Still to come: NCIS: New Orleans (CBS), Gracepoint (FOX), The Kingdom (DirecTV), Cristela (ABC), The Walking Dead (AMC), Jane the Virgin (CBS), Marry Me (NBC), Grimm (NBC) and The McCarthys (CBS).

33. The Mysteries of Laura (NBC)

A bigger mystery to me than Laura (or even Laura), is why Debra Messing keeps getting leading roles in TV shows. Or rather, how she picked this one, and who thought the Will & Grace and Smash star was a good fit for a brusque, “badass” awful woman cop show. In the opening moments, we learn that she has a black partner who won’t hesitate to cover her “skinny ass,” and that Detective Laura Diamond (a TV name if I’ve ever heard one) is a morose, protocol-be-damned police woman who can’t help but wonder if anybody has jobs, because HOW DARE people hang out in the park on a sunny afternoon. With its ratings already dropping, I wonder if she will have a job much longer.

Hopefully, it’d rid the world of NBC’s “Woman Crush Weddings,” which apparently is lifted from #WCW, a mind-numbing Twitter hashtag. I’m going to start one: #girlsIwanttofuck. NBC’s Wednesday night block is made up of three grimly serious cops shows (Law & Order: SVU and Chicago P.D. round out the triumvirate), so naturally the marketing campaign devolved into relying on Sophia Bush, Debra Messing and Mariska Hargitay’s considerable sex appeal, rather than being tough workplace role models or whatever.

Laura drives a Volvo, shops at Target and comes equipped with an inspired catchphrase (“You’ve gotta be kidding me!”), deplorable parenting skills and an insulting almost ex-husband Jake (Josh Lucas, never worse) who just can’t bring himself to sign the papers, a family dynamic that sets TV back 43 years. She drugs her children for a private school interview (God forbid these tyrants go to public), and blackmailed a gym teacher with a lot of parking tickets to even get them that interview. Laura actually says, “I’m a mother, with a shiny badge, a loaded gun and very little patience.” There’s the logline that sold the pitch! I think she said that on school grounds, but I could just be imagining that specific horror. It’s like a future Melissa McCarthy movie, except Mysteries of Laura takes itself seriously. You shouldn’t.

Favorite Moments From The Pilot:

1) When Laura Diamond makes a house call, a rich housewife bats her eyelashes; heh, you’re cute, you’re a “middle-aged woman cop…just like on TV!” Mysteries of Laura thinks its clever. Just like pilot director McG probably thinks his name makes people think of anything other than a Happy Meal with explosions.

2) Laura calls men sloppy derisively. The frame widens to find Black Partner spilling popcorn all over the place. Hypocrite alert: Laura’s a slob who eats week old burritos she finds hidden among the piles of crap on her desk.

3) Laura’s kids actually deserve to be drugged and/or murdered. They pee on each other in public and just might be insane. Best of all is when Laura gets called into school, her gun automatically out (you don’t want to go into an elementary school unarmed) and there appears to be BLOOD all over the classroom. But no, it’s just her messy children taking over art class, or whatever. Because bloody classrooms are the best setup for a joke.

The pilot has one pleasure: a mini-Galaxy Quest reunion! Quellek (Patrick Breen) has aged into what appears to be a gay Peter Capaldi, and joins his former Thermian leader Mathesar (the incomparable Enrico Colantoni). The pleasure wears off pretty fast when you realize it had to come on this show. Plus, Quellek gets killed off pretty fast (perhaps fitting), and unfortunately, Alan Rickman does not come prancing in, promising that, By Grabthar’s Hammer, he shall be avenged. Even that probably couldn’t save this show.

32. Z Nation (SyFy)

Oh man, this show is so crummy guys (CRUMMY). It’s close to becoming the designated Drinking Game Show of the week, but I don’t know if the show knows how bad it is yet, and I don’t care enough to find out. And I don’t foresee a shortage of drinking in my future.

It’s SyFy’s answer/rip-off of The Walking Dead, set three years after the first infection. You know how screwed the world would be if a zombie apocalypse happened? DJ Qualls, yes that DJ Qualls, would be military. He practically is a DJ here, living up to his name, with “season tickets to the zompocalypse,” working alone at Camp Northern Light, or something. Even in a dystopia, nobody wants to hang out with DJ Qualls. Qualls is late to evacuate the base, and they leave without him; they immediately fly to their deaths. They’d rather die than hang out with DJ Qualls. I’d rather watch almost anything else than Z Nation.

Z Nation is filled with more nonsensical, military BS talk than the “Z’s” themselves (what a clever term for zombies). The world-saving mission that the surviving dregs of the military are on is called “Operation Bitemark.” Seriously. Most of the tomfoolery is uttered by DJ Qualls, rendering any call sign or operation name about as meaningful as a Bluth family mission. I’d take Operation Hot Mother any day, but I’m a Motherboy.

Speaking of children, there’s also a zombie baby stuffed amid a mission to the CDC, a possible zombie cure, and essentially all four seasons of TWD jammed in an hour. For those who bemoan the AMC show’s deliberate pace, Z Nation provides a terrifyingly awful counter argument. There are several deaths, time jumps and tragedies that befall this boring cast of stock characters, but there’s never a reason to give a shit. We need to care about these people before it matters when they die. Of course, Z Nation is a show where you’re definitely rooting for the zombies to tear into these people so we don’t have to waste any more time on them. The more they kill, the closer to the end of the world, and hopefully, the end of this show.

Favorite Moments:

• “He’s a baby. He makes noise.” “Shut up.”
• LOST refugee Harold Perrinau’s Hammond at one point sighs, “God I hate moral dilemmas.” SyFy has a moral dilemma on whether or not they should keep this show on the air.
• Fantastic zombie rules: “A month ago? That’s like 2 years apocalypse time.”

I actually did like the idea of a pop-up weapons caravan that sells various guns, knives, bullets and other hairy concoctions. I also enjoyed the conceit that the zombie’s speed depends on how long they’ve been dead: they’re fast immediately after, then slow as time goes on. This doesn’t explain why a baby turns into a devastating ferret-like monster once bitten, since zombism presumably doesn’t make you faster. Or so one would think. But there’s not a lot of thought put into Z Nation.

31. Forever (ABC)

Ioan Gruffudd might be the most boring actor on the planet, yet he keeps landing TV roles, his career seemingly as immortal as his title character in this dull show.

At one point during this derivative pilot, Henry (Gruffudd) explains to us in a droll monologue: “My life is just like yours, except for one small difference…it never ends.”

I live forever, no biggie guys. I’m just like you. You can empathize me, relate to my suffering. WHAT THE FUCK?! If an immortal prick tried to befriend me, the injustice would be that I couldn’t friggin’ kill him. My life is just likes yours, except I’m Brad Pitt. My life is just like yours, except I own an island. My life is just like yours, except I’m the orphan of a now extinct alien race.

Henry has “seen a lot,” but hasn’t learn shit about life or his condition over the last 200 years of his life. He just knows that when he dies, he wakes up in the nearest body of water naked, not a scratch on him. He’s Ichabod Crane/Sherlock Holmes without the charm or quirks. He’s understandably obsessed with death, so he works at a morgue along with Joel David Moore (Bones, Avatar), who has been neurotic and awkward as long as this show’s title (For-Ev-Er).

In the opening scene Henry’s the only survivor of a massive subway accident, and even before he gets a cryptic villainous phone call, I was having Unbreakable flashbacks. While it’s not exactly Mr. Glass on the other end, there’s someone else like him out there, and they’re about to engage in a Sherlock/Moriarty battle, with New York as the playground. Or something.

What’s depressing about Forever, or at least, a few of the things that make me depressed, is that the wacky premise is just an excuse to throw Henry into a police procedural opposite Detective Jo Martinez (Alana De La Garza), a woman who escaped Woman Crush Wednesdays, and after one case, gets to bring Henry along during investigations until this show gets cancelled. This job tag-along crap is one of my favorite procedural tropes; if there’s ever a murder involving fantasy football, Red Pandas and IPA’s, I might walk away with a job.

Henry’s lifespan and accumulated knowledge only manifests itself in his keen observational skills. He’s another Psych, Mentalist, Sherlock character, because the public loves seeing assholes who can figure out that you’re allergic to coconuts, have 3 cats, like anal sex and are still emotionally recovering from the death of your postman. Women also love men who pay attention, so Henry’s a ladies man. Throw in a little bit o’ Nazi backstory, and you have Forever, a show I’ll be watching…

Never. Never again, anyways. Unless the Moriarty character is played by Alan Rickman.

30. Manhattan Love Story (ABC)

“I want to write a love story set in Manhattan.”

“Oh my god, what a revolutionary idea, and even better, it already has a ready-made, totally informative, awesome title!”

“Love Story Set In Manhattan? Sounds awkward.”

“Manhattan Love Story, silly.”

“OMG, you’re right.”

A studio exec leans over the coffee table, spilling their mimosa. “Excuse me, did you say Manhattan Love Story? We’ll BUY IT!”

Manhattan Love Story sounds like a vague place holder title a writer would have on his To-Do list, or the barebones plot description of this mostly dreadful pilot. But, I suppose it tells you all you need to know: not to watch it.

In the nightmarish opening moments, Peter (Jake McDorman) walks down the New York street, debating whether or not he’d have sex with the women along his path. Coming from the opposite direction is Dana (Analeigh Tipton), who’s doing the same thing…with purses (she’s debating whether she’d own them, not fuck them, I think). When they pass one another, they both essentially say “Yes” to each other, and this is their unfortunate story.

Neurotic, single and “adorkable” Dana just moved to New York because of a new job. Of course, that’s not really important. What’s important is that she’s single and needs a boy, or so sayeth her evil, manipulative, yoga instructor friend/roommate Amy (Jade Catta-Preta), a character type that only exists on shitty sitcoms.

Amy’s that girl who always has to be in control, forcing her husband-or-whatever David (Nicolas Wright) to enlist his brother, who of course is Peter, to go on a date with Dana. You don’t need me to tell you that it goes terribly. Dana is a klutz with technology/everything, accidentally typing Peter Cooper into her Facebook status (a clever joke mined in Trophy Wife last year). She also calls instead of texts, and does the unbearably painful accidental text ABOUT Peter TO Peter (okay, so I’ve been there). Dana’s a mess, guys.

