The Femmes all had fairly specific answers, albeit not always imaginative ones. We got Wonder Woman, Jean Grey, Rogue and Catwoman but all women seemed to say the same thing: they wanted a strong, funny, sassy woman and while yeah, it’s cool that we’re finally getting that, it’s taken way too long.

The Fellas responses however, are the exact problem with bringing superheroines to life on the big screen.

Jeff Sneider “only buys ScarJo and Angie, so if you don’t bring [him] one of them, [he’s] out.” He said he’d prefer a female remake of The Crow to any other female superhero out there and while I’m not denying how unquestionably awesome a female Crow would be, why genderbend when there are already so many other deserving ladies? And why limit yourself to Scarlett Johannson and Angelina Jolie when you have goddesses like Katee Sakoff, Gina Torres, and Amy Acker?

Jordan Zakarin thinks, “it’s sort of a silly debate to be having, because women have shown that they can lead…Plus, it’s not like a woman superhero would suddenly ruin the integrity and streak of perfection in these films.” True, we have shown we can lead and there have been more flops than the studios would like to admit, but to minimize the importance of the debate by calling it “silly” just proves how much more work women have to do to prove their worth. Would Jordan have called it silly when talking about the next male hero to be adapted? Arguably not.

Joseph Kapsch questions if “a studio can actually create a female superhero driven tentpole that is as viable a moneymaker as its male counterparts?” This kind of thinking is the exact reason why it’s taken so long to get a heroine onto the screen in the first place. Stop questioning and start trying.

Tony Maglio says, “I’m all for female superhero movies, but the fangirl market is still not what the fanboy market is, so it seems like a riskier investment from the studio side. Plus, historically, the vast majority of superheroes were men, so it’s inarguably slimmer pickings for the fairer sex within the realm of existing franchises.” I’m sorry, how does that matter? Sure, there may be “less options” but there are still an abundance of underrated powerful and complex heroines between all the comic universes, so why does the ratio of women to men in comics tilt the scales?

Todd Cunningham was one of my personal favorites (read: asshole). “I don’t think the gender of the superheroes matters that much, and I’m pretty sure that superhero equality shouldn’t be on the front burner when it comes to equality between the sexes. The fact is, most superhero movies are primarily the domain of teenage boys, who can identify best with male heroes (not to mention the “yuck — girls!” factor). That doesn’t mean it has to be that way going forward, but it’s not like Hollywood and Marvel and DC haven’t tried female superheroes before — if you look at Wikipedia, there’s nearly a hundred of them, and some have connected. I know Warner Bros. is pinning a lot of hope on Wonder Woman as a character. And Scarlett Johansson may yet get her own Black Widow movie with Marvel.” Mr. Cunningham could not be more confused. He gives the bigoted impression that he sees no gender inequality at all and therefore, why is everyone so upset? While no, a female hero isn’t the most important issue in the battle between sex-equality, the fact that out of all the superhero movies that have been made in the last fifteen years, I don’t even need a single finger to count the solo heroine films… That’s a major problem. The gender of superheroes released for public consumption in such a mass media market like cinema, and by extension television, is much more important that Todd realizes. Oh, there’s nearly a hundred female superheroes on Wikipedia? Why make any more, that’s plenty. Oh, ScarJo may finally get her own BLACK WIDOW movie 7 years after her character was first introduced, two IRON MAN sequels, potentially two THOR sequels, and one AVENGERS sequel later? No, there’s absolutely nothing wrong nor unequal about that. “Yuck – girls!” is no longer a feasible excuse – these films are not made for pre-pubescent boys anymore, they’re made for the general population which women just so happen to be part of.

These delightful gentlemen and the studio bigwigs are major contributing reasons that it’s take this long to adapt a female superhero into a cinematic feature; because it’s silly to wonder which heroine should get her own film, because unless you’re Angelina Jolie no one will want to see the film, because there are less options than male heroes, because “Yuck – girls!”

Unfortunately for these poor nimrods, however, a few of their male coworkers got it right: Tim Molloy offered his personal experience growing up on Black Cat and how much he loved and identified with her. He says that audiences today will embrace the female hero, especially if she’s an underdog. “But it’s sexist (and boring) if a heroine’s only supposed weakness is the fact that she’s a woman. Superhero movies need to give their women heroes the same kinds of flaws that men have, from Iron Man’s dying heart to the Hulk’s lack of self-control. If the story’s compelling, moviegoers will buy in.”

