After three years and four movies, Avengers: Age of Ultron has arrived. I’ll admit, going in, I was nervous for the film, forever worried that Marvel Studios’ bubble might pop. It certainly stretches the seams here, but rest assured, Marvel’s insane streak continues, thanks in large part to Joss Whedon.

Avengers 2 isn’t as good as Captain America: The Winter Soldier or Guardians of the Galaxy, and probably not the first Avengers, but I don’t know if that was possible, given the nearly impossible juggling act that Joss Whedon has to perform here. He has to tease Civil War, Black Panther (Andy Serkis’ brief turn as Ulysses Klaw has me so stoked), Thor 3 and Guardians of the Galaxy 2, while introducing four hugely important new characters (Scarlet Witch, Quicksilver, Ultron and Vision), and maintaining the MacGuffin-laced narrative string of Thanos and Infinity Gems. Plus, you know, he has to segue into the next two Avengers movies. It’s exhausting just thinking about, but for a moment, let’s focus on the present, a rarity when it comes to the MCU, which is always about what’s next.

Age of Ultron thrusts us into the action immediately, because Whedon, Feige and company can’t afford to waste any time, and besides, we know these guys now. Thanks to a jumbled concoction of Loki’s scepter, Hydra intelligence and Tony Stark’s personal computer system Jarvis (Paul Bettany), Stark creates Ultron (James Spader), envisioned as an AI based world-peacekeeping computer, one that could function as an armor over the whole planet, an initiative that would render the Avengers moot. Of course, Stark (Robert Downey Jr.) envisioned a rosy retirement sipping Mai Tai’s in Tahiti (okay, maybe not Tahiti) with Pepper Potts: his creation sees the Avengers…and humanity, as obstacles preventing peace and progress.

From there, a lot of shit explodes in a dizzying action ensemble with a scale of astronomical proportions. The film is bloated, and likely at least slightly confusing to someone who doesn’t follow Marvel tidbits like James Woods and candy. But somehow, someway, it works. In fact, it more than works: Avengers is Summer Movie Action Tentpole on Steroids, yet thanks in large part to Joss Whedon’s heart and wit, the over-stuffed sequel retains intelligence and blessed self-awareness, while remaining a helluva lot of fun.

For an innumerable number of reasons, Joss Whedon was always perfect for the Avengers: there’s not a director more capable with ensembles, thanks to his experience with Firefly, Buffy and Angel. And again, somehow Avengers 2 gives every member of the team and its ballooning supporting cast a chance to shine. The first Avengers was Iron Man’s movie: the emotional through-line traveled through the conflicted and difficult billionaire playboy philanthropist. But the Hulk was the scene stealer, the crowd favorite. In Avengers 2, I suspect, both honors come from an unlikely hero: Jeremy Renner’s Hawkeye, the oft-forgotten archer and every-man member of the team, the powerless one who probably gets picked last at Avengers dodgeball games. When you think about Whedon’s work, the focus makes perfect sense. In many ways, this is the colossal scale version of Buffy‘s “The Zeppo,” with Hawkeye playing the part of Xander, a normal family man who’s so clearly the glue that holds this team together, a thankless (and dangerous) role. Hawkeye’s journey and transition in this film mirrors that of Joss Whedon’s; he surely identifies with the un-invincible, un-enhanced man in a sea of power. Why Avengers 2 works so well is because it still feels like Whedon is a kid in his bedroom playing with his favorite toys.

Perhaps because of that, there’s a lot of fan-service in this film, much of it glorious (you can almost convince me that the Hulk and Iron Man fight was important to the narrative).

But what of the new arrivals? James Spader’s Ultron is wonderful, a sarcastic and devastatingly cruel robot, easily the third best villain in the MCU after Loki and Kingpin. Aaron Taylor-Johnson’s Quicksilver and Elizabeth Olsen’s Scarlet Witch will likely prove more divisive. It’s impossible not to compare Quicksilver’s, with Evan Peters’ Pietro surprisingly stealing the show in X-Men: Days of Future Past, and for the most part, this Quicksilver unfairly unable to match his scene-stealing exploits. I think Bryan Singer’s choice certainly blunted his impact here, which is a shame, and shaped Marvel’s treatment of the character. In the comics, Pietro and Wanda Maximoff’s identity and character, are inextricably linked with their villinous father Magneto. Stripping that away robs the character’s of some depth, and their new origins feel band-aided on. Plus, it took awhile for me to get used to their put-upon Eastern European accents. It makes sense, especially with where they come from in Age of Ultron, but it’s certainly not how I imagine them sounding in my head when I read the comics, which of course, is an impossible standard to set. That said, Elizabeth Olsen in particular show exceptional promise and has me excited for what’s to come.

Then there’s Paul Bettany’s Vision, and without ruining anything, I will just say this: he’s perfect. He’s beautifully rendered, like some holy blend of CGI and practical effects from the future that comes to make everybody else look bad. In effect, that’s also what he does in Avengers, and it’s wonderful.

So are many things in this film: the various methods of teamwork in action sequences that are just clever and unabashedly cool. The relationship between Natasha Romanoff (Scarlett Johansson) and Bruce Banner (Mark Ruffalo). Everything Thor (Chris Hemsworth) says. The gentle ribbing of Captain America (Chris Evans). The hilarious and so so necessary downtime that Whedon interweaves among all the wackadoodle fighting. In fact, the best parts of these movies will always be when we see these larger than life heroes as just normal people, a lesson WB and DC could learn from. The stakes are serious but the whole movie doesn’t have to be. As long as Marvel retains the heart and wit that Joss Whedon has caked inside Iron Man’s armor, Bruce Banner’s purple shorts and Thor’s flowing cloak, these movies will continue to work, even if it sometimes feels like an exhausting, never-ending trek to nowhere, an infinite Easter Egg hunt across the increasingly populated cosmos. Well, okay, that does sound sorta awesome.

But it’s fair to be worried about the future.

Despite creating a Big Bad that kills thousands of people, Tony Stark never truly gets the comeuppance he deserves for creating Ultron in this movie, and that’s a fault of the proceedings, even if we’re saving it for Civil War (talk about a movie I’m nervous for).

If Avengers: Age of Ultron is busy, how in the hell will Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 & 2 not be a disastrous clusterfuck? The Russo Brothers are the best replacement Feige could possibly find for Whedon, thanks to their exceptional work on Captain America: The Winter Soldier and their ensemble work with Arrested Development and Community (though this is a whole new ballgame). But one gets the sense that Whedon was the only one with the power, chutzpah, support and creative Vision to counterbalance Kevin Feige, who deserves enormous credit for what he’s done in creating this interconnected universe, but like Ultron himself, still seems hell-bent on world domination with what feels like a Reaganomics-like approach.

But for once when it comes to Marvel movies, let’s not focus on that next piece of candy (which is the seemingly out-of-place and pointless Ant-Man), but revel in the present. Avengers: Age of Ultron is a movie that shouldn’t work, and one that comic fans never would’ve thought possible, but thanks to an unparalleled cast and creative team (seriously, just bathe in those ending credits; they’ll never be this good again), it makes us all feel like kids playing with their favorite toys.

Dibs on Vision!

The Femmes all had fairly specific answers, albeit not always imaginative ones. We got Wonder Woman, Jean Grey, Rogue and Catwoman but all women seemed to say the same thing: they wanted a strong, funny, sassy woman and while yeah, it’s cool that we’re finally getting that, it’s taken way too long.

The Fellas responses however, are the exact problem with bringing superheroines to life on the big screen.

Jeff Sneider “only buys ScarJo and Angie, so if you don’t bring [him] one of them, [he’s] out.” He said he’d prefer a female remake of The Crow to any other female superhero out there and while I’m not denying how unquestionably awesome a female Crow would be, why genderbend when there are already so many other deserving ladies? And why limit yourself to Scarlett Johannson and Angelina Jolie when you have goddesses like Katee Sakoff, Gina Torres, and Amy Acker?

Jordan Zakarin thinks, “it’s sort of a silly debate to be having, because women have shown that they can lead…Plus, it’s not like a woman superhero would suddenly ruin the integrity and streak of perfection in these films.” True, we have shown we can lead and there have been more flops than the studios would like to admit, but to minimize the importance of the debate by calling it “silly” just proves how much more work women have to do to prove their worth. Would Jordan have called it silly when talking about the next male hero to be adapted? Arguably not.

Joseph Kapsch questions if “a studio can actually create a female superhero driven tentpole that is as viable a moneymaker as its male counterparts?” This kind of thinking is the exact reason why it’s taken so long to get a heroine onto the screen in the first place. Stop questioning and start trying.

Tony Maglio says, “I’m all for female superhero movies, but the fangirl market is still not what the fanboy market is, so it seems like a riskier investment from the studio side. Plus, historically, the vast majority of superheroes were men, so it’s inarguably slimmer pickings for the fairer sex within the realm of existing franchises.” I’m sorry, how does that matter? Sure, there may be “less options” but there are still an abundance of underrated powerful and complex heroines between all the comic universes, so why does the ratio of women to men in comics tilt the scales?

Todd Cunningham was one of my personal favorites (read: asshole). “I don’t think the gender of the superheroes matters that much, and I’m pretty sure that superhero equality shouldn’t be on the front burner when it comes to equality between the sexes. The fact is, most superhero movies are primarily the domain of teenage boys, who can identify best with male heroes (not to mention the “yuck — girls!” factor). That doesn’t mean it has to be that way going forward, but it’s not like Hollywood and Marvel and DC haven’t tried female superheroes before — if you look at Wikipedia, there’s nearly a hundred of them, and some have connected. I know Warner Bros. is pinning a lot of hope on Wonder Woman as a character. And Scarlett Johansson may yet get her own Black Widow movie with Marvel.” Mr. Cunningham could not be more confused. He gives the bigoted impression that he sees no gender inequality at all and therefore, why is everyone so upset? While no, a female hero isn’t the most important issue in the battle between sex-equality, the fact that out of all the superhero movies that have been made in the last fifteen years, I don’t even need a single finger to count the solo heroine films… That’s a major problem. The gender of superheroes released for public consumption in such a mass media market like cinema, and by extension television, is much more important that Todd realizes. Oh, there’s nearly a hundred female superheroes on Wikipedia? Why make any more, that’s plenty. Oh, ScarJo may finally get her own BLACK WIDOW movie 7 years after her character was first introduced, two IRON MAN sequels, potentially two THOR sequels, and one AVENGERS sequel later? No, there’s absolutely nothing wrong nor unequal about that. “Yuck – girls!” is no longer a feasible excuse – these films are not made for pre-pubescent boys anymore, they’re made for the general population which women just so happen to be part of.

These delightful gentlemen and the studio bigwigs are major contributing reasons that it’s take this long to adapt a female superhero into a cinematic feature; because it’s silly to wonder which heroine should get her own film, because unless you’re Angelina Jolie no one will want to see the film, because there are less options than male heroes, because “Yuck – girls!”

Unfortunately for these poor nimrods, however, a few of their male coworkers got it right: Tim Molloy offered his personal experience growing up on Black Cat and how much he loved and identified with her. He says that audiences today will embrace the female hero, especially if she’s an underdog. “But it’s sexist (and boring) if a heroine’s only supposed weakness is the fact that she’s a woman. Superhero movies need to give their women heroes the same kinds of flaws that men have, from Iron Man’s dying heart to the Hulk’s lack of self-control. If the story’s compelling, moviegoers will buy in.”

Andy Gensler also brought up a great point that women in comics have more often than not been reduced to sexy ninja warriors because if they don’t fall into that category they tend to have a tough go of it in comics. He wants the superheroine to be reinvented. His thoughts: “I’d like to see R. Crumb’s Ideal Woman, but made-over as a bad-ass contemporary feminist, a warrior who can cut through male megalomania BS in a single honest, authentic, and castrating bound. Who should play her? Melissa McCarthy, looking buxom and badass.”

And lastly Travis Reilly put it in terms that even Cunningham should be able to understand. “1) I like superhero movies, and 2) I like women. Those are my thoughts.” Upset that “companies are still — in the vast majority of instances — clinging to Caucasian male leads,” Reilly has been waiting just as long as women have for a heroine to get her own film.

*Side note, Microsoft word does not try to autocorrect “superhero” but does give me the red squigglies for “superheroine.” Jus’ sayin’.

San Diego Comic-Con is at a tipping point.

This was my second year at Comic-Con, so I’m by no means an expert, but I don’t think anyone would argue with me when I say that SDCC has become bloated, unwieldy, daunting and to be honest, kind of miserable, at times. It’s exhausting, insane and becoming less worth it by the year. There’s enough programming, panels and events to fit over a whole month: if that happened, the result would be much like The Hunger Games. But instead, it’s all squeezed from Wednesday night to Sunday night.

This year, there were innumerable moments when I wished I was in bed and wondering why I was operating on 2 hours sleep to hear god awful fan questions (“Can I hear your Bones laugh, Emily?” THERE ARE 189 EPISODES OF BONES TO REFER TO, WOMAN), and this time I didn’t have to set up or break down a booth and work for months before the event to prepare. It was just me, and what I wanted to do. That should be enough, except it’s impossible to do exactly what you want to do at Comic-Con.

It certainly feels like Comic-Con could very well collapse in on itself, that we’re fast approaching a Ragnarokian implosion, something that might be necessary to bring the event under control. Hollywood loves a good reboot, right?

