For the third year in a row, San Diego’s Petco Park has succumbed to the zombie apocalypse with Skybound’s The Walking Dead Escape, an interactive obstacle course in which fans of Robert Kirkman’s creation or running, can be a survivor, zombie or spectator for the carnage to come.

I’ll admit, I was nervous for the experience. At Halloween Horror Nights last year, I was on complete edge during The Walking Dead maze, and accidentally punched a zombie who startled me. I didn’t want to get kicked out of the stadium, or pee my pants. I didn’t know how intense it was going to be, I didn’t know if I needed to stretch first, or how serious people were going to take it. Those questions were answered pretty quickly. This is Comic-Con; there is no room to @#$! around, as you’ll be running practically nonstop from start to finish.

Going into a “zombie run experience” with no sleep on the second to last day of Comic-Con is a Herculean task, and I quickly proved I wasn’t up to Rick Grimes’ example. While I wasn’t fresh meat, I was drenched in sweat a half hour later, and had most definitely been infected several times over (and have since brought it to Los Angeles; whoops). In fact, I doubt anyone survived the adventure/nightmare, thanks to the nigh impossible ascension of hurdles, thanks to the exponential rise in zombies as you stumble through the corridors, stairs, and stadium seats.

But that’s the point: no one wins in The Walking Dead, so no one should win in The Walking Dead Escape. We’re all screwed, and Skybound did an admirable job sticking with that theme, while jamming the experience with several game actors, shepherding us from location to location, promising us a safety that doesn’t exist. By the end, you’re laughing with them, as they complain about the military or the government, and how ineffective they’ve been at containing the virus. There is no containing the virus, or your fun during this obstacle course.

I filmed my travails, which you can view below (NSFW language; I get swear-y when zombies are coming at me). I give “shaky cam’s” a bad name with this iPhone filming, but that was the point. I wanted this to be filmed as if by a terrified/hopeful survivor. When a zombie outbreak occurs, you’re probably not going to have a GoPro strapped to your chest or dome. Of course, you probably wouldn’t bother with filming, since it definitely hindered my juking and evasive skills. I’m still angry that I didn’t slide across the beat up cars to escape the grasp of the Walkers.

I’m more angry at Deadpool, or the man who dressed up as Deadpool, who seemed to think a Press pass (like my own) and a Deadpool costume gave him license to be a loud-mouthed asshole (he was in character). Of course, in a zombie apocalypse, it’s every man for himself, so I can’t say I blame him for using me as a zombie shield, leading to the first time I was clawed by a biter more than halfway through the excursion. Of course, he’s clearly a blight on humanity. You have to stick together to survive….and that didn’t happen over the course of the half hour spent in the tunnels of Petco Park.

You learn a lot about your fellow man and woman. Some would-be survivors use other people as bait, some attempted to work together and communicate (which normally was a lot of yelling/bossing around), while most people just worried about their own neck (without malicious intent to others). Some solo superstars attempted to run the course like a race, even though that’s not the point and merely subtracts from the time you get in the experience. And what an experience it is to get a taste of what life would be like with Walkers everywhere you turn. The zombies, despite training, had a vastly different skillset; some had bursts of explosive athleticism that came out of nowhere to tag you, while others stuck to the manuscript.

I loved all the different situations and arrays of zombies we were greeted with, though I think another possible terrifying ending could just be walking into a herd, or into an dead end, with zombies coming in from all sides. Game over. Once you get scratched/bitten/tagged, I almost felt like I should be turning on my group, or exterminated before I could; perhaps another wrinkle for future installments. I wonder how much of the track changes from year to year, but there are several avenues that Skybound and company can take with this event if they so choose. They could add a laser tag-like element to help eliminate zombies (though the point is to survive, not to kill, which is something I respect).

I learned that I probably wouldn’t be long for this world when it goes to $#*!, and we even got a water break. I had a blast running among the Walkers at The Walking Dead Escape. If you happen to be located in Miami, Tampa, Jacksonville and New Orleans, the disease will be coming to your city, and you should be first in line. For more information on the course, check out its website. Buy tickets here.

San Diego Comic-Con is at a tipping point.

This was my second year at Comic-Con, so I’m by no means an expert, but I don’t think anyone would argue with me when I say that SDCC has become bloated, unwieldy, daunting and to be honest, kind of miserable, at times. It’s exhausting, insane and becoming less worth it by the year. There’s enough programming, panels and events to fit over a whole month: if that happened, the result would be much like The Hunger Games. But instead, it’s all squeezed from Wednesday night to Sunday night.

This year, there were innumerable moments when I wished I was in bed and wondering why I was operating on 2 hours sleep to hear god awful fan questions (“Can I hear your Bones laugh, Emily?” THERE ARE 189 EPISODES OF BONES TO REFER TO, WOMAN), and this time I didn’t have to set up or break down a booth and work for months before the event to prepare. It was just me, and what I wanted to do. That should be enough, except it’s impossible to do exactly what you want to do at Comic-Con.

It certainly feels like Comic-Con could very well collapse in on itself, that we’re fast approaching a Ragnarokian implosion, something that might be necessary to bring the event under control. Hollywood loves a good reboot, right?

Comic-Con bills itself as for the fans, but I think that’s a naive way of looking at it. Comic-Con is a massive money-making scheme; it’s not for the fans. It’s for the studios that are using Comic-Con and us to do the marketing and word of mouth for them, taking advantage of our passion and love for these characters. Comic-Con can make or break movies. We are killing ourselves waiting in line to watch trailers a few months before we can pay 17 dollars to see them in theaters, or watch them online for free. It’s pretty silly, yet we keep doing it year after year, and feel like we got a show.

Comic-Con has become a place where Playboy has a Bates Motel-themed party. You can’t get in unless you’re somebody, and San Diego’s Gas Lamp quarter is filled with these parties with exclusive guest lists, open bars and/or covers throughout the week. Unless you’re high ranking press or a celebrity, or you’re lucky enough to win a contest, you’re not cool enough to get in, exactly the kind of thing you’d think Comic-Con shouldn’t be about.

