the helicarrier?) and ridiculously bad character turns (Agent Simmons’ casual pro-murder stance). And then, it suddenly became awesome again with a surprise twist leading to an excellent season finale that only The Flash’s finale could equal.

Looking forward: Andy already covered where we go from here on a character-by-character basis. The most intriguing to me is his Dark Simmons idea, because I would rather the show just embrace that and take her full villain than continue her weird second-half characterization. The only other thing I’ll add is that the show needs to take a page from Flash‘s book and embrace its comic book-y side. I shouldn’t be so bothered by the refusal to ever call anything or anyone by its comic book name, but I am. Embrace the weirdness, man. Just because you can’t play with the A-list heroes and villains doesn’t mean you can’t give us a little more than just Deathlok and original Inhumans creations.

3. Agent Carter

Looking back: The show really nailed a fun adventure ride of spy thrillers while embracing some comics goodness by giving us the early Doctor Faustus and Black Widow. Peggy was a great anchor character, and most of her supporting cast was a lot of fun too, particularly the great version of Jarvis. The rampant sexism of the era was almost like a character itself, which was an important historical accuracy, but could feel at times like it overwhelmed the story.

Looking forward: Season 2 will apparently take Peggy to Hollywood, but we know little else. More appearances by Howard Stark or the Howling Commandos would be welcome; I’d love to see Dum Dum Dugan become a series regular. But my main hope is that we arrive at the place where we left Peggy in the Agent Carter One-Shot: getting the call that she’ll run S.H.I.E.L.D. The showrunners previously said that would never happen (or, essentially, that it would be the end point of the series), but I hope they reconsider, or at least find other ways to get Peggy into more places of authority. I think seeing her constantly looked past and discriminated against will eventually cease to be good TV.

2. The Flash

Looking back: What an interesting first season for The Flash. Its first half had a lot of rough moments (looking at you, Girder), and even the mostly excellent second half had its bumps, as well. It was clearly a show finding its footing, and growing more confident as it went along. But when it was good, it was better than anything else on this list. It embraced its comic book origins so strongly and with such a sense of fun that it just kept getting better and better, hitting on Flash’s excellent cast of villains to really reach another level. It was so good near the end, including a wonderful finale, that part of me wants to put it #1. But the fact remains that at least about a quarter of its episodes this season just weren’t very good. That has to matter in these rankings, I think. Flash‘s bad was bad, and its good was the best. Only a series that was more consistently hitting very high points can top it.

Looking forward: I have no idea! That finale leaves so many unanswered questions. Shouldn’t Barry’s mom be alive now? And the real Dr. Wells? Is the timeline going to reset? Hell, is the entire CW-verse about to have a new status quo now? I don’t know. How will the start of Legends of Tomorrow affect The Flash? The show had really hit its stride with Captain Cold, and we were right on the verge of The Rogues, and now Snart is at least going to have to split time between two series. There are a lot of questions marks, but I think this show now knows what it is and can navigate them.

1. Daredevil

Looking back: The first season was a gritty masterpiece that might be as good as almost anything to come out of the Marvel Cinematic Universe. The acting was spot-on, the characters were engaging, and the fight scenes were often transcendent. Even Matt’s black costume grew on me; hopefully the new, real Daredevil suit will, too. This was such a great proof of how Marvel can go darker and still maintain what makes its cinematic universe so fun.

Looking forward: It sounds likely that Elektra will enter, after being teased in Season 1. One imagines this will go head-in-hand with The Hand playing a much larger role. Vincent D’Onofrio’s excellent Kingpin will of course be in the thick as well, though in what capacity will be interesting to see. I would also like to see the show start developing more of DD’s extended rogues gallery; I’m glad they held off on Bullseye for a season, and wouldn’t necessarily mind if they held off again in Season 2, but bringing more non-gangsters in could be nice (looking at you, Stilt-Man!). It’ll also be interesting to see how the next additions to the Marvel/Netflix venture affect this show, if at all yet; we know The Defenders are eventually happening, but I can’t imagine this Daredevil as part of a team yet. In any event, I have little doubt that bringing this whole group back will result in more great things.

—

So that wrap up my series of rankings. What (if anything) did I get right, and what (if not everything) did I get wrong? Thanks for reading, and I’ll see you again in the fall with even more of these shows, as superheroes work toward taking over the entirety of TV and film.