Comic-Con bills itself as for the fans, but I think that’s a naive way of looking at it. Comic-Con is a massive money-making scheme; it’s not for the fans. It’s for the studios that are using Comic-Con and us to do the marketing and word of mouth for them, taking advantage of our passion and love for these characters. Comic-Con can make or break movies. We are killing ourselves waiting in line to watch trailers a few months before we can pay 17 dollars to see them in theaters, or watch them online for free. It’s pretty silly, yet we keep doing it year after year, and feel like we got a show.

Comic-Con has become a place where Playboy has a Bates Motel-themed party. You can’t get in unless you’re somebody, and San Diego’s Gas Lamp quarter is filled with these parties with exclusive guest lists, open bars and/or covers throughout the week. Unless you’re high ranking press or a celebrity, or you’re lucky enough to win a contest, you’re not cool enough to get in, exactly the kind of thing you’d think Comic-Con shouldn’t be about.

Bless Zachary Levi and NerdHQ, who hosted a free-for-all dance party on Thursday night, and hold panels with the benefits going to a good cause. Felicia Day’s Geek & Sundry turned Jolt ‘n Joes into a lounge and party through Wednesday and Friday, open to anybody. These are the kinds of events that Comic-Con should be about, and the equivalent of Slamdance to Comic-Con’s Sundance. Every year, more and more people flock to NerdHQ instead of the Convention Center, to the point where their panels featuring Nathan Fillion, Stephen Amell and Tatiana Maslany sell out in minutes (so maybe it’s not that accessible, but at least your money goes to Operation Smile rather than 20th Century FOX). This is the future of Comic-Con.

If you asked A., who came all the way from Moscow, her face would light up, as she promised to come back to San Diego again as soon as she could afford it. She got to meet Jamie Bamber of Battlestar Galactica, happy to pay his signing fee (even knowing it was irresponsible), and raved nonstop about John Barrowman’s hilarious panel. She also got to walk in to Hall H to see the hunks of Supernatural on Sunday, when many of us were too tired to give a fuck.

Al. flew all the way from Kitchener, Canada, and spent Friday night in line just to see The Hobbit panel, and left before Marvel and the rest of the fanfare. She came with her Mom and sister, who were happy to sleep in the hotel. I got the sense that she was drawn to San Diego for the experience, and wanted to live it, rather than needing to be in Hall H, or obsessed with the shows and movies many of us spent hours talking about while we waited.

D. has been going to Comic-Con for 8 years straight, ever since she moved to San Diego. She lives and breathes it, and coordinates line waiting with her friends, and was in Hall H every night save Thursday, when she only got in line at 5 AM before the 10 AM panels.

If there’s one upside to the lines, its making friends with who you’re stuck with. You meet people from all over the world, people who share many of the same interests as you, and will also pound mercilessly at you for the shows and movies you haven’t seen (do I really have to watch The 100?). Everyone’s different, but we’re all the same, wondering incessantly if we’re going to get into Ballroom 20 or Hall H, and debating how many in the cast will show up for the panel. Many complained, but still others accepted their fate, and were happy to camp outside.

Everyone is going to have a different experience and that is part of the beauty that remains of Comic-Con. Some people camped out to get into Hall H all four nights, and will do the same until they have crippling back injuries, and that’s worth it to them (many I think do it out of imaginary obligation, wanting to prove how much they care about a movie or show or movie star; the longer you wait in line, the bigger Walking Dead fan you are). Some actually go to San Diego to see their favorite comic book writers and artists. Whoa. Many just like to dress up, as Cosplay is an industry and sub-society on its own (and it’s wonderful). Others just want to take in the spectacle, to be where the party’s at. I wonder how many even get in; there were these two elderly women who somehow got seats in Hall H on Saturday, and looked blankly at me when I told them Marvel was up next (“What’s that?”). Seriously?

I love catching the various pilots, months before they come out, discovering the next hit shows before everyone else. The 12 year old who still resides in me who discovered Kevin Smith movies was delighted to see the man himself rejuvenated creatively, and talking excitedly about his next trilogy of movies. I got goosebumps and teary eyed watching and singing along to Buffy the Vampire Slayer‘s “Once More With Feeling” in a jam-packed room of Whedon worshipers, as Nicholas Brendon ran up to the stage to sing Xander’s songs with the rest of us, something he’s done for the past four years. That is the power and magic of Comic-Con, that still lives and breathes in corners of the Convention Center. You just have to know where to look for it.

Look, I love this stuff. I check EW, io9, Deadline, Variety, et all, ALL DAY, to the detriment of everything else I should be doing. I love following pop culture news, whether it’s casting, sequels, new films, what brand of shoes Oliver Queen will be wearing. But sometimes, enough is enough, and the negative outweighs the positive, and I think that’s what has transpired with Comic-Con.

I love the Marvel Cinematic Universe, but it’s emphasis on the overarching story, and the end credit sequences, and WHAT COMES NEXT, while addictive and something I’m so hard for, puts the onus on release dates, future events, with the story and content in the actual movies almost an after thought, the entree when we prefer the appetizers, dessert and Easter eggs. To be clear, Captain America: The Winter Soldier is the best film in the entire MCU (or right up there with Iron Man and Avengers), and it’s the most recent, but once we’ve seen the end credits, our discussion inevitably leads to what’s coming next, rather than what we just saw. That is Comic-Con in a nutshell; it feels like we’re James Woods perpetually scurrying after another piece of candy.

We’re paying tons of money for advertising. We’re waiting in line to see cast and crew promise vague greatness (“No show is like _____,” “Anything can happen on ______,” “Nobody is safe on ______”) or worse, pat their backs for a season well done (“Oh my god, can we talk about _____?”). We’re dooming our legs to a perpetual state of falling asleep so we can hear everyone toe the line when it comes to spoilers or providing any sort of useful information. “You know as much as I do [nothing],” “That’s up to the writers/producers/conglomerates to share,” “I can’t answer that, can I?” or “You’ll have to tune in to find out.” or “Insert masturbatory phrasing here.” The whole thing is decidedly masturbatory.

There’s the bizarre “we just started shooting/haven’t started shooting yet so we don’t really have any footage” dance that is played at EVERY panel, which is followed by groans and cries of protest, like we actually believe them, every time, until Zack Snyder/whomever relents, smiles/winks and says…”BUT here’s a little something.” Then we freak out, clap and are ready for what’s next, rinse, repeat.

The exhibit hall is a paradise, but that paradise has become overrun, like a Heaven with no standards, as you jostle through crowds to buy overpriced Comic-Con exclusives and things you don’t need, while hoping you don’t piss off Lou Ferrigno. It’s nerd Christmas, if everyone was trying to get their hands on the Turbo Man doll. You can meet Evangeline Lily, but you’ll have to sacrifice the entire day to do it.

George Miller and the Mad Max series is great (and Fury Road looks AWESOME), but his arrival into Hall H, and the reboot of Mad Max was marketed and promoted as something that we owed him for, that we needed to worship this legendary man making his first Comic-Con appearance. Even The Hobbit panel, which rightfully celebrated Peter Jackson and company’s extraordinary achievements with LOTR and The Hobbit trilogy, reeked of self-congratulation.

To get into Hall H on Saturday so I could see George Miller, Peter Jackson and the WB, Legendary and Marvel’s panels, I had to get in line at 9:15 PM the night before. And I barely got in, limping into the auditorium five minutes before the first panel, so I can watch these actors on the big screen (I have a better view of baseball players from the Upper Deck than the actors on the stage, oftentimes), no different than if I was watching the panels in the Playback room later on in the day.

It’s impossible to live up to the hype, to be worth the wait. Forget even the 13 hour over night wait. Many of us have been waiting all year for this, setting up impossible expectations. What do we even want to see? My imagination runs rampant for the entire month preceding it, dreaming up wild scenarios where a CGI’d James Spader struts onstage as Ultron, and if not Benedict Cumberbatch or Joaquin Phoenix as Dr. Strange, that I walk up in the red cloak, announced as the new Sorcerer Supreme. Short of Black Panther, Doctor Strange and Ms. Marvel green-lit, with the stars announced and in person/costume, a small part of me was going to be disappointed by whatever Marvel does, and they consistently put on the best show of all. I was astounded by the awesome Avengers: Age of Ultron footage we did see, and loved seeing the cast of Avengers together on stage, as excited as we all were. It truly is a treasure to see your favorite actors in person, to see how funny, charming, cute, nervous and real they are, to see the other side of a character you consider family and friend. But aside from a Guardians of the Galaxy 2 announcement that hardly felt surprising, the whole proceedings were short on news.

Plus, almost all of the sneak peaks, trailers, gag reels and previews are online as soon as we see it. There’s something to be said for seeing it first in an unparalleled atmosphere, with the stars present, surrounded by people who love and cherish these things as much as you do, but I couldn’t help but feel miffed that I could’ve watched everything save the Avengers footage from the comfort of my bedroom. And even the latter could be seen if I wanted to support the scumbags who record grainy footage on their phone/camera and post it on YouTube. I realize I sound like a cranky old man, especially to those who have never been to Comic-Con, but sometimes the fiction is better than the reality.

But I’m a sucker, and if I’m lucky enough to get press access again next year, I’ll be doing this stressful dance again, because I still feel like I’ll be missing something if I don’t. But will I? Even so, I’m going to do it a lot differently. I think I can say goodbye to Hall H, and follow along on Twitter and YouTube like the rest of the world, while getting to see some of the smaller movies and TV shows before they get into Hall H, like Sleepy Hollow, Orphan Black, Intruders, Vikings and Outlander the past couple of years. Or maybe I’ll even go to some comic book panels. What a radical idea.

Well, this is why we’re here. This is why I have permanent back damage and could sleep until next year’s Comic-Con at this point.

What do we have in store for us? RDJ intro’d the panel two years ago. Hiddleston did last year. Is James Spader going to bring on some Ultron? Are we going to see the Vision? Are we going to see the complete Phase 3 cast (Inhumans, Black Panther, IM 4, Hulk, Thor 3, Cap 3?)? Is Benedict Cumberbatch or Joaquin Phoenix Dr. Strange or is it a mystery third person (I can grow that beard, bitches)? Josh Brolin is here. Do we get a taste of Thanos?! Can I possibly adore Elizabeth Olsen any more than I already do? Will a woman or a black character get their own movie? Will Bradley Cooper show up in a garish raccoon costume? Will we somehow fit the entire Guardians of the Galaxy movie into the time slot? Will I ejaculate all over my neighbors? Stay tuned.

We’re on. Oh wait, we’re not. The audience is chanting, clapping in unison, we’re one minute away from the fucking wave.

For the record, the wave started exactly a minute later. The only time I’ve ever predicted something right this week.

Maybe the hour and a half gap before the WB TV panel will be filled merely by this panel starting so late. Which is disappointing, since I need a nap pre-Gotham.

Is a live blog truly live without me time stamping every comment? (Answer: No; but do you need to know I wrote this at 5:42:18 PM?).

Um, since when did Andy Serkis have an undisclosed role in Avengers: Age of Ultron? He’s apparently helping to mo-cap Hulk.

Eddie Ibrahim is up again.

We get an awesome recap of the entire Marvel Universe, capped with some great footage of Guardians of the Galaxy, which is going to be the best movie Marvel has made, btw (the 10th Marvel movies). Then we see Thanos in his space chair, threatening mankind. Awesome.

Kevin Feige is here, and so is Chris Hardwick of course.

Hardwick: has made a visually stunning film that’s hilarious. Big ups to James Gunn.

ANT-MAN time. Peyton Reed, the director. Paul Rudd and Michael Douglas are here (and Douglas is looking rough/awesome). Corey Stoll is here, the villain in the film: YELLOWJACKET. Playing the daughter of Hank Pym is EVANGELINE LILY as Hope Van Dyne. An interesting name choice.

This is the 20th anniversary of Peyton Reed’s first Comic-Con. Paul Rudd is popping his Comic-Con cherry, and clearly slightly overwhelmed.

Rudd is excited by challenge, thrilled to be working with such great people.

Michael Douglas admits to “popping up enough cherries.” Chris Hardwick wants to talk about that for the next hour, and so do I. Douglas has looked at Marvel from afar and has never really made a movie with the kind of technological tools this will have. Has clearly done his research: name-drops the year of Ant-Man’s creation, his creator, Stan Lee. Talks about his powers. This is the story of a heist, because his partner, Corey/Yellowjacket. Most of the budget will be removing Paul Rudd’s massive muscles.

Evangeline Lily on Hope Van Dyne: Very glad to announce it, and finally done evading press. Doesn’t have a script yet. But she is Hank Pym’s daughter, a crazy different detail from the source material. Professes love for us, been beloved in Hall H since Lost in 2005.

Corey Stoll on Yellowjacket: Was Hank Pym’s mentee, genius scientist as well. Have taken over the company, in what “judgmental people think is in an evil direction.” Attains some Pym particles (gross), and puts on a Yellowjacket suit.

Ant-Man starts filming in two weeks in Atlanta. Filmed something for us….we don’t see Paul or Michael, but we hear them, bickering about the nature of being a hero, and how Rudd isn’t a superhero, which is exactly why he’s perfect (and not a moron, like Douglas posits heroes are). We see the suit, we see ants, we see him flying on them, and get a brief glimpse at the visual flair in this movie. It’s fun.