Whereas Peter is a ladies man who sees women as trophies, which makes sense, because he works for a company that makes trophies, a business that is BOOMING, because America loves to reward everything, not just first place, in order to celebrate mediocrity. You could say the same about Manhattan Love Story and network television, though that might be mistaken for a compliment.

Dana cries on her date, Peter makes fun of her cute list of things she wants to do in NY, and the pair have an awful, dueling stream of consciousness monologue happening in their respective heads at all times. It’s a conceit that might’ve been wonderful on How I Met Your Mother, but here, it emphasizes how little you actually want to hear these characters talk.

Peter and Dana, of course, make up, and have a moment en route to the Statue of Liberty, one of the things on Dana’s list. It’s clear the two of them will have a bumpy road, and I suppose that’s the flimsy hook of the pilot: what touristy things are these mismatched heathens going to do next in the most overseen city in America? Perhaps more importantly: will Dana conquer social media? Judging by the final moments, when she has an embarrassing encounter with her FB relationship status (a joke that would’ve felt biting in 2006), the outlook is about as bleak as this show’s prospects. The show probably won’t last, which is almost a shame, because then my spec script Toledo Love Story won’t get off the ground.

29. Bad Judge (NBC)

You’ll hate this show by the opening frame: Kate Walsh, passed out in an impossible position, wearing a leopard print bra, and shimmery sequin underwear, is jolted awake by the omnipresent alarm clock. She’s late to work, and has to pop pills incessantly to get there in time, driving an insane hippie van en route to Van Nuys Municipal Court, while awaiting the results of her pregnancy test. It’s a testament to how lame this show is, that I feel bad that Van Nuys has the unfortunate duty of taking the brunt of the setting, and Van Nuys is the cesspool of the valley.

Kate Walsh plays Judge Rebecca Wright, and she’s actually not as Bad as you think she is: she’s a slutty, messy alcoholic, sure, but she shows up, and goes well beyond her job description when it comes to helping out Robby (Theodore Barnes), a kid whose parents are in jail because Rebecca put them there. As Judge Hernandez states, “You’re a Judge, not a social worker!” but who really cares? Rebecca may have had wine and cake for breakfast, or so she says, and we’re supposed to revel in how screwed up she is, but she mostly just talks about how bad she is, than actually being bad. She saves Robby from bullies and juvie, makes a nice speech at some boring gala and has friends at the Court, while seeing through the inherent bullshit of Douglas Riller (the normally fantastic Chris Parnell), who’s on trial for having two families or something.

The show also stars Ryan Hansen (Party Down) as Gary, one of Rebecca Wright’s many hook-ups (they have sex in her chambers!). After Gary Busey, he’s her favorite Gary, clearly the one that’s supposed to stick (for the four episodes that this show will last). I think Gary Busey could make a more coherent sitcom than Bad Judge.

Bad TeacherJudge was envisioned as a female Eastbound & Down, with Adam McKay and Will Ferrell trying to spice up a show…created by Anne Heche (THE Anne Heche). What remains is a show that doesn’t know what it is, stumbling out of the gates drunkenly in high heels. Its pilot starts abruptly; I felt like I had a hangover similarly potent to Rebecca’s, not the kind of feeling I want when watching TV.

I expected to despise Bad Judge, but instead, due to its limp existence, found myself completely emotionless. Bad Judge not only lacks laughs, but a pulse. There’s some inkling of a Bad Santa-like relationship between Rebecca and Robby, and it certainly was the most tolerable part about the pilot, but to call it disjointed from the rest of the proceedings is an understatement. It didn’t mesh at all with what the show is supposed to be. Of course, I don’t know if NBC has any idea what Bad Judge is supposed to be, and I’m not going to bother finding out.

Tone Bell (…Whitney), who plays Tedward Mulray (really?), the court security officer and pigeonholed black character, remarks: “2014 is a trip.” Excuse the poor writing (it’s not like Bad Judge sets a high bar), but 2014’s Fall TV is a (bad) trip.

28. Mulaney (FOX)

Saturday Night Live writer-performer and stand-up comedian John Mulaney is talented, likable and a star seemingly perfectly suited for a TV show.

But something has gone horribly wrong with Mulaney. I was told by someone I reasonably trust that Mulaney was originally intended as a meta-sitcom hoping to lampoon the very nature of sitcoms themselves. Instead, what came out is exactly the kind of show that John Mulaney would most certainly revel in making fun of. It’s a crappy, cliche sitcom, one so bewildering and unfortunate, that I’m at a loss of what the hell I just watched.

In the show, Mulaney is a struggling stand-up comedian and writer, nervous for an interview with the pompous TV personality Lou Cannon (Martin “Life’s Too” Short “To Be Wasting His Time On This”). He, of course, gets the job, but it’s a mixed blessing because Lou sucks. While Mulaney struggles with his “dream job,” fellow comic Motif (Seaton Smith) finds himself in the zeitgeist with a new hip joke, “Problem Bitch.” Even if it doesn’t have an ending. He has an 18 hour window to come up with one, until the audience realizes they’re “laughing at nothing.” It’ll take you far less time to realize you’re doing the same thing while watching Mulaney, even with the live studio audience somehow churning out a laugh track.

Whenever I create the League of Extraordinarily Awful TV Characters, pretty much everyone on this show will compete for a spot on the hotly contested roster. Jane (Nasim Pedrad) argues convincingly that definitions of “crazy” for men and women mean entirely different things, but she justifies every bad thing a man has thought about a “crazy” woman in this episode. She’s going through a break up, so she breaks into the guy’s emails, stalks him, uprooting flowers that she planted at his apartment. She actually is INSANE. Hilarious. Andre (Zack Pearlman) is the douchiest drug dealer you could come up with, inspiring a Newman-like hatred from Mulaney and the rest of his friends. And that’s the point; the parallels between Mulaney and Seinfeld are obvious. Each episode starts up with Mulaney’s stand up, and he plays a version of himself alongside larger-than-life sitcom characters who “enliven” every scene with big entrances.

The whole show is trying too hard; John Mulaney and company seem so desperate to please, that each tired situation and joke nearly causes physical pain. Everyone is mugging for the camera as if they’re attention starved extras. It’s like watching an ill-advised sketch that isn’t working…that runs for 22 minutes. This show has Martin Short and Elliott Gould, two all-time greats. It can’t be this dire, can it?

Motif’s “joke” boils down to this: “If you don’t know the problem, you’re the problem bitch.” FOX makes an easy target as the problem bitch for a show with so many of them, but I don’t think anyone is innocent. Everyone involved with the show is the problem, bitch.

27 & 26. A to Z (NBC)/Selfie (ABC)

Both of these are grouped together for many reasons. One is so I don’t have to waste the time writing two separate entries, but mostly it’s because both shows are misguided, mostly repugnant sitcoms, wasting the efforts of truly likable people. It’s also because I watched them on the same day, about a month ago, and have blissfully forgotten most of that experience.

How does a show with Karen Gillan and John Cho elicit so much hatred? Because they happen to be in a show called Selfie. It’s an abhorrent title that has no defense, but we as a society deserve at least some of the blame for enabling a studio to even consider this a smart idea. There’s an inherent hypocrisy that “Selfie” is getting such a bad rap for a name, when almost every single one of us are taking selfies whenever possible. But at least we’re not making a TV show about it, you rightfully counter.

The title isn’t the only problem with Selfie, unfortunately. Its first half is as bad and cringe-worthy as you expect a show called Selfie to be, with Karen Gillan slutting it up and bravely becoming the world’s worst human, consumed with likes and follows, with no notion of how to be an actual person. She is the Black Hole of Suck that embodies all that’s wrong with social media. Enter John Cho, as her life coach and I’m sure her eventual love interest, except the show won’t last long enough to get there. It’s a testament to Gillan and Cho’s talents that they can SOMEHOW make the show watchable in the second half, when Gillan’s Eliza Dooley becomes less like a terrifying caricature and a living manifestation of nails on a chalkboard, and someone who just barely avoids deserving a punch in the mouth from every person she meets. It’s actually a mild miracle that could portend a dramatic turnaround a la Cougar Town, but I doubt it.

Sidenote: Is John Cho on a mission to star in every TV show on air? He had Go On, a recurring role on Sleepy Hollow, this mess, and a cush voice gig on American Dad! I guess he figures he needs about 2-3 a season to have one at any given time.

Since How I Met Your Dad didn’t happen, A to Z is the gimmicky, schmaltzy romantic sitcom that hopes to take its place, even gifted with the absolutely adorable Cristin Milioti, who somehow lived up to being the Mother on HIMYM. It also has Mad Men scene stealer Ben Feldman, the Andrew to Milioti’s Zelda (get it, A to Z?). There probably isn’t a more delightful new coupling on TV. Or so you’d think.

A to Z is a show that stars a woman I’m legitimately mad I’m not old enough, New York enough, or talented enough to have met before she was famous. The pilot features multiple Back to the Future references. I still probably won’t watch another episode.

Andrew (Feldman) and Zelda (Milioti) are perfect for each other because the Narrator (Katey Sagal doing her best Allison Janney impersonation, oddly enough) tells us in an obnoxious opener that actually “reveals” that Andrew’s a man’s man who loves sports with the boyz, while Zelda is a girl’s girl…and Andrew sings Celine Dion (who doesn’t?)…blegh. They, of course, have insanely specific shared interests, ones that can be mined for comedy and for stubborn, insistent proof that they are one another’s romantic destiny. Instead, Andrew just comes off as a creep in proving their meant to be-ness. It’s hard to make the charming Ben Feldman creepy, but A to Z manages just fine. That’s what happens when a guy tracks down concert footage to prove whether or not someone you hardly know was in attendance.

Feldman and Milioti are meant for great things, just not for each other, at least not in A to Z. Like Andrew’s character, it’s trying too hard. If it was a bit worse, and I was a curmudgeon, I’d finish this review with the painful retort: “With an entire alphabet to play with, the only letter it reaches is F.”

That’s a failing grade, y’all.

25. Red Band Society (FOX)

Because Fault of Our Stars was a YA sensation, the clear message to advertisers is this: young people love to watch young people die (I guess this is more or less true considering Hunger Games and the string of dystopian successes). But Red Band Society uses this as a shortcut to feels and tragedy, rather than earning an audience’s emotional investment.