We come to perhaps the funnest installment of these rankings: the bad guys. While it’s certainly possible to survive on the strengths of a likable lead hero and a strong supporting cast even without a memorable villain (more than half of the MCU films prove exactly that), a great villainous performance certainly raises the bar. I think there’s going to be a stronger correlation in tomorrow’s rankings of the shows themselves to this villain list than there will be to yesterday’s lead hero list or Tuesday’s supporting characters.

Some SPOILERS will be mentioned for the involved shows: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., Agent Carter, Daredevil, Constantine, Arrow, Flash, and Gotham.

The Frenemies

This category is for characters who fluctuated between good guy and villain. To qualify, the character must have had sincere moments of both good and antagonism, not merely have been a bad guy pretending to be good as part of a master plan (a la Harrison Wells).

12. Edward Nigma (Gotham)

Something something terrible. I’m out of lines for bad things on Gotham.

11. Agent/Director Robert Gonzales (Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.)

Congrats AoS, you found a way to create a character that even Edward James Olmos couldn’t save.

10. Amanda Waller (Arrow)

Arrow has never quite been able to figure out how to make Waller’s shades-of-gray morality into compelling TV.

9. Maseo Yamashiro (Arrow)

Most of his moments this season, both in flashbacks and as a Ra’s henchman, were unfortunately dull. But his final showdown with Katana was mild redemption.

8. General Glenn Talbot (Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.)

I didn’t care for Talbot when he was first introduced last year, but he had some good moments in the first half of S2.

7. Agent 33 (Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.)

Arguably the show’s most tragic figure in some ways, but she had some excellent fight scenes. The face-switching gimmick got old.

6. Floyd Lawton/Deadshot (Arrow)

Floyd had easily his most compelling appearance on the show in his final episode, filling in the character’s backstory and seeming a like a real person.

5. Raina (Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.)

Raina was one of the show’s most interesting characters for a long time, but the more gaps that got filled in about her, the less intriguing she became. As good as she was in the finale, it’s unfortunate how weak her appearance was in the second half of the season.

4. Malcolm Merlyn (Arrow)

John Barrowman rocks, and while I don’t think the show used his return to a series regular to its full potential, he still had his moments.

3. Nyssa al Ghul (Arrow)

Nyssa gave us some good fights as her father’s lead henchwoman, but she was even better as an ally to Team Arrow, particularly her late-season friendship with Laurel.

2. Grant Ward (Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.)

Grant had such a fine arc this season, stuck between a redemption quest, romantic entanglements, and a lot of genuine darkness.

1. Dr. Calvin Zabo/Mr. Hyde (Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.)

Actor Kyle MacLachlan was the MVP of AoS Season 2, stealing every scene he was in and making his role into something wonderful and fun. His physical appearance in the finale was another weird visual letdown by the show, but otherwise, he was the heart of the great S2 ending.

The One-shots

Here we have the characters who were only the bad guy for a single story, more or less. I’ll include villains of two-parters (Creel, Boomerang) and villains who appeared in more than one episode but were only the primary villain in one (Gao, Weather Wizard).

12. Hartley Rathaway/Pied Piper (The Flash)

This was one of Flash’s few misses on an important character, but there’s still long-term potential for something better.

11. Werner Zytle/Vertigo (Arrow)

Arrow struggled again to do anything great with Count Vertigo, but I hope they keep trying, just because I love actor Peter Stormare.

10. Digger Harkness/Captain Boomerang (Arrow)

I know this looks like a low placement, but know that I am hugely in favor of cool boomerang fight sequences, which Digger provided during his crossover appearance.

9. Simon Stagg (The Flash)

I thought actor William Sadler was an inspired choice for Stagg, and gave him an appropriately sneering menace. I think it was a mistake to not keep him alive for more future appearances.

8. William Tockman/Clock King (The Flash)

I didn’t love Tockman in his appearance in an earlier season of Arrow, but Flash made him work rather well.

7. Felix Faust (Constantine)

Faust had a really strong dynamic in his ep, and was well-acted by Mark Margolis.

6. Carl Creel/Absorbing Man (Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.)

Creel’s appearance in the S2 opening two-part really helped raise the stakes for the great first half AoS S2.

5. Mark Mardon/Weather Wizard (The Flash)

Unlike his brother in pilot episode, the second Weather Wizard had really great screen presence that has me excited for his role in the future of this show.