Downey comes in a striking suit to Michael Jackson’s Don’t Stop Till You Get Enough. He throws roses from a briefcase into the crowd. Renner dances awkwardly. Mark Ruffalo comes in a little bit more unassuming. Chris Hemsworth. Cobie Smulders arrives, accepting a white rose from Downey. Samuel L. Jackson comes on, like he would. Chris Evans is buff as shit. Downey’s announcing them as they come in. Aaron Taylor-Johnson as Quicksilver. Paul Bettany as Vision. James Spader as Ultron. Elizabeth Olsen as Scarlet Witch. This is insane.

Hardwick: “This is good. This is good. This is supposed to happen. Welcome, Avengers.”

Downey: Keeps getting better, and the bench gets larger.

Renner admits to wearing pants, unfortunately. “Always thrilling, man….glad to be here. Very honored.” Never envisioned this, but is blessed.

Ruffalo is fairly flabbergasted by the love. Hulk gets the first chant. Hardwick warns the crowd not to get him excited…

Hemsworth loves being part of this madness. What has he not been able to do yet? “Turn him into a woman. Great idea. I don’t want to speak too early and jinx it, but it could be my Oscar.” Incredible.

Smulders didn’t expect this to keep going on, but hoped that. Joss brought her into the world, and “so grateful.”

Evans and Hemsworth apparently compare muscle, and Hemsworth wins (“it’s not a costume, he is Thor”). Steve is up to speed, but still looking for a place to belong. Searching for home.

Taylor-Johnson intimidated to join the group, but happy Joss wanted him in. Loves the banter, enjoys Marvel movies, and excited for a part in this one.

Bettany know has to work for his money. He used to go to a dark room for 45 minutes and walk out with a bag of cash. “The most exciting thing that has ever happened to my kids.” “They had no interest in what I did until this month.”

James Spader always thought the world could never be crazy or weirder than he thought. Until SDCC. “This place might be the weirdest, craziest place I’ve ever been.” Thanks us. “I play an 8 foot robot in this movie…and I’d always played humans up to now.” As startling and exciting as coming to Comic-Con for the first time. Everything was “so entirely new”: the process, the people, the world he was entering.

Olsen: Fun to bring magic into the world…”mutated people,” which elicits ooohs. Adds a new dynamic, not just “awesome punching.” Apparently she stares at pencils for hours trying to make it move.

Then the world explodes when Scarlett introduces the video for Avengers: Age of Ultron. Um, SPOILERS follow. A delightful party scene with the team (that also includes Maria Hill and Rhodey): everyone takes turns trying to grab Thor’s hammer, a la the sword in the stone. Tony and Rhodey try together, with their armor, to no avail. Bruce Banner tries and fakes getting excited/angry, and it’s not funny (and so funny). Steve Rogers actually makes it move, slightly, a moment that gives me a partial chub. Thor announces that none of them are worthy…and that’s when Ultron makes his appearance, agreeing, saying their existence is all that can save the world. Then he sends other Iron Man armor toward the team. Then shit goes DOWN. It looks like the apocalypse has happened. Iron Man breaks out the hulkbuster armor, and it looks INSANE. Hulk also touches hands with Black Widow. We see our first full glimpse of Ultron on his throne…and it’s exactly what you want him to look like. Ultron is going to destroy our boys. Spader’s voice is a masterstroke. We see a glimpse of Andy Serkis with a beard. He’s not just helping with mo-cap. He has a role; let the rampant speculation begin. The clip ends on the craziest note ever: Iron Man looking at the carnage around him, all of his comrades in arms, collapsed or worse, Cap’s shield BROKEN IN HALF. Boom.

Then…Josh Brolin marches into the room wearing the Infinity Gauntlet. He demands a rose from Downey, who relents, and Thanos/Brolin EATS it. The excitement is almost suffocating in this room.

The panel appears to be over, but there’s one more clip to run: Chris Pratt and James Gunn joking around in London, wondering how they’d follow an Avengers panel. They jokingly talk about telling us about Guardians of the Galaxy 2 without Kevin Feige’s say so. It’s clearly staged, but Gunn and Pratt are so lovable it works anyways. And besides, GUARDIANS is getting a sequel before it even comes out: July 28th, 2017. Fuck yes.

What’s awesome about all this, is how into it the Avengers cast is. Robert especially loves his role as ring leader and host. Everyone’s psyched to be here. We might be looking at this moment as Marvel Studios’ pinnacle…or perhaps we’re just getting started, as Elizabeth Olsen intimated, now that they’re adding magic and mutated people.

Thank you Marvel for putting on a show, and good night everybody. Gotham, The Walking Dead Escape and sweet, sweet slumber awaits.

Plans don’t always go accordingly, but sometimes, it’s for the best. I succumbed to sleep and ended up avoiding massive lines in Hall H, and now find myself in Ballroom 20 for the Marvel TV panel. Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. and Agent Carter and maybe…Daredevil or Netflix stuff? I’m stoked.

With news that Lucy Lawless is joining AOS, I’m hoping we learn who she is going to play (Brand? An Asgardian badass?), and hope she shows up.

Marvel’s brand is up on the screen, dramatic ominous music is playing…is Hydra among us? Or is this stalling tactics? Still waiting, after seeing someone’s desktop on the screen. Amateur hour.

Jeph Loeb is moderating the panel. He be the head of Marvel TV, and EP of Marvel’s Agents of SHIELD. Loeb promises us things nobody else gets to see, and thanks the world’s greatest fans. Drink whenever someone says that, and you’ll be hammered.

We’re getting lanyards. Any day you get a lanyard, it’s a good day.

Over the course of the season, we learned to trust no one. Thanks to a little organization called Hydra. Loeb unbuttons his shirt and reveals the Hydra shirt. Sexiest thing you’ll see at the Con.

Before SHIELD, there was Agent Carter. The showrunners for the show are coming out, Michelle Fazekas and Tara Butters (Resurrection) as well as the pilot’s writers Stephen McFeely and Christopher Markus (they also wrote Captain America 1 and 2). Louis D’Esposito, director of the One-Shot, is also in attendance.

Hayley Atwell is here!

Fazekas and Butters are apparently running Resurrection and AC, which seems kinda nutty, a large task. Hopefully they can handle it.

Markus: Show is opportunity to mine rich playground. Wasn’t able to in Captain America: The Winter Soldier because of the time jump.

We’ve seen Agent Carter for about 40 minutes total in the two movies and the One-Shot. She’ll equal that with the pilot.

Atwell: Still so much to explore (duh), a lot of adventures. She mentions “powers,” but I don’t think she means it literally.

Loeb: They have not started shooting, but the Writer’s Room is going to open soon.

The war is over, Steve is gone. We’re picking up in 1946.

We get a sneak peek: “Welcome to the SSR.” Awesome old school eagle logo.

DIRECTOR NEWS! Louis D’Esposito is going to direct the first episode. Joe and Anthony Russo (Captain America: The Winter Soldier) will be directing the 2nd and 3rd episode of Agent Carter. Joe Johnston (Captain America: The First Avenger) wants to do the fourth episode. This show is going to rule.

Will Dominic Cooper return as Howard Stark? “That’d be fantastic if that could happen.”

Only questions have been from Agent Carter cosplay…until a female Winter Soldier comes up and gives me a boner. Atwell considers it a privilege and honor to play a strong woman.

Now it’s Agents of SHIELD time. We get a splendid recap of the show’s first season.

Lineup: EP Jeffrey Bell, Jed Whedon and Maurissa Tancharoen (showrunners), FitzSimmons! (Elizabeth Henstridge and Iain de Caestecker). Chloe Bennet in a shocking pink dress (sips for nips). Melinda May AKA Ming-Na Wen, who gets the biggest applause, kills in a Marvel shirt. Brett Dalton rocks a Hydra shirt, with some sexy stubble. Clark Gregg gets a standing ovation, and wins at life. Most of this panel is cheering and introducing people.

Fitz was completely heartbroken about the subject of Grant Ward’s betrayal. Iain can’t even talk about it.

Henstridge: great to be back. Know what to expect…kind of. Psyched to have a new family and the fans.

Will Skye be more involved with SHIELD? “I think so…” She still ships SkyWard. It’ll take a long time, so until then, she’s really okay with Skimmons. Me too.

What was it like being told you were Hydra? “A bit of an emotional roller coaster that day.” That Friday night, shoot a Dalton and Ming-Na fight, then was told in the meeting, and jaw drops. “But I got to work with Bill Paxton…It was quite a turn, but I’ve embraced it wholeheartedly.” Apparently was on board very quickly. “Turned the sexy up” when he became bad, according to Maurissa.

What was it like to become the Director of SHIELD? Agent Coulson, Director Coulson and Clark Gregg have been merging. All voices in head said “Squeeeee.” “I think you know what I mean.”

NEW FOLKS:

-Lucy Lawless will be on the show. She’s playing a long-time SHIELD veteran. May have a knife on her side. Her name is Isabel Hartley, and you’ll be seeing her pretty soon. Sounds like an original character.

-Lance Hunter of S.T.R.I.K.E. is joining the show. British actor Nick Blood is cast. Not a SHIELD agent, he’s a mercenary. Coulson is reaching out everywhere he can…and finds this young man, and helps with the team.

-AWESOME. A/The Big Bad is Reed Diamond (Dollhouse, Much Ado About Nothing) will be playing Daniel Whitehall, a legendary Hydra agent.

-Yay Bloopers of SHIELD. A lot of dancing, laughing and merriment.

-Where’s Triplett?

-Kid with “one liners for days” and Coulson’s big gun. Kid Coulson!

-How will rest of team react to Ward’s redemption? Elizabeth: “Terrible.” Fitz (Caestecker is too hard to spell): “Yeah.” High-fives Ward. Bennet: “I don’t know…he’s really hot as a Hydra agent…better than SHIELD. I’m going to say no.” Ming-Na: “As long as he keeps taking off his shirt in front of me.” Dalton doesn’t get to answer. Gregg: “I don’t feel good about it, but maybe if he bought Fitz a monkey.”

-Any chance of seeing Deadpool? Um, NO. “He’s over in that other universe.” He asks this question every year, apparently.

-How would Chloe feel about being Jessica Drew? She gives no real answer other than excitement. Apparently her identity is a fun guessing game on set, she has no idea. Finds out stuff right around the same time as us.

-Brought into trailer to see secret/new pages: “It was really cool…but also very sad.” (Gregg). Got us excited for the show, especially after watching Winter Soldier. Apparently Ming-Na and Chloe kind of cried. Chloe freaked out about kissing him; “I slept with him” (Ming-Na). Dalton: Didn’t get to work with these lovely people as much, but again, loved running around with Bill Paxton.

They started shooting AOS’ second season YESTERDAY. But we still get an awesome tease, which involves Patton Oswalt as Billy Koenig stressing the importance of our security lanyards. It’s a funny/clever bit…and then his “brother” Sam Koenig, A NEW ONE, pops in, and mentions another brother receiving a phone call from Bobby Morse (presumably not the actor from How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying and Mad Men). He had a codename that I totally missed over the applause/cheers, but it sounded like Marky Mark; could’ve been a joke, or could’ve been someone famous I totally missed (how helpful). Apparently whoever s/he is, is in (I want that to mean Maria Hill). EDIT: BobbyBobbi Morse is exactly who he said, I was just an idiot. I’ll admit, I have a blind spot when it comes to MOCKINGBIRD‘s real name. But this is awesome. We get someone with powers, someone with ties to the larger universe (Hawkeye’s beau), and another badass chick. I’m slightly concerned about Triplett’s spot on the squad, since it sounds like we’re adding two more members to the squad, and B.J. Britt wasn’t in attendance with everyone else, but I think I’m being as paranoid as Koenig is about lanyards. Koenig mentions that they have secret weapons that we’re familiar with that should help in the fight.

During this last watch-through of BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER (yes, this was Buffy-binge #8) I really had a wonderful appreciation of all the speeches that happened over the course of those glorious seven seasons. There were some funny ones, some touching ones, some angering ones and because I spend way more time on Buzzfeed than I’ll ever admit, I decided to do one more BtVS ranking of all the best ones. Below is a comprehensive list of the top 25 BtVS wordsmithings. When necessary they’ve been edited together to exclude interrupting dialogue, or little snippets that were not wholly necessary to the point of the speech. A few had to have minimal lines of the opposing dialogue and those are marked (in parenthesis). Good luck, and I’d grab a box of tissues if I was you.

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25. I’d shame myself forever if I left this little blurb off the list because the fact is, this was the most uncomfortably erotic speech in the entire show (although that balcony scene at the Bronze in season 6… Don’t act like you don’t know exactly which one I’m talking about. ‘Cause Gawddamn.) You couldn’t stop squirming and blushing and looking away and peeping through your fingers the entire time that Faith/Buffy/Bodyswap inched closer and closer to… the champagne. But srsly, name me one person who didn’t love this scene. Go on. I’ll wait.

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24. This one surprised me being so low on the list. It was one of my favorite episodes, yet the end speech was a little lack-luster compared to some of the other hunkers on the list. It’s still touching, but not quite the tear jerker without having watched the entire episode first.

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23. The first time we get a little sassy-Willow speech. It was not to be trifled with nor ignored. Poor Giles and Angel got scolded.

