Before I get to the good stuff, let’s get to my predictions for…

THE SIX WORST SCI-FI/FANTASY MOVIES OF 2015

Paddington

Jupiter Ascending: It was delayed from last summer to the much ballyhooed February 6th weekend spot. It looks more nonsensical than Transformers, and will likely require hallucinogenic drugs to enjoy or “get.”

Seventh Son: Is there a weirder movie weekend than February 6th? Jeff Bridges was becoming Rooster Cogburn for good at my first San Diego Comic-Con in 2013 promoting THIS movie, which was supposed to come out sometime in 2014. Like Jupiter Ascending, it was plopped to February 6th, providing ample fodder for an acid fueled trip to the movies.

The Spongebob Movie: Sponge Out of Water: This was also close to making the top 10 most anticipated.

Minions: FUCK THE MINIONS. I said it (if you never hear from me again, you know why). Despicable Me was great. Despicable Me 2 was less great, in main part because it relied too heavily on the Minions, a one-note kiddie terror. Kids will love it, and this will likely gross more money than any other movie not named Avengers or Star Wars, but to me, it’s just gross.

Pan

BEST GUILTY PLEASURE

San Andreas. The Rock in a disaster movie destroying my current home? Delicious.

HONORABLE MENTION

The Ethan Hawke Two-fer: 1) Predestination, a time travel mindfuck based on a Heinlein short story and…2) Regression, a movie where Hawke may have molested Emma Watson, who is also his daughter. Ethan Hawke is fascinating, guys.

The Martian: Andy Weir’s highly praised sci-fi novel was one of the first purchases I made with the requisite Amazon gift cards this New Year, and I’m excited to read it. I hear phenomenal things. Unfortunately, the movie adaptation is directed by Ridley Scott, so it doesn’t deserve a place anywhere near the top 10. But the cast is RIDICULOUS: Matt Damon, Jessica Chastain, Kirsten Wiig, Sebastian Stan, Kate Mara, Chiwetal Ejiofor, Sean Bean, Mackenzie Davis, Jeff Daniels, Michael Pena AND Donald Glover. Holy hell.

Kingsmen: I honestly think this movie looks crappy, but someone I respect mentioned it might do what the original Kick-Ass did for superhero movies, for spies, and that made me start to consider the possibility (it’s similarly adapted from a Mark Millar comic book). Plus, Samuel L. Jackson’s villainy looks hilarious, and I think it might be a lot of mindless fun.

The Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 2: I hate when movie titles make me have two semi colons in one line. Honestly, it could very well be the best of all four movies, and I still enjoyed Part 1 despite its obvious flaws…but like The Hobbit, I’ve reached fatigue on these movies. Which is probably sacrilegious since it stars my #1 grrl. I’ll totally see it, but it’s just not up there anticipated wise.

Spectre: This one is gonna get me the most flak (I correctly predicted that David would rank it #3). I like a return to Bond’s roots with Blofeld and whatnot…but I’m just more interested to see new movies, unless it’s Marvel or Star Wars, because I’m a hypocrite. Christoph Waltz will probably get a Supporting Actor nomination, and win, because THAT’S ALL HE DOES. With the massive exception of Big Eyes, where he’s spectacularly miscast.

SLEEPERS

What We Do In The Shadows: This killed at AFI Fest and I’m bummed I missed it, but a horror mockumentary following 3 vampires and starring the Flight of the Conchords folks sounds more than promising.

Spring: A horror romance defying genre classification directed by Ridley Scott’s interns? Perfect sleeper choice. Anything for some Ridley Scott comeuppance.

It Follows: Strange sexual encounters + insane buzz = intrigue. Indie horror movies were the realm of some of the very best movies of any genre in 2014 (The Babadook, Starry Eyes, Housebound, A Girl Walks Home Alone At Night, and…Mr. Turner), so I’m all in this year.

White God: Um. Look no further than this mindblowing premise…

A young girl is separated from her dog, who searches the city for his lost owner — but when that fails, the dog leads an army of other abandoned dogs, in a canine uprising to kill all the humans.

Yup. Have you ever wondered what Homeward Bound would’ve looked as a horror movie? It’s apparently Birds but with dogs. It’s Cujo times infinity. 

Ex Machina: Alex Garland wrote Dredd, which rocked, and I love Domnhall Gleeson.