4. Gao (Daredevil)

Gao was a background character in the Kingpin’s organization for several episodes, and never really got much in-depth character development. But his fight with DD was spectacular, and one of the top highlights of the entire season.

3. The Invunche (Constantine)

The Invunche had little screen time, but managed to invoke the absolute creepiness of Alan Moore’s “American Gothic” storyline from Swamp Thing.

2. Gorilla Grodd (The Flash)

I discussed my love of Grodd shortly before his show appearance. His role in that episode was very well done, and I especially enjoyed the tease that he was getting smarter — hopefully indicating that we’ll see a more scheming version of the character in the future.

1. James Jesse/The Trickster (The Flash)

There was never really any doubt about the top spot, though. Mark Hamill’s return to the character he played in the early 1990s Flash series was absolutely brilliant, coming across almost like a live-action version of his legendary Joker voice work. It also gave us the single greatest line on television this year.

The Recurring Villains and Big Bads

And now, we come at last to the main event: ranking the multi-episode villains that helped defined superhero television this year.

Last: The Penguin, Fish Moody, Don Falcone, Don Maroni, etc. (Gotham)

Why even bother sorting out the degrees of badness here? You all tie for worst-place.

18. Brick (Arrow)

A mostly invulnerable supervillain who’s at least partially vulnerable to arrow, and he picks the world capital of arrows for his super villainy. There are a lot of bad villain plans around, but that might be the worst.

17. Mick Rory/Heat Wave (The Flash)

Never managed to equal Captain Cold’s screen presence.

16. General Wade Eiling (The Flash)

Largely felt like a generic military bad guy, but did have some good scenes with Wells.

15. Lisa Snart/Golden Glider (The Flash)

Her special effects were mediocre, but her flirty manipulative taunting of Cisco was quite enjoyable.

14. Leland Owlsley (Daredevil)

I was mildly disappointed at first to see the Owl, one of DD’s more prominent villains, portrayed as an elderly accountant. But the repeated emphasis on mentioning his unseen son makes me think that’s the Owl we’ll see fight DD in the future. Leland Sr.’s betrayal of Fisk was still very well-done.

13. Ra’s al Ghul (Arrow)

I think the single biggest factor that held Arrow back this year was not making the most out of Ra’s in the second half, despite a very strong introduction in the fall.

12. Vladimir Ranshakov (Daredevil)

The angrier and longer-lived of the Russian brothers, he outlived his generic early characterization to have some pretty strong moments while holed up with DD.

11. Jiaying (Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.)

She gave us the biggest surprise of the season, but for all my love of Dichen Lachman, I just never felt like she had a strong enough villainous presence — which, to be fair, was kind of the point in-story, but it still held the character back for me; there was little intimidation factor in her final scene with Skye.

10. Sunil Bakshi (Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.)

Bakshi was a surprisingly adept utility player for AoS throughout the season, playing a strong support role in villainy across multiple Big Bads.

9. James Wesley (Daredevil)

Wesley, likewise, was a lackey for Fisk who made the most of the role, becoming a strong villain in his own right. His final scene, opposite Karen Page, was particularly good.

8. Gordon (Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.)

Gordon is a character whom we never got much psychological depth into, but he rises this high for being arguably the best visual character in this list. Both his eyeless appearance and the special effects on his teleporting were extremely well-done, particularly within the limits of a TV budget — which, if AoS spent heavily on those, might explain why Raina and Cal both suffered in the effects department.

7. Daniel Whitehall/Werner Reinhardt/the Kraken (Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.)

Whitehall was the first Big Bad of the AoS season, and other than Cal, I would say he was the best. Actor Reed Diamond had a really strong performance, despite his anticlimactic exit.

6. Papa Midnite (Constantine)

Constantine‘s lack of screen time for the Brujeria meant that the show suffered from its lack of a Big Bad on screen, but it was picked up some by whenever Papa Midnite appeared. He was cool, capable, fun, and intimidating.

5. Johann Fenhoff/Doctor Faustus (Agent Carter)

Fenhoff was a late arrival on Agent Carter, but his calm manipulation of events really added to the late-season tension.

4. Leonard Snart/Captain Cold (The Flash)

I wasn’t sold on actor Wentworth Miller’s Captain Cold in his first appearances, but he grew on me every time he re-appeared. The last couple episodes in which he appeared really hit the Flash/Cold dynamic perfectly on the nail and showed what makes Snart such a lasting villain.