Bless Zachary Levi and NerdHQ, who hosted a free-for-all dance party on Thursday night, and hold panels with the benefits going to a good cause. Felicia Day’s Geek & Sundry turned Jolt ‘n Joes into a lounge and party through Wednesday and Friday, open to anybody. These are the kinds of events that Comic-Con should be about, and the equivalent of Slamdance to Comic-Con’s Sundance. Every year, more and more people flock to NerdHQ instead of the Convention Center, to the point where their panels featuring Nathan Fillion, Stephen Amell and Tatiana Maslany sell out in minutes (so maybe it’s not that accessible, but at least your money goes to Operation Smile rather than 20th Century FOX). This is the future of Comic-Con.

If you asked A., who came all the way from Moscow, her face would light up, as she promised to come back to San Diego again as soon as she could afford it. She got to meet Jamie Bamber of Battlestar Galactica, happy to pay his signing fee (even knowing it was irresponsible), and raved nonstop about John Barrowman’s hilarious panel. She also got to walk in to Hall H to see the hunks of Supernatural on Sunday, when many of us were too tired to give a fuck.

Al. flew all the way from Kitchener, Canada, and spent Friday night in line just to see The Hobbit panel, and left before Marvel and the rest of the fanfare. She came with her Mom and sister, who were happy to sleep in the hotel. I got the sense that she was drawn to San Diego for the experience, and wanted to live it, rather than needing to be in Hall H, or obsessed with the shows and movies many of us spent hours talking about while we waited.

D. has been going to Comic-Con for 8 years straight, ever since she moved to San Diego. She lives and breathes it, and coordinates line waiting with her friends, and was in Hall H every night save Thursday, when she only got in line at 5 AM before the 10 AM panels.

If there’s one upside to the lines, its making friends with who you’re stuck with. You meet people from all over the world, people who share many of the same interests as you, and will also pound mercilessly at you for the shows and movies you haven’t seen (do I really have to watch The 100?). Everyone’s different, but we’re all the same, wondering incessantly if we’re going to get into Ballroom 20 or Hall H, and debating how many in the cast will show up for the panel. Many complained, but still others accepted their fate, and were happy to camp outside.

Everyone is going to have a different experience and that is part of the beauty that remains of Comic-Con. Some people camped out to get into Hall H all four nights, and will do the same until they have crippling back injuries, and that’s worth it to them (many I think do it out of imaginary obligation, wanting to prove how much they care about a movie or show or movie star; the longer you wait in line, the bigger Walking Dead fan you are). Some actually go to San Diego to see their favorite comic book writers and artists. Whoa. Many just like to dress up, as Cosplay is an industry and sub-society on its own (and it’s wonderful). Others just want to take in the spectacle, to be where the party’s at. I wonder how many even get in; there were these two elderly women who somehow got seats in Hall H on Saturday, and looked blankly at me when I told them Marvel was up next (“What’s that?”). Seriously?

I love catching the various pilots, months before they come out, discovering the next hit shows before everyone else. The 12 year old who still resides in me who discovered Kevin Smith movies was delighted to see the man himself rejuvenated creatively, and talking excitedly about his next trilogy of movies. I got goosebumps and teary eyed watching and singing along to Buffy the Vampire Slayer‘s “Once More With Feeling” in a jam-packed room of Whedon worshipers, as Nicholas Brendon ran up to the stage to sing Xander’s songs with the rest of us, something he’s done for the past four years. That is the power and magic of Comic-Con, that still lives and breathes in corners of the Convention Center. You just have to know where to look for it.

Look, I love this stuff. I check EW, io9, Deadline, Variety, et all, ALL DAY, to the detriment of everything else I should be doing. I love following pop culture news, whether it’s casting, sequels, new films, what brand of shoes Oliver Queen will be wearing. But sometimes, enough is enough, and the negative outweighs the positive, and I think that’s what has transpired with Comic-Con.

I love the Marvel Cinematic Universe, but it’s emphasis on the overarching story, and the end credit sequences, and WHAT COMES NEXT, while addictive and something I’m so hard for, puts the onus on release dates, future events, with the story and content in the actual movies almost an after thought, the entree when we prefer the appetizers, dessert and Easter eggs. To be clear, Captain America: The Winter Soldier is the best film in the entire MCU (or right up there with Iron Man and Avengers), and it’s the most recent, but once we’ve seen the end credits, our discussion inevitably leads to what’s coming next, rather than what we just saw. That is Comic-Con in a nutshell; it feels like we’re James Woods perpetually scurrying after another piece of candy.

We’re paying tons of money for advertising. We’re waiting in line to see cast and crew promise vague greatness (“No show is like _____,” “Anything can happen on ______,” “Nobody is safe on ______”) or worse, pat their backs for a season well done (“Oh my god, can we talk about _____?”). We’re dooming our legs to a perpetual state of falling asleep so we can hear everyone toe the line when it comes to spoilers or providing any sort of useful information. “You know as much as I do [nothing],” “That’s up to the writers/producers/conglomerates to share,” “I can’t answer that, can I?” or “You’ll have to tune in to find out.” or “Insert masturbatory phrasing here.” The whole thing is decidedly masturbatory.

There’s the bizarre “we just started shooting/haven’t started shooting yet so we don’t really have any footage” dance that is played at EVERY panel, which is followed by groans and cries of protest, like we actually believe them, every time, until Zack Snyder/whomever relents, smiles/winks and says…”BUT here’s a little something.” Then we freak out, clap and are ready for what’s next, rinse, repeat.

The exhibit hall is a paradise, but that paradise has become overrun, like a Heaven with no standards, as you jostle through crowds to buy overpriced Comic-Con exclusives and things you don’t need, while hoping you don’t piss off Lou Ferrigno. It’s nerd Christmas, if everyone was trying to get their hands on the Turbo Man doll. You can meet Evangeline Lily, but you’ll have to sacrifice the entire day to do it.

George Miller and the Mad Max series is great (and Fury Road looks AWESOME), but his arrival into Hall H, and the reboot of Mad Max was marketed and promoted as something that we owed him for, that we needed to worship this legendary man making his first Comic-Con appearance. Even The Hobbit panel, which rightfully celebrated Peter Jackson and company’s extraordinary achievements with LOTR and The Hobbit trilogy, reeked of self-congratulation.

To get into Hall H on Saturday so I could see George Miller, Peter Jackson and the WB, Legendary and Marvel’s panels, I had to get in line at 9:15 PM the night before. And I barely got in, limping into the auditorium five minutes before the first panel, so I can watch these actors on the big screen (I have a better view of baseball players from the Upper Deck than the actors on the stage, oftentimes), no different than if I was watching the panels in the Playback room later on in the day.