The Moon and the Sun: a sci-fi/historical romance movie starring Pierce Brosnan and William Hurt? Hott.

Krampus: FUCK YEAH. Michael Dougherty is the writer/director, and Trick ‘r Treat was one of the most fun horror movies I’ve ever seen. This has instant classic written all over it.

Kitchen Sink: A comedy about monsters that likely skewers Hollywood’s obsession with them, that stars Bob Odenkirk, Patton Oswalt and Keegan-Michael Key. Yee.

After writing this section, I’m probably more excited for these than 80% of my top 10 because I have no idea what to expect from them. Honestly, after the top 2 of 2015, you could rank ANY of these other movies after it and that would receive little argument from me, the gap is so large.

THE WILD CARDS

Victor Frankenstein: James McAvoy as Victor and Daniel Radcliffe as Hugo. I’m in, even if it could be Dracula Untold for Frank. I just love post-HP Daniel Radcliffe and the decisions he’s made with his career.

Fantastic Four: This is another one destined for the Worst List, a likely Green Lantern style disaster, especially if one iota of what we’ve heard is true. But…I want to believe otherwise, somehow. Because FF SHOULD BE SO GOOD GODDAMMIT.

THE TOP TEN

10. Pixels: This could also be on the worst list by years end, but I love the concept of aliens using 80’s video games to declare war on Earth. I’ve avoided Adam Sandler for years, but this seems right, and Peter Dinklage’s mullet also stars. Kevin James as the President might actually work for this movie. It sounds like a live action Lego Movie/Wreck-It Ralph in terms of its concept, and I love that, even if it makes no sense.

9. The Good Dinosaur: I originally cheated and had combined Pixar’s two films this year. This is going to be the year of the dinosaur and I can’t wait. This will be Land Before Time for a new generation.

8. Ant-Man: Everyone’s worries about Ant-Man are valid. I’m not as insulted about the silly/massive/maybe awful changes to the character, so long as it works for the movie/MCU. I’m mostly worried about the downgrade from Edgar Wright to Peyton Reed. But Marvel hasn’t severely fucked up yet…and while this certainly could be its worst (saving Iron Man 2 from that unfortunate title), it’s going to take a lot for me to dislike Paul Rudd and Evangeline Lilly. Plus, I have to admit, I have an awful fascination with this movie, even if the first half of the trailer seemed as if Scott Lang was…Sandman.

7. Inside Out: This will win the Best Animated Oscar, completing the Pixar bounce back. I look forward to crying during both this and The Good Dinosaur.

6. Crimson Peak: I’m psyched to see del Toro return to his horror/supernatural roots, and think this has Pan’s Labyrinth like upside. Plus: Charlie Hunnam, Jessica Chastain and Tom Hiddleston is an acting trifecta that rivals any other movie cast’s this year.

5. Jurassic World: When David first saw the trailer, he commented on how Chris Pratt seemed so…non-Chris Pratty. Meaning: humorless, stoic, and not anywhere close to the above mash-up (which if it were real, would be #3 on this list). At first I thought nothing of it, but the more times I’ve seen the trailer, I actually kind of am leaning toward the assessment that maybe Chris Pratt will be neutered in the film. But that just seems so stupid for the studios to do, after what Pratt proved in 2014. He’ll likely be veering more on the action side than comedy, but I’m of the opinion that Chris Pratt can do no wrong until I see otherwise, and he’s clearly built like an action star. Plus, it stars Jake Johnson in the Jeff Goldblum role (I made that up). Also, Judy Greer has never been in a bad movie (surely not true, but it can’t be disproved).

4. Tomorrowland: You know, I really liked the teaser, and have been crushing on Britt Robertson since The First Time. Yes, it’s based on a ride and is another glaring example of Disney synergy trumping new ideas, BUT it’s directed by Brad Bird, and is written by Damon Lindelof, Bird and Jeff Jensen, one of my favorite EW writers/nerds. George doesn’t hurt. Hey, it’s Judy Greer!

3. Mad Max: Fury Road: It looks so bat-shit and SO SO gorgeous. I’m not a massive fan of the originals, but I have seen them all, and this could be the Interstellar of this year, whatever that means (okay, The Martian looks like this year’s Interstellar). For some reason that has me excited.

