I don’t think I have to tell you this, but you should be listening to the Indiana Jones theme for the duration of this post and week.

One of my favorite websites out there is French Toast Sunday. Every month they pick a distinguished filmmaker to devote columns, time and love to. This Month it’s Spielberg in July. There’s never a bad time to enjoy Steven Spielberg movies, but the summer months are particularly great, since Spielberg invented the summer blockbuster with JAWS. I thought I’d take some time to talk about what may be my favorite Spielberg film (though that changes every week).

Earlier this month, for Fourth of July Eve (AKA July 3rd), I found myself at Hollywood Forever Cemetery for a Cinespia outdoor movie screening. The film of choice was RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK (1981), the best adventure movie of all time. Hell, it’s practically perfect in every way.

I’ve seen the movie a few times, but probably not all the way through as much as I should.

I know. It’s always on TV, so I always catch a few snippets, and catch a favorite scene, though that’s a slippery slope, since RAIDERS is a never-ending batch of favorite scenes. It had been years since I had seen it, but by the time the credits rolled and I was able to cross off “Fireworks Show Set To Indiana Jones Theme” off my bucket list, I was a giddy kid again, within walking distance of innumerable studios that would relish eradicating that inner child and optimist.

Yet he lives on. I refuse to think about KINGDOM OF THE CRYSTAL SKULL, or the later STAR WARS movies. For me, that doesn’t take away from what was accomplished here. Before it seemed like he was always cranky, tired and disinterested, Harrison Ford turned gruff exasperation into a sexy art form in the Steven Spielberg-Lawrence Kasdan-George Lucas nerdgasm.

There aren’t many better community movies than RAIDERS, because it’s filled with so many indelible moments that make you cheer. That’s basically what the rest of this post devolves into, because sometimes you just want to get excited and rave about a movie that everyone’s seen and loves.

There’s something so larger than life with the opening titles. We see Ford’s silhouette, his back to the camera, his back to us, his soon-to-be legendary hat cutting a majestic figure.

Thanks to the infamous opening boulder scene, Indiana Jones becomes a classic and unforgettable character in cinema before we even KNOW HIS NAME. It takes a few minutes before Indiana Jones even talks, and even longer before he’s called Indy (thanks to Denholm Elliott’s Dr. Marcus Brody). The movie is RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK, without the INDIANA JONES prefix that the others possess, after all, so it’s not a given that casual audience members knew his name until several scenes into the movie. This blows my mind. I’m not sure how intended that was by Lucas and Spielberg, but because of Indy’s stature in the hierarchy of classic film characters, it only feels more bold, badass and cool today.

Something I definitely hadn’t caught when I was younger was that Satipo, the man who tries to steal the golden idol from Jones in the opening scene, is Alfred Molina/Doc Ock. The movie only gets better with age.

(THAT SHADOW) For some reason, there’s nothing sexier than a woman who can out drink an entire Greek fraternity/big Nepalese dude. Maybe that says more about me than it does Karen Allen, who has one of the best smiles ever. Even in CRYSTAL SKULL, I couldn’t help but be delighted when I saw that smile again on a big screen.

Ronald Lacey’s creepy Major Arnold Toht is the film Nazi villain that all Nazi film villains are forever judged.

TRAVEL BY MAP is one of my favorite things. In my first full length screenplay, which was OF COURSE a road trip movie, I did my own take on this. I think all movies need travel by map, even if it’s for a character getting out of bed and to the grocery store.

RIP Terry Richards, the stuntman who played the swordsman in the beloved below clip, who died last month:

I always remembered there being a lot more blood, and actually seeing the mechanic get his head chopped to bits in the Indy/Mechanic scene. In fact, this was probably the scene I always got frightened of when watching this movie, even more than the finale.

John Rhys-Davies has uttered two life-changing quotes, spaced twenty years apart. In RAIDERS, it’s “Bad Dates,” a two word, two syllable utterance that has served as my Fantasy sports team name and a line that only has more meaning when you’ve been on them.