Andy Gensler also brought up a great point that women in comics have more often than not been reduced to sexy ninja warriors because if they don’t fall into that category they tend to have a tough go of it in comics. He wants the superheroine to be reinvented. His thoughts: “I’d like to see R. Crumb’s Ideal Woman, but made-over as a bad-ass contemporary feminist, a warrior who can cut through male megalomania BS in a single honest, authentic, and castrating bound. Who should play her? Melissa McCarthy, looking buxom and badass.”

And lastly Travis Reilly put it in terms that even Cunningham should be able to understand. “1) I like superhero movies, and 2) I like women. Those are my thoughts.” Upset that “companies are still — in the vast majority of instances — clinging to Caucasian male leads,” Reilly has been waiting just as long as women have for a heroine to get her own film.

*Side note, Microsoft word does not try to autocorrect “superhero” but does give me the red squigglies for “superheroine.” Jus’ sayin’.

I’ll admit, I’m probably the wrong one to write any post on the FAST AND THE FURIOUS franchise. I watched the first one in the prime age of when I should love it (13-14), and didn’t really get it (though I appreciated the boobs). The only thing it did was solidify my love, adoration and absolute fear of Michelle Rodriguez.

I’m not a car guy; I’m one of the least knowledgeable people I know about vehicles and anything useful, and certainly one of the least macho people I met, mostly because I just used the word macho. The only car I wanted when I grew up was a DeLorean, or Chitty Chitty Bang Bang or Lola/All of the Above. I’m as far from teh F&F demo as you could reasonably ask for…except, unbeknownst to me, these films transcends demographics, appealing to anyone with a pulse.

I hadn’t watched any other FAST & FURIOUS movie (nor do I entirely get when I’m supposed to use the ampersand or AND or neither) until a few friends made me watch FAST FIVE last year. I was resistant, but once you accept the reality of the situation, these movies are ridiculous fun, and promote such holy virtues like family, embracing the wife beater religion and crime.

As the franchise has progressed, it’s essentially turned into the EXPENDABLES of car movies, adding star wattage, except said stars are up and comers, or relatively young by comparison. Plus hot men AND women get to be in on the action. Furthermore, F&F is a melting pot of ethnicity and race, a truer depiction of America I’ve not seen. The latest is another success, balancing an ensemble of characters as ably as Joss Whedon did in AVENGERS. I don’t mean that as sarcastically as I probably should, because indeed, every person gets a chance to shine, be it the Rock/Hobbs, Ludacris, Tyrese, Vin, Paul (RIP), Han, Gisele and admittedly, not really Mia.

With Wonder Woman (Gal Gadot, above), Groot (Vin Diesel), Dracula (Luke Evans) and probably Black Adam (The Rock) all in FAST & FURIOUS, it’s fair to wonder if FAST & FURIOUS takes place in the Marvel and/or DC cinematic universes. Considering every movie will eventually fall under those umbrellas, I think F&F again is ahead of its time.

Sometime in the near future, I hope to marathon all 6/7 movies and truly embrace the testosterone, wearing wife beaters and swapping needles with the bros. When “researching” this post, this note from the franchise’s Wikipedia page was one of the funniest things I came across:

This article’s plot summary may be too long or excessively detailed. Please help improve it by removing unnecessary details and making it more concise.

A drinking game for the most recent classic, FAST & FURIOUS 6 will have to suffice.

FAST & FURIOUS 6 is directed by Justin Lin, whose Hollywood career began in earnest with the impenetrable ANNAPOLIS (2006). The movie brought him and Tyrese Gibson together, ushering Lin into “the family” that Dom and O’Connor interminably tout. The Taiwanese filmmaker put his stamp on the franchise with TOKYO DRIFT, the third film in the franchise (and the one that judging by its trailer, made me erase the franchise from my consciousness).

After Paul Walker or Vin Diesel or both were missing from 2 and 3, they reunited in FAST & FURIOUS, a film that Justin Lin also directed. He continued the good thing with FAST FIVE and FAST & FURIOUS 6, one of the main components (though let’s be honest, The Rock is the biggest component) in turning FAST & THE FURIOUS from a dying franchise with a lot of tread on its tires, to one of the most profitable and largest mega-franchises in Hollywood. In between all the cars, he also directed three episodes of COMMUNITY (including arguably its best episode ever, “Modern Warfare”), which is a surefire sign that you’re going to hit the big time in Hollywood.