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22. Our first intimate encounter with the self-righteous side of our slayer. Basically, if you can get through this speech without wanting to slap her indignant face, you’re in good shape. If you can’t… Just stop watching the show. (But really, this speech was great.)

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21. This was actually one of my least favorite speeches in the show because Buffy’s ego is the size of Carrot Tops’ hair, but it still serves to illustrate a good point: The rules and laws of keeping balance between good and evil are Buffy’s, and Buffy’s alone. We’ve known it the entire show, but it hasn’t truly been tested in a few seasons. It was a good way to start the finale season by getting back to the basics.

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20. Again, with the Willowtude. For a brief moment we catch a glimpse of her power and the woman she’s still turning into: powerful and resolute.

No good GIF of BossWillow immediately available. Sad face.

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19. This. For how little we saw of Mr. Travers, he sure made a huge impact on the fandom. My only real problem is that we didn’t see him again (until he got blowed up, anyway). Any communication between Buffy and The Watchers’ Council was perfect, and this speech was even doubly more perfect. I’m still dreaming of a Watchers’ Council spinoff…

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18. This episode. This speech. This everything. We saw little bits of William (and William the Bloody) here and there throughout the series, but this episode was wonderful. It not only gave us more insight into William as a human, but also into what helped turn him into the monster we first met back in Season 2. Not to mention the chemistry (or, as some argue, sexual tension) between James Marsters and D.B. Woodside was phenomenal.

Spike, 7×17/Lies My Parents Told Me: I wasn’t talking to you. I don’t give a piss about your mum. She was a slayer. I was a vampire. That’s the way the game is played. She knew what she was signing up for. (Well, I didn’t sign up for it.)  Well, that’s the rub, innit? You didn’t sign up for it. (…She was my world.) And you weren’t hers. Doesn’t that piss you off? I know slayers. No matter how many people they’ve got around them, they fight alone. Life of the chosen one. The rest of us be damned. Your mother was no different. (No, she loved me.) But not enough to quit, though, was it? Not enough to walk away– For you. I’ll tell you a story about a mother and son. See, like you, I loved my mother. So much so I turned her into a vampire, so we could be together forever. She said some nasty bits to me after I did that. Been weighing on me for quite some time. But you helped me figure something out. You see, unlike you, I had a mother who loved me back. When I sired her, I set loose a demon, and it tore into me, but it was the demon talking, not her. I realize that now. My mother loved me with all her heart. I was her world.

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17. Firstly, did anyone else love how Spike was there when her mom found out about her? No? Just me? This entire scene was so masterfully conceived – a coming out that didn’t allow for a sit-down-show-and-tell, but rather an in-your-face-can’t-talk-gotta-go-kick-some-demon-ass where Buffy has to physically push her mother off of her so she can leave the house… Yowza. This entire sequence brought even more tension to already horrifying situation.

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16. Spike and Riley’s chemistry was unbelievable at times, and who didn’t love watching the two of them fight over Miss Summers? We’d been watching Spike pine and try to forget his feelings for B for a long time by the time episode 10 happened, but the moment that he confesses – out loud – to Riley – that he’s into Buffy, there’s a beauttiful moment of vulnerability that the two doomed fellas share that just heartbreaking. And maybe a little sexy. Maybe.

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15. Anya had quite a few great words to share over the course of the show. This speech in particular was something the fans adored. It was yet another layer on top of the foundation Anya laid out in “The Body” where she’s slowly starting to become more and more human, and appreciating and admiring their strength (against her better judgment).

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14. We already knew Angel was leaving the show for his spin-off, but having such an exquisite and delightfully maniacal villain speak the truth neither Buffy or Angel wanted to hear was the perfect push out the door.

Unfortunately GIFs of The Mayor during S3 are scarce, so here’s this instead.

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13. This little dialogue was such a beautiful precursor to the horror of Xander’s plight that followed mere minutes after. Poor Xand.

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12. Anyone who can watch such a young, babyfaced Buffy crying about how she doesn’t want to die at 16 without bawling themselves is dead inside.

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11. Spike had some great speeches over the course of the show. Some really, really great speeches. I’d be the worst fan in the history of fandom if I excluded his dark, twisted jab at Buffy during an all-time favorite, “Fool for Love.” The editing of this scene, cutting between Nikki Wood and Buffy with the voiceover of Spike taunting Buffy as he explained how he killed Wood was just excellent. Bravo.

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10. We knew something was wrong. We all understood that Buffy came back from the dead and obviously she was different, but we knew there had to be something more. I just don’t think any of us really expected this. I, for one, never predicted the huge curveball that they threw at the audience: that Buffy was in heaven. A quiet and haunting one-sided-exchange between our fallen hero (see what I did there?) and the demon who would die for her helped establish the tumultuous relationship they would undertake until the end.

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9. I did not include this speech in the top ten because it was Spike [yet again] professing his love to our bubbly blond (although who didn’t love that?). I included it because it was the first time we really saw his soul since he got it back. The Spike of Season 6 was all about seducing Buffy into darkness, yet this Spike can only tell her how much he loves who she truly is. It, for me, the actual turning point of his character (although they [and more specifically, he] had quite a few tender moments throughout the season.)

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8. Buffy’s been beat the eff down. What’s she do? Get up and tell everyone how she’s gonna kick Evil’s ass. If that’s not the definition of why we love her, nothing is.

Buffy 7×10/Bring on the Night: I’m beyond tired. I’m beyond scared. I’m standing on the mouth of hell, and it is gonna swallow me whole. And it’ll choke on me. We’re not ready? They’re not ready. They think we’re gonna wait for the end to come, like we always do. I’m done waiting. They want an apocalypse? Oh, we’ll give ’em one. Anyone else who wants to run, do it now.’Cause we just became an army. We just declared war. From now on, we won’t just face our worst fears, we will seek them out. We will find them, and cut out their hearts one by one, until The First shows itself for what it really is. And I’ll kill it myself. There is only one thing on this earth more powerful than evil, and that’s us. Any questions?

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7. In re-watching BtVS, I had to admit that I really loved Faith in Season 7. Her time in jail and the shows’ progression and maturity over the years really did wonders to her characters’ development. She came back to SunnyD with the same bad-girl attitude with a better head on her shoulders and much more self-awareness than she had when she left, and this scene was all we really wanted over the course of the show: for our girls to realize that they were the same.

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6. Anya’s speech in “Empty Places” was a point of contention among fans for a long, long time (and probably still is). Some thought Anya was completely out of line and had no authority to pass any kind of judgment against Buffy, yet I tend to the think the opposite. This was a powerful, disturbing moment when all of her friends have turned against for the first time in a long time, and even with all her power, Buffy is powerless to change their minds. Anya always had a bit of truth serum running through her veins, and with this little bit she finally let loose and scolded Buffy for having a superiority complex.

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5. No explanation necessary.

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4. I loved this speech. It wasn’t just empowering to the Potentials in Buffyverse, but empowering to all girls and women – every girl does have the power to stand up, so why want until you’re told it’s ok? Do it the fuck now.

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3. I don’t know whether to rank this higher or lower because of Emma Caulfield’s confession that she was crying because she really had to pee and they wouldn’t let her until they finished the scene. Regardless, the emotional impact of this speech is what brought fans to their knees praising her performance until the show’s finale two years later.

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2. All these years, and Xander has always been the laughing joke, the boy with no power, the useless human whose only contribution is sarcasm. And here, in this speech that gets me misty-eyed just by reading it, he has once again proved that he is so much more. His awareness of who he is and what he does and how he helps is so far from the nerdy joker we met back in Season 1. He truly is the heart of the Scoobies. Once again, he reminds us why we, the fans, lean on him for support and strength, and at the same time gets those who hadn’t noticed before that moment to recognize the wonderful character Dawn has finally become. She started off as a brat that you’d bury 6-feet under if given the chance, yet over the first half of this season (and even some of late-6), she’s become an intelligent, confident young woman who is not only devoted to the cause but provides some of the most valuable support in the entire season.

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1. The first three years were tough for Buffy… And us. We watched her work so hard to save everyone constantly and never receive any gratitude from anyone outside her own immediate clique. Thinking she’d gone unnoticed and unappreciated all these years, “The Prom” was the most compassionate and poignant speech we had the pleasure of witnessing.

In conclusion, this.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sb4rmm0l4PU&w=560&h=315]

Ranking my favorite show of all time has caused me laugh, cry, scream and hide in a dark, dark corner. I relived the best times, tried to desperately to ignore the worst ones, and have landed through all my blood, sweat and tears at the final countdown.

7. 1×12 Prophecy Girl: A great Season One finale. “Prophecy Girl” took a risk in having our heroine drown (however momentarily) in order to make sure we knew she was not immune to death nor sacrifice. Xander being the only one able to provide CPR and bring her back not only foreshadowed his role in her life – keeping her grounded and protecting her through thick and thin – but also the imminent demise of her relationship with Angel who couldn’t give her the most basic thing a human body needs: oxygen. In the first touching speech of many to come Buffy declares, “Giles, I’m sixteen years old! I don’t want to die.” and the audience begins to feel the weight of her role in the universe.

6. 3×22 Graduation Day, Part Two: Three years of surviving all that Sunnydale High could think to throw at them, we not only watched, but grew with the Scoobies; we saw them win some, saw them lose some, saw them laugh and cry and save their friends and peers countless times, and it all boiled down to “Graduation Day.” The final chapter where the class of ’99 would leave the school one way or another, dead or alive, came to a touching and charred conclusion where the only way to save our team was to blow up their base of operations and safety net: the high school library.

5. 4×22 Restless: Love it or hate it, this episode was perfect. Not a single word written in this 42 minute-dreamscape was a waste, unnecessary, or fluff. Even the cheese man had purpose. A deliberate and beautifully crafted series of vignettes, this episode gave hints of the trials to come, insight into the Scoobies minds’, and a look at the First Slayer: someone who would haunt us until the Series finale three years later.

4. 7×22 Chosen: The series finale gave us what we wanted most: Buffy to be not be alone, Willow to be at peace, Faith to be accepted… It rounded out all of our heroes’ journeys and left us with a feeling of calm that no matter what happened here on out everything would be ok.

3. 2×22 Becoming, Part Two: This finale, like “Prophecy Girl”, gave us a look at the future, whether we wanted it or not. We saw that Buffy would sacrifice what she had to, regardless of what it cost her and how powerful Willow would really become when she returned Angel’s soul to him from a hospital bed. “Becoming, Part Two” was a solid, emotionally complex and gut-wrenching episode that will forever help to define Buffy as a cult masterpiece.

2. 6×07 Once More with Feeling: Choosing to rank “Once More with Feeling” second was incredibly difficult. Where many have failed before, Joss Whedon succeeds flawlessly, giving us an incredible musical episode where you may not expect it. The world he created over the previous five and a half years lent itself wonderfully to being able to incorporate such a fantastically whimsical episode, and the execution of it was so far above our expectations that it left us in awe. The musical numbers, the revelations and the reveals in this classic episode were designed remarkably tight; they left no flaw or blemish, but instead a superb episode full of songs, laughs and maybe even a few tears.

1. 5×16 The Body: Over the years, I have watched a lot of television. I have marathoned show, after show, after show; Merlin, Breaking Bad, Oz, Game of Thrones, Supernatural, Fringe, Sons of Anarchy (currently), and so many more that I could go on for days, but none of these shows, none of these shows’ individual episodes, can hold a candle to the grace and beauty that was “The Body.” This episode dealt with death in a most spectacular and peculiar way. It didn’t gloss over it with a sad song and a montage of people crying, throwing things, having sex, being at a funeral or getting drunk off cheap whiskey. This episode was devoid of music to cover the silence and fast edits to show everyone that needed to be seen. This episode was haunting. It was stagnant and soft, and echoed feelings of reticence and stillness; a static that you might feel after someone close to you passes. From Buffy trying so desperately to administer CPR that she cracks one of her mothers’ ribs, to Tara telling Buffy how she relates and has been through the same, the speech written for Anya where she begs for someone to explain to her why death happens, Willow unable to find the shirt she wanted to wear – the blue one that Joyce liked – and the fantasies and flashbacks Buffy experiences throughout the whole of the episode… These long, arduous moments of grief were given to us, the viewer, with a sense of understanding, comfort, and trust: that we can all grieve together and that it’s ok to not understand why it happened or know what to do, but that we can all be there to share in the loss as one cohesive whole. “The Body” was an episode that unified the fans and the creative team, regardless of what they felt about which character or any specific storyline or plot. “The Body” was not just an episode where a character we loved died, it was an episode that allowed us to seek solace in one another and to appreciate those we have in our lives. “The Body” was the most agonizing, difficult and human episode of television I have ever seen.

I guess I shouldn’t complain about having to rank the episodes of my favorite television show when I volunteered to do it… But in all honesty, this is how I feel. This list will be each seasons’ episodes ranked individually, with a brief synopsis (and probably a quote, because the show just has some really good lines in it). Some will have opinions that I couldn’t keep in, and others will have outlines that were bias based on what happened in the actual episode. If I have to choose between two lines about Spike’s story or two lines about Riley’s, you’d better be damn sure I’ll give you Spike’s.

SEASON ONE:

11. 08 I Robot… You, Jane: Poor Willow. She gets conned into falling for a demon that’s been uploaded into the computer. If that’s not super 90’s, nothing is. No one wanted to see our favorite nerd get punk’d.