In a hospital that has a rooftop perfect for parties, a wealthy hypochondriac recluse who lives in one of the wings and gives dope to kids (An American Werewolf in London‘s Griffin Dunne, actually giving the show a breath of funky fresh air) and attractive doctors, lives a group of kids of various socioeconomic backgrounds, ages, and diseases. They are the Red Band Society.

Octavia Spencer is a “scary bitch,” who relishes in the barista getting her name right on the coffee cup. While the cup reads scary bitch, this is Nurse Jackson, the hardened woman keeping track of all these sick kids, who also has a heart of gold. But she doesn’t want to be muffin buddies with Nurse Dobler (Rebecca Rittenhouse), whose crime is clear: she’s too nice. You made me a plate of muffins? How dare you try to befriend me, you BITCH?!

The Red Band Society comes with a mawkish monologue from coma patient Charlie (name o’ the week nominee Griffin Gluck), who speaks in “this means that” misdirection with a voice that reminds you of Home Alone-era Macaulay Culkin. There’s “…the story you want people to know and the one you don’t.” “How do you tell someone who needs a heart…that she never had one to begin with?” “Luck isn’t getting what you want, it’s surviving what you don’t want.” [When you get sick, people assume] “life stops…but it’s the opposite: life starts.” We have to forgive the Hallmark/inspirational phrase-of-the-day calendar stuff, because Charlie’s speaking FROM a coma: “This is me, talking to you from a coma. Deal with it.” Okay.

Kara (Zoe Levin) is the early favorite for Worst New Character on TV: she’s a Mean Girl cheerleader who coins phrases like “niplash” and after she collapses during practice, she decides to smoke in the hospital, BLOW CIGARETTE SMOKE INTO CHARLIE’S FACE (Charlie being the coma patient), and uses Charlie’s call button to get attention. She treats the nurses like their room service: she actually orders a kale salad from Nurse Jackson. But dammit, she needs a heart transplant. Maybe I should feel bad, but mostly I felt like they were robbing me of my ability to hate this character, who deserves several volumes of text dedicated to hating her. Kara’s not going to be eligible for a heart any time soon, thanks to her wide and varied drug use seen in her toxicology report. Wah wah.

Red Band Society ladles on the sentimentality and depression in equal measures, but luckily, the show’s heart is in the right place, even if their characters may not have working ones. Eventually, being forced to feel actually works, and dammit if something wasn’t stirring when Leo (Charlie Rowe) brings the gang together, and gives them all red bands, bracelets from his various surgeries that he’s kept as horrific mementos, quoting Shakespeare’s Henry V, labeling them his band of brothers. The relationship between Leo and new roommate Jordi (Nolan Sotillo) is the show’s saving grace, as Leo turns into an unlikely mentor for a friend forced to wade through the same tragedy. On the eve of an operation that will leave Jordi minus a leg, Leo promises him: “they can never cut into your soul.”

While Red Band Society smacks of somehow translating cancer kids and their foibles into marketing money, the show still feels like it has one. A soul, that is.

24. Madam Secretary (CBS)

Is “Not Politics As Usual” the most awkward slogan ever? Or is it the title I wish this show to have? Probably both, even if this is very much…politics as usual.

The Oval Office has always needed a middle-aged mother of three. After the Secretary of State’s plane went down, Keith Carradine (joining the annals of TV Presidency) tabs Elizabeth McCord (Tea Leoni) for the job. They apparently used to work in The Company together (we’re so cool we don’t have to call it the CIA). Prepare to hear The Company more times than you care to.

She’s the “least political person” the President knows, the only one he can trust to make real change. After all: “You don’t just think outside the box, you don’t know there is a box.” How do you say no to that pitch?

Ugh. Someone at CBS said yes to this pitch, and while it has many laughable and groan-worthy moments, it’s also very…competent. Elizabeth McCord may think outside the box, but this show is constructed entirely out of boxes. There’s a conspiracy, Elizabeth relies on her skills as a Mother in matters of National Security and diplomatic peacekeeping meetings with equal aplomb, and she even has to weather a new personal stylist. Oh, politics. You’re the worst.

But this show somehow isn’t. It’s so very standard, and predictable, but it’s not bad. It’s comfort food that tries to have edge: Elizabeth has shady contacts! Tim Daly is always shady! There’s a shady death! Politics are so shady, but the show’s tactics are so familiar, that its edges only further embolden the box’s architecture.

Zeljko Ivanek has played so many government aides that it’d be weird for him NOT to be in this show. How many times do you have to play a “combative chief of staff” before he gets grandfathered into the real Oval Office?

Hilariously, Quellek of Galaxy Quest, is ALSO in this show, as the director of the CIA. Good for Patrick Breen. He doesn’t even die!

At some point in this pilot episode, a character (probably a politician), admits, “I don’t think now is the time for substance.” He/she could be talking about this show, this fall season, or network TV as a whole. It’s certainly been CBS’ politics as usual mantra and MO for years (with a few exceptions), and it’s worked for so long, because these are the kind of shows that become hits and stay on for years and years. Why do so many people settle for mediocre, “safe” TV? Because so many people are morons. But with more and more outlets for content, and so many of them outstripping the major networks, hopefully the networks will respond with something bolder than a woman in the oval office.

23. Stalker (CBS)

Kevin Williamson has forever cemented his place in my heart with Dawson’s Creek, but Stalker continues a disturbing trend of horror-shock entertainment, akin to The Following.

We open with a hooded stalker with creepy slits in his mask burning a woman alive in her car. This case is forwarded to LA’s Threat Assessment Unit, where Beth Davis (Maggie Q) and her team excel in tackling stalker cases. How To Make It In America‘s Victor Rasuk and True Blood‘s Mariana Klaveno are Detectives with the thankless duty of holding case files and introducing them, while murmuring about how capable Beth is to the new guy Jack Larsen (Dylan McDermott), who’s hired to make sure the other detectives never have to leave the office. Jack was transferred from NY to LA because he slept with his boss’ wife, he has a big personality, and basically for being everything you personify in a Dylan McDermott character. Meaning: you hate him, just like Beth does when she first meets the lout; it’s slightly clever of Stalker to play with McDermott’s inherent hate-ability even if I question their methods. He’s a smart ass who makes inappropriate jokes (he transferred to LA to meet Scarlett Johansson, presumably a stalking victim) and admits to checking out Beth’s breasts; what’s not to love? Oh, he’s also tailing a blonde woman (Angel‘s Elisabeth Rohm) with a family, potentially a devious stalker himself.

Stalker is slick (because misogyny is cool, yo), mostly well made, but do you really want to spend an hour watching men and women getting attacked? That’s just not the type of escapist entertainment I’m drawn to, and this show doesn’t posit itself as anything more than that.

During a convenient lecture, Beth Davis tells us that over 6 million people get stalked each year; that’s 1 in 6 women and 1 in 19 men. It’s a serious problem, one exacerbated by social media and the unparalleled access people are relenting online. You want Stalker to get into the mindsets of stalkers, to attempt to take some sort of stance, but much like The Following, it’s mostly reveling in the violence, while Stalker‘s crippled with a procedural bent on a case of the week. It doesn’t glorify stalkers like The Following seemingly did for serial killers and cults in a disturbing way, but Stalker is already walking a fine line.

Stalkers are a sticky topic: most people don’t notify the police, or when they do, they can’t prove it. This is the crux of the problem; law enforcement can’t help most of the time, a realization that has spurred Beth to take matters into her own hands, much like a vigilante. This revenge fantasy could turn the show on its head, and highlighting the problems with catching real-life stalkers almost seems important. But it certainly feels like Stalker is going to be a spotlight for creepy, over-the-top horror movie level villains. That’s the mistake Kevin Williamson and company make; they assume the greater the evil, the freakier it is. I daresay focusing on the stalkers we’d find in real life are even scarier.

Why is anybody leaving the room right now? NBC’s Hannibal is part of the holy triumvirate of TV shows right now (Orphan Black and Game of Thrones complete the trifecta).

We get a recap of Hannibal, and the video just gave me goosebumps. SO GOOD. And it has a glimpse of season 3: Hannibal on a plane, sipping champagne WITH Gillian Anderson/Dr. Bedelia du Maurer. WHAT?! [Ed. Note: This was apparently the end of the season finale…meaning I’m an idiot]

Aaron Abrams, Scott Thompson, Caroline Dhavernas, Bryan Fuller, David Slade, Martha DeLaurentiis and Steven Lightfoot are in attendance. No Mads, Hugh or Laurence.

But we get a video from Mads, who’s in Denmark. Hopefully will be in town next year for a quick lunch.

Hugh Dancy has a mustache, in Australia right now, shooting from his cell phone I’d guess. Dancy wants to know what’s going to happen just as much as we do; wants to know if there is any credence to Jimmy Price quitting the service to become Jack’s personal butler. “If Bryan is not yet wearing a flower crown…will someone give him one?”

Fuller: “There’s somebody here right now, who shouldn’t be here right now, because they got shot in the face. Please welcome…Raul Esparza.” That’s Frederick Chilton, who apparently is a big part of season 3, despite being dead (presumably).

Raul loves playing the part because he’s a douchebag, and “Fullerisms” all over the place in his dialogue. “I was surprised as anybody that I got shot in the face.” Wants to come back with an eye patch, hump and parrot.

Eddie Izzard will be returning as a flashback…we’ll be seeing more than just his limbs being eaten.

There are a lot of new characters coming in Season 3 from Thomas Harris’ books. Lady Murasaki, Commander Pazzi and Francis Dolarhyde (coming in episode 8 of season 3). Francis’ arrival starts the tale of Red Dragon, something that will start at the end of season 3 and into season 4 (assuming we get there; WATCH THIS SHOW). Around then is when Silence of the Lambs comes into play, which is why Clarice Starling is brought up.

Can we expect her in the future? Martha DeLaurentiis long-windedly explains that they don’t have the rights to it (MGM does), but they’re trying to work with them to make that happen. Apparently MGM had a Clarice show in development when Hannibal started, so they’re not exactly happy, something that doesn’t bode well. But, I don’t doubt Fuller will make it work, because he’s a genius.

How free are they to deviate from the book? They basically follow the story in the writer’s room, and becomes a sort of mash up of the novels, that they then write for the actors. When they got Michael Pitt as Mason Verger, they tailored the character to what he was doing with it. Michael Pitt was PHENOMENAL last season by the way.

