It’s pretty much official: Robin Williams was the king of the 90’s, and his career is a perfect accompaniment to obnoxious amounts of beer. After doing HOOK and JUMANJI (with MRS. DOUBTFIRE, FERNGULLY and ALADDIN still to come), the next stop on the dizzying tour of Robin Williams’ ridiculous filmography, is, fittingly….

FLUBBER (1997).

When you watch a movie about a dumbass scientist (or Doc Brown wannabe) creating the world’s most mischievous and dangerous bouncy ball, his robot sidekick and Shooter fucking McGavin, I wouldn’t reprimand you for thinking Disney had come with a true American original.

But that’s false. 36 years previous, Hollywood luminary (actor, singer, stud) Fred MacMurray (THE APARTMENT, DOUBLE INDEMNITY, THE CAINE MUTINY) was Professor Ned Brainard, or THE ABSENT-MINDED PROFESSOR (1961). In that film and the sequel SON OF FLUBBER (1963), he created an anti-gravity substance, flew his date and his dog around in cars, and changed pigskin forever:

They also came up with the first werge (word merge) ever, because Flubber stands for…FLYING RUBBER. That’s bonafide history folks.

In FLUBBER, we get color (though a colorized version of SON OF FLUBBER came to VHS in 1997), Fred MacMurray’s replaced with Robin Williams who plays Professor Phillip Brainard (I prefer Ned as a name myself), and the dog sidekick is upgraded to a pain in the ass robot named Weebo (voiced by Jodi Benson, AKA Ariel from LITTLE MERMAID and Barbie from TOY STORY 3). Weebo is essentially Tinkerbell; she wants Peter/Phillip/Robin Williams, but is in the friend zone/a fairy/a miniature robot, and tries to sabotage Peter/Philip/Robin Williams’ relationships.

Football, an antiquated sport in 1997, is flipped to basketball, producing the greatest underdog story since SPACE JAM.

ENCINO MAN, BLUE STREAK and MIRACLE ON 34TH STREET director Les Mayfield also made the awful decision of casting Wil Wheaton as Billy Madison, or a dick-head character with rich parents, who flunks school because of Brainard.

He also added two goons, “cleverly” named Smith and Wesson, played by Clancy Brown (HIGHLANDER, SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS) and Ted Levine (THE SILENCE OF THE LAMBS). The big bad is played by Raymond J. Barry, who you probably love on JUSTIFIED.

Les has also created the most unrealistic love story ever, as Marcia Gay Harden, who’s always a badass, no-nonsense chick from this role on, as if she promised to herself NEVER AGAIN, keeps going back to Robin Williams’ character after he’s forgotten her wedding MORE THAN ONCE. I think that’s a deal breaker. Especially when you have the sexy Christopher McDonald as the other asshole potential love interest.

Most of the genius likely came from co-screenwriter John Hughes, who you may have heard of. There’s compelling evidence to suggest that FLUBBER was John Hughes’ last and 7th finest achievement, unless you think DRILLBIT TAYLOR, HOME ALONE 3 or MAID IN MANHATTAN weren’t piles of shit.

FLUBBER DRINKING GAME RULES:

1. Drink whenever you want to punch Wil Wheaton in the mouth.

2. Take a sip whenever Professor Brainard touches or adjusts his glasses.

3. Drink whenever Brainard has changed his bowtie.

4. Have a drink whenever a character should be killed on camera, yet is completely fine. Example: Wesson (Ted Levine) gets hit by a bowling ball tainted with Flubber going hundreds of miles an hour, and barely gets a bruise.

5. Drink whenever Flubber dances.

6. “Drink for the Weebs”: Take a sip for every new video Weebo plays on her monitor. It should be noted that one of the only cats I’ve ever held affection for was named after Weebo. His name is Weebo.

7. Drink any time Robin Williams falls down.

9. Drink any time Flubber hits someone in the balls.

10. Take a sip every time someone utilizes their magical Flubber-fied shoes (see: the insane basketball scenes).

11. Finish your beer when you witness the illustrious “Flubber fart.” In SON OF FLUBBER, Professor Brainard created Flubbergas (SPOILERS: AKA the titular “Son of Flubber”), so this rule aligns with canon.