10. 03 The Witch: This episode introduced a character that will become pretty pivotal in a later season, but the whole mom-stealing-her-daughters-identity-so-she-can-relive-her-glory-days-as-a-cheerleader-thing was really effing strange.

9. 04 Teacher’s Pet: A substitute teacher is a huge praying mantis demon that seduces Xander and tries to kill him. Not the best, but certainly entertaining. This episode also started the much loved and ongoing joke about how he was a demon magnet.

8. 05 Never Kill a Boy on the First Date: Our first foray into why Buffy could never date a normal guy. Also: Angel.

7. 10 Nightmares: A sad episode that gave the viewer a Sunnydale-look into a little boy suffering physical abuse at the hands of his softball coach. When did TV stop being this good?!

6. 01/02 Welcome to the Hellmouth/The Harvest: The 2-part series premiere. We met our characters, fell in love with an old British librarian, and were kinda skeptical because these two were very, extremely not good. Pick up any dictionary and next to the entry “Campy” you’ll see a screenshot of these episodes.

5. 11 Out of Mind, Out of Sight: My first introduction to the amazing Clea DuVall. Whatever happened to that school for assassins that was shown at the end? Spinoff, you say?

4. 09 The Puppet Show: Creep factor is way high and totally deserved. Ventriloquists are the worst, but this episode was wonderfully crafted.

3. 06 The Pack: A totally underrated episode where Xander is infected with some ancient hyena God and proceeds to terrorize and victimize Sunnydale High. Poor Principle Flutie.

2. 07 Angel: Buffy – and the audience – finds out her mysterious hunk of tall, dark and broody is a vamp.

1. 12 Prophecy Girl: Buffy’s first sacrifice (read: death) in order to save the world. “How can I say this clearly? I don’t like you. At the end of the day, I pretty much think you’re a vampire. But Buffy’s got this big old yen for you. She thinks you’re a real person. And right now I need you to prove her right.” [Xander]

SEASON TWO:

22. 18 Killed By Death: This episode was a waste of 42 minutes. Buffy gets sick, goes to hospital and saves some kids. That’s very heroic and so completely boring.

21. 12 Bad Eggs: An episode about killer eggs where the entire school is under control of baby demons. Wat?

20. 05 Reptile Boy: Buffy and Cordelia go to a frat party that ends up being a sacrifice to some demon God that keeps the boys rich and successful post-college. Good enough laughs, not good enough an episode.

19. 20 Go Fish: Xander in a swimsuit, young Wentworth Miller, Buffy the Bodyguard. Ok by me.

18. 07 Lie to Me: Roswell-BtVS crossover, except not really. Jason Behr comes to town as Buffy’s old crush from Los Angeles, admits to her that he knows she’s the slayer, makes a deal with Spike and ends up getting himself staked by the Buffster at the end of the episode.

17. 11 Ted: One of the few episodes where Buffy’s actions have real-world consequences when she’s suspected killing her mom’s boyfriend, Ted. Of course, it’s later revealed that Ted is a robot, but for a quick minute Blondie McSlay is in deep with the cops, her mom, and her classmates for having murdered an average Joe.

16. 16 Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered: Xander + Lovespell. AWESOME.

15. 04 Inca Mummy Girl: We met Oz! What was the rest of the episode about, again?

14. 02 Some Assembly Required: This episode shocks me every time I watch it. Not because a dude raised his bro from the grave, then proceeded to play Doctor by Frankensteining his walking dead sibling a new ladyfriend, but because by the end you’re really sad for the zombie brother that it didn’t work out in his favor. It wasn’t his fault he was brought back; he just didn’t want to be alone.

13. 01 When She Was Bad: Buffy’s attitude post-death-#1 starts to impact all those around her, and luckily the ever sassy Cordelia smacks her into shape. “Whatever is causing the Joan Collins ‘tude, deal with it. Embrace the pain, spank your inner moppet, whatever, but get over it. ‘Cause pretty soon you’re not even gonna have the loser friends you’ve got now.” [Cordelia]

12. 06 Halloween: The Scooby Gang is turned into their costumes on Halloween courtesy of Giles’ old pal Ethan Rayne. Xander turns into an army guy (the training stays in his head until the end of the show, which was quite clever), Willow into a [slutty] ghost, and Buffy into a 19^th century lady… So, completely useless in their fight against Spike at the end of the episode. “She couldn’t’ve dressed up like Xena?” [Willow]

11. 09 What’s My Line, Part One: A bunch of random assassins hired by Spike and Drusilla go after the Scoobies during Career Week at Sunnydale High, and we meet a mysterious girl who locks Angel in a cage that’ll be showered in sunlight come dawn. “Y’know, with that kind of attitude you could’ve had a bright future as an employee at the DMV.” [Xander]

10. 10 What’s My Line, Part Two: Mysterious girl turns out to be Kendra the Vampire Slayer that was Chosen when Buffy died at the end of S01. Oz gets shot saving Willow, and Spike gets crippled during a fight with the gang. (His luck only goes downhill from here, poor thing.)

9. 08 The Dark Age: Jenny Calendar and Giles are finally starting to get close and even dating a little bit when Ethan Rayne shows back up with a demon from Giles’ dark days in tow. The demon possesses Jenny and she pulls back from her and Giles’ relationship, which is only one the saddest things ever.

8. 03 School Hard: We meet Spike and his crazy lover Drusilla for the first time during parent-teacher night at school. Buffy takes charge and her mother Joyce sees just a glimpse of who her little girl really is. (Fun fact about Spike: He was supposed to be killed off in S02, but the writers, producers and fans liked him so much they kept him on and in S04 he finally became a regular until the end of the series.)

7. 15 Phases: Oz turns into a werewolf for the first time, and Willow’s totally cool with it. Like a boss. “Well, I like you. You’re nice and you’re funny. And you don’t smoke. Yeah, okay, werewolf, but that’s not all the time. I mean, three days out of the month I’m not much fun to be around either.” [Willow]

6. 19 I Only Have Eyes for You: The spirits of lovers past who died at Sunnydale High come back and haunt the students, eventually inhabiting Buffy and Angel and allowing the dead spirits to reconcile and find peace all while eerily resembling B+A’s current situation. If you don’t cry during this episode, you‘re a robot. “Impulsive? Do you remember my ex-boyfriend, the vampire? I slept with him, he lost his soul, now my boyfriend’s gone forever, and the demon that wears his face is killing my friends. The next impulsive decision I make will involve my choice of dentures.” [Buffy]

5. 13 Surprise: Buffy and Angel get frisky after a big fight, Angel gets set on the path to lose his soul, the fandom has a collective heart attack.

4. 14 Innocence: The initial aftermath of Angel reverting back into Angelus (his soulless alter-ego). Buffy doesn’t understand until late in the episode what happened, and by then your blankets are already soaked in tears and your voice is gone from screaming at the TV. “You know what the worst part was, huh? Pretending that I loved you. If I’d known how easily you’d give it up, I wouldn’t have even bothered.” [Angelus]

3. 21 Becoming, Part One: The set-up to the gut-wrenching, heart-shattering, world-ending season finale. “Bottom line is, even if you see ’em coming, you’re not ready for the big moments. No one asks for their life to change, not really. But it does.”[Whistler]

2. 17 Passion: The death of our beloved Jenny Calendar. Always be prepared and have a box [or 20] of tissues handy. “I’m sorry, but let’s not forget that I hated Angel long before you guys jumped on the bandwagon. So I think I deserve a little something for not saying ‘I told you so’ long before now. And if Giles wants to go after the, uh, fiend that murdered his girlfriend, I say, ‘Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!’” [Xander]

1. 22 Becoming, Part Two: Buffy sacrifices a newly re-souled Angel; he already opened the gates to hell and the only way to close them was to kill the being that opened them to begin with. Your heart and soul will be crushed. Spike and Buffy team up for the first time, and Joyce finds out what Buffy is. “And I may lose more! The whole earth may be sucked into Hell, and you want my help ’cause your girlfriend’s a big ho? Well, let me take this opportunity to not care.” [Buffy]

SEASON THREE:

22. 11 Gingerbread: A witch hunt takes over the town thanks to some random demon that dresses itself up like two little kids. One of the witches turns herself into a rat (see S01E03 “The Witch”).

21. 01 Anne: Buffy ran away to Los Angeles after she killed a re-en-souled Angel in the S02 finale. Her friends have taken over her slayage duties, and she tries to live a normal life as best she can, while wallowing in her misery all alone.

20. 04 Beauty and the Beasts: An abusive dick with control issues starts to harm his girlfriend and Oz, the resident werewolf, is first on the list of suspects.

19. 03 Faith, Hope and Trick: Angel comes back from hell and we meet Faith: the new slayer that was Chosen after Kendra’s death.

18. 10 Amends: Angel is haunted by the First Evil who tries to convince him to kill himself. Buffy saves the day. I used to really love this episode, but the more I watch it the less impactful it becomes; it’s still very good but it doesn’t stand tall on its own the way some others do.

17. 16 Doppelgängland: Vengeance demon Anya does a spell-gone-wrong and brings Willow’s lesbian-vampire-Doppelgänger-from-an-alternate-universe to Sunnydale.

16. 13 The Zeppo: The Zeppo really hits home for a lot of folks and succeeds at what Joss does best; giving power to the little guy. This episode follows Xander as he’s shafted from the Scoobies (who all seem to have some power or other, while he just “gets in the way”) and gets himself into a mess of his own with some undead peers who decide to blow up the school. “You know, it’s not like I haven’t helped before. I’ve done some quality violence for these people.” [Xander]

15. 05 Homecoming: Cordelia and Buffy’s animosity is at an all-time high while they run against each other for Homecoming Queen. The Scoobies band together and set them up to ride in the limo alone together, which of course gets highjacked by demons. They end up coming to a mutual understanding and respect for the others’ world and kick some serious demon ass.

14. 07 Revelations: Faith gets a new Watcher and the Scoobies angrily learn about Angel’s return. “Excuse me, Mary Poppins, but you don’t seem to be listening.” [Faith]

13. 17 Enemies: A now-evil Faith and The Mayor decide to take Angel’s soul. Some good acting on his part and a demon that owes Giles a debt reveals Faiths true colors to the gang. “Demons after money. Whatever happened to the still-beating heart of a virgin? No one has any standards anymore.” [Giles]

12. 15 Consequences: “Consequences” and “Bad Girls” kinda go hand-in-hand, but I had to choose which one I preferred. “Consequences” faces the aftermath of Faith having killed a human and trying to blame it on Buffy. Angel tries to get through to her and almost succeeds, but [Buffy’s] new watcher barges in and tries to cart her off to England to be put under a psychiatric hold of the Watchers’ Council. She escapes, and teams up with the bad guys instead.

11. 14 Bad Girls: Giles has just been fired from the Watchers’ Council and his stuffy replacement arrives. Faith drags Buffy into her world of reckless abandonment and carelessness that costs a human man his life. “I didn’t get this job because of my looks.” [Wesley]

10. 09 The Wish: Xander and Willow have made a mess of their relationships and Cordelia, viewing Buffy as the reason her life is in shambles, unknowingly asks vengeance demon Anya to create a world where Buffy had never come to Sunnydale. Alternate universe has: Xander and Willow as S&M vampires, Angel as a slave to the Master (Big Bad from S01), Giles and Oz fighting to protect the humans because Giles’ slayer never arrived in town, and trained soldier Buffy showing up to stake all her former-friends-now-vampires. Bad ass episode. “World is what it is. We fight, we die. Wishing doesn’t change that.” [AU Buffy]

9. 06 Band Candy: Cursed candy turns the town’s adults into teenagers so the vampires can steal children and sacrifice them to a demon. Also: Joyce and Giles bone. Repeatedly.

8. 08 Lovers Walk: A dumped Spike comes rollin’ back into Sunny-D and kidnaps Willow and Xander to help him perform a love spell on Drusilla. Tensions between Willow and Xander rise to an all-time high, and Cordy and Oz come to rescue them, only to see some smooches happening instead. Cordelia flees the scene, steps on some broken stairs, and falls through the floor of the abandoned warehouse, getting an iron rod through her stomach.  “She just left. She didn’t even care enough to cut off my head or set me on fire. I mean, is that too much to ask? You know? Some little sign that she cared?” [Spike]

7. 18 Earshot: Buffy is infected with a demon’s blood that gives her the ability to read thoughts. She discovers her mother and Giles’ kinky secret. “I am my thoughts. If they exist in her, Buffy contains everything that is me and she becomes me. I cease to exist. Huh.” [Oz]

6. 02 Dead Man’s Party: I really loved this episode. Buffy finally returns home to Sunnydale after months in Los Angeles with no communication with her friends or mother. She receives a cold welcome, and everyone’s emotions come crashing down during a party. This episode is the first time we really see her friends stand up to her and tell her she’s wrong. “Well, a gathering is brie, mellow song stylings; shindig, dip, less mellow song stylings, perhaps a large amount of malt beverage; and hootenanny, well, it’s chock full of hoot, just a little bit of nanny.” [Oz]

5. 12 Helpless: By far one of the best episodes of the entire series. A slayer’s 18^th birthday is chock full of trials by the Watchers’ Council – they remove her strength and let her fight a blood thirsty vampire as human. If she survives, she passes the test and if she fails… Well, she definitely doesn’t pass the test. This episode was the first of a few times where Buffy loses her faith and trust in Giles: the one person she should always be able to count on. When Giles interferes with the test and stands up to the council, they fire him for failing his test – for getting emotionally attached to his slayer. “In matters of tradition and protocol, I must answer to the Council. My role in this… was very specific. I was to administer the injections and to direct you to the old boardinghouse on Prescott Lane.” [Giles]

4. 21 Graduation Day, Part 1: The Mayor gets ready for his Ascension during Graduation. Anya helps out with the Scooby gang, and Faith poisons Angel with something that only a slayers blood can cure. Buffy and Faith fight, leaving Faith stabbed and in a coma. “I’m talking about watching my lover die. I don’t have a clue what you’re talking about and I don’t care.” [Buffy]

3. 19 Choices: Willow is kidnapped by Faith and The Mayor, and Buffy and Angel start to confront the choices they have ahead of them in their relationship and lives together. “So Faith was like, ‘I’m gonna beat you up,’ and I’m all, ‘I’m not afraid of you.’ And then she had the knife, which was less fun.” [Willow]

2. 20 The Prom: No synopsis. Just speech. “We have one more award to give out. Is Buffy Summers here tonight? Did she….um…This is actually a new category. First time ever. I guess there were a lot of write in ballots and the prom committee asked me to read this. ‘We’re not good friends. Most of us never found the time to get to know you. But that doesn’t mean we haven’t noticed you…’” [Jonathan] (ALSO: There will be another ranking coming soon with all the great BtVS speeches in order from less-best to most-best. Because really none of them were bad.)