It’s impossible to live up to the hype, to be worth the wait. Forget even the 13 hour over night wait. Many of us have been waiting all year for this, setting up impossible expectations. What do we even want to see? My imagination runs rampant for the entire month preceding it, dreaming up wild scenarios where a CGI’d James Spader struts onstage as Ultron, and if not Benedict Cumberbatch or Joaquin Phoenix as Dr. Strange, that I walk up in the red cloak, announced as the new Sorcerer Supreme. Short of Black Panther, Doctor Strange and Ms. Marvel green-lit, with the stars announced and in person/costume, a small part of me was going to be disappointed by whatever Marvel does, and they consistently put on the best show of all. I was astounded by the awesome Avengers: Age of Ultron footage we did see, and loved seeing the cast of Avengers together on stage, as excited as we all were. It truly is a treasure to see your favorite actors in person, to see how funny, charming, cute, nervous and real they are, to see the other side of a character you consider family and friend. But aside from a Guardians of the Galaxy 2 announcement that hardly felt surprising, the whole proceedings were short on news.

Plus, almost all of the sneak peaks, trailers, gag reels and previews are online as soon as we see it. There’s something to be said for seeing it first in an unparalleled atmosphere, with the stars present, surrounded by people who love and cherish these things as much as you do, but I couldn’t help but feel miffed that I could’ve watched everything save the Avengers footage from the comfort of my bedroom. And even the latter could be seen if I wanted to support the scumbags who record grainy footage on their phone/camera and post it on YouTube. I realize I sound like a cranky old man, especially to those who have never been to Comic-Con, but sometimes the fiction is better than the reality.

But I’m a sucker, and if I’m lucky enough to get press access again next year, I’ll be doing this stressful dance again, because I still feel like I’ll be missing something if I don’t. But will I? Even so, I’m going to do it a lot differently. I think I can say goodbye to Hall H, and follow along on Twitter and YouTube like the rest of the world, while getting to see some of the smaller movies and TV shows before they get into Hall H, like Sleepy Hollow, Orphan Black, Intruders, Vikings and Outlander the past couple of years. Or maybe I’ll even go to some comic book panels. What a radical idea.

I don’t know what I just watched, but I know it’s freaking good. BBC’s brilliant streak appears to be continuing with Intruders, a horror/sci-fi show set in the Pacific Northwest from Glen Morgan (X-Files) and Julie Gardner (Torchwood). The pilot, “She Was Provisional,” is a slow burn that leaves your stomach in knots and your brain befuddled, buoyed by excellent acting and beautiful filmmaking. This was probably the most promising pilot I saw at Comic-Con, though I admittedly missed Gotham.

Two men, or intruders (played by Jackie Brown‘s Robert Foster and True Blood‘s James Frain), break into a home in the middle of the night, and accost Donna (Katherine Evans), a teenage girl, desirous of her secret. They shine something in her eyes, and soon Donna is vomiting and speaking in tongues. She wakes up on the lawn in the morning, writes her secret on a pad of paper (“I am not Donna.”), then kills herself in the bathtub. That’s how you start a pilot.

Now onto Seattle, where Richard Shepherd (the aforementioned Frain), comes a-knocking, which we know isn’t a good sign. He demands to know where William Anderson is. William’s wife (presumably) doesn’t know. He quickly shoots the woman and her son.

In Birch Crossing, a make-believe quaint port town in the Northwest, former cop-turned-author Jack Whelan (John Simm, or the Master in Doctor Who), prepares for his wife Amy’s birthday. Amy (Academy Award winner Mira Sorvino) doesn’t like her birthday, but that’s clearly not the only thing wrong with her. She’s depressed, off, and weird. Jack walks in on her dancing to jazz alone, and she admonishes him for walking in on her. That was private, she says. Um, okay. Then they have sex, her pupils dilate a crazy amount, and in the morning, she’s disappeared. Her normally busy calendar is empty after her birthday, her hotel has no record of her staying there, and when Jack calls her office, they haven’t even heard of her. Hurm.

In Reno, Oz Turner (The Dark Knight‘s David Dastmalchian) talks about William Anderson and the people who killed his family, uncovering a conspiracy on his podcast. Shepherd is listening, and makes contact with Oz. You know that’s not a good sign for Oz.

On the Oregon coast, a pale, creepy girl named Madison (Millie Brown) celebrates her birthday as well, though is about as happy about it as Amy. She runs to the beach, where she finds Shepherd there. Uh oh. She yells at him to go away…and surprisingly he does. Like Amy, her pupils dilate, and when Shepherd returns, he asks to speak to Morgan. Is Morgan another personality? Someone who’s possessing Madison? A spirit? An alien? So many questions.

Meanwhile, Gary Fischer (Tory Kittles) pays Whelan a visit. He’s a lawyer, and an old friend of Jack’s, who wants to talk (but is very wary of speaking near Amy). He tells Whelan the story of Bill Anderson, thinking it could be Jack’s new book. But it’s clear that’s not all he’s trying to tell Jack, considering the tension between them. Who the hell is Bill Anderson and why does everyone want to find him? What/who are these Intruders? What’s the significance of these secrets they kill for? Are they merely serial killers, or are they protecting us? I have my theories, but I’ll hold off on now.

All of these elements and more come together in an eerie, foreboding opening hour of what promises to be another BBC sensation that delves into immortality, identity and dark and dreary happenings. It’ll require patience, but unlike HBO’s The Leftovers, this bleak show has immediately grabbed me, making me want to know the answers and more about these characters, and doesn’t seem to be depressing merely for the sake of being depressing. It’s not relying on its central mystery solely to hook an audience. Its got a lot more going on than that.

GRADE: A-

BBC’s Intruders premieres after Doctor Who on August 23rd, 2014.

Frankly, CBS pisses me off sometimes. It’s so formulaic, a bastion of procedurals, acronyms and old-school/mediocre sitcoms carefully constructed for the average TV watcher. Aside from The Good Wife and Person of Interest, I hardly have any interest in any of their programs, yet they’re the #1 network because they’re safe, smart and adept at making TV that’s easy to consume for folks.

