Robin Williams and JUMANJI have haunted our dreams since 1995, but the story began much earlier: 1982, in fact, when Chris Van Allsburg’s book won the National Book Award. For JUMANJI and THE POLAR EXPRESS, Allsburg is kind of the king of children’s fiction. And it’s easy to see why the movie version would be freaky/awesome:

Joe Johnston (CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE FIRST AVENGER), whose career began with the instant classic HONEY, I SHRUNK THE KIDS and cult fave THE ROCKETEER, followed it up with directing the “live action sequences” of THE PAGEMASTER. So, clearly, he could do no wrong, and was on a roll heading into helming the film adaptation of JUMANJI.

In the 90’s, you know who else could do no wrong (or enough coke)? Robin Williams. Well I can’t vouch for TOYS (not many can), but HOOK, FERNGULLY, ALADDIN and MRS. DOUBTFIRE permanently etched Robin Williams’ into every kids’ life history. Robin Williams meant greatness, and an eternity of (confusing) youth thanks to JACK, HOOK and JUMANJI, another movie that plays with his age and upbringing.

This time around, he plays the adult version of a bullied kid (Alan Parrish) who got stuck in a board game for 30 years and as such, gets a chance to showcase his world-renowned hair growing abilities. In many ways, he’s essentially playing a Lost Boy from HOOK, given a chance at redemption, and another chance at family, and to defeat his villainous Dad/Poacher.

Then you sprinkle in David Alan Grier, whose career never really took off, unless you count the TV movie ANGELS IN THE INFIELD (and maybe you should). He did manage to net a recurring role on LIFE WITH BONNIE, perhaps because he worked with Bonnie Hunt on JUMANJI, who was clearly added for her tremendous sex appeal.

Then there’s a prepubescent Kirsten Dunst and a monkey boy, and you have an instant classic on your hands.

JUMANJI so thoroughly terrified and enthralled me as a kid, that I had to have the Jumanji board game…but was too afraid to play it, lest I get stuck in the board. Forever. The idea of growing up instantaneously, and missing my life, losing my friends, family, and having my Dad run after me with a rifle in the forest, while having to wear a big ass leaf for a hat, is an unsettling one.

But the idea of going from creepy kid (below, who looked like an unholy combination of my childhood best friend, my Dad as a kid and a freckly wicked witch) to Robin Williams, with the ability to wrestle with alligators and Bonnie Hunt almost tipped the scale in the other direction.

The movie was such a phenomenon (was it? I’m making this up) that the following year, JUMANJI got an animated series that looks a lot like the Wild Thornberries.

Needless to say, it lasted just the one season.

But now it’s time to wet our whistles with this sure to be mediocre drinking game. That said, it certainly beats ZATHURA.

JUMANJI DRINKING GAME RULES

1. Every time they roll the dice (or there’s a new turn), drink!

2. Whenever the Jumanji theme plays, meaning the terrifying freaking drums, have a sip.

3. If monkeys are up to mischief…drink!

4. Drink whenever our fateful heroes read a new rule of the game, and double it if they’re confused by it.

5. When you see a lion, take a sip.

6. When someone kills a massive spider with a tennis racket, drink, since that’s the only time you’ll ever see such a monumental achievement.

7. Waterfall during a stampede!

8. If something genuinely scary occurs, drink.

9. Drink if you ever find yourself attracted to Bonnie Hunt.

GET SUCKED IN THE FLOOR EDITION: Drink whenever you’re attracted by 13 year old Kirsten Dunst, you sicko.

Disney’s THE SWORD IN THE STONE is tailor made for a movie drinking game, you just might not have known it, or forgotten.

The 1963 classic comes from German-born director Wolfgang Reitherman, who also helmed THE JUNGLE BOOK, ROBIN HOOD, 101 DALMATIONS, THE ARISTOCATS, THE RESCUERS and several adventures involving WINNIE THE POOH. The guy’s a stud, and a titan of Disney and the animation field, but perhaps none of his movies were quite as weird, psychedelic and unsettling as THE SWORD IN THE STONE, a butchering/retelling of T.H. White’s classic book ONCE AND FUTURE KING, subtracting out giant gobbets of love story with Guinevere (and the subsequent awkward as fuck affair with Lancelot).

