The Femmes all had fairly specific answers, albeit not always imaginative ones. We got Wonder Woman, Jean Grey, Rogue and Catwoman but all women seemed to say the same thing: they wanted a strong, funny, sassy woman and while yeah, it’s cool that we’re finally getting that, it’s taken way too long.

The Fellas responses however, are the exact problem with bringing superheroines to life on the big screen.

Jeff Sneider “only buys ScarJo and Angie, so if you don’t bring [him] one of them, [he’s] out.” He said he’d prefer a female remake of The Crow to any other female superhero out there and while I’m not denying how unquestionably awesome a female Crow would be, why genderbend when there are already so many other deserving ladies? And why limit yourself to Scarlett Johannson and Angelina Jolie when you have goddesses like Katee Sakoff, Gina Torres, and Amy Acker?

Jordan Zakarin thinks, “it’s sort of a silly debate to be having, because women have shown that they can lead…Plus, it’s not like a woman superhero would suddenly ruin the integrity and streak of perfection in these films.” True, we have shown we can lead and there have been more flops than the studios would like to admit, but to minimize the importance of the debate by calling it “silly” just proves how much more work women have to do to prove their worth. Would Jordan have called it silly when talking about the next male hero to be adapted? Arguably not.

Joseph Kapsch questions if “a studio can actually create a female superhero driven tentpole that is as viable a moneymaker as its male counterparts?” This kind of thinking is the exact reason why it’s taken so long to get a heroine onto the screen in the first place. Stop questioning and start trying.

Tony Maglio says, “I’m all for female superhero movies, but the fangirl market is still not what the fanboy market is, so it seems like a riskier investment from the studio side. Plus, historically, the vast majority of superheroes were men, so it’s inarguably slimmer pickings for the fairer sex within the realm of existing franchises.” I’m sorry, how does that matter? Sure, there may be “less options” but there are still an abundance of underrated powerful and complex heroines between all the comic universes, so why does the ratio of women to men in comics tilt the scales?

Todd Cunningham was one of my personal favorites (read: asshole). “I don’t think the gender of the superheroes matters that much, and I’m pretty sure that superhero equality shouldn’t be on the front burner when it comes to equality between the sexes. The fact is, most superhero movies are primarily the domain of teenage boys, who can identify best with male heroes (not to mention the “yuck — girls!” factor). That doesn’t mean it has to be that way going forward, but it’s not like Hollywood and Marvel and DC haven’t tried female superheroes before — if you look at Wikipedia, there’s nearly a hundred of them, and some have connected. I know Warner Bros. is pinning a lot of hope on Wonder Woman as a character. And Scarlett Johansson may yet get her own Black Widow movie with Marvel.” Mr. Cunningham could not be more confused. He gives the bigoted impression that he sees no gender inequality at all and therefore, why is everyone so upset? While no, a female hero isn’t the most important issue in the battle between sex-equality, the fact that out of all the superhero movies that have been made in the last fifteen years, I don’t even need a single finger to count the solo heroine films… That’s a major problem. The gender of superheroes released for public consumption in such a mass media market like cinema, and by extension television, is much more important that Todd realizes. Oh, there’s nearly a hundred female superheroes on Wikipedia? Why make any more, that’s plenty. Oh, ScarJo may finally get her own BLACK WIDOW movie 7 years after her character was first introduced, two IRON MAN sequels, potentially two THOR sequels, and one AVENGERS sequel later? No, there’s absolutely nothing wrong nor unequal about that. “Yuck – girls!” is no longer a feasible excuse – these films are not made for pre-pubescent boys anymore, they’re made for the general population which women just so happen to be part of.

These delightful gentlemen and the studio bigwigs are major contributing reasons that it’s take this long to adapt a female superhero into a cinematic feature; because it’s silly to wonder which heroine should get her own film, because unless you’re Angelina Jolie no one will want to see the film, because there are less options than male heroes, because “Yuck – girls!”

Unfortunately for these poor nimrods, however, a few of their male coworkers got it right: Tim Molloy offered his personal experience growing up on Black Cat and how much he loved and identified with her. He says that audiences today will embrace the female hero, especially if she’s an underdog. “But it’s sexist (and boring) if a heroine’s only supposed weakness is the fact that she’s a woman. Superhero movies need to give their women heroes the same kinds of flaws that men have, from Iron Man’s dying heart to the Hulk’s lack of self-control. If the story’s compelling, moviegoers will buy in.”