Scorpion feels a lot like that, with its “based on a true story”-ness branded from the get go, and a set of circumstances that just scream TV show. But afterwards, I couldn’t help myself from thinking: that was a surprising amount of fun. I have no doubt that it’ll be a hit, considering CBS’ track record.

We start in Callam, Ireland, where the U.S. government lands, bearing firearms. Turns out, someone has hacked into NASA. Also: that someone happens to be a little boy. Agent Cabe Gallo (Terminator 2: Judgment Day, True Blood), made to look younger the same way as Professor X in X-Men Origins: Wolverine (in other words, he looks terrifying), snatches him anyways.

In the present, we see the adult version of that genius, Walter O’Brien (Game of Thrones‘ Elyes Gabel), at a cafe, breaking up with a gal. It’s clear he doesn’t know how to communicate, but it’s unclear how he seduced a beautiful woman in the first place. His dysfunction is heightened because he’s at the cafe to fix their WIFI (it’s also unclear what happened to this brilliant hacker that he’s now stuck in a Burbank cafe fixing internet). Groan. On his way out, he notices that the beautiful waitress/future love interest Paige Dineen (Smash‘s Katharine McPhee) has a “weird” kid. He notices one of his own, and communicates with him via salt shakers at the diner, something we’ll learn more about as the episode progresses.

Walter returns to a basement, where he finds Josh GadSylvester Dodd (Ari Stidham) and Happy Quinn (Jadyn Wong), two members of his ragtag group of geniuses, a brainiac Avengers with people problems. Sylvester is a Mathematical force to be reckoned with and a chess prodigy, but he also has severe OCD. Happy Quinn is an engineering mastermind and dynamic mechanic, but also a sardonic car thief. Then there’s Toby Curtis (American Pie‘s Eddie Kaye Thomas), who’s essentially a psychiatrist that is able to make Psych/Elementary/Sherlock/Mentalist-like observations because of his keen knowledge of the human condition. He’s also a gambler/troublemaker who we’re introduced to running from criminals, wearing a douchey hat. Walter started a company (called Scorpion) with this band of misfits two years ago, and they’re somehow struggling to pay rent. We’re supposed to believe it because they all have flaws, and can’t connect with normal people…but with their abilities and brainpower, that shouldn’t even matter.

Enter Agent Cabe Gallo from earlier, busts into the warehouse, needing Walter’s help. 56 flights have their communications systems down, and need landing guidance, or else they could all collide in the sky, or worse. Gallo offers them each $50k for the job. Walter doesn’t trust him, because of the troubles in their past, but can’t afford not to take the gig. Everything up to his point is SO manufactured, and so CBS, but once Walter and his team get to working, and we see the kind of dialogue and banter we’re going to get week to week, as well as how their unique set of skills work together, it’s undeniably enjoyable to watch. It’s smart, quick, and we’re gifted some insight into what men and women with unseemly IQ’s are able and unable to do. There are many misconceptions about IQ’s, and Scorpion seems keen to educate the general public, while celebrating intelligence rather than mocking these individuals (who lack in EQ what they have in IQ). I find it fascinating that the man (the real Walter O’Brien) with the fourth highest IQ in the world has a say-so on this TV show.

While it makes little sense that Walter and company return to the Burbank cafe (they need its stable wireless network to hack into the CIA), you go along with it. Around then is when we learn why Fast and the Furious director Justin Lin was hired to direct this pilot, as we’re privy to one of the most ridiculous action sequences I’ve ever seen. Planes, cars, and plugging in computers, all at once. It’s so over the top bonkers, that it can’t help but be thrilling and fun.

Along the way, we learn that Paige, the only “normal” woman, is the missing piece of the Scorpion puzzle: she can “translate the world” for them. What’s routine for each of them is vastly different. Plus, she’s hot and has a wunderkind kid she struggles to communicate with. That’s where Walter and company come in. I’d argue that Katharine McPhee is miscast (as an actress), but while you roll your eyes at her addition to the team, you forgive it because of the dynamic it will create.

After writing this review, I’m wondering why I didn’t hate this pilot, but I think it’s because the show seems to have its heart in the right place, and I was surprised by how clever it all was, in between the nonsensical plot.

GRADE: B

Scorpion premieres September 22nd on CBS.

Kevin Smith and the elementary school bus taught me how to swear.

I was twelve years old when I stumbled upon a Red Band trailer for Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back online, and guffawed like an idiot at all the dick and fart jokes, pretending like I knew what half of the sex talk meant. I immediately researched Kevin Smith, and watched all of his movies in quick succession. While American Pie was the first R-rated movie with tits and sex talk in it that I watched, Kevin Smith’s films were the ones that changed my life.

While I’m probably guilty of some revisionist history, I credit X-Men with getting me into comic books and informing the nerdy pop-culture consumer that I am today. But, if it weren’t for Kevin Smith’s jaw-dropping and incredible “Quiver” arc on Green Arrow, a book I never would’ve got if not for knowing him from his movies, I might never have stuck with comic books, potentially robbing me of discovering some of the most essential facets of my personality and life.

I loved Clerks., even though almost all of the adult humor was over my head. Chasing Amy was boring and uncomfortable to me, until I watched it ten years later and it blew my mind. Mallrats may have made me laugh the most of all of his movies. Dogma only got better every time I watched it. Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back is probably my favorite film to rewatch and quote. I really love Clerks 2, as it’s the only movie of his I watched at the correct age, and the emotional impact came in waves because of it. 

Each film I’ve anointed as Kevin Smith’s best at various portions of my life, as View Askew universe became the first film universe that I became obsessed with, before Marvel’s Cinematic Universe overshadowed everything else. Kevin Smith’s observations on life, Star Wars and his realistic dialogue spoke to me as a geek and a teen who didn’t know what the hell was going on, but loved jokes revolving around pussy, and people talking about pussy, before I was even close to sniffing some myself (pardon that image). In many ways, Kevin Smith’s movies replaced talking about girls with anyone, be it my friends or family or cool Uncle, as I wasn’t comfortable talking about them with anyone until I was well in high school. This likely explains a lot.

Kevin Smith’s unapologetic, uncensored brand of humor influenced my own. I wanted to talk like I didn’t give a shit, I wanted to swear, while also interspersing a morsel of truth and wisdom. I hate all the BS that comes out of people’s mouths. Smith’s characters spoke the truth, and their mind, no matter how idiotic.