1. 22 Graduation Day, Part 2: On the heels of that speech, where the students recognize how Buffy have saved them countless times, and how they’ve all assisted her and backed her up when she needed it, comes “Graduation Day, Part 2” where the student body is literally her backup, armed with crossbows, bombs, stakes and flaming arrows against the multitude of vampires working for The Mayor. …And then Buffy blows up the school. “Fire bad. Tree pretty.” [Buffy]

SEASON FOUR:

22. 02 Living Conditions: I hated the crazy roommate. I’m pretty sure she pissed me off more than she pissed off Buffy who actually had to spend the whole episode being told by her friends that she’s nuts and needs to chillax about it.

21. 18 Where the Wild Things Are: An entire episode of Buffy and her most boring boyfriend ever having raunchy sex and disturbing a spirit of a woman who used to torture children. Ugh.

20. 17 Superstar: I liked Jonathan enough, but an episode dedicated to an alternate reality where he’s the richest, most popular guy in Sunnydale was meh.

19. 05 Beer Bad: Buffy has been blown off by her one night stand, drinks beer that turns her into a cave-woman, and she helps burn down a bar. Best part about this episode was Willow’s balls. “Just how gullible do you think I am? I mean, with your gentle eyes and your shy smile and your ability to talk openly only to me. You’re unbelievable!” [Willow]

18. 01 The Freshman: Buffy is having a hard time figuring out the college thing, while Willow finally steps into her own and feels comfortable and confident, with possibly the most annoying vampire adversary on the show.

17. 14 Goodbye Iowa: Buffy discovers project 314 (how painful that I live in apartment 314 of my building), and Riley starts an unknowing detox after the fall of The Initiative. Apparently no one told him he was being given drugs to make him a good toy soldier.

16. 07 The Initiative: Riley punches Parker in the face. Spike is awesome.

15. 12 A New Man: Giles is turned into a demon by stupid Ethan Rayne and Spike is the only one to help him, while destroying the clutch on Giles’ car.

14. 13 The I in Team: After being sent on a mission intended to kill her, Buffy finally shows Dr. Walsh’s true colors to Riley and it’s awesome.

13. 03 The Harsh Light of Day: Spike has returned to Sunnydale and is searching for the Gem of Amara – a mystical gem that makes vampires invincible. Buffy, obviously, takes it from him and sends it off to Angel instead.

12. 11 Doomed: Buffy and Riley have just found out about the others’ slayerage and The Initiative. They come up on yet another apocalypse at the old High School, and Spike in a Hawaiian shirt teams up with the gang to help out.

11. 08 Pangs: Part one of the first crossover-episode between BUFFY and ANGEL that sets up the saddest episode of Angel possibly ever. That’s not actually true, there are two others that rival it, but “Pangs” deserves a very honorable mention for the ramifications it has on ANGEL.

10. 09 Something Blue: Willow does a spell that goes wrong blinding Giles, turning Xander into a literal demon magnet, and causing Buffy and Spike to get engaged. Such hilarity ensues that “Something Blue” is easily the funniest episode of the season.

9. 04 Fear Itself: 3-inch tall fear demon terrorizes the Scoobies on Halloween.

8. 19 New Moon Rising: Oz comes back to Sunnydale to break our hearts all over again, and Willow chooses to be with Tara instead of him. While we all grow to love Tara in the end…Oz.

7. 06 Wild at Heart: Veruca, a sexy ladywolf shows up and leads Oz astray. After we’ve all sobbed until we can sob no more, Oz leaves Sunnydale – and Willow – behind.

6. 15 The Year’s Girl (Part 1): Faith wakes from her coma and switches bodies with Buffy leaving you with a very confused and anxious pit in your stomach until the following episode.

5. 16 Who Are You? (Part 2): Buffy in Faiths’ body is kidnapped by the Watchers Council league of assassins, Faith in Buffy’s body sleeps with Riley and seduces Spike with some naughty words. That scene alone is enough to put this episode in the top 5 of the season. “Cause I can do anything I want, and instead I choose to pout and whine and feel the burden of Slayerness? I mean, I could be rich. I could be famous. I could have anything… And you know why I don’t? [pause] Because it’s wrong.” [Faith-as-Buffy]

4. 20 The Yoko Factor (Finale Part 1): Angel visits Sunnydale to apologize to Buffy, and instead gets in a big ol’ fight with Riley. The worst part about this episode was the part where Angel didn’t pummel him until dead. Oh, and Giles gets drunk which is always nice. “Seriously? That’s a good day? Well, there you go. Even when he’s good, he’s all Mr. Billowy Coat King of Pain…” [Riley]

3. 10 Hush: One of the most inventive and challenging episodes BUFFY ever pulled off. Twenty-six minutes of TV, with not a single word of dialogue. No funny quips or jokes, just terrifying floating men (who evolved into The Whispermen, according to some Doctor Who theorists). “Can’t even shout, can’t even cry. The Gentlemen are coming by. Looking in windows, knocking on doors. They need to take seven and they might take yours. Can’t call to mom, can’t say a word. You’re gonna die screaming but you won’t be heard.”

2. 21 Primeval (Finale Part 2): While the Adam-Project 314-storyline needed major assistance in the creativity and Big-Bad-of-the-season departments, the way Buffy beat him was off the charts of awesome. Casting a spell to invoke the power of the first slayer, the Scoobies combined Willow’s magic, Giles’ intellect and Xander’s heart into Buffy’s body in order to kick Adam’s big, ugly behind. An incredibly powerful way of reminding the audience that even though this season wasn’t about the trials of the Scoobies altogether, they still serve as four parts to one whole. “Spike’s working for Adam?! After all we’ve done — Nah, I can’t even act surprised.” [Xander]

1. 22 Restless: The best dreamscape episode of television ever. The baddie of the season has been defeated, and the gang is all hanging out at B’s house watching a movie and relaxing. Fallen asleep, we explore each of their subconscious minds as they’re afflicted by the past, the present, the future, the first slayer, and the man with the cheese. “I wear the cheese, it does not wear me.” [Cheese Guy]

SEASON FIVE:

22. 01 Buffy vs Dracula: Buffy meets the famous Dracula, who turns Xander into his slave. Fine enough in theory, but a snoozer. You don’t miss anything important if you skip this episode.

21. 08 Shadow: Glory (the most hilarious Baddie ever) unleashes a huge snake-thing to find the “key” to her home dimension that has been placed under Buffy’s care. Fairly straight forward and not that interesting.

20. 09 Listening to Fear: An alien-but-not-alien demon attacks a brain tumor stricken Joyce in the Summers’ home. A quite unappealing episode, but Spike coming in to save the day and Buffy finally breaking down in the kitchen over her mom’s illness are really touching scenes.

19. 02 Real Me: Apparently, Buffy has a sister. No one knew, and here she is. This episode is spent getting to know the little brat since she was just thrown into the show five seasons in, yet was supposed to have been there all along. Until the audience finds out what her dealio is, however, we have to listen to her whine.

18. 04 Out of My Mind: Riley episode. Again. The Initiative screwed him over. Again. Blah, blah, blah. Bor-ring.

17. 17 Forever: After the most harrowing episode Buffy ever produced, we get “Forever.” It should have been great to have Angel back and see how the Scoobies deal with the recent tragedy, but this episode was a rather shocking disappointment after the stunning grace that came before it.

16. 11 Triangle: Anya and Willow refuse to get along because they both want to love and protect Xander from the other. They summon a troll accidentally – Anya’s ex, Olaf – and then have to work together to get rid of him. Hilarious, endearing, and sort of makes you love Anya even more.

15. 05 No Place Like Home: We finally found out what Dawn is and meet Glory for the first time. Overall, a decent episode to get the ball rolling in preparation for the remainder of what we thought was BtVS’s final season.

14. 15 I Was Made to Love You: An introduction to another pivotal character that not a single fan can defend. A great episode were Buffy meets Warren, a misogynistic nerd who built himself a robot girlfriend when he couldn’t find a real one. After a sad goodbye to the robot whose batteries died (who didn’t like April? Poor thing.) the episode ends with Spike demanding Warren building him a BuffyBot. Also: Tara and Anya bond. “She’s a sex bot. I mean, what guy doesn’t dream about that? Beautiful girl with no other thought but to please you, willing to do anything. (He gets strange looks from the group.) Too many girls. I miss Oz. He’d get it. He wouldn’t say anything, but he’d get it.” [Xander]

13. 03 The Replacement: Xander is hit by some demony-thinga-mabob and is split in two – his strengths and his weaknesses. A great episode until you find out Nicholas Brendan’s real life twin Kelly Donovan played his Buffy-life twin, and then it’s even better.

12. 10 Into the Woods: Riley leaves. Poor Buffy, but Riley leaves! Ding dong, the wicked Soldier is gone.

11. 13 Blood Ties: Dawn finally founds out she’s The Key and runs away to the hospital. While Dawn herself is frustrating and annoying as usual, Buffy shares a great moment with her at the end of the episode.

10. 14 Crush: Spike confesses to Buffy – after he kidnaps her and chains her up under his crypt – that he’s in love with her. Mixed signals? A little bit. But Buffy’s signal is quite clear when she has Willow revoke Spike’s invitation into her home, leaving him locked outside as she shuts the door in his face. “What part of me punching you in the face did you not understand?” [Buffy]

9. 19 Tough Love: Tara and Willow have their first big fight, and Glory in realizing that Tara is the newest member of the gang, attacks her thinking that she’s The Key. Glory sucks out Tara’s brain leaving her a vegetable, and the episode ends with Tara unknowingly revealing to Glory that Dawn is The Key she’s been searching for.

8. 20 Spiral: Buffy and the Scoobies flee Sunnydale in an effort to hide from Glory, but an ancient order of Knights comes after them to kill Dawn and prevent Glory’s apocalypse.

7. 06 Family: Tara’s family swings into town to take her back home before she turns into a demon like the rest of the women in her family… Of course, they’re women-hating bastards like Warren, and the demon-thing is just a story told to keep the women from straying too far. Buffy and the crew put themselves between Tara and her nasty family and threaten them, finally making Tara feel like she really is one of the gang. “There’s no demon in there. It’s just a family legend, am I right? Just a bit of spin to keep the ladies in line? You’re a piece of work. I like you.” [Spike]

6. 07 Fool for Love: Easily one of the best episode of the season. After getting her butt handed to her and sustaining a wound to the abdomen, Buffy employs Spike to tell her the stories of how he murdered two slayers. After profoundly pissing him off, Spike arrives at Buffy’s house with a shotgun to finish her off. Meanwhile, Joyce’s sickness worsens and the episode ends with Spike comforting a crying Buffy instead.

5. 21 Weight of the World: Many people disliked “Weight of the World” citing that it was a filler episode because the writers must have forgotten they were supposed to do 22 episode total. I, however, do not agree. After Glory has kidnapped Dawn, Buffy goes into a catatonic state and Willow has to enter her subconscious and force her to come back to take care of business. We finally get to see just a tad of what goes on inside her head, while the world keeps on turning and time is still being wasted outside.