Fuller is hoping to get the rights for Clarice and Silence-stuff, because he wants a completion of the story.

How did Alana Bloom not see Hannibal’s darker side? Caroline argues that he was her rock, that she knew him longer than any of these other characters, and she trusted him. Also, it doesn’t hurt that he’s Mads Mikkelsen/hot (in a Danish/creepy way).

Scott Thompson, who comes from Kids in the Hall, so he knows his shit, argues that it’s a lot easier to be funny on a drama, especially on a show that needs lightening.

So, crazy enough Dr. Chilton is coming back, despite getting shot in the face. He is not dead, and Raul knew he wasn’t, because he read the books and Dr. Chilton survives. He trusts Bryan Fuller implicitly (carried over from Pushing Daisies) and has been very kind to him. Also, I didn’t realize how much of a fan favorite Raul Esparza was until this panel.

David Slade, the director of the pilot and the creator of the “look” of the show, also directed the season 2 finale. Apparently the crazy bloody climax was shot multiple times in complete takes all the way through, which sounds incredibly emotionally draining.

Favorite deaths? Raul: the angel in season 1. Aaron: the baby horse uterus person (or “Turducken,” as it was referred to in the writer’s room). Scott: mushroom death. Caroline: tree person. Steve: totem pole. Martha: eye of god in season 2. Bryan: the cello death, but also loves Mason Verger eating himself.

Slade has gotten better at cooking from this show, which might mean he’s a serial killer.

Will and Hannibal have a genuine love for each other.

Fuller calls the entire show fan fiction, which elicits cheers from the audience. It’s the best fan fiction I’ve ever seen.

Who is Bryan most excited about introducing? Mursaki. Barney was name-dropped in the character, but he was a Silence character, so the rights issue still applies.

Anime was an influence on the show’s style. David Cronenberg, David Lynch and obviously Slade were their cinematic influences.

What’s upcoming for the Sassy Scientists? Abrams promises a spinoff in development, where they fish in a small town, and can’t get out of trouble. It’s called Catch of the Day, and would be awful, he says. We’d all watch it.

Will we know more of Will’s dogs names? Apparently they look to Twitter for inspiration, so tweet @ Hannibal to name a dog on TV. That’s most definitely the dream.

What’s the cuisine for season 3? Italian. Which is a clue as to where Hannibal’s headed while on the run.

Is a Pushing Daisies musical coming, or will music happen on Hannibal? Fuller would love to do a surreal musical in Hannibal’s mind palace, a la Christopher Walken in Weapon of Choice. Apparently Mads can dance/do everything.

If you were eaten, what dish would you want to be served in (a question only asked at Hannibal)? Steve: Raw. Scott: with your fingers. Aaron: Pie. (Scott intones that Aaron is obviously a tiramisu). Caroline: some kind of dessert. Esparza: roast pork, luau style.

Margo and Will’s mirrored scars were intentional, because there’s no accidents on Hannibal. There’s symbolism on top of symbolism, on a platter of more symbolism that looks tasty enough to eat.

The first half season of Season 3 is light on the FBI stuff (see the HQ once in the first 7 episodes, which doesn’t really bode well for Aaron/Scott), and will focus on the pursuit of Hannibal.

When someone comes to ask a question wearing a Dr. Chilton mask, Raul admits that “this is the greatest day of my life.”

3rd season starts one year after the events of season 2, because they want to be vague about who survives, and wanted to land the characters where they’re active (and not in hospitals). The first episode of the 3rd season is like a pilot for a new show starring Hannibal and Dr. Bedelia. They’re telling the story emotionally, not temporally.

Kacey Rohl (Abigail Hobbs) will be a part of season 3. Fuller admits it’d be interesting to see where she was during season 2.

Fuller tries not to think about gender when writing characters, something that deservedly met a ton of applause.

Also: adopt a dog like Will Graham, people.

The panel ended with a stellar snippet from the Hannibal blooper reel, because these murderers and sociopaths actually have a sense of humor.

Who or what is Yahoo! Screen and can we trust it? That is the question all human beings in Greendale and beyond are wondering right about now. Hopefully, this panel starts to answer that question, as we approach #sixseasonsandamovie and Community’s SDCC panel.

I feel like when it was first bandied about, this was a farewell panel. Now it’s a comeback, and that story is about to be written.

TV Guide Magazine is moderating this panel, which I suppose is fitting, since Community won top honors for best cult show.

Watching clips and reel for Community‘s previous five seasons. “Ratings…where we’re going, we don’t need ratings.”

Moderator Michael Snyder kicks it off with: “How about 7 seasons and a Broadway musical?” Yup, this is my panel.

STARBURNS is in the house, and wants Vodka.

EP Chris McKenna is here. Mr. Dan Harmon, creator and EP. Gillian Jacobs/Britta. Jim Rash/Dean Pelton. Joel McHale/Jeff Winger.

The show is back. Michael congrats Harmon for getting on national press release. Dan Harmon comments that he looks like a really bad Russell Crowe, stone age Russell Crowe, where only dinosaurs and carbs exist.

Harmon still doesn’t know how it happened, got call 3 hours before deadline. Said no, then changed mind in 1.5 hours.

Harmon: “You’ll be watching Community how you always watched it. Only now it’s legal.”

RE: ambivalence to comeback: Didn’t want to hurt the fans, didn’t want them to get optimistic.

McHale was asked if how sure he was about it being back, and Starburns pitched Trent, his graphic novel. When asked again, McHale mentioned Trent as an inspiration. But in all seriousness, he was fairly confident, always wanted it back if they paid “me what Jim Parsons is making.” McHale was ready to do a regional theatre version of the show, that’s how supportive and proud he is of the show. He called it the best TV show in the universe.

McHale: “Fuck you network television…unless they want us back.”

Starburns is making a graphic novel/musical, and selling it in the back exit. Scott Adsit sings on it (of 30 Rock). He’s clearly insane.

Gillian shed a tear when it was cancelled, and found out about its comeback on Twitter. Excited to see it in a new medium.

Jim Rash is gleeful about it being back.

Chris McKenna takes credit for it being back, because he tweeted that it was dead and to move on to fans.

What’s happening in season 6? Hard at work on a Pokemon episode…the crowd loved it, but he was joking. Now it’ll probably happen. And better. A Meow Meow mix prequel episode was also joked about.

Dan doesn’t have high falutin plans for season 6.

Anything you can get on the show now that you couldn’t before? Harmon is very careful about changing the show, thinks it needs to be about the community still. Aims to attempt to make the same show, and let the lack of boundaries happen naturally. Still hoping to “air” every week.

This is when my neighbor fell asleep and is leaning on me. When he realizes he’s asleep, he takes a quick photo and then resumes his nap.

Greendale is saved. Is it safe? “I like it as an underdog school.”

Is there a future for Jeff and Britta? Or for Jeff and Annie? McHale: “It’s on the internet, so it’s Jeff and Dean now.” Harmon: “Alison didn’t show up, so…I don’t know what is punishment or reward to her. I base all my decisions on pettiness.

Harmon gets very vague/complicated about romance and whatnot about the love sitch. No idea what he said, but he finishes it by saying, “everybody’s gonna be a vampire.”

Joel compares his character to a moth to a flame. “Maybe I grow a tail…doesn’t know what’s going to happen, and not gonna guess.”

Gillian glad that Britta was victorious on purpose a couple times. Enjoyed being right for a change. Rash: “You’ll never not be the worst.”

Rash spat on Gillian and Joel a lot during his infamous rap scene. Rash is a rapper, and “can’t control that sort of thing…that’s real.” Then Rash starts rapping Starburns’ graphic novel. I love these people.

What traits does Jim appreciate about the Dean? He’s doing his best, and really does love these people.

Which cast members are coming back and will Pierce’s chair be filled? Harmon needs to sit down with the writers and talk about that, so he can’t reveal anything. McHale: “It’s Benedict Cumberbatch.” It’s apparently contractual possible for John Oliver to return, and everyone got pumped about that idea.

Twitter question: What flavor are you? But don’t ask Dan Harmon. So of course Dan Harmon is the only one who answers: “that’s because they can already tell I’m bacon.”

Favorite moments of season 5?

McHale: Working with Mitch Hurwitz as Koogler. Couldn’t stop laughing every scene. Had to run out of scenes.

Jacobs: Had trouble picking an episode, said PASS, but loved the wolf howl and screaming “Floor, bitch.”

Rash: “I enjoyed particularly, the D&D episode, because I wasn’t involved with the first one.” Liked being paired off with different actors holed up in scenes. Mentioned story with Jonathan Banks, where he was expected to laugh, and he didn’t, and his response: “I was.” Then he went crazy in the next one. Apparently on his first day on set, he told someone, “I’ll punch you in the heart.”

Harmon: Most proud that they had three characters doing Gary Oldman doing The Professional.

McKenna: Favorite part was watching Dean trying to get Rhonda’s attention.

Starburns: Loved the Troy departure episode. Wants more of those. Loved the Pierce dying episode. Wants 8 more.

Brief chatter about Dave Matthews Band, because of course.

There was a lot of interrupting on Gillian’s part, Rash removes her microphone and puts her on timeout.

What is the state of Troy? “Troy’s out there…he may be in peril. That’s what movies are made of.  I have no plans for that, but a Search for Spock type movie” is a good idea. McHale wants to see Troy eat LeVar Burton at some point.

People want Meow Meow Mix app. If only a big internet conglomerate owned them…

In terms of holiday episodes, Harmon doesn’t know, because of the schedule and because of the internet. McKenna: “don’t want to do Halloween episodes in February, if we can help it.” Though, that sounds like a great idea.

Someone admits that Britta is they’re favorite character (while simultaneously admitting she’s the worst). What’s next for her in psychiatry? Gillian mentions her cats and being an animal psychiatrist. Gillian: “The possibilities are truly…limited.” Nailed it.

RE: varied theme episodes: “I don’t know how we do it…we blow our own minds”(Harmon)

Two human beings come up to the stage to ask questions, and hug. Aww. McHale wants to know how they go to the bathroom, McHale makes sure they stay on the stage (“It’s the only time of day they’re not awkward.”).

Villains– City College? “Good idea, thanks.”