Kevin Smith introduced me to dick jokes and to comic books, and that’s why some small part of me has never recovered from the Jersey Girl and Cop Out stage of Kevin Smith’s filmmaking career. Of course, until recently, neither had Kevin Smith.

Which is why I was so revitalized and delighted to see one of my heroes inspired again. At his annual Hall H panel, Kevin Smith regaled us all with stories (he’s one of the best storytellers we have; not many can be as hilarious with a mic in his hand) from his career and life, telling us all the gruesome details (I feel like I’ve heard about every sexual experience he’s ever had). He got me more jazzed for J.J. Abrams’ Star Wars: Episode VII than I thought I would ever be. Yes, Smith has a tendency to over-hype things (Affleck’s Batman suit), but he knows Star Wars, and the amount of joy he had at visiting the set speaks to how well Abrams has done in crafting the Star Wars universe, and I trust Kevin Smith’s opinion. He cried when he stepped on the deck of the Millenium Falcon, and became a kid again, and it seems like that foul-mouthed, enthusiastic kid is still inside Kevin Smith, and is ready to bring that brand back into cinemas.

He quit movies for awhile, disillusioned by the business, until stumbling upon the story of Tusk on his Smodcast. He was literally writing and creating the weird horror movie on air, as the creative process consumed him and Scott Mosher. Smith realized he needed to write and make this movie, and that all he needed was to make the small indie films that he made his name with again to be happy. The result is Tusk, a film that stars Michael Parks, Justin Long, Haley Joel Osment and Genesis Rodriguez, and according to Smith, is a super weird movie, but also the best one he’s ever done.

Smith’s already planning a True North trilogy of horror movies, which kicks off with Tusk, follows with a PG-13 movie called Yoga Hosers (with a female lead who kicks ass, something he’s wanted to do since having a daughter) and finishes with something called Moose Jaws. The latter is exactly what it sounds (Jaws with a moose), and had me giggling for hours after. I can’t say I wouldn’t rather see Smith do comedies, but I’m also intensely interested in this burgeoning micro-budget horror phase of his, precisely because he’s so absorbed and excited about it, and his enthusiasm is as infectious as a stink palm. Red State wasn’t bad, and a world where Kevin Smith is making horror movies involving walri and meese is a far better world than one without those things. Welcome back, Kevin Smith.

Toward the end of this rejuvenating evening with Kevin Smith, he unveiled the first trailer for Tusk (see below), coming September 19th. I’ll be there.

EW always brings together some of the best and most interesting stars together for what are normally fun and rousing panels. This year, Darren Franich moderates the “Brave New Warriors” panel that included Sleepy Hollow‘s Tom Mison, Fury‘s Jon Bernthal, The Giver‘s Brenton Thwaites, Sons of Anarchy‘s Theo Rossi and Bates Motel‘s Freddie Highmore. Franich makes a reference to the third best teen team in the 1990’s, which is awesome.

Tom Mison was easily the highlight, as he apologized to everyone in Ballroom 20 for being unable to get into the Game of Thrones panel, which elicited laughs and thousands of nods.

Over the course of the evening, I learned that Jon Bernthal would like to be Claire Danes in Homeland, that Freddie Highmore doesn’t get nervous, and that Brenton Thwaites is 25 years old. He looks 15:

But nobody brought as much humor as Tom Mison. He admits that when he read the script for Sleepy Hollow, he thought it was a terrible idea, “this will never work,” as it tears up every book and bastardizes history. So naturally, he wanted to be a part of it. People don’t get much more charming than Mison; the show works precisely because of Mison’s involvement, and this is a rising star.

Who would play Theo Rossi in a movie? Ralph Macchio, “he still would,” even though “he’s 45.”

Mison once got a job in a French language film, tricking the casting directors that he could speak French. He couldn’t speak a word of French, and walked onto a movie set that features a lot of improvising; he’d blurt out his lines whenever he could get a word in, and had someone feed his lines and explain them on the sly. Incredible. Also, that movie must be shite.

Bernthal, who played Shane on Walking Dead, talks about how he was booed before the show even started, because of how much everyone hates Shane in the comic book. He found it funny that people started to like Shane as he became more evil in season 2.

Bernthal worked with Robert De Niro in Grudge Match. De Niro’s his favorite actor, and inspired him to stop being a troublemaker and funnel that passion and anger into the craft. After the movie, he rehearsed a speech he’d give, and delivered it in Bob’s trailer. Afterwards, De Niro said: “We do these things…then it’s over.”

When Tom Mison was getting brought on to Sleepy Hollow, everyone would whisper about how he was “classically trained,” to which Mison responded: “I don’t know what that means.” Then he hazards a guess: “floppy haired and wild accent.”

Rossi admits that Ron Perlman is the most intimidating man on the set of Sons of Anarchy. Duh.

Franich asks Jon Bernthal who he’d like to punch in the industry, in reference to punching Jonah Hill out in Wolf of Wall Street? Bernthal jokes, “I’d hit him again.” Bernthal has broken his nose 14 times. The first time hurt the most, as Bernthal jokes, “I have a face for radio.” False.

Mison wants to work with Bryan Cranston. Bernthal tells us that Emily Blunt is the coolest. Thwaites wants to borrow Bernthal’s experience and work with De Niro. Highmore likes working with the same people again and again, like he’s able to do on Bates Motel. Rossi sucks up and says “everyone on this panel,” because “someone had to say it.” Mison dryly responds: “I couldn’t say I wanted to make a movie with me.”

Apparently Brenton Thwaites watched The Beginners with his friend, and told him he was going to work with Ewan MacGregor in a year. Exactly a year later, he gets cast in Son of a Gun, alongside Ewan. It’s not fair to be a super hot Australian dude and Nostradamus.

The best/worst question of all of Comic-Con comes from a kid, who asks Freddie Highmore, how he can watch Bates Motel but not on iTunes? Freddie has no idea, and it’s hilarious. Nobody wants to watch a show using iTunes.

Mison’s asked what it’s like to work with John Noble. His response: “Which one is he?” In all seriousness, Mison calls Noble amazing, delightful. In one of his first scenes with Noble, he’s eating, and all Mison could do was think about the scene in LOTR and almost burst out laughing.