Andy Gensler also brought up a great point that women in comics have more often than not been reduced to sexy ninja warriors because if they don’t fall into that category they tend to have a tough go of it in comics. He wants the superheroine to be reinvented. His thoughts: “I’d like to see R. Crumb’s Ideal Woman, but made-over as a bad-ass contemporary feminist, a warrior who can cut through male megalomania BS in a single honest, authentic, and castrating bound. Who should play her? Melissa McCarthy, looking buxom and badass.”

And lastly Travis Reilly put it in terms that even Cunningham should be able to understand. “1) I like superhero movies, and 2) I like women. Those are my thoughts.” Upset that “companies are still — in the vast majority of instances — clinging to Caucasian male leads,” Reilly has been waiting just as long as women have for a heroine to get her own film.

*Side note, Microsoft word does not try to autocorrect “superhero” but does give me the red squigglies for “superheroine.” Jus’ sayin’.

LIE TO ME follows a group of scientists that study universal micro-expressions to determine if someone is telling the truth.

Of course, I’ve done a few other things with my life in the past few months too. I’ve slept a little, eaten from time to time, and occasionally even showered. But mostly I’ve come to the shocking and slightly disappointing realization that marathoning TV has ruined my life.

TRUE BLOOD knew it was going down the toilet, so they bribed their female and homo viewers into staying until the end.

When I find a good show that I get truly invested in it becomes all I think about. I’ll cancel plans with friends because why would I spend time with them when I can obsess about Freya’s choice between brothers Killian and Dash? Or wonder how it took so long for there be a sex scene between Eric and Jason in the seven seasons of HBO’s soft-core vampire porno. These shows become the most important friends I have, and all others in my life will take second, third or fourth place when necessary. I’ll even avoid my daily phone call with my mom (who’s my favorite person in the entire world) if it means that I have to resurface from Peter and Roman’s [b]romance (because OMG they’re so gay for each other it hurts).

Even now, as I sit here and bitch and moan about how marathoning TV has taken over my life, the majority of my brain is still wondering if Cal and Gillian are ever going to admit they’re meant to be. (Sidenote: every actor ever has guest-starred on LIE TO ME. Like, for serious.)

Nassau, New Providence Island. 1715. One guess what BLACK SAILS is about.

Unfortunately, the worst (read: BEST) part about marathoning TV is that the list doesn’t ever end. Somewhere in life I’m going to finish BATTLESTAR GALACTICA, BLACK SAILS and HANNIBAL, and if-and-when I ever catch up with those bad boys I’ll finally get to AMERICAN HORROR STORY, VIKINGS, DOMINION, ORPHAN BLACK and TRUE DETECTIVE, though not necessarily in that order. Of course, this is theoretically in addition to all the currently airing [summer] shows I try to keep up with as well like SUITS, COVERT AFFAIRS, SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE, and practically every ABC Family show ever. (I see your judging eyes. ABCF is the shit. Sorry, not sorry.)

The moral of this short and distracted story is: Marathoning TV has ruined my life.

And with that, off I go again. Later, haterz.

Before I begin, I just want to clarify: this isn’t a list of portrayals of actual presidents in films. You’re not going to see Daniel Day-Lewis’ Abraham Lincoln or Frank Langella’s Richard Nixon, or the 53 actors who have played JFK. These are all fake presidents, which should be abundantly clear.

This is specifically for MOVIE presidents. Fictional TV presidents would be an entirely different list, but if you must know, it would have Martin Sheen’s President Bartlet at #2, AFTER Laura Roslin of BATTLESTAR GALACTICA, because I’m the worst. David Palmer of 24/Allstate would be 3rd place.

Many old men in Hollywood have practically made a career of playing the POTUS. If you’re a grizzled character actor with a nice clump of white hair and you ooze authority, you’ve likely played the thankless role of a president in a film.

Ronny Cox  (above) wins the award for most portrayals, with four, including the craptacular 1990 CAPTAIN AMERICA, MARTIANS GO HOME, MURDER AT 1600 and NADIA’S PROMISE. Since MARTIANS GO HOME came out in 1989, he’s played a President in 4 different decades, and is still doing it. NADIA’S PROMISE came out this year.

JAWS’ Roy Scheider played the President three separate times. As did Gregory Harrison. Stanley Anderson (Michael Bay’s first call, for ARMAGEDDON and THE ROCK), Henry Fonda, Louis Gossett Jr., Sam Waterston, Leslie Nielsen, Peter Coyote, Jonathan Pryce and David Rasche have each played a POTUS twice on the big screen.

TRIVIA TO IMPRESS YOUR FRIENDS: Jeff and Beau Bridges aren’t the coolest sibling duo who have both played presidents. That award goes to Dennis and Randy Quaid. Dennis for AMERICAN DREAMZ…

Whereas Randy Quaid had the country in the palm of his hands in the classic MAIL TO THE CHIEF. The movie came out in 2000, six years before Dennis ever sniffed the oval office.

