Before I get to the good stuff, let’s get to my predictions for…

THE SIX WORST SCI-FI/FANTASY MOVIES OF 2015

Paddington

Jupiter Ascending: It was delayed from last summer to the much ballyhooed February 6th weekend spot. It looks more nonsensical than Transformers, and will likely require hallucinogenic drugs to enjoy or “get.”

Seventh Son: Is there a weirder movie weekend than February 6th? Jeff Bridges was becoming Rooster Cogburn for good at my first San Diego Comic-Con in 2013 promoting THIS movie, which was supposed to come out sometime in 2014. Like Jupiter Ascending, it was plopped to February 6th, providing ample fodder for an acid fueled trip to the movies.

The Spongebob Movie: Sponge Out of Water: This was also close to making the top 10 most anticipated.

Minions: FUCK THE MINIONS. I said it (if you never hear from me again, you know why). Despicable Me was great. Despicable Me 2 was less great, in main part because it relied too heavily on the Minions, a one-note kiddie terror. Kids will love it, and this will likely gross more money than any other movie not named Avengers or Star Wars, but to me, it’s just gross.

Pan

BEST GUILTY PLEASURE

San Andreas. The Rock in a disaster movie destroying my current home? Delicious.

HONORABLE MENTION

The Ethan Hawke Two-fer: 1) Predestination, a time travel mindfuck based on a Heinlein short story and…2) Regression, a movie where Hawke may have molested Emma Watson, who is also his daughter. Ethan Hawke is fascinating, guys.

The Martian: Andy Weir’s highly praised sci-fi novel was one of the first purchases I made with the requisite Amazon gift cards this New Year, and I’m excited to read it. I hear phenomenal things. Unfortunately, the movie adaptation is directed by Ridley Scott, so it doesn’t deserve a place anywhere near the top 10. But the cast is RIDICULOUS: Matt Damon, Jessica Chastain, Kirsten Wiig, Sebastian Stan, Kate Mara, Chiwetal Ejiofor, Sean Bean, Mackenzie Davis, Jeff Daniels, Michael Pena AND Donald Glover. Holy hell.

Kingsmen: I honestly think this movie looks crappy, but someone I respect mentioned it might do what the original Kick-Ass did for superhero movies, for spies, and that made me start to consider the possibility (it’s similarly adapted from a Mark Millar comic book). Plus, Samuel L. Jackson’s villainy looks hilarious, and I think it might be a lot of mindless fun.

The Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 2: I hate when movie titles make me have two semi colons in one line. Honestly, it could very well be the best of all four movies, and I still enjoyed Part 1 despite its obvious flaws…but like The Hobbit, I’ve reached fatigue on these movies. Which is probably sacrilegious since it stars my #1 grrl. I’ll totally see it, but it’s just not up there anticipated wise.

Spectre: This one is gonna get me the most flak (I correctly predicted that David would rank it #3). I like a return to Bond’s roots with Blofeld and whatnot…but I’m just more interested to see new movies, unless it’s Marvel or Star Wars, because I’m a hypocrite. Christoph Waltz will probably get a Supporting Actor nomination, and win, because THAT’S ALL HE DOES. With the massive exception of Big Eyes, where he’s spectacularly miscast.

SLEEPERS

What We Do In The Shadows: This killed at AFI Fest and I’m bummed I missed it, but a horror mockumentary following 3 vampires and starring the Flight of the Conchords folks sounds more than promising.

Spring: A horror romance defying genre classification directed by Ridley Scott’s interns? Perfect sleeper choice. Anything for some Ridley Scott comeuppance.

It Follows: Strange sexual encounters + insane buzz = intrigue. Indie horror movies were the realm of some of the very best movies of any genre in 2014 (The Babadook, Starry Eyes, Housebound, A Girl Walks Home Alone At Night, and…Mr. Turner), so I’m all in this year.

White God: Um. Look no further than this mindblowing premise…

A young girl is separated from her dog, who searches the city for his lost owner — but when that fails, the dog leads an army of other abandoned dogs, in a canine uprising to kill all the humans.

Yup. Have you ever wondered what Homeward Bound would’ve looked as a horror movie? It’s apparently Birds but with dogs. It’s Cujo times infinity. 

Ex Machina: Alex Garland wrote Dredd, which rocked, and I love Domnhall Gleeson.

The Moon and the Sun: a sci-fi/historical romance movie starring Pierce Brosnan and William Hurt? Hott.

Krampus: FUCK YEAH. Michael Dougherty is the writer/director, and Trick ‘r Treat was one of the most fun horror movies I’ve ever seen. This has instant classic written all over it.

Kitchen Sink: A comedy about monsters that likely skewers Hollywood’s obsession with them, that stars Bob Odenkirk, Patton Oswalt and Keegan-Michael Key. Yee.