3. Dottie Underwood/Black Widow (Agent Carter)

Dottie, like Fenhoff, didn’t reveal her true nature for a while on the show, but made a superb villainous introduction, then remained captivating for the rest of the season. The use of the early version of the Black Widow program was a great choice, and I couldn’t take my eyes off actress Bridget Regan.

2. Wilson Fisk/the Kingpin (Daredevil)

I didn’t think it was possible for Fisk to be topped after binge-watching Daredevil, and I’m still second-guessing this placement as I write it. Kingpin became the MCU’s first great villain in quite a while, and actor Vincent D’Onofrio gave him impressive depth. My only complaints were that his physical prowess could have been developed better before the finale of S1, and frankly, Fisk’s belief that he was actually helping Hell’s Kitchen doesn’t really make any sense with his some illegal activities (I can get killing the old woman to take her apartment and turn it into something nicer, but how did the child slavery thing help the city?). Nevertheless, he remained an absolutely wonderful villain that gave the show a ton of weight.

1. Harrison Wells/Eobard Thawne/the Reverse Flash (The Flash)

This was a tough call, but I found Rob Bricken’s argument in favor of Wells over Fisk to be quite convincing. Actor Tom Cavanaugh gave such a delightful performance, managing to be positively eerie when needed (his reveal to Cisco in the now-deleted timeline), maniacal when needed (his explanation to Barry of his hatred for him), and always drew me deeper with every new reveal. The bottom line for what earned him the top Big Bad spot? No villain was more fun to watch all year. It was just a superbly entertaining character and story.

Some SPOILERS will be mentioned for the involved shows: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., Agent Carter, Daredevil, Constantine, Arrow, Flash, and Gotham.

The Lead Heroes

One of the reasons I broke down yesterday’s supporting characters lists into categories of rankings was to parse the possible groups of heroes and get to the result today of this category including only the lead characters of each show. I think it’s interesting to look at how the shows are built up like this: from the main character, his or her supporting cast, their villains, and how it all comes together (or doesn’t) for the overall product.

7. Jim Gordon (Gotham)

Jim brings a lot of intensity to the job, but he also brings a lot of being a terrible cop.

6. Oliver Queen/The Arrow (Arrow)

Oliver suffered from the down season for Arrow along with nearly every other character on the show. He’s always walked the line of being too broody, but this season, didn’t have enough to balance it out.

5. Director Phil Coulson (Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.)

Phil had his moments, both in his struggle with the alien writing and in his efforts to rebuild S.H.I.E.L.D., of being a worthy true lead. But he took a back seat to Skye in the second half, with own bizarre decisions of what to keep secret dooming the unity of the team (and the show).

4. Barry Allen/The Flash (The Flash)

Barry acted like too much of an idiot many times during the season, but he was always likable and easy to root for, and his big emotional moments tended to have a strong resonance.

3. Matt Murdock/Daredevil (Daredevil)

No one has made me ever feel the gritty reality of being a hero on the street like DD did, with his dangerous and unglamorous obsession anchoring an incredible first season. He’d be a worthy #1 for this list, but I have to give a slight edge to two characters who gave me a little more fun.

2. Agent Peggy Carter (Agent Carter)

For all of the well-documented controversy surrounding Marvel’s treatment of its heroines, the MCU’s first attempt at a female lead was an unqualified success in quality. Actress Hayley Atwell’s Peggy was smart, tough, and the most capable person in every room she walked into. No one was easier to root for this year.

1. John Constantine (Constantine)

I’m genuinely not sure I’ve ever seen a comic book character brought to life on TV better than this. Constantine itself never lived up to its potential, due largely to weak plotting, but actor Matt Ryan’s portrayal of the titular anti-hero was perfection. He had the look, the irreverence, the snark, the competence, and the repressed pain of a man who’s seen and done too much. He propped up, sometimes single-handedly, a show that often wasn’t worthy of his brilliance. And a perfect portrayal of John Constantine is just not going to be topped by anyone else here. There’s a reason Empire ranked John as the third greatest characters in comics history, above such luminaries as Spider-Man, Wolverine, or any Avenger. Constantine is too damn good, even if Constantine wasn’t quite.