Apparently there was a story pitched that McHale would have to take care of a dog in a baby bjorn.

What class would you take at Greendale? Gillian: “History of Ice Cream.” McHale: One of those take care of a dog for a week classes.” McKenna: Learning! Starburns: Ditto, what show are we talking about?

How does Joel get his hair to stand up? “I use the Chris Hardwick school of gels…this takes about six hours.”

A fan really wants toys, now that they have money. She also requests Dan Harmon’s weird laugh: apparently his trachea clicks. Could be our last season. Starburns: “I’m a toy…” wants to date the woman who asked it.

Why Colorado and where in Colorado? Harmon wanted to go with the Simpsons, anywhere USA angle. Apparently legal team needs to know where the show is, need a state. So that’s why Colorado was born.

What movie/TV show to spoof that you haven’t already done? Starburns says Toby Gilles (maybe?). No idea.

What about a Rick & Morty crossover? “I don’t know.”

What’s it like to move to internet acting is actually a question we get. “People will see the screen and think Moby has a new music video.” Nudity? Gillian: Only male nudity. McHale insists on it.

The Soup crossover with Mankini? McHale

Can watch Yahoo! Screen or download the Yahoo! screen, and will start production later this summer, and will be available as soon as they’re available. It sounds like it’ll be around Christmas time when we get new episodes.

McHale: “You guys are the greatest fans in history.”

Yahoo! Screen and Subway are providing free sandwiches from 4-8 PM at K Street in San Diego. They are actually themed to different characters on the show. You can order a Britta, people.

Finishes with Senor Chang cosplay, like every panel should. God bless you Greendale. Glad you still exist.

Before even watching an episode, Constantine has a lot of baggage. He’s a wildly popular comic book character that has already been royally screwed up, by being made into a Keanu Reeves movie. Not many movies made after 2000 can boast surviving that curse. Also, most nuggets about the show’s content have been controversial/questionable. Many important facets of his character will be missing: Constantine won’t be seen smoking, he’s not bisexual like he is in the comics, and the main heroine in the pilot, Liv Aberdine (True Blood’s Lucy Griffiths), has already been written out of the show. Hokay now.

After watching the debut episode, I’ve decided none of that matters. While I think Griffiths is quite appealing/ravishing and a worthy character for the show (and her abrupt ending feels like exactly that), these guys clearly know what they’re doing.

This is basically Sleepy Hollow with a more serious tone, but instead with a sarcastic British comic book character in the lead (non-Revolutionary war edition). That would be John Constantine, with Matt Ryan exemplifying him perfectly. He’s an early favorite for breakout actor in the fall. We open on him in Northern England at an insane asylum, where he’s volunteering for shock therapy in order “to forget.” He’s been torturing himself for 3 months, trying not to believe in demons and the occult any longer, even putting himself through sessions with a psychiatrist. He’s trying to heal from a past misdeed, when he damned Astra, an adorable girl, to Hell. He can’t live with himself and wants out of the game.

Thankfully, that doesn’t last long. In group, he follows cockroaches skittering across the floors to a crazy woman with blank white eyes, finger painting with blood on the walls. That doesn’t sound like anything too unique, but trust me, Constantine has some freaky, gruesome and impressively ghoulish visuals in this episode (wait till Liv sees Nana, her dead G-Ma), one of the more exciting elements of the fun, fast-paced pilot. John wastes little time in committing a crazy/awesome exorcism. Afterwards, he’s left with a message in blood on the wall: “Liv Die.” That’s not very nice.

Then we meet said Liv, in Atlanta, where she works at a rental car place. She wants adventure, but her life refuses to give in. You know how I know your life is lame? Even your fortune cookies are blank (in bed). Then, the chance for ALL THE ADVENTURES happens in the parking lot. That or imminent death, as her car almost backs up into her, when she goes out to investigate the phantom object detected by her car’s senses (I knew not to trust those). A crater/explosion almost takes Liv out, when she meets John, riding in an old school taxi cab. He gives her his card (demonologist, master of the occult, etc.), really only succeeding in creeping her out. Then John investigates the hole and meets an angel by the name of Madon, AKA Michael from LOST (Harold Perrinau), who’s trying to persuade John to help them, suggesting that perhaps his soul isn’t damned permanently.

Once home, Liv gets in really sexy clothes and eats another fortune cookie. This time the innards tell her to “Trust Him.” The manufacturers presumably don’t mean God; they mean Constantine! A few hours later, her neighbor/friend Talia has been killed in her stead, because Constantine’s taxi driver protected Liv’s door. I feel like Liv should be madder by the fact that Talia was murdered because Constantine and Interesting Taxi Driver only protected her door, dooming her friend (dick move, guys). Of course, she’s alive, so I guess she can’t really complain. Chas is John’s taxi driver (and old friend) of few words, and mysterious abilities. He also apparently can cook lamb, so he’s automatically the best supporting character in the narrative thus far.

We learn that Liv is the daughter of (the now dead) Jasper Winters, a powerful mystic of some sort, and she’s wanted dead by Furcifer, a dangerous demon with power of electricity. Liv has her father’s ability to see the dead, and to Scrye, or to map out supernatural events before they happen. They also can kick it in Jasper’s demon-hunting den, with books, Dr. Fate’s helmet and other goodies, which is pretty helpful/easy. It’s a lot to take in, but it doesn’t feel like it. It’s breezy, also familiar, and I like that the show jumps through exposition. We get it; show us monsters and angels and gore. And that’s what Constantine does, as John, Liv and Chas fend off evil, John rejoining the fight against it to atone for the Astra debacle.

One other reason this show will rule that I haven’t mentioned is because of Ritchie Simpson, played by jittery and brilliant Jeremy Davies. He was with Constantine in Newcastle, when Constantine had his whoopsie with Astra. The result has left Ritchie disillusioned/pissed at Constantine, and a drug addict. So yay. But he can also shut down Atlanta’s power grid with a click of the button, so I’d put some serious dough that he’s gonna be useful against a demon that manipulates electricity.

How the show cuts Liv feels empty and forced, but it sounds like the showrunners are hoping to move the plot forward even faster, gifting Constantine with a female partner with more experience with the supernatural. If that means we’re getting the crazy faster, then I’m onboard. Plus, there’s nothing stopping Liv from returning in the future.

Overall, Constantine has clever quips, great and creepy FX, and a fun concept. While Atlanta has seen its share of monsters on The Walking Dead, I’m ready for another Hellmouth to open up in Georgia, and more than happy to follow John Constantine jump head first into the carnage.

GRADE: A-

Tonight, the third season of GRIMM reaches its conclusion, with Monroe and Rosalee’s wedding and the promise of some tragic event, along with some sort of conclusion with the craziness revolving around Prince Viktor, Adalind and her baby, the three (!!) Grimm’s, and probably some Wesen racism. Best of all, Bud (Danny Bruno) is definitely going to make an appearance, because there’s no way in hell he isn’t one of Monroe’s groomsmen.

While weddings and pregnancies are the most overused plot points in all of popular culture, there’s no arguing the fact that over the second half of season 3, GRIMM has hit its stride. Its had flashes of brilliance in the past, but normally hemmed frustratingly close to its Wesen-of-the-week formula. While most GRIMM fans have likely been in on the secret that GRIMM had suddenly turned into a consistently great show, I was out of the loop until last week.

Each previous season had finished on a high note, because we learn how good the show can be when it releases the shackles and actually dives into its mythology and its characters, rather than relying on a boring monster one-shot episode. But this third season, I was in danger of never getting to that point. I watch a lot of TV, and GRIMM was just falling by the way side. I had been stuck on episode 13 (“Revelation”) for months, and was tired of Adalind’s pregnancy and the vague snippets of Austria and the Verrat we’d get, most of the plot coming to us via a phonecall to Renard at the precinct (snore), upset that Alexis Denisof wasn’t getting any screentime, and still had the sour taste of zombie Nick in my mouth (which is an unfortunate way to end a sentence).

Then, blessed with the need for procrastination, I binged the most recent nine episodes in short order. Bingeing helps most shows, so that likely had a lot to do with the fact that I found myself loving GRIMM during the latter half of its third season. But that wasn’t just it. All of a sudden, it was banking on its potential, trusting its cast, and letting the audience in on the fun.

I would say the first four episodes were primarily Wesen of the week stories, but they didn’t feel as boring as before. The binge factor and the layover helped, since it had been awhile since I had been hanging out in this Portland Hellmouth, and instead of watching one procedural episode a week and that was that, I could fly by and get to the good stuff. But thankfully, even in these Wesen of the week episodes, more and more of the plot had to do with Adalind and her newborn, as she escaped from the Verrat with the Resistance, an active player in her fate. Plus Nick’s Mom came back, and in the brilliant “Nobody Knows The Trubel I’ve Seen,” GRIMM plays our expectations against us, subverting its tired and true formula, by making a seeming victim turn out not only to be the killer, but a misunderstood Grimm, fending off vicious Wesen attacks. While her name couldn’t be any worse (TRUBEL?!), Jacqueline Toboni has injected an entirely different energy to the show. She has a unique look and an awesome story. Jacqueline was discovered by creator and EP Jim Kouf when he came to speak to her screenwriting class at the University of Michigan, and gifted with the knowledge that a major female GRIMM role was coming, she sent in a taped reading that floored NBC. Lucky woman.

There are still some groan worthy moments. You get the sense that even Monroe and Rosalee, the nicest couple on the planet, are tired of Nick’s house calls and expectation that they will drop everything and help a brother out. Of course, nobody else has real lives that matter outside of their importance to Nick, right? I have no problem with that, since this is TV, but since Nick’s still somehow a cop, and Monroe and Rosalee have their shop, and are putting their necks on the line for no real reason except out of moral fortitude, I wish they’d just drop the pretense. This is Nick’s Scooby Gang, and protecting Portland IS their lives. They need to make that choice, and verbalize it, so we don’t feel guilty/weird that Nick’s always dragging them away from clock making or whatever. I have a feeling that moment is going to come during their wedding, when Monroe and Rosalee realize their lives will always be about fighting the good fight. I also think a death might occur in the finale that makes this choice for them, though I hope it isn’t either one of them, since they’re too darn precious, and probably the two most invaluable members to the ensemble.