14 years ago, Randy Quaid was playing the President in Disney movies and I thought I’d play for the Kentucky basketball team. Life’s weird. Speaking of…

…Charlie Sheen was the President in MACHETE KILLS.

Eric Roberts was the head of state in FIRST DOG. I don’t want to look that movie up to shatter the illusion of what it is in my head (AIR BUD + White House).

Terry Crews was the President in IDIOCRACY. His name was Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho.

Robert Rodriguez’s SPY KIDS movies didn’t fuck around. In the second film, Shooter McGavin himself played the President. Then they took a step down in SPY KIDS 3-D, opting for a little guy named George Clooney:

Lame. Far superior was the fake but judicious U.S. population who elected Jack Nicholson to the White House, right before the world became under siege by aliens in MARS ATTACKS!

Is Jack not exactly who we want making the all-important decisions for our country?

PRESIDENT THAT WON’T SNIFF MY BALLOT:

Chris Rock as Mays Gilliam in HEAD OF STATE (2003). I just hate this movie. Maybe I’m just mad that I actually paid to see this one in theaters.

HANGING CHADS/SNUBS (in no particular order):

Michael Douglas (THE AMERICAN PRESIDENT, a redundant title), Kevin Kline (DAVE), John Travolta (PRIMARY COLORS), Alan Alda (CANADIAN BACON), Tim Robbins (AUSTIN POWERS 2: THE SPY WHO SHAGGED ME), Henry Fonda (FAIL SAFE), Jeff Bridges (THE CONTENDER) and Stephen Colbert (MONSTERS VS. ALIENS). Yeah, I blew it.

5. Billy Bob Thornton as the President, LOVE ACTUALLY (2003)

Billy Bob Thornton exudes sleaze and a stinky odor that can only be described as pure, unadulterated America in the brilliant British romcom. It’s a master stroke of casting, as arrogance and charm seep out of Billy Bob’s pores in this small role. He’s inappropriate with Hugh Grant/the Prime Minister’s squeeze, he’s a bully, presumably a philandering alcoholic, and he’s exactly what the Brits and the rest of the world think of American politicians. And they’re probably right.

I’d still vote for Billy Bob Thornton in a heartbeat.

4. Morgan Freeman as President Tom Beck, DEEP IMPACT (1998)

James Earl Jones delivered the first depiction of a black president in THE MAN (1972), although Sammy Davis Jr. dreamed of being the black president as a 7 year old in RUFUS JONES FOR PRESIDENT (1933). You could make a convincing argument that 24, DEEP IMPACT and other pop culture entries featuring black actors as the President paved the way for Barack Obama. It shouldn’t have required that, but Morgan Freeman’s portrayal in DEEP IMPACT might be one of the most influential of its kind. It doesn’t get any more regal, comforting, stately and presidential than “The Voice.”

Like in life, when everything seems lost, or when humanity is on the brink, we need heroes the most. Or at least, that’s what the movies teach us, and in DEEP IMPACT, a comet could destroy the planet. Leave it to Morgan Freeman and his voice to soothe our worries, and lead the way.

3. Peter Sellers as President Merkin Muffley, DR. STRANGELOVE (1964)

In Stanley Kubrick’s hilarious black comedy about the Cold War, nuclear paranoia and the folly of politics, Peter Sellers gets a new high score. He plays three of the main characters, including the titular Dr. Strangelove, a maniacal mad-scientist role that overshadows his Captain Mandrake and…the President.

In DR. STRANGELOVE, Sellers’ President is shocked to discover that the U.S. has ordered a nuclear attack on the Soviet Union, without his permission. He finds himself in an impossible situation, amid a sea of incompetent and unruly advisers in the war room, while not exactly the brightest man himself.

Here are two classic scenes from the movie, though it’s one of those movies where every scene is famous:

2. Harrison Ford as President James Marshall, AIR FORCE ONE (1997)

In the 1990’s, we wanted a President who could kick ass and murder with the best of them. Leave it to Harrison Ford to bring the badass to the Oval Office, as he turns the President (an ex-soldier) into a 90’s action hero in Wolfgang Peterson’s AIR FORCE ONE. It’s honestly one of Ford’s best roles, as he takes down a malicious Gary Oldman and his ring of terrorists WHILE IN FLIGHT. He also delivers arguably the best line from a Fictional Movie President, in a way that only Ford could:

This list will not go quietly into the night…

1. Bill Pullman as President Thomas J. Whitmore, INDEPENDENCE DAY (1996)

There are no words, especially when Bill Pullman stole them all, in probably the greatest movie speech ever:

All of the goosebumps.