]]> https://seveninchesofyourtime.com/superhero-show-rankings-the-lead-heroes/feed/ 3 https://seveninchesofyourtime.com/superhero-show-rankings-the-supporting-characters/ https://seveninchesofyourtime.com/superhero-show-rankings-the-supporting-characters/#comments Tue, 26 May 2015 19:38:30 +0000 https://seveninchesofyourtime.com/?p=55707 Get hard]]>

If there’s one thing I know how to do, it’s taking a so-so idea and running it into the ground by repetition. So, just like I did before the season and at the halfway point, I’m out to rank the many superhero shows we’ve seen across television (and streaming services). But this edition will celebrate the finality of the 2014-15 season by drawing out the process further. I’ll be splitting these rankings into four parts: this post on various groups of supporting characters; a post tomorrow on the lead heroes of the shows; one Thursday for all the villains; and finally, we’ll wrap up Friday by getting to the point and ranking the shows themselves.

So let’s get down to business. Here’s a non-exhaustive rankings of the main classes of supporting characters we saw on superhero television this year. Some SPOILERS will be mentioned for the involved superhero shows: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., Agent Carter, Daredevil, Constantine, Arrow, Flash, and Gotham.

Romantic Partners

I struggled with what to call this section; because all but one of these characters are women, I didn’t want to come across as trivializing them by reducing the entirety of a human being to a mere love interest. And yet, whether comics, movies, or shows, superhero stories tend to mostly follow a box-checking formula where the lead character must have at least one romantic interest. And the reality of being that romantic interest tends to shape the character differently than other supporting characters, with their story’s focal points often revolving around a romantic tension with the lead character more than anything else. The degree to which these characters were able to break out of that formula, becoming partners rather than interests and showing strengths of character that surpassed romantic entanglements, is the single biggest factor in each one’s rise or fall in these rankings.

8. Barbara Keen (Gotham)

No real shock here, as Barbara was maybe the worst thing on TV this year, despite a mildly interesting villainous turn at the end of the season.

7. Dr. Leslie Thompkins (Gotham)

I only saw one episode with Leslie, and she didn’t come across as particularly intelligent, but she still gets the nod over Barbara.

6. Felicity Smoak (Arrow)

I thought I ‘shipped Olicity (the Oliver-Felicity pairing) going into the season, but seeing it in practice was far less interesting than I expected. And as delightfully adorkable as Felicity still is, the rise of Olicity caused her to be sadly reduced to a season of being defined solely by her love triangle with Oliver and Ray, and crying (so much!) over Oliver’s various dumb plans and near-deaths.

5. Zed Martin (Constantine)

A post-pilot replacement character, Zed proved far more interesting than Liv, and managed to be a fun character whose sometimes-romantic tension with John was always a secondary trait. More of her backstory could have skyrocketed her higher with a longer show run.

4. Iris West (The Flash)

There’s no tougher ranking than Iris, who was the worst non-Gotham option for much of the season, then had a stunning turnaround late in the year once they finally let her in on Barry’s secret. I would like to bump her up even higher based on her late-season likability, but those first three-quarters of a season still happened. Fourth feels like a solid compromise.

3. Agent Daniel Sousa (Agent Carter)

Sousa got to be less defined by his romantic interest in Peggy, with that tension present but largely dormant until the waning moments of Season 1; predictably, it’s easier for a male romantic interest to get more fully fleshed out. But indeed he did, as his disability proved a fascinating corollary to Peggy’s own struggles.

2. Claire Temple (Daredevil)

The tough and capable Claire was arguably the best part of the first half of Daredevil‘s first season, though she was mostly dropped from the narrative in later episodes.

1. Karen Page (Daredevil)

Daredevil proved to be the gold standard for this category. With Karen, the show took the genre stereotype of the damsel in distress, then quickly pivoted to turn her into a strong and psychologically compelling character in her own right.

The Lesser Heroes

These next two categories walk a fine line of vague distinction. Essentially, the idea is to sort out the fighters (The Lesser Heroes) and non-fighters (The Team Members); this presents some iffy choices like Diggle and Mack who walk the line, but when in doubt, I tried to decide based on whether their primary purpose/drive was combat intensive. So since Diggle is part of a vigilante squad and the end of the ARGUS Suicide Squad, he narrowly lands here; Mack does some fighting, but his main job is as a mechanic, so he goes to the next grouping.

15. Ronnie Raymond and Dr. Martin Stein/Firestorm (The Flash)

Dr. Stein had some of the finer moments in the spectacular Flash finale, particularly his talk with Eddie. However, Ronnie is utterly non-compelling, and since one of his main story points is his relationship with Caitlin, the complete lack of chemistry in that relationship is also a point against him. Plus, as the Firestorm entity, they suffer from middling special effects and, so far, an uncreative use of powers.