I also can’t believe that Nick and company were willing to let Wu go crazy rather than let him on the Wesen secret. What dickheads. I want Wu to uncover the truth, and turn bad, or turn on them, because he deserves some resentment. That said, I’d rather just have Wu and his sarcasm in on the joke, and join the Portland Scooby’s.

But you get the sense that consequences are coming, as Nick and company have made some hard choices, and they aren’t necessarily the correct ones. We’re about to see the cost of giving Adalind’s baby to Nick’s Mom, and implicating the Verrat in the process, and lying to Adalind, who was so crushed, vulnerable and a potential ally until they STOLE HER CHILD (who’s admittedly Damien from THE OMEN).

Just the fact that I’m speculating about future events proves how much more esteem I put in GRIMM than I once did. I started GRIMM because I originally had to recap for it. By the end of the first season, I was decently hooked, but for the most part, I was kind of just going through the motions, keeping on just because I like to finish shows I start. I wasn’t attached to any of the characters beyond Monroe and Rosalee. It’s kind of like how I feel about ONCE UPON A TIME (which also had a resurgence in the latter half of season 3).

But now, I actually really like Nick. Before, he was one of the most boring leading men on television. They’ve added humor and edge to his character and really let David Giuntoli breathe. He’s a badass, and isn’t pussy footing around silly things like rules any more. Even when we think we know Captain Renard, we know shit. Adalind has always been one of the best scene stealing characters on the show, and now she’s been woven into the very framework of the show, with her arc intertwined with GRIMM’s future, since her child appears to be the chosen one of some sort.

Juliette previously had no place on the show, and was almost a laughable part of the puzzle, but since she’s learned about Nick and the truth, she’s been a far more active member of the cast, and I totally like her now. She’s steadfastly loyal, smart, brave, and sticking with Nick despite the danger. Which is exactly why I’m predicting she dies in the season finale tonight, since heroes never get the woman and I just think that GRIMM is about to have that Jenny Calendar moment, where we realize SHIT IS FOR REAL, and Nick has to live with the consequences. It’s the Gwen Stacy principle, and it’s never going away. I rather liked that the leading character on the show started out in a monogamous, happy relationship, something that rarely happens unless it’s a family sitcom, but until this third season, they couldn’t figure out how to use Juliette without using magic or stupidity to muck up their relationship, since static happiness is boring. I don’t want Juliette to die right when I finally like her, and appreciate her, but that’s how it goes on a show on the periphery of the Whedonverse (Jim Kouf and David Greenwalt are BUFFY/ANGEL alums). Either that, or Nick’s Mom dies, because three Grimm’s is way too many Grimm’s. Or Hank dies, because he doesn’t really add anything to the show anymore, I’m sorry to say.

I don’t know if I can pinpoint the exact moment when I bought into GRIMM completely, and that I believe that it’s renaissance is a trend, and not just the end-of-season fireworks, but it’s a combination of when unsung hero Sebastien (Christian Lagadec) sacrificed himself for Meisner, Adalind and her baby and I actually gave a shit, or when Trubel was introduced and quickly ushered into the fold, further enlarging the mythology, or how in “The Inheritance” (one of my favorite GRIMM eps ever), TWO episodes after they introduced a third GRIMM to the world, we see there’s a fourth one, dying, trying to get a key into Nick’s hands, the mythos and central mystery actually gripping me.

I’m excited for tonight’s finale,  I hope GRIMM is for real, because it really does have a sparkle of that BUFFY flavor when it’s on, and it’s been on for awhile now. Judging by the finale’s title “Blond Ambition,” Adalind is gonna get some revenge, and I think it’ll go a long way in determining how serious Jim Kouf, David Greenwalt and company are taking this show going forward.

WonderCon coverage continues, as I got a chance to sit down as a part of a round table interview with actor Stephen Collins (7th Heaven, Star Trek: The Motion Picture) and then with writer/executive producer Rockne S. O’Bannon. I also covered the Revolution panel, and have a similarly formatted interview with star Elizabeth Mitchell. In other words, it was a Revolution-inspiring Friday.

SPOILERS FOR SEASON 2 OF "REVOLUTION" FOLLOW.

First up was Stephen Collins, who joined Revolution in season 2 as Dr. Gene Porter, Rachel Matheson’s father. He also just so happens to be a traitor, as we find out he’s been secretly working for the Patriots. Not coincidentally, the show got much better once the veteran actor gifted the ensemble with his presence.

But enough about Revolution, let’s go back 35 years to Star Trek: The Motion Picture (1979), a film in which Collins played a character by the name of Decker. What kind of legacy has that role left for Collins? Stephen’s quick to point out that when the first movie came out, there had been only 3 seasons of the original Star Trek TV show, and it had been nine years since. All of the actors on set were excited and thrilled. DeForest Kelly (or Bones to you) befriended Collins on set, and gave him sage wisdom: “Star Trek will always be part of your life.”

That wherever Collins goes, that Trek fans will follow. Collins has written books, produced music, and whenever he does events, even now, 15-20% are Star Trek fans. He calls them the “smartest, most thoughtful people.” At the time, the movie was perceived as a failure. Clearly, it wasn’t, since it spawned a slew of other movies, TV shows, and a franchise that will remain with us forever. I could’ve listened to him talk about Star Trek forever; what a fascinating point to be enmeshed with the franchise; a fulcrum of cinematic and TV history, a period when Star Trek wasn’t yet more than just the original cast.

Jumping to the present: what can he tell us about the last four episodes of Revolution‘s second season?
The “Patriots are gonna pull out more stops; they’re making their final push.” The pure element of survival comes into play. At this point, if Stephen himself was a character, he’d be ready to go. “Just shoot me,” and he’s not referring to anything to do with David Spade. In fact, he admits that if Revolution happened in real life, “I’d be gone so fast.”

Like Elizabeth Mitchell, he’s quick to point out how hardened the survivors have become, from being continually pushed hard against. It’s hard not to see the parallels with The Walking Dead in how the survivors are discussed, and the notion that “anyone” can die.

What would you like to see happen in Season 3?The coolest stuff Collins revealed had to do with some awesome sequences upcoming with a steam locomotive. They found one three and a half hours from Austin, and moved set there for a week to shoot scenes on it, producing a “really cool action sequence.” They built a crane to shoot the scene, and according to Collins, it was the biggest crane ever built for filmmaking. Collins described the scenes “like playing cowboys and Indians at the richest kid in the world’s house.” The 8 year old in him loved it.

“I would love to see an episode all about water, [and] answer the question about water in this world.” He’s fascinated by where they get water in the town. Is there good or bad water? Water would seemingly be the commodity, and whomever possesses it would have a tremendous amount of power. It sounds like a smart and interesting way to squeeze more out of this post-apocalyptic world, and it’ll be interesting if Stephen’s idea is touched on.

What’s he up to during the show’s hiatus?
Now that he’s older, he’s not trying to jam in another job during a break. It’s been nine days since they stopped shooting, but to Stephen, it feels like one. He’s happy to take it easy…though he won’t shy away if Martin Scorsese comes calling.

Following Stephen was one of the new writers and EP’s on Revolution for its second season, Rockne S. O’Bannon (Farscape, who’s about to be a lot busier).

What’s your take on the last four episodes of season 2?
The nano technology storyline dove tails and comes together with everything else that’s been going on, as the Patriot subplot amps up. We can expect every character to have a huge life changing event. Following Charlie’s fatal shooting of Jason, the reverberations for Charlie and Neville will be felt throughout the show. Rockne describes Neville as a father who was fine beating on his son (literally and figuratively), assuming he’d always have time to make amends and patch things up. That opportunity was robbed of him, and now he’s lost his entire family over this season, and we’re going to see what that does to him.

Are there any more casualties to come?
“No one is safe.” You never know, and we will see that in the last four episodes.

How are the show’s ratings?
They are incredibly consistent, and “NBC seems behind us to tell stories,” and are “excited to see scripts,” which in turn, makes Rockne excited. That said: “We’re not out of the woods.” Creator Eric Kripke (Supernatural) is pitching season 3 as we speak, which is kind of spooky.

What happens if NBC doesn’t want Season 3? Would it go elsewhere?
Rockne obviously doesn’t want to find out, but “it’s the kind of show” that could translate to other networks and have the fan support to survive, but he doesn’t know. Revolution isn’t an inexpensive show, but he’s proud that it “looks like nothing else on network TV.” It’s a possibility to have legs beyond NBC, should that be necessary.

Lastly, a fan question ended our afternoon sojourn with Revolution. Who is older: Miles or Ben?
This even stumps Rockne. “I don’t know.” He guesses Ben, but he does so as a fan himself, and not with any certainty.

Before this weekend, I had a fair amount of certainty that I was done with Revolution. The panel and this round table discussion has revitalized my interest, making my to-binge list even more unwieldy. Thanks a lot, WonderCon.

Elizabeth Mitchell is a wonderful human being. We’ve known and loved her since she burst onto the scene of LOST as Juliette, and gave Sawyer (and us) someone to fall in love with. But she’s been all over the map, with V, ER and even Santa Clause 2 on her varied and impressive resume. She currently lights up our TV on NBC’s Revolution as the mercurial Rachel Matheson, which airs on Wednesdays at 8 PM.

Revolution was all over WonderCon for Friday, with an exciting panel, a press conference and a round table chat featuring star Elizabeth Mitchell (LOST), Stephen Collins (7th Heaven) and writer/executive producer Rockne S. O’Bannon (Farscape, Cult, The Twilight Zone). I luckily managed to be apart of that round table, and the following are juicy nuggets from the conversation with Elizabeth Mitchell, as she teases the upcoming final four episodes of Revolution‘s second season, what she wants to see in season 3 (should she and the show survive), her nerd upbringing and thoughts on LOST, conventions and more!

The following questions were not asked by me unless otherwise noted.

After a brief discussion of nail polish (she debated wearing Moss from Butter, if you must know), we launched into Revolution.

Mitchell: “Hi, WonderCon!”

“What’s the experience like for you going to Comic-Con, and being at Wonder-Con? Do you get to walk the convention floor?”

Mitchell: “I have never been able to walk the convention floor, yet. I think if I walked in my sweats and baseball cap, I’d be fine. But given that I’m 6 foot 3 in my heels and would be followed by security people,the walking floor hasn’t happened yet for me. But I could do it!

“Have you ever thought about wearing a mask?”