I don’t think any commentary needs to be made for these two. They top the list in a landslide:

2. Avengers: The Age of Ultron

1. Star Wars: The Force Awakens

Now it’s time for Legendary Pictures and less than thrilling analysis, because I’m just trying to catch up, and wrap my head around the insanity.

The guide doesn’t reveal the slate, and with Godzilla, 300: Rise of An Empire in the rearview window…what does Legendary have upcoming? The internet has answers: Crimson Peak and Dracula Untold. Considering we already saw Benedict Cumberbatch and Luke Evans in Hall H, that seems like a safe bet. It’s probably way too early for Pacific Rim 2, but Guillermo be crazy.

Well, Legendary Pictures wins. Not only do they announce Godzilla 2, with Gareth Edwards directing, after he does his romp in Star Wars. That’s not all: in a behind the scenes clip from Monarch, we learn the existence of three more kaiju: MOTHRA, RODAN and KING GHIDORAH. YES. Thank you Toho. I wonder if Bryan Cranston will play one of Ghidorah’s heads.

Afterwards, we get a trailer for As Above, So Below, a found-footage Indiana Jones style movie set in Paris’ catacombs, according to the directing duo brothers. Um, whatever.

Next up is Michael Mann’s first visit to Comic-Con ever for his next film, Blackhat. It be about hackers, yo. It also looks like every movie ever made (hackers have your information…!), judging by the trailer. It appears exceedingly unremarkable, except for the fact that Thor plays a genius hacker. Um, yeah, that might work. It’s worth it just because Chris Hemsworth shows up now to join the panel. He learned how to type correctly for the role, showcasing his range as an actor. They shot the film in 66 days, which is a fact that is never interesting. Apparently the basis of Chris’ character, hacked the system and created a profile to make himself the ideal date for 35 women. Moderator Jessica Chabot correctly comments that he’s rapey.

Unless they’re announcing Namor the Sub Mariner (there was a pointed comment about Universal and Legendary’s combo), I feel like Legendary shot their load, maybe prematurely. Of course, we haven’t even seen either of my other predictions. Because my predictions suck.

Yay, Guillermo del Toro is coming on stage for Crimson Peak. It’s R-rated gotham romance, that is very violent. Guillermo del Toro swears all over the place, and he rules. He promises Tom Hiddleston will be around next year, and is nice and sexy.

Clip time: Um, sold. Gorgeous visual FX, creepy haunted house period piece. Built 3 story Victorian mansion.

Promotes brutal violence, a story with a woman lead that isn’t about getting a guy (fuck that shit, del Toro says).

del Toro finishes the panel by asking the audience: Hellboy 3? Awesome response. At the Mountains of Madness? Enthusiastic response, but not as big as Hellboy 3, which is semi-disappointing; we want H.P. Lovecraft and Cthulhu, people. Educate yourself. Legendary is listening. Perhaps both are coming.

Next up is Blizzard Entertainment and Legendary’s….Warcraft. Duncan Jones, the director, arrives on stage. Wants to show how the world falls into conflict between orcs and humans on Azoroth.

The movie is coming in March 2016, and Duncan compares world building to Lord of the Rings and technology to Avatar. The sneak peek looks pretty cool, though I’m exactly the wrong audience for it.

Tull returns to promise that he’ll talk with Guillermo after Pacific Rim 2…and also has something else kicking around:

Skull Island. We see a stormy sea, the Skull island, and a massive ape pounding his chest and roaring. Yup: King Kong is coming back, folks. Um, Legendary came to play this year.

Right now you’d be in your arm chair, a mug of beer in tow, watching the newest installment of HBO’s GAME OF THRONES. Unfortunately, you won’t be doing that this Sunday night.

GAME OF THRONES’ fourth season was probably its best yet, which is an impressive statement, since the first three seasons were essentially a bad break (or a BREAKING BAD) away from being the best show on TV (though arguments can be made for FRINGE, COMMUNITY, FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS, JUSTIFIED, THE WALKING DEAD, PARKS AND RECREATION and LOUIE within that time).

But after last season’s incredible finale, “The Children,” which may have been its best yet (and it still elicits massive doses of controversy, because internet), we’re left without the sprawling clans of Westeros and beyond fighting for power and meaningless titles on our TV sets until next March. That’s a long damn time. What the hell are we supposed to do until then? I’m not going to suggest going outside or watching the World Cup or even reading George R. R. Martin’s A SONG OF ICE AND FIRE novels, because no shit. Of course, none of my other recommendations are going to be insightful or clever either.