Also, you know he SAVED INDY’S LIFE. Sallah is the MVP of this movie. “Bad Dates” gets all the laughs and the headlines, but everything Sallah says is hilarious and brilliant. Rhys-Davis has crafted such a vivid and great character, you wonder what this movie would look like without him. Apparently Danny DeVito was originally offered the part. Oof.

John Rhys-Davies other immortal line is “…AND MY AXE” from LOTR: FOTR, by the way:

After the helicopter decapitation scene, the most terrifying moment is, of course, the face melting opening of the Ark scene.

Just when you think we’ve made it…Lucas and Spielberg throw another brilliant curveball. Despite rescuing the Ark and surviving its opening, and bringing it back to the museum, Indiana Jones still loses. This pointed to the evils of bureaucracy and the government, while giving the film a foreboding undertone you wouldn’t expect from a 1980’s adventure blockbuster. The Army intelligence agents have whisked the Ark away, leading us to one of the best last shots in cinematic history (“top…men”).

If Indiana Jones can’t win, how can we? At least we win as an audience, no matter how many times you revisit RAIDERS.

On this “holiday,” that’s grown in meaning and popularity thanks to the promise of a bajillion new movies, I thought I’d riff on STAR WARS.

Like many in my generation, my first exposure to STAR WARS came with the re-releases in the 1990’s, preparing the world for EPISODE ONE. After watching and loving and being enthralled with the original trilogy…I launched myself into the Expanded Universe, devouring Rogue Squadron, Young Jedi Knights, the Jedi Academy trilogy, The Bounty Hunter and Timothy Zahn’s brilliant Thrawn trilogy. I think my addiction ended sometime during the New Jedi Order series, though not because I didn’t like it. I just moved on to different universes, and different book series, as STAR WARS not only made me love movies, but the Expanded Universe is what really got me into reading. And for that, I’ll be eternally grateful.

STAR WARS was one of the first things I was truly nerdy about, as I found room for Yoda and Han Solo alongside Shawn Kemp and Jay Buhner as idols, fitting in STAR WARS books with baseball and basketball practice. My first little league team name was Jedi Knights. Needless to say, we weren’t very good. I remember during the first All-Stars practice in 8th grade, my rival SS who was entirely too likable told the squad STAR WARS was his favorite movie (I’m not sure if he meant the first one, the franchise as a whole, or if he did say a specific episode). I said AMERICAN PIE to get laughs and garner popularity. I was a douche, and a liar, because I remember thinking to myself that Tim took my favorite movie.

I remember watching EPISODE ONE at the recently renovated Cinerama in Seattle, back when a visit to Seattle was a rare and exciting treat, for my friend Jacob’s birthday. Afterwards, I was excited about Senator Palpatine and seeing his transformation into Emperor Palpatine. For whatever reason, Jacob shot me down, calling me an idiot for thinking that would happen. It’s one of the more angry, perplexing, yet absolutely fortified memories of my life. What was he talking about? I honestly didn’t hate the movie when I first saw it. It wasn’t until I became older, smarter (not really) and more cynical, that I grew to loathe the Phantom Menace and everything it represented, though I’ll admit to deriving some satisfaction and joy from the rest of the trilogy. But it obviously wasn’t the same, not even close, and I think we all breathed a sigh of relief when it was over.

Now…it’s back, with Disney, Kathleen Kennedy and J.J. Abrams around to bring it into fruition. And…

I have no idea what to expect with EPISODE VII. I’m a huge J.J. Abrams fan, as LOST and ALIAS forever transformed the way I watched TV, and the kind of shows I watched. For my money, the first STAR TREK is one of the best blockbusters of all-time. But is the right person for STAR WARS? Is there a right person for STAR WARS? It rubs me (and everyone) the wrong way that they’re ignoring the EU, since the Thrawn trilogy just makes too much sense as inspiration for these three films.