4. 18 Intervention: We finally meet the BuffyBot Spike…commissioned. After Glory’s minions attack and the Bot protects Spike, Glory has him kidnapped thinking he must be the key since the “slayer” protected him above all the others. The real Buffy has gone on a spirit journey in the desert however, and the First Slayer reveals to her that “Death is [her] gift.” The episode ends with Buffy playing as the BuffyBot to determine if Spike gave up The Key’s true identity during his torture – which he did not. “Because Buffy — the other, not-so-pleasant Buffy… anything happened to Dawn, it’d destroy her, and I couldn’t live with her being in that much pain. I’d let Glory kill me first. Nearly bloody did.” [Spike]

3. 12 Checkpoint: I’m such a sucker for Watchers’ Council episodes. The whole two of ‘em, anyway. The council shows up to interview Buffy and her friends and determine if they are worthy of receiving the information the council has gathered on what Glory is, where she came from, and what The Key is. The climax of the episode has Buffy telling the council to shove it because she’s all they’ve got, and the information is hers whether they like it or not. The council reveals that Glory isn’t a demon; she’s a God. “No review. No interrogation. No questions you know I can’t answer. No hoops. No jumps. (Nigel is about to speak.) No interruptions. See, I’ve had a lot of people talking at me in the last few days. Everyone just lining up to tell me how unimportant I am. And I’ve finally figured out why: power.” [Buffy]

2. 22 The Gift: Deciding between “The Gift” and “The Body” was the most agonizing decision I’ve made thus far, because they’re both such beautifully crafted, heart-straining episode. Alas, the 100^th episode and [first] series finale had to come in second. The final battle between Glory and Buffy is upon them, and the only way to save the world is for Buffy to sacrifice herself. The ending shot of Buffy’s tombstone is enough to make anyone cry. “She saved the world. A lot.”

1. 16 The Body: There aren’t enough words in the English language to describe how this episode tore into our souls. Buffy has come to find her newly recovered mother dead on the sofa. An episode full of long, panning shots, minimal editing and not a single scrap of music, “The Body”was an agonizing 42-minutes of quiet sobs for every fan. “But I don’t understand! I don’t understand how this all happens. How we go through this. I mean, I knew her, and then she’s– there’s just a body…and no one will explain to me why.” [Anya]

SEASON SIX:

21. 11 Gone: Buffy is turned invisible and spends the episode being mischievous. That’s totally fine and cool… Except for the part where the episode was boring.

20. 04 Flooded: And this bad boy was not much better. We meet “The Trio” – a gang of nerds we’ve met previously: Jonathan, Warren and Andrew – who decide to become evil and take over Sunnydale, and that’s about all that happens in this waste of time.

19. 14 Older and Far Away: Buffy’s birthday where she and all her friends are trapped in a house by an old vengeance demon pal of Anya’s. Best part about this episode was Tara’s under-the-table quips at Spike about him and Buffy and their secret love affair.

18. 15 As You Were: Riley returns with his annoying as hell wife. The last scene of Buffy breaking Spike’s heart telling him they can’t sleep together anymore and apologizing was so effing sad.

17. 12 Doublemeat Palace: Buffy gets a job at a fast food restaurant in order to help pay bills that are piling up at home; a phallic demon that comes out of an old lady’s head and some creepy employees were not enough to rank this episode any higher. Frankly, I think being #17 is still too generous.

16. 16 Hell’s Bells: Anya and Xander’s wedding, where a demon set on destroying Anya’s life shows Xander a fake future where he and Anya are miserable. Xander subsequently leaves Anya at the altar and the episode ends with her reverting back into a vengeance demon.

15. 06 All the Way: The season’s Halloween episode where Xander and Anya reveal their engagement and Dawn sneaks off with a boy she didn’t know was a vampire. Instead of dealing with it herself, Buffy pushes it off on Giles to discipline her afterward.

14. 10 Wrecked: After Tara leaves her for her budding addiction to magic, a high Willow goes so far as to get her and Dawn into a car accident while they ran away from a demon that was of her own creation. Willow decides to quite magic cold turkey after seeing what she’s done to her friends.

13. 01/02 Bargaining: The two-part episode that brings Buffy back from the dead, was fairly lackluster in comparison to what it could have been. Most touching scene in this hour and a half long mess, was Spike seeing Buffy for the first time and realizing she had to crawl her way out of the grave.

12. 20 Villains: Willow is out of control with grief and rage. She hunts down Warren, the nerd responsible for Tara’s shocking death, and skins him alive.

11. 05 Life Serial: Buffy, struggling to adjust to normal life, is plagued by The Trio in her every venture, destroying her plans one at a time. Redeeming scene: Spike gets Buffy drunk.

10. 21 Two to Go (Finale, Part 1): Dark Willow and Buffy go toe-to-toe while Buffy tries to protect the remaining Duo from the former good-witch. Giles comes back to stop Willow using a gift from a powerful coven of witches, “the true essence of magic.”

9. 22 Grave (Finale, Part 2): Giles and Willow have a magical battle, but Willow drains his power and sets off to raise an ancient Goddess to destroy the world because there’s too much pain and suffering. In a nice turn of events, Xander is the one to save the day by bringing Willow back from the edge. Also: Spike gets his soul back.

8. 09 Smashed: Spike founds out that the chip The Initiative planted in his head to stop his from harming humans doesn’t work on Buffy 3.0, and in the final battle scene they have such raunchy sex that it literally brings the house down. Willow turns the rat-witch from S02 back into a human so she has a friend to do magic with.

7. 03 After Life: Episode was boring, but the finale scene was enough to rank it so high. Buffy reveals to Spike that she was not in a hell dimension like her friends thought, but that she was at peace in what she thought was heaven. She begs him to never let them find out what they did, and you beg Joss Whedon to stop breaking your heart into a zillion little pieces.

6. 08 Tabula Rasa: The funniest episode. Willow uses a spell to erase Tara’s memory of their fights about her magic use, and the spell backfires erasing the entire gang’s memory. Everyone wakes up not knowing who – or what – they are (ie, Spike thinking Giles is his dad. LOL WAT?). The episode ends with Giles revealing that he’s returning to England, and Tara dumps Willow for beinga manipulative butthead. “Randy Giles? Why not just call me Horny Giles? Or Desperate-For-A-Shag Giles? I knew there was a reason I hated you.” [Spike]

5. 13 Dead Things: The Trio accidentally murders Warren’s ex-girlfriend, then conjures time-altering demons to trick Buffy into thinking she caused the girl’s death. When Buffy goes to the police station to turn herself in, she pummels Spike half to death (oh, the irony) because he doesn’t understand why she’s so upset over killing someone. While we all hate to see the Buffster cry, it’s always a nice reminder that she struggles with keeping separate her demonic duties from the real world laws.

4. 18 Entropy: Woof. This episode. The Scoobies discover that The Trio has been watching them through hidden cameras in their homes and at their work. Both dumped and heartbroken, Anya and Spike get it on at her magic shop, while The Scoobies crack the surveillance system at home and end up catching the entire glorious show. Spike tells everyone that he and Buffy used to be naked-friends, and everything goes to hell. Happy ending, though: Willow and Tara get back together! “I’m not joking now. You let that evil, soulless thing touch you. You wanted me to feel something? Congratulations, it worked. I look at you, and I feel sick ‘cause you had sex with that.” [Xander]

3. 17 Normal Again: A lot of fans really disliked this episode, but for me it was one of the best in the entire series. Buffy is infected by a demon and started to hallucinate about her life: in reality she’s a slayer who fights demons and monsters, but in her hallucinations she’s a sick girl in a mental institution. The further we get into the episode, the more Buffy believes she really is a sick girl in an asylum, and she tries to murder her friends in order to cut ties with her “delusion” and re-enter the “real world.” While we know that isn’t the case, for just a brief moment you actually want sick Buffy to be ok and you find yourself wondering, “What if that’s actually what’s happening?” It’s a shockingly real episode for a show that’s rooted in imagination.

2. 19 Seeing Red: This episode would absolutely be ranked #1 had the musical episode not happened. “Seeing Red” ripped you to shreds a thousand times over. Willow and Tara have finally gotten back together, Buffy goes after The Trio and takes them [mostly] down, and Spike tries to rape an injured Buffy in her own home.  Buffy gets shot. Tara gets shot and dies. This episode was a cruel, vicious reminder of mortality in watching one of our favorite characters die, setting off Dark Willow as she cries to Osiris to bring her lover back. It was also a wake-up call to the audience: we might love Spike for all he’s worth… But he’s still evil, he’s still soulless, and he’s still got a long road ahead of him until his compass points anywhere near true-north.

1. 07 Once More, With Feeling: Does anything really need to be said about this episode? It gave us everything we wanted for the entire season. It gave us Tara finding out about Willow’s memory-altering spell, Giles admitting that it’s time for him to leave Sunnydale behind, Spike and Buffy gettin’ with the smooches, and Buffy confessing to her friends that they pulled her out of heaven. Not to mention there were songs and dancing, which makes everything a billion times better. “That would explain the huge backing orchestra I couldn’t see and the synchronized dancing from the room service chaps.” [Giles]

SEASON SEVEN:

22. 06 Him: What was this episode and why did it happen? Seems like the writing staff were trying so hard to make a call-back episode to Buffy’s years in high school and something that would have happened to her, but this episode was all wrong and very out of place. The final season of the show, the stakes are higher than ever before, and we get a boy whose Varsity jacket is cursed with a love spell. Maybe in S01 or S02 that would have been fun, but not S07.

21. 14 First Date: Because we needed yet another filler episode in this season? “First Date” was utterly pointless other than to show the animosity between Robin Wood and Spike and to give the audience the knowledge of who Principal Wood really is… And who Spike is to him.

20. 01 Lessons: This episode was fairly forgetful. As a season premiere it was lackluster and introducing us to the new high school didn’t leave quite the impact that I think the writers intended.

19. 09 Never Leave Me: Buffy holds Spike and a newly returned Andrew hostage while trying to figure out what’s toying with Spike’s chip and brain. Not great, but not horrible. Did get some juicy Spuffy, though! “Apparently, I just slaughtered half of Sunnydale, pet. I’m not really worried about being polite anymore.” [Spike]

18. 03 Same Time, Same Place: Bringing Willow back after her murder spree was going to be a challenge either way. We all want to understand and forgive her, but how do we accept her back into our lives right off the bat? By shifting her into an alternate dimension for a day, apparently. It also served a little indication that Willow is much more powerful that we knew, even after her little trip to the Dark Side.

17. 08 Sleeper: Spike is a sleeper agent of the Big Bad, who has figured out a way to turn the chip off and set him loose on Sunny-D to eat, maim and kill lots of fine folks. Also, Giles is potentially dead?

16. 10 Bring on the Night: We meet an original, fully demonic vampire – not like the half-human ones we’ve grown accustomed to over the last seven years. (Apparently that’s a thing. Way to tell us in the last season of the show, guys.) Giles shows up with a few “potential slayers”; girls that were chosen to be possibly Chosen in the wake of the slayers’ demise. (PS, how does that work since Buffy has already died? Was she no longer considered “the” slayer after Death #1? Is Faith “the” slayer and since she’s alive no one has needed to be called? If not, there should have been a third slayer after B’s death in S05.)

15. 02 Beneath You: Ranked so high because of the final scene where Spike goes bonkers and tells Buffy he’s got his soul back. Touching, and horribly sad when Buffy decodes his crazy-talk and figures out what happened.

14. 21 End of Days: For the first time in five seasons, Buffy and Faith find common ground, realizing that they together will have to share the burden of being The Slayer, and that no one else could ever understand that loneliness. It was a moment that I feel the fans were owed after everything these two went through, regardless of my personal feelings towards Faith. Also, Angel comes back to bring Buffy a little present. Worst part of the episode: Apparently there’s been a coven of ancient women watching the Watchers since the dawn of the Slayer. Why did it taken seven seasons for this revelation? “I’m looking at you, everything you have, and, I don’t know, jealous. Then there I am. Everybody’s looking to me, trusting me to lead them, and I’ve never felt so alone in my entire life.” [Faith]

13. 11 Showtime: While the meat of the episode was so-so, I was a big fan of Anya and Giles’ trip to the Beljoxa’s Eye: an oracle demon who tells them that The First Evil is back because there was a falter in the slayer’s line. Giles figures out that it wasn’t because Buffy died that the First Evil was able to gain control, but because she lives – again. Yet another slap in the face to the Scoobies that were only trying to save their friend.

12. 15 Get It Done: After all these years watching Buffy save the world with all her strength and knowing that she was the chosen one, we finally get to know how it came to be. “Get It Done” took us to another dimension, suspended in time, that revealed when and how the First Slayer was made. The Three Shadow Men tell Buffy that she is the last protector of the Hellmouth, and try to infuse her with more of the same demonic energy that they initially cursed the First Slayer with. Buffy wasn’t down with it, chose to kick their shadowy asses instead, and the Shadow Men give her a vision of the Hellmouth in return. This episode also marks the first time in a long time where Buffy is starting to be doubted by her friends. “The First Slayer was right. It isn’t enough.” [Buffy]

11. 16 Storyteller: This episode was surprisingly not my favorite. I say surprisingly, because I love Tom Lenk and moreover, Andrew Wells. It was some much needed light in an otherwise gloomy and dark winding up of the finale season; this episode brought in some great humor and jovialness that was much needed. That being said, I wanted to like the episode a lot more than I actually did, as it followed Andrew around as he tried to document the Sunnydale Situation and twists events into better “storytelling” for the camera. The episode ends with Andrew begging Buffy’s forgiveness for murdering Jonathan, his best friend. “She’s like a woman fighting for more than life. She fights like fighting is her life. It is the air she breathes, and she knows she will win because there is no alternative.” [Andrew]

10. 20 Touched: The Scoobies sans Buffy kidnap a minion of the First and cast a spell in which he speaks through Andrew, taunting their inevitable failure and deaths. Spike and Andrew return from a mission, and upon seeing that Buffy has been exiled from her own house, he spits on the Scoobies, starts a fight with Faith and leaves to find Buffy. They have a super sweet, super sappy moment when he gives her a big speech about how he loves her and she’s always been a strength to admire. “I’ve seen your kindness, and your strength, I’ve seen the best and the worst of you and I understand with perfect clarity exactly what you are. You’re a hell of a woman.” [Spike]

9. 18 Dirty Girls: Not much need to be said about “Dirty Girls.” There’s Nathan Fillion as a hell-preacher named Caleb who can kick the snot outa Buffy, Faith comes back and bonds with Spike, and Xander loses an eye. One of the most horribly great episodes we’ve had in the shows entire run. “You’re protecting vampires? Are you the bad slayer now? Am I the good slayer now?” [Faith]

8. 17 Lies My Parents Told Me: Spike and Robin Wood come head to head in this intense, beautiful 42-minute pieces of art. Spike’s trigger from the First is finally exposed as a torment from his past and he and Wood have it out in a shed lined with crosses and brass knuckles. Spike leaves Wood alive after a brutal fight, declaring, “You see, unlike you, I had a mother who loved me back…I was her world.”