14. Mike Peterson/Deathlok (Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.)

He was barely in this season, and tortured for much of his time on screen, but his surprise intro was legit, and I enjoyed his upgraded arsenal.

13. Detective Harvey Bullock (Gotham)

Harvey is kind of funny, and actor Donal Logue’s charisma occasionally transcended his show’s inability to harness it. But the fact that his character’s main motivation most episodes is trying to convince his cop partner to be a worse cop meant too much incompetence was piled up to make Bullock the cool jaded character they were shooting for.

12. Roy Harper/Arsenal (Arrow)

Roy had some cool moments this season, a lot more whiny moments, and for the time being, is gone as a show regular. And frankly, that’s probably fine.

11. John Diggle (Arrow)

Diggle’s lower ranking goes hand in hand with Felicity’s regression. Both spent way too much time this year, especially in the second half, whining over Oliver to do enough cool in their own right, and both became far less interesting because of it.

10. Tatsu Yamashiro/Katana (Arrow)

The flashbacks were mostly unbearable on Arrow this season, but actress Rila Fukushima is great, and watching her kill her (ex?) husband Maseo was one of the better late-season moments.

9. Thea Queen/Red Arrow (Arrow)

Say what you will about Thea, but she at least moved forward this season in tangible ways. She grew past just being the character who’s always being lied to, and rebelled against her father’s attempts to use her, finally becoming a capable hero in her own right.

8. Stick (Daredevil)

He only appeared in one episode, or else he’d be much higher. I can’t wait for him to return and for The Hand storyline to kick into high gear. Stick rules.

7. Agent Melinda May/The Cavalry (Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.)

May had a fair amount her usual no-nonsense ass-kicking, but the revelation of “The Cavalry” was mildly disappointing, and her turning on Coulson was just ridiculous.

6. Agent Barbara “Bobbi” Morse/Mockingbird (Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.)

Like May, Bobbi got in a good deal of awesome action over the season. Like May, she was held back by silly plotline — hers being the terrible “Real” S.H.I.E.L.D. arc. But at least she received a fair amount of redemption in the finale.

5. Laurel Lance/Black Canary (Arrow)

Unpopular opinion alert: I actually really liked Laurel this season. I know she’s one of the least popular characters in the CW superhero universe, but unlike most characters in this post, she had a real arc this season — enduring loss, training, setbacks, personal relationships falling apart, and still emerging stronger than ever. Plus I liked that we actually got to watch her slowly become a competent Black Canary — unlike the other heroes on the show, who mostly yadda yadda yadda over the process and just arrive at the point where they kick ass.

4. Ray Palmer/the A.T.O.M. (Arrow)

Sure, the character was a bit too Iron Man, but Brandon Routh’s Ray Palmer was so utterly charming and genuinely good that I found myself constantly rooting for him over Ollie, including for Felicity’s love.

3. Agent Lance Hunter (Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.)

I mocked his addition to the team a bit in my pre-season post, but he won me over continually. For much of the mediocre second half to the season, he was the only person on AoS who wasn’t an overreacting insane person.

2. Agent Skye/Daisy Johnson/Quake (Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.)

You could argue that Skye was the main character on AoS this season, though I’ve stuck with ABC’s self-identifier with Coulson as the lead for this series of rankings. Her arc really kicked into high gear this season, and while it had some stumbles, particularly in the second half, she emerged as the capable and compelling character whom the show needs to revolve around going forward.

1. Edwin Jarvis (Agent Carter)

But was anyone as easy to root for this year than Edwin Jarvis? The British butler found himself thrust into the role of sidekick for a veritable action star in Peggy, and muddled through his newfound duties with wonderful humor and as much dignified English grace as he could muster under the circumstances.

The Team Members

And finally, we have everyone else: the various utility/role players who often make up the heart of the shows. The various police officers and S.S.R. agents end up here instead of with the lesser heroes, where the S.H.I.E.L.D. agents are; it’s a debatable call, but I feel like the cops/agents here were only rarely actually involved in action scenes.

17.  Detective Quentin Lance (Arrow)

So disappointing that we so thoroughly went back to angry-at-the-world irrational Lance; his begrudging respect and willingness to work with Team Arrow had been far more fun.