More than ever, people want to be apart of the discussion, they don’t want to be the only one not watching a show. This year that show has been alternately TRUE DETECTIVE, GAME OF THRONES and ORANGE IS THE NEW BLACK. What’s the next obsession? Each of my following suggestions are ranked by their potential to be the next big thing.

Before I begin, I’ll offer the following advice: watch anything but CROSSBONES and DEFIANCE. I feel like this goes without saying. Watch BLACK SAILS instead if you crave pirates, because it’s STARZ’s replacement for SPARTACUS (though it’s not that good). Watch DOMINION instead of DEFIANCE if you want SyFy in your life, because that has Anthony Stewart Head in it.

10. Go see OBVIOUS CHILD

I haven’t seen the movie, but everyone I’ve talked to has said how amazing Jenny Slate is in it, and how powerful/funny/difficult a movie it is. You know Jenny Slate as Mona-Lisa in PARKS & RECREATION, also known as the worst (and simultaneously the best), and I’m tickled that this movie puts her on the dramatic map. There isn’t a movie out right now that I’m more intrigued to see. I’m guessing it’s worth the extra effort to find it.

Water Cooler Factor: 1/10. You’ll be the cool kid talking about a movie nobody’s seen, which is worth something. Unless you’re an LA hipster, I doubt OBVIOUS CHILD will make a dent in the theaters, unfortunately.

9. Catch up on ORPHAN BLACK

If you’re not watching BBC’s ORPHAN BLACK, you’re not doing it correctly. While the second season wasn’t as mindblowing or fresh as the first season, it was still the best show on TV that isn’t GAME OF THRONES (or HANNIBAL). Then last night’s season finale happened, and “Holy shit” was all I could utter after nearly every scene. It truly was a game changer; the finale changes EVERYTHING, and I’m not sure into what. Season 3 will be a complete mystery, but it promises to be no less compelling. It’s time to get onboard and learn why Tatiana Maslany really is everything.

Water Cooler Factor: 4/10. The season is over, so a lot of the impetus is gone for people to talk about it. By next year it’ll be on SHERLOCK levels, however.

8. Finally check out Showtime’s PENNY DREADFUL

I wouldn’t say I was overwhelmed by the pilot, but since then John Logan and Sam Mendes’ highly stylized, quite screwed up and grotesque take on classic gothic horror has grown into something bewitching.

I wouldn’t say it’s great, though it’s filled with great performances. Namely, the show has given an excuse for Eva Green to go absolutely bonkers, and that’s something the world has wanted/needed/craved since CASINO ROYALE. She’s deserving of at least a nomination at all of the award shows for her alluring, batshit crazy portrayal of Vanessa Ives, one of the few characters on the show that isn’t lifted directly from literature (or if it is, it’s over my head). We’ve seen way too many seances in film and TV, but Eva Green’s possessed Vanessa is the moment that secured my viewership until the show ends.

Plus, Timothy Dalton further cements his scene crunching ability in a late career renaissance I adore, and you can see Josh Hartnett’s ass and Billie Piper’s boobs. I’m an episode behind going into tonight’s episode (“Possession”), so this is one on the list that I’ll definitely be doing.

Water Cooler Factor: 5/10. I have a sneaking suspicion that a lot more people would’ve been watching PENNY DREADFUL if not for GAME OF THRONES. Now that the latter is done, there’s still some time for PENNY DREADFUL to get into the national discussion. Unfortunately, after tonight’s episode, there’s only one week till the finale. Considering Showtime has already optioned a second season, it’s another good one to get ahead of the game for next year.

7. Get onboard BBC’s next buzzy show, INTRUDERS

All I know about BBC’s INTRUDERS, except that it’s premiering this summer and stars The Master himself, John Simm, is what I gleaned from this promo:

And that’s all I need/care to know to watch it.

Water Cooler Factor: 6/10. Looks great, but in a LUTHER/IN THE FLESH kind of way, where only the in BBC crowd watches and loves it.

5. Figure out what the hell RECTIFY is about

I’ll be honest, I don’t know. But this Sundance Channel show is apparently brilliant.