After writing this section, I’m probably more excited for these than 80% of my top 10 because I have no idea what to expect from them. Honestly, after the top 2 of 2015, you could rank ANY of these other movies after it and that would receive little argument from me, the gap is so large.

THE WILD CARDS

Victor Frankenstein: James McAvoy as Victor and Daniel Radcliffe as Hugo. I’m in, even if it could be Dracula Untold for Frank. I just love post-HP Daniel Radcliffe and the decisions he’s made with his career.

Fantastic Four: This is another one destined for the Worst List, a likely Green Lantern style disaster, especially if one iota of what we’ve heard is true. But…I want to believe otherwise, somehow. Because FF SHOULD BE SO GOOD GODDAMMIT.

THE TOP TEN

10. Pixels: This could also be on the worst list by years end, but I love the concept of aliens using 80’s video games to declare war on Earth. I’ve avoided Adam Sandler for years, but this seems right, and Peter Dinklage’s mullet also stars. Kevin James as the President might actually work for this movie. It sounds like a live action Lego Movie/Wreck-It Ralph in terms of its concept, and I love that, even if it makes no sense.

9. The Good Dinosaur: I originally cheated and had combined Pixar’s two films this year. This is going to be the year of the dinosaur and I can’t wait. This will be Land Before Time for a new generation.

8. Ant-Man: Everyone’s worries about Ant-Man are valid. I’m not as insulted about the silly/massive/maybe awful changes to the character, so long as it works for the movie/MCU. I’m mostly worried about the downgrade from Edgar Wright to Peyton Reed. But Marvel hasn’t severely fucked up yet…and while this certainly could be its worst (saving Iron Man 2 from that unfortunate title), it’s going to take a lot for me to dislike Paul Rudd and Evangeline Lilly. Plus, I have to admit, I have an awful fascination with this movie, even if the first half of the trailer seemed as if Scott Lang was…Sandman.

7. Inside Out: This will win the Best Animated Oscar, completing the Pixar bounce back. I look forward to crying during both this and The Good Dinosaur.

6. Crimson Peak: I’m psyched to see del Toro return to his horror/supernatural roots, and think this has Pan’s Labyrinth like upside. Plus: Charlie Hunnam, Jessica Chastain and Tom Hiddleston is an acting trifecta that rivals any other movie cast’s this year.

5. Jurassic World: When David first saw the trailer, he commented on how Chris Pratt seemed so…non-Chris Pratty. Meaning: humorless, stoic, and not anywhere close to the above mash-up (which if it were real, would be #3 on this list). At first I thought nothing of it, but the more times I’ve seen the trailer, I actually kind of am leaning toward the assessment that maybe Chris Pratt will be neutered in the film. But that just seems so stupid for the studios to do, after what Pratt proved in 2014. He’ll likely be veering more on the action side than comedy, but I’m of the opinion that Chris Pratt can do no wrong until I see otherwise, and he’s clearly built like an action star. Plus, it stars Jake Johnson in the Jeff Goldblum role (I made that up). Also, Judy Greer has never been in a bad movie (surely not true, but it can’t be disproved).

4. Tomorrowland: You know, I really liked the teaser, and have been crushing on Britt Robertson since The First Time. Yes, it’s based on a ride and is another glaring example of Disney synergy trumping new ideas, BUT it’s directed by Brad Bird, and is written by Damon Lindelof, Bird and Jeff Jensen, one of my favorite EW writers/nerds. George doesn’t hurt. Hey, it’s Judy Greer!

3. Mad Max: Fury Road: It looks so bat-shit and SO SO gorgeous. I’m not a massive fan of the originals, but I have seen them all, and this could be the Interstellar of this year, whatever that means (okay, The Martian looks like this year’s Interstellar). For some reason that has me excited.

I don’t think any commentary needs to be made for these two. They top the list in a landslide:

2. Avengers: The Age of Ultron

1. Star Wars: The Force Awakens

Maybe it’s telling off a bully or quitting your job but whatever your fantasy, there are plenty of movie moments that magically pinpoint something you wish you could pull off in real life. When I started compiling this list, I knew what I wanted on it but had a tough time figuring out exactly how to name it. There were a lot of other moments of cinematic comeuppance that came to mind but fell into other various categories like revenge or long diatribes. So here are a few of my favorite scenes that feature characters going off on screen.

 Honorable Mention: Shoot ‘Em Up – “One Inch”

This only has Honorable Mention status because it doesn’t really fit the bill for this list but is still a mega-wish fulfillment moment for me. Driving is usually one of the biggest stressors of my day and on more than a few occasions I’ve seriously pondered why the country’s murder rate isn’t higher. It’s infuriating dealing with selfish idiots on the road that can’t merge, cut people off and drive recklessly just because they want to get home in time to see Two and a Half Men (that’s still a thing right?). If everyone drove respectfully and obeyed the simple rules of the road then there would almost never be any traffic. Everyone always complains about traffic but we should really just be complaining about all these stupid people and figuring out what to do with them. Alright, I’m kidding (sort of) but that sort of thinking is exactly what makes this clip from the ridiculously fun movie Shoot ‘Em Up so grand. Clive Owen doesn’t really tell anyone off but he does fulfill one of those collective daydreams we have all had when encountering a shitty driver.