Mitchell: “That’s such a good idea…I’ve always thought about the mask! I could dress as a guy, I’m tall enough to pull it off. That’d be awesome! Yeah, I could do that. And I love both. WonderCon is always slightly easier, it’s lower key. But at the same time, there’s a lot of stuff in it. It’s chewy enough. There’s plenty of things going on. It doesn’t feel like a madhouse and you’re able to do the things that you like to do. Meet the people you like to meet, see the people you want to see. Lower key is always good for me.”

“You don’t get to enjoy the con?”

Mitchell: “No, no. And that’s the thing isn’t it, especially for me…I’m a fan of everything. I grew up reading Frank Herbert, and went on to comic books from there. I think I read every science fiction book, I got my comic books every week. I’ve always been a huge believer in sci-fi/fantasy because I think it’s where we try out our versions of the truth. It’s fun…The way I was in high school and grade school…I couldn’t have been beat up more. I kind of hung out in the girl’s bathroom in the stall, reading a book. Sad, but true. But then you get older, and ha, that’s kind of cool actually. It’s better than ‘Oh, everybody loved me my whole life!’ What fun is that? Where do you go from there?”

“You have four episodes that have not aired yet. What can you tease about the upcoming four episodes?”

Mitchell: They’re very exciting. A lot of things happen. We enjoyed filming them….and, um…

“You should be a politician.”

Mitchell: I’ve been told that, but I’d be terrible, because I also tell the truth….that apparently gets you in trouble. You just have to ask me the right question… the second to last episode is probably one of my favorite ones we’ve done. Billy gets to do some extraordinary stuff, and I love watching him, so that’s really fun for me. And Charlie has even more good stuff coming up, and I’m enjoying watching her, both because I’m crazy about Tracy, and I’m enjoying how much the character has grown. I think she’s a very interesting character. There’s a lot of big stuff coming with her. The second to last episode is packed, packed with good things. And the last episode is, as always with Revolution, devastating, and kind of creepy, and somewhat inspiring, so we’ll see. Some people, it’s fantastic. Some people, they don’t get out alive, obviously because it’s Revolution…It sounds so cliche to say that, but it’s true.”

“Assuming you make it out alive, assuming, what would you like to see in season 3?”

Mitchell: I’m a geek, I wanna see more nano stuff. That stuff is really fun. I mean, the nano in the last four episodes, is one of my favorite parts of the whole show, so far. The stuff they come up with, where there minds go with it, and visually, it’s stunning. So I’d like to see more of that. Everybody is different with what they like…With Revolution, they tend to throw it all against the wall. What does Stephen [Collins] call it…the Sophie’s Choice episodes, where you have to make impossible choices in every episode, and I like that. I think it’s really interesting. It means you’re always in danger, always on the cusp of something. It’s very hard, simply to coast. There’s no coasting. So yeah, we try to put all the different colors in there. Of course, everyone’s like battle hardened warriors now, so in some ways we don’t show all the things that happen…They are really tough.

Recently, you killed someone off. For those that haven’t caught up, I won’t mention any names. I think, as a fan, it’s important to constantly change characters, and if characters don’t die…

Mitchell: There are no stakes. No risk. I think it has to happen that way…You don’t want to watch a show and think “That person’s never gonna die…” and that’s not how Revolution is. Anyone can die at any time. The thing is, the power went out. Yeah, we have this Matheson family, the whole thing has always been this band of survivors. I like that it keeps it very real, keeps us wondering…it makes it feel like it’s not safe. It probably shouldn’t be. It’s more entertaining that way.

Seven Inches of Your Time: How do you compare the two fanbases of LOST and Revolution? There’s probably a lot of overlap…

Mitchell: Yes and no. I think there’s some overlap, but then there’s also not. I have found that there are people who watch Revolution that I have never met before. A whole new kind of fanbase. And then the people I have met before, from LOST, and the core sci-fi fantasy watchers that you meet. Then on the other side of that, a lot of is different. We’ve roped in my Mom and Dad, who are completely different. My Mom is independent movies and Dad is Conan the Barbarian, and you kind of feel  like..Okay, they both like it. It’s different. I don’t know how to say how it’s different. LOST had a lot of high intellectual how-do-you-figure-this-out way of thinking and people were continually stumped, whereas Revolution is more swashbuckling, like a true adventure. I think that’s where the difference lies, and why it attracts different people.

You’re on hiatus now…and given how much you work on Revolution when the show is filming, how do you weigh adding more work to the mix, or do you just want to sit on your ass for two months?

Mitchell: I have an 8 year old. Ass sitting is not something I do on a regular basis, because normally it’s “Mom!” the moment I sit down. I also have a massive 100 pound mutt…so he usually tries to sit there first, and he’s so big, he’s on the couch, I’m on the floor. As far as other projects go, when you’re doing something that’s 16 hours a day, and all-encompassing, it’s hard to take on something else, it is, because you kind of feel like where’s your time to collapse on the floor. Yeah, it’s hard.

Are you thinking about taking something on now?

Mitchell: I might. I just optioned a book actually. I’m putting that together. And that just happened last Monday. 

So you’ve signed the paperwork?

Mitchell: I’ve signed the paperwork. 

So you can say what the book is.

Mitchell: It’s called Dolls Behaving Badly. 

Do you have a one liner?

Mitchell: Well, actually, I have to work on that, because I was telling the guys at work, and they were like “I’m already sleep,” whereas the women were like, “That’s fascinating!” So it’s a bunch of messed up people trying to figure out their lives, but it’s done in such a clever way, it’s incredibly funny. I would hope to put together a group of darkly comedic people, which are some of my favorite people.

Is this something you’d like to write?

Mitchell: I would like to write it. I’ve written plays, I’ve never written a screenplay. I don’t want to have a tremendous amount of hubris about it. I will try my hand, and then I’ll definitely say, “Hey! Help!” But it’s so beautiful on the page…I laughed out loud and thought it was phenomenal. It’s a bunch of different kind of amazing characters. I’m hopeful it’ll just kind of be there.

How are the ratings on the show? Where does it air around the world? How does it do?

Mitchell: Good question. I don’t know where it airs around the world, I should, but I don’t. The ratings are steady…but they’re not terrific. But they’re steady. Most people do not watch us on the night. And because they don’t, your show doesn’t really get credit for being watched….It’s such a hard thing to tell people, because people always say, “My favorite shows get cancelled!” I never watch anything live, I always watch it on my DVR. And the plus 7 numbers count, but nothing beyond there. Your Hulu doesn’t count, Netflix doesn’t…they count that, but it isn’t marked down. We have a huge amount of people watching us in the playbacks, and our DVR numbers are kind of crazy. We have a lot of people watching us, but it’s hard to tell that until a few weeks after we air. But then people will put it together and go, “Oh! A lot of people are watching that show. So, they’re alright. They’re steady. 

When people run into you, in like Starbucks, what is it they want to talk to you about?

Mitchell: It depends on who they are. Some kids just want to tell me what they want for Christmas, which is nice. And then some people want to tell me how disappointed they were with the LOST finale and some people want to tell me how they obviously did the right thing. A lot of people want to tell me about when Juliette fell, and the sadness of that. Some people just want to talk about different stuff with Revolution, with me, it depends on who I run into. The coffee crowd is huge, it crosses all the demographics.

The first season of NBC’s Revolution was one of the more frustrating TV experiences I had last year. The second season brought with it many changes, including new cast members, a massively different status quo, a shift in tone, and a different stable of writers in the writer’s room working with creator and executive producer Eric Kripke (Supernatural). They were all promising moves for the Bad Robot show, though I’ll be honest, I fell off the wagon about 9 episodes into the second season, even though it’s clear the show improved.

Fast forward to now, and we’re four episodes away from the end of the second season, with Revolution a solid, stable performer for NBC, but no certainty to return. Revolution thrives on its lack of certainty, however, with its “no character is safe” mantra being tested again recently, when, SPOILERS AHEAD, Jason was shot and killed by Charlie. Wowza. With that all in mind, here comes the Revolution panel.

We begin with an awesome sizzle reel, which is when I wrote down: When did Revolution get good? Right after I stopped watching it, clearly. The video is filled with bloody deaths, quippy one liners and pop culture references, and it’s badass, including the exclusive, never before seen preview of what’s to come. Hint: it involves a train heist, a very pissed off Tom Neville, and Rachel smacking Priscilla (Maureen Sebastian) around.

Eric Goldman from IGN.com is our friendly neighborhood moderator, joined by writer Rockne S. O’Bannon and stars Elizabeth Mitchell (LOST) and Stephen Collins (7th Heaven, Devious Maids).

The change in tone, which clearly transformed the show for the better, is immediately addressed. Writer Rockne joined the show in season 2, and is credited as one of the key components for its turnaround. He was a fan of the show on season 1 (the only network show he watched), and then was asked to write for the show in season 2. Isn’t that nice for him? I’ll write for Arrow next season, in case anyone is wondering.
Earlier in the season, Stephen’s character, Dr. Gene Porter, was found out to be secretly working for the nefarious Patriots, right under Rachel and Miles’ noses. Rachel is his daughter, but she tried to kill him anyway. Stephen was genuinely hurt after he watched the episode. Apparently it was far more serious and threatening on screen than when they filmed it on set. Of course, he kind of deserved it, Patriot loving scum (though I’m lumping the Patriots with the sports team, as well).

Goldman mentions and lauds the increased sense of humor in season 2, including many a pop culture reference. Rockne’s response: “Eric’s other show Supernatural had that…and it becomes natural, organic and satisfying.” For Stephen, the humor “lets the show breathe,” because the show is normally the stark contrast of life and death, and the humor brings much-needed levity to the proceedings. As an audience member himself, Stephen loves it, including Billy Burke’s “8,000 ways” he can say, “He’s such a dick.”

The show apparently has “very little ad-libbing.” Collins tell us a story when there is some, however. When we found out that Gene was having a relationship with the bartender, because Billy Burke found her character so attractive, he responded: “Good for you, Gene,” which was not in the script. I couldn’t tell you who the bartender is, but apparently everyone finds her hot on set.

One of the things that the writers on Revolution do consistently…”is justify my bad acting?” Elizabeth quips. No, they don’t give characters an easy out. Stephen refers to it as the Revolution Sophie’s Choice: characters are given a horrible choice, and an even worse choice.