While I’m as disappointed as anyone by the lack of ethnic and gender diversity with the announced cast, I expect the final ensemble to better reflect a more balanced galaxy far, far away (it better). Bring on Lupita. But I was impressed with all the young talent Abrams has cobbled together. I don’t know Daisy Ridley, but she looks the part of a Solo/Organa daughter, and certainly got my attention with this short film:

Adam Driver has one of the more enigmatic, unique and interesting screen presences on TV. GIRLS has all kinds of problems…but his character is fascinating, thanks to his performance. I wasn’t a fan of INSIDE LLEWYN DAVIS, but Oscar Isaac is going to win one of the very awards he may as well have been named after someday (unless STAR WARS ruins his career). John Boyega was terrific in ATTACK THE BLOCK, and is an awesome choice to headline the cast. And Domhnall Gleeson may be the guy I like the most of all of the young guns, since he’s just so charming and likable and funny. And then we get to Max von Sydow?! Andy Serkis?! Are you kidding me. Fucking sweet.

I can’t help but be caught up in it all, and speculate over what characters they’ll play, whether they’re Sith, Jedi, evil, good, both, alien, human, etc., while choosing to hope the original heroes are mostly background, supporting players there to help shepherd a new generation.

STAR WARS remains a part of me…and even if these future films blow…it always will. People love to complain about George Lucas, and what’s become of the STAR WARS universe since the original trilogy, but to me, it still doesn’t take away or tarnish my childhood. I will always love Chewy, I’ll always fantasize about Princess Leia and being a Jedi, and I’ll always want to be Harrison Ford. Well, that Harrison Ford.

And that’s what I choose to think about on May 4th (and not the below image). May the 4th be with you all.

Before I begin, I just want to clarify: this isn’t a list of portrayals of actual presidents in films. You’re not going to see Daniel Day-Lewis’ Abraham Lincoln or Frank Langella’s Richard Nixon, or the 53 actors who have played JFK. These are all fake presidents, which should be abundantly clear.

This is specifically for MOVIE presidents. Fictional TV presidents would be an entirely different list, but if you must know, it would have Martin Sheen’s President Bartlet at #2, AFTER Laura Roslin of BATTLESTAR GALACTICA, because I’m the worst. David Palmer of 24/Allstate would be 3rd place.

Many old men in Hollywood have practically made a career of playing the POTUS. If you’re a grizzled character actor with a nice clump of white hair and you ooze authority, you’ve likely played the thankless role of a president in a film.

Ronny Cox  (above) wins the award for most portrayals, with four, including the craptacular 1990 CAPTAIN AMERICA, MARTIANS GO HOME, MURDER AT 1600 and NADIA’S PROMISE. Since MARTIANS GO HOME came out in 1989, he’s played a President in 4 different decades, and is still doing it. NADIA’S PROMISE came out this year.

JAWS’ Roy Scheider played the President three separate times. As did Gregory Harrison. Stanley Anderson (Michael Bay’s first call, for ARMAGEDDON and THE ROCK), Henry Fonda, Louis Gossett Jr., Sam Waterston, Leslie Nielsen, Peter Coyote, Jonathan Pryce and David Rasche have each played a POTUS twice on the big screen.

TRIVIA TO IMPRESS YOUR FRIENDS: Jeff and Beau Bridges aren’t the coolest sibling duo who have both played presidents. That award goes to Dennis and Randy Quaid. Dennis for AMERICAN DREAMZ…

Whereas Randy Quaid had the country in the palm of his hands in the classic MAIL TO THE CHIEF. The movie came out in 2000, six years before Dennis ever sniffed the oval office.

14 years ago, Randy Quaid was playing the President in Disney movies and I thought I’d play for the Kentucky basketball team. Life’s weird. Speaking of…

…Charlie Sheen was the President in MACHETE KILLS.

Eric Roberts was the head of state in FIRST DOG. I don’t want to look that movie up to shatter the illusion of what it is in my head (AIR BUD + White House).

Terry Crews was the President in IDIOCRACY. His name was Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho.