Mison is rightfully flabbergasted when he’s asked if Mr. Darcy informed his portrayal of Ichabod Crane. Not in any way, he responds. “They’re both assholes with a hat,” he says.

Theo promises that he’s “naked and covered in blood” next season on Sons of Anarchy.

It’s nice to see Showtime’s Penny Dreadful get some love at Comic-Con. I was under the impression that either nobody watched it, or the people that did were kind of nonplussed about it, or that they’d rather read Alan Moore’s League of Extraordinary Gentlemen instead. Either way, it didn’t get a ton of buzz, but I suspect it’s one of the many shows that will balloon in popularity in time for season 2, thanks to binge watchers, since most of the series aired against Game of Thrones.

Aisha Tyler of Archer and Whose Line is it Anyway? is the moderator, and an obsessed fan of the show (a “Dreadful”), which is something you can always tell if someone is faking. Tyler is not.

The panel kicks off with a wondrous recap of the show. I’m continually impressed by the editing and cuts when making these clips. I haven’t seen one that hasn’t made the previous season look 100 times better than what it actually was. Of course, that’s kind of why Greatest Hits albums exist.

Anyhow, the panel doesn’t include Eva Green or Timothy Dalton, which would probably be the two people I’d most want to see. Eva Green is deserving of Emmy’s and Globe’s for her fearless, nutso performance as Vanessa Ives, and Timothy Dalton just seems like he’d be hilarious/snarky. Plus, when in doubt, you always go for someone who’s played James Bond.

But we do receive creator/showrunner John Logan (Gladiator, The Last Samurai, The Aviator, Hugo and Skyfall), Reeve Carney (who plays Dorian Gray), Harry Treadaway (Dr. Frankenstein) and Josh Hartnett (Ethan Chandler).

Logan earns serious sympathy when it’s clear how big of a nerd and Comic-Con guy he is. PD is his first TV show, and he admits being “emotional sitting on this side [of the stage],” expressing respect for the fans and audience, and what we believe: that horror is exultation, transference and transformation. He’s a native San Diegan (which feels wrong to type). The show’s mantra is clear: there’s a “monster in all of us.” Or a hero, if you ask Aunt May.

Aisha kicks off the panel by bringing up the big twist of the finale: that Ethan Chandler is a werewolf. I thought it was fairly obvious the entire show (there’s a wolf in the show’s intro right before or after his name, we’ve seen him wake up confused, and there have been dead bodies showing up that aren’t linked to vampires, but clearly eviscerated by some monster; plus he’s American with a rich father, much like Lawrence Talbot in The Wolfman), but it was still awesome to finally see evidence. The twist made Hartnett feel more “ingrained in the world.” Hartnett also admits to shaking and being nervous for the panel, which is adorable.

Logan has thought about the show for ten years (which is funny, considering the headline of this post). It came from a period of his life when he was depressed, and revisited Victorian wordsmiths, and wept at Mary Shelley’s work. The show came from being different (Logan is an open homosexual). Originally, he thought he might just recreate Frankenstein, but then he wanted to craft original characters, as he continued to think about it. He also drew inspiration from the second generation of Universal horror, which made him want to bring them all together. Hartnett jokes that you have Abbott and Costello to thank for Penny Dreadful, which is funny, but also kind of true.

Is Ethan Chandler so nice during the day, because he’s evil at night? Logan thought that’s what came naturally, and also wanted to get the audience invested, before the reveal.

Was Ethan bitten or part of a long line of wolves? “To be decided,” is what Logan says, but it’s clear he has long known the answer, and admits to having elaborate back stories in mind for all of the characters.

The most important/right sentence of the evening: “All hail Eva Green.” Logan calls her the most fearless actress he’s ever worked with.

Aisha then brings up Ethan and Dorian sex, because, of course. Reeve Carney didn’t know that would happen when he got the part, but joked he’d “better get a hot guy,” and he did. Logan wants to explore everything sexually.

The first season of PD was the overture, whereas the second season they get to play with and develop the relationships.

RE: the death of Van Helsing: For Logan, while he’s apologetic about killing off Van Helsing (played by the great David Warner), it was a joyous act. It was liberating, because it showed the audience that they’re straying from these classic works. Logan and the show respect the mythology, but are carving their own path. This moment begged the audience, “come with us,” and see what else is in store.

When crafting Dorian Gray, John Logan wanted rock ‘n roll in the Victorian era, a David Bowie/Mick Jagger type. And that was Reeve Carney.

Harry Treadaway didn’t finish reading Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein, getting up to the point where it was useful (leading us to the believe that we won’t see the Doc and Frankenstein traveling the world after each other in the show, or at least not for a long time). He also talked to Cambridge scholars about the medical practices of the era, which blew his mind.

Logan refers to Harry as a legendary prop actor, much like Peter Cushing, about as high a praise as you can get in the horror genre. There are no inserts in Harry’s scenes. He’s always using the medical tools.

What is the nature of Vanessa’s possession? Did she invite the darkness in or was she taken? As always, Logan intimates it’s “inbetween,” but this is something they’ll delve into in season 2.

What new characters can we expect, or does he want to add to the cast? He didn’t rattle off names of monsters like I expected, though one he did was Dr. Moreau, wanting to visit the Island of Lost Souls.

Logan has charted three seasons thus far, and has pinned witch Madame Kali as the antagonist in season 2. Madame Kali showed up for one episode in the memorable “Seance,” when we first learned something of Vanessa Ives’ true nature. Kali is played by the great Helen McRory (Skyfall, Hugo, Narcissa Malfoy in Harry Potter). Logan shares an awesome deleted scene from Episode 8 that was cut, where Kali threatens Ferdinand Lyle. She promises “one will live, one will die,” and is a creepy scene that leaves me truly excited to see her as the Big Bad in S2. Perhaps even better is that Simon Russell Beale’s Ferdinand Lyle will be joining the family in season 2 as a series regular. The effeminate Egyptologist was one of my favorite characters, even though he only showed up in 2 episodes.

Credit to Matthew Sweets for inventing the Victorian, and their Victoriana region.

The Creature (Rory Kinnear) will be choosing a name for himself in season 2, and it’ll be the name of a dead poet. Obvi.

They filmed Dorian Gray’s portrait and was going to reveal it in the finale, but decided to hold off, and tease it off in the coming season, because it didn’t have the impact they wanted it to.