16. Agent Gemma Simmons (Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.)

Also disappointing this year was Simmons’ bizarre (and under-developed) turn to a breezy proponent of prejudice and murder in the second half of this season. I can’t emphasize enough how much I hated her subplots in the second half. I hope she never comes out of that alien artifact; Fitz is too good for her now.

15. Angie Martinelli (Agent Carter)

I know a lot of people liked her, and it was nice to give Peggy a true friend from outside her spy world. But her voice just grated on me.

14. Dr. Caitlin Snow (The Flash)

Easily the odd man out among the SuperSTARs team, Caitlin gets the worst of a lot of worlds. Her “romance” with Ronnie is, as mentioned in his section, devoid of any chemistry. She gets few of the eureka moments of scientific genius, which are usually given to Dr. Wells or Cisco. And she gets less of the fun banter moments, which also go more to Cisco. In the finale, they even make her the character to ask what a singularity is; high schoolers largely know that singularity=black hole, but a STAR Labs scientist with a doctorate doesn’t? Caitlin just isn’t treated well by this show.

13. Manny (Constantine)

He was mostly a one-note character, and that note got played too often. But he did have a couple episodes that broke him out of that pattern and showed significant potential.

12. Agent Jack Thompson (Agent Carter)

11. Chief Roger Dooley (Agent Carter)

These two are practically interchangeable in the rankings (and often, on the show itself), so the tie-breaker goes to Dooley for his explosive exit from the show.

10. Howard Stark (Agent Carter)

Howard was a living macguffin for most of the season, which was a mild waste of his considerable charm. But when he did get to interact as a person and not just a plot device, he was still an engrossing character.

9. Francis “Chas” Chandler (Constantine)

Chas was a bit player most of the season, but he killed it every time he got a bigger role, particularly in the episode “Quid Pro Quo.”

8. Alphonso “Mack” MacKenzie (Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.)

Mack’s chemistry with Fitz was a highlight of the fall slate, but like nearly everyone on the show (and the show itself), he suffered badly from the “Real” S.H.I.E.L.D. storyline, which turned him into an unreasonable jerk for most of the second half. But he jumped back up these rankings by stealing the show in the finale.

7. Detective Eddie Thawne (The Flash)

Eddie could have gone a different, and probably villainous, way. But keeping him a truly good guy was an excellent route for Flash, subverting my initial expectations and setting up an emotional finale.

6. The Koenig brothers (Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.)

Combining my love of Patton Oswalt and lanyards, these characters were a treat throughout their recurring appearances in the fall. Dropping them from the rotation (until a finale cameo) was among the biggest of the show’s many big missteps in the spring.

5. Detective Joe West (The Flash)

Joe was the anchor between the three overlapping parts of Barry’s life: his work, his home, and his superheroing. He was also often the emotional anchor of the show, though I’m probably saying that partially because actor Jesse L. Martin was already an emotional trigger for me.

4. Cisco Ramon (The Flash)

No one’s place in these rankings surprises me more than Cisco’s. I remember thinking he was annoying when he briefly debuted in S2 of Arrow, and I still kind of thought so early on in Flash. But he turned out to be an absolute delight, channeling an inner comic book fan to give us the fan service of the “proper” names of various villains. He also had impressive emotional depth as the season went on, especially in one of the best scenes of any superhero show this year.

3. Foggy Nelson (Daredevil)

First, an apology to actor Elden Henson for my wondering aloud in the fall if he got this part because of Marvel’s cheapness with actors. Sorry, Elden! He absolutely nailed this role. His Foggy was goofy, funny, and emotionally invested throughout S1, and would be a worthy #1 on this list.

2. Agent Leo Fitz (Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.)

I actually had to look up with Fitz’s first name even is. Apparently it’s Leo! Now I know. I also know that Iain De Caestecker was absolutely brilliant this season, portraying Fitz’s newfound vulnerability with aplomb. The hurt, sadness, and anger that flowed in his confrontation with Ward in the episode “Making Friends and Influencing People” might have been as good as AoS got all year.

1. Ben Urich (Daredevil)

While I would be fine with any of these top three taking the top spot, and understanding of a few others, Ben feels right as #1. Actor Vondie Curtis-Hall gave an Emmy-worthy performance as the struggling journalist, whose professional ethics and personal needs are at odds throughout his arc. His reluctant push to the moral center was the great tragedy of the year, and his death was perhaps the single most stunning and emotional thing to happen on any show this year.