There aren’t as many rules as normal for this one, but that’s because these are already potent enough. This is easily the most fun of any of the movie drinking games I’ve played that you’ll find on this site, for now. Enjoy THE MOVIE DRINKING GAME, “Warts and All” Edition.

RULES:

1. Drink any time Wart, Merlin or anyone appears high as fuck.

More like SWORD IN THE STONER.

2. If that joke didn’t make you laugh uncontrollably, you’re no Archimedes, Merlin’s brilliant owl, and one of the best fictional owls of all-time. Waterfall (sip continuously) during this entire, epic dying-of-laughing scene:

3. Drink any time Sir Kay is a jackass. So, essentially every scene he’s in.

4. You might as well be waterfalling for this one. Take a sip whenever the villainous Madam Mim is the scariest thing you’ve ever seen. Madam Mim is essentially Morgan le Fay, with a knack for unholy transformations, such as the pig (seen above), cat, snake, dragon, skinny bitch, sick woman, rhino, crocodile, horrifying tiger thing; she is EVERYTHING awful about this world. Here’s her introduction, which you likely blacked out as a child (and you might again, if you do this game up right). I had some serious, disturbing deja vu during the entire evening:

5. Drink every time Merlin casts a spell. Double the drink if he says Prestigitonium OR if the spell backfires and doesn’t work. Basically, whenever Merlin is a crackpot, drink.

6. Whenever Wart turns into a new species, drink. Take another when any of his fellow animal brethren try to sex him or Merlin up. It’s weird.

Um, ew.

You likely haven’t heard of SEATTLE SUPERSTORM, one of SyFy’s sci-fi tales of woe and weather. Unfortunately for you, that’s about to change. The 2012 release stars CAPRICA’s Essai Morales and a slew of actors I can’t even pretend to care about. You don’t need me to tell you it’s a disaster film set in the wonderful city of Seattle, and it’s a crap one. The film is boring, poorly acted and isn’t even really a good bad movie. That’s where the booze comes in.

Grab a 6 to 12-pack of your choice (I recommend a local beer), and a group of friends of your choice, and sit down, relax, and play a drinking game to….SEATTLE SUPERSTORM. While no one in the movie screams “We must stop this Seattle Superstorm!” (I know), you will by the end of this Movie Drinking Game™. If you can avoid a whole night where no one mentions the ugly context behind the “clever” title, you’ve already done better than I.

THE SET UP: Drinks, friends, maybe a couch, preferably a guy or gal from Seattle in attendance. Don’t be the guy who makes Starbucks themed drinks or brings an umbrella ironically.

‘ZE RULES:

Drink any time…

1. A Seattle native references Seattle (“The Pike Place Market is soooo funnn blah blah blah”) or goes on a Seattle-related tangent (“The Space Needle was unveiled during the World’s Fair in 1962…”), or bemoans the inaccuracy of the Seattle landscape depicted on screen (“Oh, I’ve been there. Vancouver, I mean.”).

2. …you see the Space Needle. You might need a note book for this one. Finish your drink when the Space Needle topples down like Hayden Christensen’s career.

3. …after incoherent “scientific” explanations, misplaced bureaucratic power struggles and whenever a high school student outsmarts meteorologists.

4. …If someone in the room thinks that the DMA (Disaster Management Agency) is a real thing.

5. …any time you see a “suspicious” object. Double it when they get shot down.

6. …any time someone uses a hose.

7. …any time there’s a weather change. And whenever there are gutless Seattle has bad weather jokes.

8. …for every Starbucks reference (there isn’t any).

9. …for any grunge music.

10. …any time you see a gun! Seattle don’t mess with guns.

Spoiler Alert.

EXPERT LEVEL: Drink every time the kids, Wyatt and Chloe, make you want to murder something.

Disclaimer: Please drink responsibly, and for the love of Shawn Kemp, don’t drive after playing this drinking game. Don’t use 4 Loko’s, or else you’re stomach will be hosting the super storm.