7. 12 Potential: Xander’s speech and seeing how Dawn is finally a character in the show, and not just Buffy’s annoying kid sister. “Seven years, Dawn. Working with the Slayer. Seeing my friends get more and more powerful…I see more than anybody realizes because nobody’s watching me. I saw you last night. I see you working here today. You’re not special. You’re extraordinary.” [Xander]

6. 05 Selfless: This episode was very disturbing on a multitude of levels. Anya, a vengeance demon, finds out that she’s being talked about by her demon friends for going soft and not creating the havoc and horror she once did. Her response is to kill an entire fraternity. Buffy upon finding out what’s happened admits that this leaves her no choice and that she has to do her job – she has to kill Anya. The episode ends with Anya’s boss reversing the damage to the frat at the cost of Anya’s BFF’s life. “Behold D’Hoffryn, Lord of Arashmaha, he that turns the air to blood and reigns te – Miss Rosenberg. How lovely to see you again. Have you done something with your hair?” [D’Hoffryn]

5. 04 Help: How quickly us fans get attached to characters. After only one episode, we still mourn the loss of high school clairvoyant Cassie who foresaw her own death. Another grounding episode and one of the few deaths Buffy couldn’t stop. Relatable teen Cassie saw her death, but not how it happened: from a heart defect. “There’s a lot of stuff I’d like to do. I’d love to ice skate at Rockefeller Center. And I’d love to see my cousins grow up and see how they turn out, ’cause they’re really mean, and I think they’re gonna be fat.” [Cassie]

4. 13 The Killer in Me: This episode broke my heart, and will continue to break my heart every time I watch it. While the audience grits and bares the atrocity that is Kennedy, “The Killer in Me” gave us yet one last time to grieve Tara’s loss with Willow. An old frenemy casts a spell that causes Willow to physically turn into Warren after her first kiss with Kennedy. While trying to find a way to reverse the spell, she starts to actually become Warren. Willow barges into the backyard where Warren shot Tara, and she falls to her knees confessing that she let go of Tara by kissing Kennedy. She begs for forgiveness from her dead lover. Meanwhile, Buffy and Spike go on a mission to get the chip in his brain fixed when they realize it’s killing him. Buffy is given a choice: repair it, or remove it. She chooses the latter. “He indicated you might be needing our assistance. We’re to provide you anything you need to help with…assface here. Those were his exact words, ma’am.” [Initiative General]

3. 19 Empty Places: All her years of saving the world, her deaths, her sacrifices, her isolation and her self-involved speeches. It all comes down to this: “You really do think you’re better than we are. But we don’t know…You didn’t work for it. You’ve never had anybody come up to you and say that you deserve these things more than anyone else. They were just handed to you. So that doesn’t make you better than us. It makes you luckier than us.” [Anya]

2. 07 Conversations with Deal People: This episode. Was everything. The Scoobies are split up doing their own things, and in a single night all their worlds change. Buffy meets a boy she went to high school with who became a psychologist and then was turned into a vampire. Dawn is attacked in her home by a demon wearing her mother’s face. Willow is visited by Cassie… Or something that looks like Cassie, bringing a fake message from Tara encouraging her to kill herself. A brilliant episode that prepares us for the upcoming battle from early on in the season.

1. 22 Chosen: Was this the most epic episode ever? I didn’t think so. Comparing the two series finales (S05 + S07), I’d absolutely say that S05’s “The Gift” takes the cake… However, Joss Whedon was given the chance to do something extraordinary – to give his show two series finales, and he did them both perfectly. In the first, Whedon did what we expected and needed: he had Buffy sacrifice her life. She was The Chosen One, she alone would fight against the forces of darkness and she did. But in “Chosen,” he gave her what she needed from the beginning – to not be alone. He changed mythology and legacy to break the line of The Chosen One and make it the line of The Chosen All. Every potential slayer would be a slayer from there on out, and It. Was. Beautiful. Willow conquered her fear, Spike earned his redemption, Faith was given a place in the world, and Xander proved one last time, that he was the heart and soul of the Scoobies. “In every generation, one Slayer is born, because a bunch of men who died thousands of years ago made up that rule. They were powerful men. This woman is more powerful than all of them combined. So I say we change the rule.” [Buffy]

My heart seems to still be in tact momentarily, so here is Part 3: Ranking of the Top 7 Episodes!

*Fun Fact: Only one death of a big character happened from supernatural causes. Joyce died of a brain tumor, Tara of a gunshot wound, Cassie from a heart defect. Jenny Calendar was the only one who died from getting her neck snapped [by Angelus].

It’s getting to be that time of year when I re-watch my baby beginning to end. I’ve also been dying to do a BtVS ranking FOR. EVER. so here it is. Buzzfeed has already completed a full ranking of all the episodes but I refuse to do the same because it may give me a hernia, so instead I’m ranking BUFFY in three separate posts: by Season, then by Episodes-per-Season, then Top-Episodes. Please leave your hate mail at the door, ’cause this is gonna be sooper ruff.

Season 8 Comic Art

7. FOUR. Oh my god, four. The worst season of any television show ever. Creator Joss Whedon was trying to help BtVS find its legs after the loss of Angel and Cordelia and with the gang moving onto college and growing up. In experimenting with some new things he also did some very bad things that we should forget forever. A few heart breaking episodes and a few terrific stand alone episodes, but mostly horrendous ones, BtVS S04 was traumatizing for all us faithful, loyal fanatics.

6. ONE. The premier season of BtVS was a mere 12 episodes of campy lines and atrocious effects, but it was also the introduction season to a show that would become one of the biggest cult phenomena’s TV has ever seen.

5. SIX. A lot of folks will argue this was one of the best seasons, but I’m fairly torn about it. It had some great moments, and I won’t even try to deny that seeing James Marsters shirtless every other episode wasn’t dazzling, but as far as storytelling goes, the magic-addiction and end of season deaths were too much in all the wrong ways.

4. THREE. Not a Faith fan. She was not the worst character we saw on the show (hello, Dawn!) but she got real old real fast. Her attitude, her actress, her everything. But, The Mayor.

3. SEVEN. I know, I know, I know. Most everyone hated S07, but I quite enjoyed it. After all the hard work, dedication, loyalty and love she’s protected the world with for the past seven years, we finally saw her fall from favor and for just a moment – just a brief, fleeting moment – give up. The girl who was nothing but strong over the years; sacrificing the love of her life for the greater good; the girl who died twice; the girl who saved everyone how many times… If Whedon hadn’t humanized her enough through all her trials since Sunnydale High, watching our girl finally give up and say, “No more” for a single episode really hurt.

2. TWO. It pains me to choose between S02 and S05, but alas, such is the job. Season Two was brilliant. The pain and inevitable suffering we the fans endured along with our heroine as Angel ruined all our lives was not without its saving grace: Season Two solidified that we would be with Buffy until the end, standing by her side and fighting with her. Season Two brought us our favorite psychotic duo Spike and Drusilla, and made us grieve the loss of fan favorite Jenny Calendar. Season Two broke our hearts over and over again.

1. FIVE. Anyone who doesn’t believe S05 to be the strongest, most interesting and heartbreaking season of show did not watch the same BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER that I did. There are so many things to say about season 5, that I couldn’t possibly list them all without my head exploding so let’s go with: Spike, Glory, JOYCE, Buffy Bot, The Watchers Council, The Doc, TARA, and Buffy, Buffy, Buffy. Season Five was perfect.

Rankings were designed to test our allegiance, devotion, endurance, strength and ability to weed out the weak. In other words: they suck and I hate them. Stay tuned for the next installment of “Ways to Make Your Soul Hurt.”

While it’s never been easier to create and upload your own web series, videos or what have you, this is somewhat of a double-edged sword. The online TV phenomenon has opened up the arena to infinite digital channels and outlets for original content, from the big guns like Hulu, Netflix and Funny Or Die to your neighbor’s YouTube channel. It’s wonderful and overwhelming, nigh impossible to differentiate yourself from the crowd.

Felicia Day has been a part of that revolution from the start, creating and starring in THE GUILD, which stunningly debuted on YouTube in 2007. She was also the wonderful Penny in Joss Whedon’s DR. HORRIBLE’S SING-ALONG BLOG in 2008, an online venture that transformed the way we consume TV forever. She’s also one of the figureheads, along with Wil Wheaton, of Geek & Sundry, a digital entertainment production company and website created to shepherd content tailor made for nerds like us.

SPOOKED is its newest confection, a joint venture between Geek & Sundry and X-MEN: DAYS OF FUTURE PAST’s Bryan Singer’s BAD HAT HARRY. Series One is comprised of four episodes written by Felicia Day and Michael Gene Conti, directed by Richard Martin. The show premieres in two days, on June 4th, launching on Hulu and Youtube at 10 AM PT.

In case you couldn’t surmise from the title, SPOOKED is a paranormal comedy, and spoof of the myriad of supernatural investigation TV shows on SyFy and the like. It’s packed with talent in front of and behind the camera, but unfortunately, it’s hardly treading new ground. Over the first two episodes, the PIT encounter face a routine poltergeist haunting and an alien abduction. There’s tin foil hats, crop signals, a seance, and white noise on the TV. Thankfully the cast has an easy chemistry, with a pleasant back and forth, at an often breakneck pace, that helps alleviate the been there, done that vibe.

The show follows the foibles of the aptly named Paranormal Investigation Team (gifted the unfortunate moniker of PIT), led by Connor (CAPTURED’s Julian Curtis). Early on, we’re introduced to his team: Elliot (GREEK’s Derek Mio) is an accomplished ghost hunter, apparently. Morgan (Ashley Johnson of THE AVENGERS and MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING) is the Wiccan occult specialist, with knowledge of voodoo, the Tarot, etc. Lindsey (EUREKA’s Neil Grayston) is the skeptic, who’s funding the whole operation because he wants to reap the profits from the operations if wrong. Piper (Shyloh Oostwald of IN TIME) is Connor’s pale, don’t-say-creepy younger sister, who has become mute following their parent’s deaths, only opening up to the dead. Connor’s hoping that the work will help his sister heal, refusing to pump her full of med’s or send her to a mental hospital, while Lindsey wants money, and Elliot wants Morgan and to exploit the footage on the internet, as ghost hunters are wont to do.

The best part of SPOOKED is the brother-sister relationship between Connor and Piper, because it’s adorable. Connor may be an idiot with women (he’s called his ex 24 times without getting a response, which is as painful to watch as it sounds), but he’s really good with his sister, and his heart is in the right place, and therefore so is SPOOKED.

Unfortunately, Elliot threatens to remove the goodwill. He’s the kind of oblivious and annoying guy who will hold up a Ouija board and yell, “Yolo, son.” Just because he’s clearly a nerd, doesn’t mean he can’t be a douche. I do love how most of his pickup lines toward Morgan make him come off like a serial killer, but because he’s so over the top it’s hard to ever feel for him when Connor and Morgan inevitably “break the bro code.”

Like Elliot, oftentimes it felt like SPOOKED was trying too hard. When Connor and company arrive at a cabin in the desert, its redneck central. The family actually go by the following names: Me-Maw, Ba-Paw, Beau and their dog Elvis. Beau refers to Me-Maw as a “cooped up calico” who “wants to make a litter.” She also makes opossum stew, because of course she does.

The big draw for me, and I venture to say others, will be the parade of guest stars. In the pilot, Dichen Lachman (DOLLHOUSE, BEING HUMAN) guests as one half of a lesbian couple haunted by her dead father. Episode 3 promises Tom Lenk (MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING, BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER). All hail Andrew.

As one might expect, there are plenty of pop culture references (Alien, Close Encounters of the Third Kind, Signs, Top Gun, Poltergeist, etc.), some cleverer than others. I loved when Alison Haislip’s character asks the team, “Which one of you is the clairvoyant?”

SPOOKED has a talented cast (sure to delight Whedon fans), and established a functional dynamic within the opening minutes. I suspect the show will improve over time, and no matter how familiar the premise, we watch TV for characters, and SPOOKED’s ensemble has potential. But with the crowded slate of online web series ever expanding, and actual TV jam-packed with greatness year round, SPOOKED may get lost in the shuffle. It doesn’t deserve to, but I wouldn’t begrudge those for waiting to add SPOOKED to their binge viewing list.

SPOOKED premieres on Hulu and YouTube on Wednesday June 4th at 10am PT/ 1pm ET.