We can expect a lot of Vanessa and Ethan together in Season 2. That doesn’t mean it gets romantic, but obviously there’s a possibility. It seems that possibilities are endless with Penny Dreadful going forward, and I think the show is only going to get better, as John Logan masters making TV. It’s clear he’s a brilliant writer and is as knowledgeable as anyone on the genre.

Well, this is why we’re here. This is why I have permanent back damage and could sleep until next year’s Comic-Con at this point.

What do we have in store for us? RDJ intro’d the panel two years ago. Hiddleston did last year. Is James Spader going to bring on some Ultron? Are we going to see the Vision? Are we going to see the complete Phase 3 cast (Inhumans, Black Panther, IM 4, Hulk, Thor 3, Cap 3?)? Is Benedict Cumberbatch or Joaquin Phoenix Dr. Strange or is it a mystery third person (I can grow that beard, bitches)? Josh Brolin is here. Do we get a taste of Thanos?! Can I possibly adore Elizabeth Olsen any more than I already do? Will a woman or a black character get their own movie? Will Bradley Cooper show up in a garish raccoon costume? Will we somehow fit the entire Guardians of the Galaxy movie into the time slot? Will I ejaculate all over my neighbors? Stay tuned.

We’re on. Oh wait, we’re not. The audience is chanting, clapping in unison, we’re one minute away from the fucking wave.

For the record, the wave started exactly a minute later. The only time I’ve ever predicted something right this week.

Maybe the hour and a half gap before the WB TV panel will be filled merely by this panel starting so late. Which is disappointing, since I need a nap pre-Gotham.

Is a live blog truly live without me time stamping every comment? (Answer: No; but do you need to know I wrote this at 5:42:18 PM?).

Um, since when did Andy Serkis have an undisclosed role in Avengers: Age of Ultron? He’s apparently helping to mo-cap Hulk.

Eddie Ibrahim is up again.

We get an awesome recap of the entire Marvel Universe, capped with some great footage of Guardians of the Galaxy, which is going to be the best movie Marvel has made, btw (the 10th Marvel movies). Then we see Thanos in his space chair, threatening mankind. Awesome.

Kevin Feige is here, and so is Chris Hardwick of course.

Hardwick: has made a visually stunning film that’s hilarious. Big ups to James Gunn.

ANT-MAN time. Peyton Reed, the director. Paul Rudd and Michael Douglas are here (and Douglas is looking rough/awesome). Corey Stoll is here, the villain in the film: YELLOWJACKET. Playing the daughter of Hank Pym is EVANGELINE LILY as Hope Van Dyne. An interesting name choice.

This is the 20th anniversary of Peyton Reed’s first Comic-Con. Paul Rudd is popping his Comic-Con cherry, and clearly slightly overwhelmed.

Rudd is excited by challenge, thrilled to be working with such great people.

Michael Douglas admits to “popping up enough cherries.” Chris Hardwick wants to talk about that for the next hour, and so do I. Douglas has looked at Marvel from afar and has never really made a movie with the kind of technological tools this will have. Has clearly done his research: name-drops the year of Ant-Man’s creation, his creator, Stan Lee. Talks about his powers. This is the story of a heist, because his partner, Corey/Yellowjacket. Most of the budget will be removing Paul Rudd’s massive muscles.

Evangeline Lily on Hope Van Dyne: Very glad to announce it, and finally done evading press. Doesn’t have a script yet. But she is Hank Pym’s daughter, a crazy different detail from the source material. Professes love for us, been beloved in Hall H since Lost in 2005.

Corey Stoll on Yellowjacket: Was Hank Pym’s mentee, genius scientist as well. Have taken over the company, in what “judgmental people think is in an evil direction.” Attains some Pym particles (gross), and puts on a Yellowjacket suit.

Ant-Man starts filming in two weeks in Atlanta. Filmed something for us….we don’t see Paul or Michael, but we hear them, bickering about the nature of being a hero, and how Rudd isn’t a superhero, which is exactly why he’s perfect (and not a moron, like Douglas posits heroes are). We see the suit, we see ants, we see him flying on them, and get a brief glimpse at the visual flair in this movie. It’s fun.

Downey comes in a striking suit to Michael Jackson’s Don’t Stop Till You Get Enough. He throws roses from a briefcase into the crowd. Renner dances awkwardly. Mark Ruffalo comes in a little bit more unassuming. Chris Hemsworth. Cobie Smulders arrives, accepting a white rose from Downey. Samuel L. Jackson comes on, like he would. Chris Evans is buff as shit. Downey’s announcing them as they come in. Aaron Taylor-Johnson as Quicksilver. Paul Bettany as Vision. James Spader as Ultron. Elizabeth Olsen as Scarlet Witch. This is insane.

Hardwick: “This is good. This is good. This is supposed to happen. Welcome, Avengers.”

Downey: Keeps getting better, and the bench gets larger.

Renner admits to wearing pants, unfortunately. “Always thrilling, man….glad to be here. Very honored.” Never envisioned this, but is blessed.

Ruffalo is fairly flabbergasted by the love. Hulk gets the first chant. Hardwick warns the crowd not to get him excited…

Hemsworth loves being part of this madness. What has he not been able to do yet? “Turn him into a woman. Great idea. I don’t want to speak too early and jinx it, but it could be my Oscar.” Incredible.

Smulders didn’t expect this to keep going on, but hoped that. Joss brought her into the world, and “so grateful.”

Evans and Hemsworth apparently compare muscle, and Hemsworth wins (“it’s not a costume, he is Thor”). Steve is up to speed, but still looking for a place to belong. Searching for home.

Taylor-Johnson intimidated to join the group, but happy Joss wanted him in. Loves the banter, enjoys Marvel movies, and excited for a part in this one.

Bettany know has to work for his money. He used to go to a dark room for 45 minutes and walk out with a bag of cash. “The most exciting thing that has ever happened to my kids.” “They had no interest in what I did until this month.”

James Spader always thought the world could never be crazy or weirder than he thought. Until SDCC. “This place might be the weirdest, craziest place I’ve ever been.” Thanks us. “I play an 8 foot robot in this movie…and I’d always played humans up to now.” As startling and exciting as coming to Comic-Con for the first time. Everything was “so entirely new”: the process, the people, the world he was entering.

