Air Bud movies, ranked

There have been 14 movies made in the Air Bud/Air Buddies film franchise, and every single one of them is the greatest film of all time. But which of these titans of cinematic history is the greatest of the great? That’s an impossible question that the rest of the internet is too afraid to tackle. But one dick-joke-named website has the balls to rank the unrankable, and it’s us. So let’s kick off 2015 with all the furry goodness your hungover brain can handle.

14. Air Bud: Spikes Back (2003)

This was the final of the five Air Bud films, and its underwhelming quality inspired the franchise to reboot into Air Buddies. Pairing Buddy with a talking parrot was (obviously) an inspired choice, but we all know that Andrea couldn’t carry the film as well with Josh gone entirely. Of course, when talking about this movie as a disappointment, it’s important to keep in mind that it’s all relative; even the worst Air Bud still makes Citizen Kane looks like a festering turd.

13. Spooky Buddies (2011)

Spooky Buddies was of course the most controversial entry in the series, with many activist groups criticizing the infamous B-Dawg Rap for being insensitive to dogs who can’t rap. But put aside the outraged pundits and you’re left with an undeniable horror classic. Who among us didn’t scream in terror at the first sight of the Halloween Hound? Fuck you, yes you did.

12. Santa Buddies (2009)

Maybe this movie wasn’t as refined as the two later Christmas-inspired Air Buddies installments, and sure, we all got a little frustrated with Puppy Paws not realizing how good he had it. But few things spread holiday cheer more than watching the Christmas Icicle stop melting thanks to our puppy heroes.

11. Air Bud: World Pup (2000)

This movie has often been called the greatest soccer movie ever made, and with all due respect to The Big Green, I have to agree. The third movie in the series, World Pup was the first to introduce a serious romantic element, with Buddy finding his soulmate and having a litter of his own.

10. Snow Buddies (2008)

Some might bump this a little lower for using a non-Golden Retriever as such a major character — go get your own movie series, Siberian Huskies! — but keep an open mind, and I think you’ll find that Shasta wins you over.

9. Air Bud: Golden Receiver (1998)

It’s hard to follow a legend, so no one blames Golden Receiver for failing to live up to the original Air Bud. But let’s not overlook the cleverness of changing “Golden Retriever” to “Golden Receiver” because Buddy was receiving the football. That’s quality punning. Is it a little effed up to watch people intentionally try to hurt a dog on the football field? Sure, but that entire sport is pretty whack (yeah I said it) if you let yourself think about it, which is why you shouldn’t. Plus, this movie had the brilliant idea to use Russian characters as the bad guys. Will the creative genius never end?!

8. The Search for Santa Paws (2010)

Who says prequels can’t work? Santa Buddies was obviously a fine film, but Santa Paws himself got too little screen time for most of our tastes. By going back in time to show the nascent Paws saving Santa, this movie was able to capture so much more of the Christmas goodness we craved.

7. Super Buddies (2013)

Some have questioned whether other heroes like Marvel’s Fantastic Four ripped off this film’s concept of ordinary beings gaining superpowers from an extraterrestrial source.. Other have argued that the Fantastic Four were actually created 50 years earlier. I’m not an expert in time, so I can’t say for sure either way. But I can say that there are no super-powered puppies I’d rather have in my corner (sorry, Underdog.)

6. Air Bud: Seventh Inning Fetch (2002)

Sure, we all believed a dog could play basketball, football, and soccer at a championship-winning level. But baseball? Surely not. BUT WAIT. Think the lack of ability to wear a glove will slow him down? He’ll just catch the damn ball in his mouth. But come on, how will he hit? Fuck you, that’s how. Buddy can hold that bat in his mouth and swing his head and still be better at the plate than Dan Uggla.

5. Air Buddies (2006)

We could have watched Buddy play different sports forever — I particularly wanted to see him demonstrate his precocious competitive shooting skills for the unmade Air Bud With A Vengeance — but the time came to pass things along to the next generation. Narrator Don Knotts (in his final/greatest role) introduced us to the five pups would lead us into a grand new era of dog tales. Their combination of wacky adventure and aggressive cuteness have delighted the world ever since.

4. Treasure Buddies (2012)

Before this movie, was there any great outcry to see a Golden Retriever puppy in an Indiana Jones-style fedora and playing with a Capuchin monkey? Probably not. But that’s what great art can do: give you what you need even when you didn’t know you needed it.

3. Santa Paws 2: The Santa Pups (2012)

The final installment of the Santa/Air Buddies crossover trilogy, this movie is the real reason for the season. According to legend — and by “legend,” I mean “fact” — the ghost of Jimmy Stewart appeared at the world premiere of Santa Paws 2 to declare it the greatest holiday movie ever made, and, since the ghost of Jimmy Stewart can see the future, the greatest holiday movie that ever will be made. So holiday movies are all downhill from here, folks.

2. Air Bud (1997)

There are moments in history that change the world. The fall of the Berlin Wall. The invention of Doritos Nacho Cheese. That time I found a dollar bill just lying on the street. And then there was the moment when some titan of cinema said, “Hey, let’s make a movie about a dog who plays basketball.” When 12-year-old Josh Framm learns his dog can make shot after shot, I think we all learned a little something about ourselves, as well. And that something was: “I could go for at least another 13 movies following pretty much this same premise.”

(Unimportant sidenote: This is the only Air Bud/Air Buddies movie I’ve seen. It was ok.)

1. Space Buddies (2009)

And now we come at last to the crown jewel of the Bud/Buddies franchise. You all knew that this had to be #1, but sometimes the obvious choice is still the correct one. And so it is with Space Buddies. There are few things on this earth more adorable than Golden Retriever puppies, and few things in this cosmos that tug at man like the allure of space. Combine those elements and you get a movie that enriches your very soul and can teach the most cynical heart to love again. One giant leap for dogkind, indeed.

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So where does the Air Buddies franchise go from here? Who can say? The possibilities are as boundless as the human spirit. If the run ends at 14, then our lives are all fuller for having gotten so many. But if the movies keep rolling? Why, we could see a day when this puppy power becomes the key to international harmony. That’s right: World Peace Buddies, coming soon to a direct-to-video near you.