EW raves about it. It’s “mesmerizing.” “Stop Everything and Go Watch Rectify.”

It certainly doesn’t sound for everyone, considering it’s referred to as subtle and quiet drama, its whodunnit beside the point. Vulture calls it “christian art.” I don’t know what that means, but I’m tantalized, especially when it’s hailed as the successor to MAD MEN.

Water Cooler Factor: 7/10. Critics and outlets are going mad for RECTIFY. Will the people follow? I kind of doubt it, based on the themes at work in RECTIFY, but I’ve bumped several shows on my list in order to start season 1 and catch up on season 2 before it ends.

4. Check out STARZ’s OUTLANDER

OUTLANDER wants to be the next GAME OF THRONES, minus the dragons (as far as I know). It’s from a best selling book series, and is a time traveling romance to Scotland, being brought to the screen by Ronald D. Moore, who rules (BATTLESTAR GALACTICA). I think this one could be huge, judging by the eighth book’s firm place on top of the NYT Best Seller’s List, and its legion of fans.

OUTLANDER premieres August 9th.

Water Cooler Factor: 8/10. It might be too dreamy and historical to catch on like wildfire, but then again, we live in an age when DOWNTON ABBEY is one of the most talked about shows.

3. FX’s THE STRAIN is the next THE WALKING DEAD/AMERICAN HORROR STORY

Based on a popular book series, check. Awesome pedigree (Guillermo del Toro), check. A new, dark take on vampires, check.

From what little we’ve seen of THE STRAIN, it looks fucked up and cool. We might all be tired of vampires, but I’m pretty sure del Toro has something different up his sleeves with this.

It’s a coming July 13th.

Water Cooler Factor: 8.5/10. When horror shows find an audience, they explode, and with AHS and TWD off the air, The Strain should fill that void. It also helps that I expect it to be fairly excellent. Bonus half point because…IT HAS SEAN ASTIN IN IT!

2. Watch HBO’s Newest Show: THE LEFTOVERS

There’s little doubt in my mind that HBO will keep the hits coming, and dominate the national pop culture discussion again, after dominating this calendar year with TRUE DETECTIVE and GOT. I don’t think it’ll be the last season of TRUE BLOOD we’ll be talking about, however. That, like DEXTER before it, is ending too late, and is really just something we’re all watching out of due diligence more than anything else.

Next Sunday, June 29th we get to see THE LEFTOVERS, the show I believe will be the next buzzy show that will get spoiled for us minutes after its episodes air. What if 2% of the world’s population mysteriously disappeared? It certainly has LOST-like potential, which sounds like a dirty word these days, but I still cling to that as a compliment. It also could very well be like UNDER THE DOME, an inconsistent show I hate-watch. Either way, I’m quite curious to check it out.

Water Cooler Factor: 9/10. Pretty positive this is the one to take the mantle.

1. Watch these summer movies: DAWN OF THE PLANET OF THE APES, GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY and SNOWPIERCER.

Movies have a very low shelf life in terms of taking over the discussion, since every week there’s a new blockbuster to watch. So far 2014’s had a pretty good track record, though we’re about to hit a bit of a lull until DOTPOTA comes out, which is an acronym I’ll avoid using in the future.

DAWN and GUARDIANS are my two most anticipated films left this summer, and probably this year, though I’m not bothering to check that. They’re also the only two I’d predict that could even touch CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE WINTER SOLDIER in terms of quality.

SNOWPIERCER should be incredible as long as the Weinstein’s don’t ruin it. It’s based on an acclaimed French graphic novel, it stars Chris Evans, Jamie Bell, John Hurt, Tilda Swinton, Ed Harris, Octavia Spencer, Alison Pill and comes from visionary director Joon-ho Bong. Peep it:

It’s a smaller film, but it shouldn’t be, based on that trailer and who’s involved. We will get to see a director’s cut, but the film will no longer get a wide release. The world sucks sometimes.

Water Cooler Factor: 10/10. Maybe not for SNOWPIERCER, but DAWN and GUARDIANS are the two biggest movies yet to come out so far, mark my words. Fuck Transformers.

OTHERS: Halt and Catch Fire, AMC. The Knick, STARZ. The Last Ship & Legends, TNT. The Quest, CBS.