Olsen: Fun to bring magic into the world…”mutated people,” which elicits ooohs. Adds a new dynamic, not just “awesome punching.” Apparently she stares at pencils for hours trying to make it move.

Then the world explodes when Scarlett introduces the video for Avengers: Age of Ultron. Um, SPOILERS follow. A delightful party scene with the team (that also includes Maria Hill and Rhodey): everyone takes turns trying to grab Thor’s hammer, a la the sword in the stone. Tony and Rhodey try together, with their armor, to no avail. Bruce Banner tries and fakes getting excited/angry, and it’s not funny (and so funny). Steve Rogers actually makes it move, slightly, a moment that gives me a partial chub. Thor announces that none of them are worthy…and that’s when Ultron makes his appearance, agreeing, saying their existence is all that can save the world. Then he sends other Iron Man armor toward the team. Then shit goes DOWN. It looks like the apocalypse has happened. Iron Man breaks out the hulkbuster armor, and it looks INSANE. Hulk also touches hands with Black Widow. We see our first full glimpse of Ultron on his throne…and it’s exactly what you want him to look like. Ultron is going to destroy our boys. Spader’s voice is a masterstroke. We see a glimpse of Andy Serkis with a beard. He’s not just helping with mo-cap. He has a role; let the rampant speculation begin. The clip ends on the craziest note ever: Iron Man looking at the carnage around him, all of his comrades in arms, collapsed or worse, Cap’s shield BROKEN IN HALF. Boom.

Then…Josh Brolin marches into the room wearing the Infinity Gauntlet. He demands a rose from Downey, who relents, and Thanos/Brolin EATS it. The excitement is almost suffocating in this room.

The panel appears to be over, but there’s one more clip to run: Chris Pratt and James Gunn joking around in London, wondering how they’d follow an Avengers panel. They jokingly talk about telling us about Guardians of the Galaxy 2 without Kevin Feige’s say so. It’s clearly staged, but Gunn and Pratt are so lovable it works anyways. And besides, GUARDIANS is getting a sequel before it even comes out: July 28th, 2017. Fuck yes.

What’s awesome about all this, is how into it the Avengers cast is. Robert especially loves his role as ring leader and host. Everyone’s psyched to be here. We might be looking at this moment as Marvel Studios’ pinnacle…or perhaps we’re just getting started, as Elizabeth Olsen intimated, now that they’re adding magic and mutated people.

Thank you Marvel for putting on a show, and good night everybody. Gotham, The Walking Dead Escape and sweet, sweet slumber awaits.

People won’t be sleeping on Laika’s Boxtrolls when it arrives. And I’ll be honest, it very well could be the best movie covered in Hall H today. Will I cum more for Avengers 2? Probably, but this movie will probably make me feel like a kid and cry. Plus it has Ben Kingsley, Jared Harris, Bran Stark, Elle Fanning, Nick Frost, Simon Pegg (four flavours cornetto?) and Tracy Morgan.

Now it’s time for Legendary Pictures and less than thrilling analysis, because I’m just trying to catch up, and wrap my head around the insanity.

The guide doesn’t reveal the slate, and with Godzilla, 300: Rise of An Empire in the rearview window…what does Legendary have upcoming? The internet has answers: Crimson Peak and Dracula Untold. Considering we already saw Benedict Cumberbatch and Luke Evans in Hall H, that seems like a safe bet. It’s probably way too early for Pacific Rim 2, but Guillermo be crazy.

Well, Legendary Pictures wins. Not only do they announce Godzilla 2, with Gareth Edwards directing, after he does his romp in Star Wars. That’s not all: in a behind the scenes clip from Monarch, we learn the existence of three more kaiju: MOTHRA, RODAN and KING GHIDORAH. YES. Thank you Toho. I wonder if Bryan Cranston will play one of Ghidorah’s heads.

Afterwards, we get a trailer for As Above, So Below, a found-footage Indiana Jones style movie set in Paris’ catacombs, according to the directing duo brothers. Um, whatever.

Next up is Michael Mann’s first visit to Comic-Con ever for his next film, Blackhat. It be about hackers, yo. It also looks like every movie ever made (hackers have your information…!), judging by the trailer. It appears exceedingly unremarkable, except for the fact that Thor plays a genius hacker. Um, yeah, that might work. It’s worth it just because Chris Hemsworth shows up now to join the panel. He learned how to type correctly for the role, showcasing his range as an actor. They shot the film in 66 days, which is a fact that is never interesting. Apparently the basis of Chris’ character, hacked the system and created a profile to make himself the ideal date for 35 women. Moderator Jessica Chabot correctly comments that he’s rapey.

Unless they’re announcing Namor the Sub Mariner (there was a pointed comment about Universal and Legendary’s combo), I feel like Legendary shot their load, maybe prematurely. Of course, we haven’t even seen either of my other predictions. Because my predictions suck.

Yay, Guillermo del Toro is coming on stage for Crimson Peak. It’s R-rated gotham romance, that is very violent. Guillermo del Toro swears all over the place, and he rules. He promises Tom Hiddleston will be around next year, and is nice and sexy.

Clip time: Um, sold. Gorgeous visual FX, creepy haunted house period piece. Built 3 story Victorian mansion.

Promotes brutal violence, a story with a woman lead that isn’t about getting a guy (fuck that shit, del Toro says).

del Toro finishes the panel by asking the audience: Hellboy 3? Awesome response. At the Mountains of Madness? Enthusiastic response, but not as big as Hellboy 3, which is semi-disappointing; we want H.P. Lovecraft and Cthulhu, people. Educate yourself. Legendary is listening. Perhaps both are coming.

Next up is Blizzard Entertainment and Legendary’s….Warcraft. Duncan Jones, the director, arrives on stage. Wants to show how the world falls into conflict between orcs and humans on Azoroth.

The movie is coming in March 2016, and Duncan compares world building to Lord of the Rings and technology to Avatar. The sneak peek looks pretty cool, though I’m exactly the wrong audience for it.

Tull returns to promise that he’ll talk with Guillermo after Pacific Rim 2…and also has something else kicking around:

Skull Island. We see a stormy sea, the Skull island, and a massive ape pounding his chest and roaring. Yup: King Kong is coming back, folks. Um, Legendary came to play this year.