12. Drink every time there’s ridiculously fake science talk. I’d drink whenever I see a billboard filled with nonsense too, but I do that always.

13. Have a sip whenever that poor neighbor kid (who seemingly lives in every nearby house) gets terrified. Double if it comes right after his Dad tells him not to be scared.

EXPERT EDITION: Make your own Flubber, and play with these same rules with your friends. So, I’d anticipate you throwing your ghastly concoction at people’s balls. Be safe.

Robin Williams and JUMANJI have haunted our dreams since 1995, but the story began much earlier: 1982, in fact, when Chris Van Allsburg’s book won the National Book Award. For JUMANJI and THE POLAR EXPRESS, Allsburg is kind of the king of children’s fiction. And it’s easy to see why the movie version would be freaky/awesome:

Joe Johnston (CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE FIRST AVENGER), whose career began with the instant classic HONEY, I SHRUNK THE KIDS and cult fave THE ROCKETEER, followed it up with directing the “live action sequences” of THE PAGEMASTER. So, clearly, he could do no wrong, and was on a roll heading into helming the film adaptation of JUMANJI.

In the 90’s, you know who else could do no wrong (or enough coke)? Robin Williams. Well I can’t vouch for TOYS (not many can), but HOOK, FERNGULLY, ALADDIN and MRS. DOUBTFIRE permanently etched Robin Williams’ into every kids’ life history. Robin Williams meant greatness, and an eternity of (confusing) youth thanks to JACK, HOOK and JUMANJI, another movie that plays with his age and upbringing.

This time around, he plays the adult version of a bullied kid (Alan Parrish) who got stuck in a board game for 30 years and as such, gets a chance to showcase his world-renowned hair growing abilities. In many ways, he’s essentially playing a Lost Boy from HOOK, given a chance at redemption, and another chance at family, and to defeat his villainous Dad/Poacher.

Then you sprinkle in David Alan Grier, whose career never really took off, unless you count the TV movie ANGELS IN THE INFIELD (and maybe you should). He did manage to net a recurring role on LIFE WITH BONNIE, perhaps because he worked with Bonnie Hunt on JUMANJI, who was clearly added for her tremendous sex appeal.

Then there’s a prepubescent Kirsten Dunst and a monkey boy, and you have an instant classic on your hands.

JUMANJI so thoroughly terrified and enthralled me as a kid, that I had to have the Jumanji board game…but was too afraid to play it, lest I get stuck in the board. Forever. The idea of growing up instantaneously, and missing my life, losing my friends, family, and having my Dad run after me with a rifle in the forest, while having to wear a big ass leaf for a hat, is an unsettling one.

But the idea of going from creepy kid (below, who looked like an unholy combination of my childhood best friend, my Dad as a kid and a freckly wicked witch) to Robin Williams, with the ability to wrestle with alligators and Bonnie Hunt almost tipped the scale in the other direction.

The movie was such a phenomenon (was it? I’m making this up) that the following year, JUMANJI got an animated series that looks a lot like the Wild Thornberries.

Needless to say, it lasted just the one season.

But now it’s time to wet our whistles with this sure to be mediocre drinking game. That said, it certainly beats ZATHURA.

JUMANJI DRINKING GAME RULES

1. Every time they roll the dice (or there’s a new turn), drink!

2. Whenever the Jumanji theme plays, meaning the terrifying freaking drums, have a sip.

3. If monkeys are up to mischief…drink!

4. Drink whenever our fateful heroes read a new rule of the game, and double it if they’re confused by it.

5. When you see a lion, take a sip.

6. When someone kills a massive spider with a tennis racket, drink, since that’s the only time you’ll ever see such a monumental achievement.

7. Waterfall during a stampede!

8. If something genuinely scary occurs, drink.

9. Drink if you ever find yourself attracted to Bonnie Hunt.

GET SUCKED IN THE FLOOR EDITION: Drink whenever you’re attracted by 13 year old Kirsten Dunst, you sicko.