To confess that it’s rocked a few friendships maybe isn’t that shocking, but I am still not ashamed to admit that I have never seen STAR WARS, nor do I have any direct intention to. Not to say that if it’s on or some buddies want to watch it I’ll run for the hills screaming, but I won’t put it on of my own accord. Why? Because I don’t need to. And I am no less of a nerd for having not watched it.

Everyone loves STAR WARS. And what do people do when they love something? They talk about it. Constantly. (LOST, anyone? I never even finished Season 1 because the entire series was spoiled for me by the daily chatter and buzz about it.) I already know the plot twists (Thanks, PITCH PERFECT! But not really.) and have a general idea of what each installation is about, so why do I need to waste an entire day watching it? I like to maintain a spoiler-free zone at all times.

“But, hey! What about all it did for science fiction and film in general! You can’t deny it was revolutionary!”

I never said it wasn’t. I can appreciate how something was revolutionary and changed cinema without liking it (CITIZEN KANE? Who actually likes that movie?) or even watching it. I can respect STAR WARS and George Lucas all the same and still avoid sitting through R2D2 and Yoda for hours on end.

The big question I keep getting slammed with is: Why do I feel that STAR WARS should not be the golden standard to which we hold nerds and nerd-pride? Well, to me it seems to be the opposite. Why is STAR WARS the big kahuna? Why is STAR WARS the be-all-end-all? Without having seen it, I can only infer from the spoilers I’ve been privy to, that it was a largely generic story, albeit with a couple good twists and turns and a sci-fi journey that maybe hadn’t been seen before. But was it actually good? CITIZEN KANE –while it makes me want to gauge my eyes out – was a good movie. It was well-made, beautifully written, superbly acted… it just wasn’t my thing.

From all I’ve heard about STAR WARS, all the OMG STAR WARS, WTF U HAVEN’T SEEN IT and DISNEY’S GOING TO RUIN IT, I haven’t been told a single reason as to why everyone loves it so much. Colorful weapons, philosophical aliens, shiny robots, cool. I can get that pretty much anywhere, so why STAR WARS? Was it well-made, beautifully written, or superbly acted? In all the things I’ve heard and read about STAR WARS, I have never been witness to anyone commenting on the quality of the components individually, only the film as a whole. (Which, to be fair, was still mostly ERMAHGERD LERT SERBERS or drooling over the drones or whatever. I won’t pretend to know what they’re called.) Are being “revolutionary” and “good” mutually inclusive? From where I sit on my tiny soap box that’s covered in rotten tomatoes, no. They aren’t.

“Well, then you aren’t a real nerd!”

Ergo, my nerd-cred is then slammed for my aversion to STAR WARS every time it comes up, but I am still a nerd. (Sorry, folks!) I absolutely considered getting a GAME OF THRONES tattoo (I already have one for DOCTOR WHO!) and I am proud to say that I probably have more X-MEN comics than you.

But, if it’s so important to judge nerd (or is it fanboy? A topic for another time) culture and popularity, why shouldn’t it be on something absurdly impressive and noteworthy? Let’s take a vote on how many of us have seen all the original episodes of DOCTOR WHO: the longest running science fiction show in the history of television. At final count I believe it was 784 Classic episodes. And that’ not including any mini-movies, radio episodes, or any other DW narratives that used to air. I’m only halfway through season 1, but that’s probably a whole lot further than the rest of you self-proclaimed nerds.

Time permitting I’ll eventually finish up BATTLESTAR GALACTICA and all the STAR TREK series’. I own all the extended editions of LORD OF THE RINGS – am slightly embarrassed at how many times I’ve watched them – and the complete ADVENTURES OF SHERLOCK HOLMES (in hardback leather binding, no less). I have no words to express how I feel about X-MEN: THE LAST STAND and am more hesitant than I’d like to admit about upcoming CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE WINTER SOLDIER. I refuse to borrow any books even if it’s only to read them once; I MUST OWN THEM. And I faithfully watch BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER all the way through seasons 1-7, once a year every year.

But my nerd-cred, no matter how big or how small, is thoroughly dismissed by all the “real nerds” because I choose to remain a STAR WARS virgin. I vote we abolish all the nerd-shaming and competition over who has bigger glasses and higher wasted jeans. In the hippie spirit of my motherland, Berkeley, California: Stop the nerdism. Love the nerds.

#NerdLove

NOTE: The images were chosen by your faithful editor, who happens to like CITIZEN KANE.