On the subject of Gene’s turncoat reveal, Rockne believes that “Gene’s heart is in the right place, but his mind is end justifies the means.” Interestingly, when Stephen signed on to play Gene, he had no idea he was a bad guy, which he think helped make it all the more surprising and believable when it happened.

What will happen in the aftermath of Jason’s death? Rockne on the death: “Any character is vulnerable, and it really makes the stakes of the show very real. Losing a character as important as Jason is a very difficult decision, but it had such an emotional resonance, going back literally to the pilot, it was the right decision for the show at the time…and spins Charlie in a very unusual way, not what you’d expect.”

Tom lost Julia this year, and is the “definition of loose cannon,” so clearly Tom Neville will be pretty upset now that he’s alone. In the sizzle reel kicking off the panel, we see Neville aiming his gun at Charlie…so it’s safe to say that might not end well.

As Mitchell says, Rachel isn’t the best person to go to with your problems, “but she’s trying” to provide good support, to Charlie.

The second season has split the characters up (a decision Elizabeth and Stephen both loved, giving a chance to work intimately with other actors), with Aaron off on his own, Neville on his own adventure, but now they’re all coming together for the final four episodes. Rachel is “the lightning rod” for both stories: the nano’s and the Patriots.

What does that make Rachel’s role in the last four episodes? Mitchell “…loves the nano’s [plotline],” and is thrilled that Aaron is back. It’s fun to be the person in Aaron’s world and battling the Patriots, because she gets to see what everyone is up to. As the sizzle reel showed, she “smacks Priscilla around a little.”

Gene’s role in the last four episodes? Collins explains that the show asks a lot of the actors, that the fatigue that sets in, reflects in the character (and he loves the drain). The characters can look as beat up as we feel. “Gene is trying to figure out how to survive another day…What gets you through?” He loves how the writers are pushing the characters, and testing their faith. He has some “deep, elemental” scenes coming up, including one in particular that Elizabeth was in awe of.

Then the group got to gushing about the “Aaron Matrix” episode, or “Dreamcatcher,” which was a solo flashback episode featuring Aaron (Zak Orth). According to Rockne, the episode was Eric’s idea, and they just needed to figure out when they could do it organically in the season. It was unique for the show because it focused on one character, and they had to figure out how to put the other characters in it. Afterwards, because the actors actually got to wear makeup, Stephen came up to Liz and told her: “Liz, you’re really attractive.” Apparently, the last part of the makeup process on the set of Revolution is normally the “dirtbag” phase. Not so on “Dreamcatcher.” Throughout the episode, Liz was trying so hard not to laugh at drunk Miles and his side comments, and loved Zak’s performance. He’s the everyman, clearly a very funny man, but such a dramatic actor. I’m sure somewhere, Zak Orth is touched by the affection.

The wonderful thing about watching panels on shows you’re not up to date with, is you get questions that mean absolutely nothing to you, are mindboggling, and endlessly intriguing. Like this one: How much more will we be learning about California and Governor Affleck? Um, what? Apparently the California colony is up to something, and the writers have been slowly teasing it out over the second season. They were very comfortable letting the whole thing be at arms-length, but are introducing “itty bitty hints” in the next four episodes. It’s mentioned that J.J. Abrams (executive producer) knows Jennifer Garner (from Alias), so perhaps Ben Affleck is a possibility….

Now to the fan Q&A…!

Fan Question #1: How much of the characters shifting alliances were organic or already planned?
Rockne: 30-40% were planned, the rest of it “is what’s going to surprise us, and by extension, surprise everyone else.”

Fan Question #2: What are the possibilities for the 3rd season (if they get one)?
Rockne: Literally at this moment, Kripke is in Burbank pitching season 3 (“and we have a live camera!”). At the end of this season, everything comes together (Patriots, nanotech) and explodes apart, and something is whispered into Rachel’s ear, and those words change what you think was behind the blackout.

Fan Question #3: The guy really loves this show, but he wonders about all the violence in the 8 PM family slot.
“It doesn’t seem like an 8 o’clock show, does it?” Mitchell responds. Mitchell is consistently asking if they can do the things they do. The show was originally a 10 PM show, of course, but when they switched it to 8 PM, it wasn’t about the content, and NBC didn’t ask them to change what they were doing. Rockne calls the show a “wonderful hybrid of sci-fi, some fantasy and adventure.” To which Mitchell adds “swashbuckling.” Every show needs swashbuckling. Mitchell thinks it got bloodier since it moved. “A lot of casual death,” as Collins puts it. Rockne thinks its fun to be on the cutting edge with nanotech, but loves that the show is grounded, with the answer to what we’d do for survival without power.

Fan Question #4: Since the nanotech has taken the form of other humans, including dead characters, is there a possibility that we’ll see dear old Danny again?
Answer: Mitchell is on board with the idea, and Rockne reveals that the writers talk about Danny all the time in the writer’s room. So…maybe. Am I the only one who could care less about Danny?

Fan Question #5: Is anything going to happen between Miles and Rachel?
Mitchell’s answer: “Gosh I hope so. I think they’re made for each other, sadly. In a good way as well. We have a good scene coming up that we both enjoy…”

Fan Question #6: What drew you guys to the post-apocalyptic world?
Answer: It’s Kripke’s creation, so they’re the wrong ones to ask, but Rockne explains that like most Bad Robot shows, it’s a different/alternate version of Earth. As Mitchell puts it, the show asks “my favorite question…What if?” Collins has worked on Falling Skies, another post-apocalyptic show, but unlike that show that has aliens, Revolution is real…except one huge ingredient of our lives has been removed, and Revolution seeks to answer what civilization would look like afterwards.

Fan Question #7: Are we going to see more of how Miles and Sebastian conquered the world?
Answer: “That’s a big open field for us, that we talk about all the time, especially as we get into Monroe and his son trying to rebuild what was once there.” (Rockne) They’re taking the opportunity of Monroe and his son reuniting to give us a glimpse of what happened the first time (though they’re judicious with their use of flashbacks), and want to see how that impacts the relationship between Miles and Monroe. Once they saw Monroe together with the group this season, they knew they had to keep him there.

Fan Question #8: Could Rachel ever forgive Bass?
Answer: Mitchell thinks about that a lot. “I don’t know, I kind of hope so.”

From there, it became a gush fest about the set and the location, as Revolution films in Austin, a city that everyone raves about, always. They also shoot in Bartlett, a tiny town an hour or so away that is a perfect setting for a place without power, filled with delightful townsfolk. After watching this panel, the audience of Revolution has added back a hopefully delighted viewer (that’s me, if that wasn’t explicit enough).

There might be some misconceptions about this one and googling “sudden death” is a risky proposition, especially with the rash of untimely and tragic celebrity deaths recently. Unfortunately, I cannot teach you how to avoid sudden death, as the book above purports (for 25 cents, no less!). Nor am I talking about this movie:

The 1985 film’s logline: “A New York City career woman becomes a vigilante after being raped by two car thieves.” It sounds like an unholy cocktail of Jodie Foster’s filmography (THE BRAVE ONE and THE ACCUSED), and probably shouldn’t be watched, let alone drank to.

I’m also not referring to the clever short musical of the same name (“Finally, A Musical Where Everyone Dies”):

Though maybe I should be.

The SUDDEN DEATH to which I refer stars ubiquitous baddie Powers Boothe, forever destined to be one when given such a name:

It unfortunately does not star…

But it’s even better.

Inspired by a deleted scene from PARKS AND RECREATION in which Andy Dwyer (or Chris Pratt, burgeoning king of the known cinema-verse) delivers a cunning and hilarious musical rendition of one of Jean-Claude Van Damme’s finest performances (at a kid’s birthday party), SUDDEN DEATH had to happen. Here’s Andy doing his thing:

That was published January 23rd. Three days later, my friends got together for a MOVIE DRINKING GAME to what was surely one of the classics of cinema. As SB Nation put it, SUDDEN DEATH is the best Stanley Cup action movie of all-time, a phrase with untold conviction and even more competition for the crown (there is none). It’s the second collaboration between director Peter Hyams and JCVD. Their first? TIMECOP, another classic begging for a drinking game (as does every other movie in the Muscles from Brussels’ filmography).

Here’s the trailer:

If there was any doubt to its greatness, and in case you missed the above photo, this is a movie that has Jean-Claude Van Damme FIGHTING the Pittsburgh Penguin (“Iceburgh”), and she arguably gives him his toughest test. This is a movie that matters.

And now, without further ado, the MOVIE DRINKING GAME™ rules, entitled “Terror Goes Into Overtime,” after this film’s winning slogan.

1. Take a sip every time JCVD connects on a kick. Finish your drink for the super kick. You’ll know which one it is. If not, well, hopefully you brought more beer.

2. Drink every time Jean-Claude Van Damme exhibits truly awful, deplorable and irresponsible parenting.

3. Drink whenever you witness sudden death! (So when people die)

4. Toast (and drink) if there’s ever confusion over how many periods are in a hockey game (hockey fans just changed the page) with your group of friends.

5. Drink when the game goes to overtime! (Spoiler police: it’s the title! Also, this is a movie from 1995)

6. Gulp whenever someone in the room hums or sings Andy Dwyer’s SUDDEN DEATH hymn. Double it if someone immediately afterwards suggests putting the video on, again.

7. Whenever a goal is scored, you know what to do. Even if it happens off screen.

8. Drink for every new period.

9. Sip on that ice cold Penn Brewery beer (brewed in Pittsburgh) every time you’re in awe of the deplorable security at the game.

10. Roll your eyes, roll up your sleeves and get to drinking whenever JCVD’s kids make a stupid decision. If they make a smart one, dish a drink out to your colleagues (read: gang up on your least favorite friend).

EXPERT LEVEL: Waterfall for as long as JCVD’s son Tyler (hey, it’s the cutie from SLEEPLESS IN SEATTLE) stays in his seat during the game. Note: please don’t do this. It’s impossible.

Want more SUDDEN DEATH? There apparently was an audio book of the movie novelization, voiced by Powers Boothe. WHAT?!

Disclaimer: Drink responsibly, or else you may make the title of this movie a self-fulfilling prophecy. Don’t do that, or put on your skates and get in the rink after this game; it will end as poorly for you as it does for the Blackhawks in this game.