Robert Rodriguez’s SPY KIDS movies didn’t fuck around. In the second film, Shooter McGavin himself played the President. Then they took a step down in SPY KIDS 3-D, opting for a little guy named George Clooney:

Lame. Far superior was the fake but judicious U.S. population who elected Jack Nicholson to the White House, right before the world became under siege by aliens in MARS ATTACKS!

Is Jack not exactly who we want making the all-important decisions for our country?

PRESIDENT THAT WON’T SNIFF MY BALLOT:

Chris Rock as Mays Gilliam in HEAD OF STATE (2003). I just hate this movie. Maybe I’m just mad that I actually paid to see this one in theaters.

HANGING CHADS/SNUBS (in no particular order):

Michael Douglas (THE AMERICAN PRESIDENT, a redundant title), Kevin Kline (DAVE), John Travolta (PRIMARY COLORS), Alan Alda (CANADIAN BACON), Tim Robbins (AUSTIN POWERS 2: THE SPY WHO SHAGGED ME), Henry Fonda (FAIL SAFE), Jeff Bridges (THE CONTENDER) and Stephen Colbert (MONSTERS VS. ALIENS). Yeah, I blew it.

5. Billy Bob Thornton as the President, LOVE ACTUALLY (2003)

Billy Bob Thornton exudes sleaze and a stinky odor that can only be described as pure, unadulterated America in the brilliant British romcom. It’s a master stroke of casting, as arrogance and charm seep out of Billy Bob’s pores in this small role. He’s inappropriate with Hugh Grant/the Prime Minister’s squeeze, he’s a bully, presumably a philandering alcoholic, and he’s exactly what the Brits and the rest of the world think of American politicians. And they’re probably right.

I’d still vote for Billy Bob Thornton in a heartbeat.

4. Morgan Freeman as President Tom Beck, DEEP IMPACT (1998)

James Earl Jones delivered the first depiction of a black president in THE MAN (1972), although Sammy Davis Jr. dreamed of being the black president as a 7 year old in RUFUS JONES FOR PRESIDENT (1933). You could make a convincing argument that 24, DEEP IMPACT and other pop culture entries featuring black actors as the President paved the way for Barack Obama. It shouldn’t have required that, but Morgan Freeman’s portrayal in DEEP IMPACT might be one of the most influential of its kind. It doesn’t get any more regal, comforting, stately and presidential than “The Voice.”

Like in life, when everything seems lost, or when humanity is on the brink, we need heroes the most. Or at least, that’s what the movies teach us, and in DEEP IMPACT, a comet could destroy the planet. Leave it to Morgan Freeman and his voice to soothe our worries, and lead the way.

3. Peter Sellers as President Merkin Muffley, DR. STRANGELOVE (1964)

In Stanley Kubrick’s hilarious black comedy about the Cold War, nuclear paranoia and the folly of politics, Peter Sellers gets a new high score. He plays three of the main characters, including the titular Dr. Strangelove, a maniacal mad-scientist role that overshadows his Captain Mandrake and…the President.

In DR. STRANGELOVE, Sellers’ President is shocked to discover that the U.S. has ordered a nuclear attack on the Soviet Union, without his permission. He finds himself in an impossible situation, amid a sea of incompetent and unruly advisers in the war room, while not exactly the brightest man himself.

Here are two classic scenes from the movie, though it’s one of those movies where every scene is famous:

2. Harrison Ford as President James Marshall, AIR FORCE ONE (1997)

In the 1990’s, we wanted a President who could kick ass and murder with the best of them. Leave it to Harrison Ford to bring the badass to the Oval Office, as he turns the President (an ex-soldier) into a 90’s action hero in Wolfgang Peterson’s AIR FORCE ONE. It’s honestly one of Ford’s best roles, as he takes down a malicious Gary Oldman and his ring of terrorists WHILE IN FLIGHT. He also delivers arguably the best line from a Fictional Movie President, in a way that only Ford could:

This list will not go quietly into the night…

1. Bill Pullman as President Thomas J. Whitmore, INDEPENDENCE DAY (1996)

There are no words, especially when Bill Pullman stole them all, in probably the greatest movie speech ever:

All of the goosebumps.