Good Will Hunting – “How do you like them apples?”

I was watching this movie a few weeks ago while preparing for an upcoming Boston road trip when I decided I wanted to write a list like this. The extremely watchable flick follows a working class gent from South Boston named Will Hunting (Matt Damon) as he struggles to accept his gift of profound intelligence. The ‘ordinary guy you never saw coming’ is usually a favorite among the list of movie comeuppance moments but this scene might just take the cake. After some Harvard douchebag totally tries to cockblock Ben Affleck, Will uses his knowledge of Economic theory to verbally demolish the collegiate turd stain. To get the full effect though, you have to watch the follow up. It’s the last little bit at the end of the night, when Hunting delivers the adorable “Apples” line that completely seals the deal.

Waiting… – “Poof! As if by some form of slut magic you’d appear.”

I stand by the fact that I think Waiting… is hilarious and very rewatchable no matter how much Dane Cook is in it. The movie does a solid job recreating what it’s like to work in the dysfunctional family environment that is the food service industry. During some downtime at work, ladykiller Monty (Ryan Reynolds) gets into it with fellow waitress and former girlfriend Serena (Anna Faris) about their previous relationship. Serena’s deconstruction of their less than noteworthy time together is one of the funniest, most brutal and thorough shut downs ever put to screen. A lot of credit goes to Faris here, whose delightful delivery makes the speech feel less premeditated than I’m sure it appeared on paper but Reynolds gets to say my favorite line (the title I used for this scene)

Romy & Michele’s High School Reunion – “And, Yeah!”

I doubt this movie ends up on a lot of people’s radar especially in the discussion of favorite films but for me, Romy & Michele came to me at an early age and quickly became one of my most quoted comedies. Much of the film deals with the social structure of high school and how cruel your peers can be. The title duo goes through great lengths to impressed their former classmates but realize late in the game that they shouldn’t really give a shit if people don’t like them or not. In the end, Romy delivers an impassioned statement to head bitch Christy Masters (Julia Campbell) that stands as one of my favorites.

The Social Network – “It’s raining.”

If you know anything about me you should know that I have an unabashed love for David Fincher and especially his 2010 film The Social Network. I’ve written about the film and this scene in particular at great length on other corners of the interwebs (you can read some here and here) but that doesn’t mean that there isn’t room for it here on this list.  During the midst of a lengthy legal deposition, the man at the center of the conflict, Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg, seems distracted. When questioned about his disinterest, Mark gives one of the most biting retorts ever constructed. Oh how I wish Aaron Sorkin could write me a few bites of dialogue every once in a while.

Role Models – “Congratulations, you’re stupid in three languages.”

Okay, so admittedly, Danny (Paul Rudd) is indeed a dick in this scene and for most of the movie for that matter. But I mean, come on, the lady could have just made him a large coffee. I know that Role Models tries to tell you to lighten up and not let life’s little annoyances get you worked up but I would love to just go off on a few people every once in a while in the same manner in which Danny does in the scene.

50/50 – “Exhibit WHORE!”

50/50 is a truly touching and funny movie loosely based on screenwriter Will Reiser’s own bout with cancer. In the movie, 27 year old Adam Lerner is diagnosed with schwannoma neurofibrosarcoma and is given a 50% chance of recovery. Through his ordeal, he looks to his best friend Kyle (Seth Rogen) and girlfriend Rachel (Bryce Dallas Howard) for most of his support. Kyle has never approved of Rachel so when he spots her kissing some ‘Jesus looking freak’ at an art gallery while Adam is laid up at home, he gleefully snaps a photo of the dirty deed. What follows is equal parts hilarious and heartbreaking which is a great representation for the tone of the film.

American Beauty – “I’m just an ordinary guy with nothing to lose.”

Right at the top of my list of all-time favorite movies is Sam Mendes’ American Beauty. We follow Lester Burnham’s (a brilliant Kevin Spacey) splendid breakdown from Middle American slave to free spirited man as he completely revaluates and prioritizes his simple existence. In one of the best quitting your job scenes of all time, Lester sticks it hard to his corporate hell-hole job that is in the process of purging employees. His desperation translates in spades and makes you want to throw your fist in the air right along Burnham when his efforts pay off.

What are some of your biggest movie wish fulfillment moments? I’m sure that I have left off a ton of other great movie “tell-off” scenes so be sure to let me know some of your favorites in the comments.