Innumerable master theses could be written about the life and career of Vin Diesel, a self-made powerhouse in Hollywood. While he had a brief appearance in SAVING PRIVATE RYAN, it was THE IRON GIANT that likely propelled his career into the direction he wanted. It’s also the best movie he’s ever been in, and I don’t mean that as an insult to his body of work. THE IRON GIANT fucking rules.

Then, PITCH BLACK and THE FAST AND THE FURIOUS hit in 2000 and 2001, and he could do whatever he wanted. That meant xXx, a bunch of other mediocre action movies and…THE PACIFIER. That movie effectively/justifiably wrecked his career until returning to the role of Dom Toretto in F&F. Now he’s in GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY, has another F&F movie upcoming, RIDDICK might go on forever, and Vin looks to be returning in another Triple X movie. Vin Diesel has been the star of 3 different franchises, and has himself well positioned to be on the ground floor of a fourth in GUARDIANS. It’s really a fascinating journey. Diesel strayed from his m.o. and persona slightly, and has since counter-corrected in the complete opposite direction to massive success. Now, he probably can do whatever he wants, but that appears to be sticking with what works, and for any other actor, I might consider that boring, or greedy. For Vin Diesel, it’s smart. Say what you want about his acting talent or lack thereof, he’s perfect in FAST & FURIOUS, the gritty heart and soul of a franchise with a lot of moving parts. He also has one of the most loyal and active online fan-bases in the world, something he’s been on the forefront of embracing and cultivating.

So anyways, on with the drinking. You could probably substitute beer with Full Throttle, or steroids or something, but that’d be even stupider. Every round must begin with pouring a sip out for Paul Walker, an American hero.

A warning: it’s pretty impossible to play these rules. I will say that I did it. But don’t be an idiot: sleep on your bro’s couch afterwards, and don’t drink more than you can handle.

0. As with every film on 7 Inches of Your Time: sips for nips. That means man or woman, and for F&F6, you could black out from this rule alone thanks to all the man pecs.

1. Every time Tyrese is cheap, drink. Not a big sip, because you should respect Tyrese’s creed.

2. Every time there’s a new genre of vehicle (car/boat/plane/tank/etc.), have at that bottle.

3. Whenever our fateful heroes make a reference to “the life,” you should toast to the crew.

4. Whenever Dom and company reference “the family,” drink with them.

5. Drink for ever impossible car maneuver. Sorry.

6. Every time a character comes back from the dead, drink. Um, spoilers.

7. Drink for ridiculous car jargon!

8. Whenever some says, “I got this”/”I got your back”: drink. I really want to be able to say this un-ironically in my life time.

9. Drink when the maxim “Ride or die” happens.

10. You must drink whenever someone jumps from vehicles.

11. For every new wife beater, celebrate with a sip.

12. And lastly, drink for every “Oh shit.”

Expert Version: Drink whenever a car’s engine revs or someone switches gears. You’re welcome.

A BLACK WIDOW film has been… listed. Not “announced” per say, but it has its own IMDb page so gosh golly gee, it must be true! We, the people, have been surrounded by every superhero imaginable for years now (how many versions of Batman and Superman have we suffered through over the past countless decades?) and we are finally starting to see a lady at the end of the tunnel. Let’s go down a brief (and incomplete) list to see what’s already out there – past, present and future* – in the realm of live-action superhero television and films.

ANT-MAN (1 movie)*

ARROW (TV show in season 2)

BATMAN (9 movies, 1 TV show)

BIRDS OF PREY (TV cancelled after 13 episodes in 2002)

BLACK WIDOW (3 supporting/ensemble movie appearances, 1 movie)*

CAPTAIN AMERICA (8 movies)*

CATWOMAN (multiple appearances, 1 horrible movie in 2004)

DOCTOR STRANGE (2 movies)*

FANTASTIC FOUR (5 movies)*

GREEN LANTERN (2 movies)*

GOTHAM (TV, included separately because it exists in Batman’s universe but isn’t about Batman)*

GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY (1 movie)*

IRON MAN (5 movies)*

JUSTICE LEAGUE (1 movie)*

SUPERMAN (8 movies, 2 TV shows)

THE AMAZING SPIDER-MAN (10 movies)*

THE FLASH (TV show, and 1  movie)*

THE INCREDIBLE HULK (7 movies, 1 TV show)*

THOR (5 movies)*

WOLVERINE (8 movies, probably more, including cameos)*

WONDER WOMAN (TV show from 1975-1979, 1 movie)*

X-MEN (6 movies)*

Pretty impressive list we’ve got there, right? Pretty testosterone heavy list, too. Sure, we absolutely have some supporting females here and there – re: Catwoman (not the movie!), Lady Sif, the X-Women, etc – but on the whole, the list is fairly male-centric. Don’t misunderstand me here, folks: this is not a feminist-rant-post, or an angry-at-men post, but merely a “we’ve-got-some-kickass-heroine’s-out-there” post that does not quite understand why we haven’t taken advantage of the abundance of awesome womens we’ve got.

I, and I believe many others, have had the unfortunate pleasure of witnessing one too many arguments surrounding the idea that superhero films (or any films) that feature a female lead will bomb at the box office. Women don’t have the “universal appeal” that men do or some other silly thing like that. I firmly and wholeheartedly disagree, especially when it comes to superheroes. Women will go see these films because they’re such a rarity and we’re dying to get one of our own up there in a lead role, and men will see them because SCARLETT JOHANSSEN IN SPANDEX. It’s a win-win situation.

Another great argument I’ve heard (which was a personal favorite of mine) was that Wonder Woman doesn’t need her own film. Number 3. See here. While I absolutely accept and agree that her mythology does not lend well to cinematic adaptation, that doesn’t mean that a) it’s impossible or that b) that she doesn’t need a film. Just because it would be difficult to get her a working, relatable backstory on screen that does not mean that she shouldn’t get one. (Hands off, Brett Ratner, Simon Kinberg and Zak Penn. You three have ruined enough.)

And it may sound ungrateful that I’m whining when we’re finally getting both a Black Widow and a Wonder Woman film in the foreseeable future, but it should absolutely sound ungrateful. Because we, both women and the general comicfan population, should not have to be grateful that a heroine is finally getting to star in her own film. It’s a no-brainer when it comes to adapting a male hero, but somehow the ladies always get the boot. And I don’t think it’s a lack of desire from the fanbase that is holding back our heroines, but instead a lack of understanding on the studios part: they don’t know how to write our heroines. It’s hard enough to write a complex character, but for many female roles they tend to be broken down so simply that they fall through the cracks and become nothing but fluff.

My proposed solution? FIND NEW WRITERS. There are a ton of screenwriters who can master the complex female character without pigeonholing her into one stereotype or another, and maybe that’s a huge part of why we’ve waited so long to put Black Widow at the forefront of her own adventure; the writers that were bringing her to life onscreen had time to test her, find her strengths and skills off the page and are now comfortable enough with her as a character that they feel confident they can give her a successful film. And maybe that’s what the plan is for Wonder Woman, too. An introduction to Diana Prince in BATMAN VS SUPERMAN, another supporting role in JUSTICE LEAGUE to iron out the kinks and then finally a film of her own to succeed in.

I’ll admit that it’s a fairly decent plan of attack but it’s not good enough anymore, Hollywood. It’s time to find new writers who can do it right on the first try. No more bombed films, no more canned pilots. Make me the perfect RED SONJA film (not the 1985 atrocity) and do it now. We’ve got enough hugely popular and successful superdoods in tights roaming around that it’s time for some superladies to start winning the box office, too.

Meet Gal Gadot, the new Wonder Woman.

That day I actually did have a plan: find my way to the meeting spot for the free London tour by some important arch (Wellington Arch). I decided I’d walk through Hyde Park to do so, the other notable park in London, and one that I was staying quite close too. Again, like Regent’s Park, I immediately felt at home. Maybe it was the Kensington Gardens, the pretentious sculptures, or maybe I just like bird shit. The park is split by the Serpentine, a 28 acre lake that one can boat on or eat and drink beside, or walk along. I did the latter, since I’m a cheap bastard, a recurring theme. The park also houses the Diana Fountain, a tribute to Wonder Woman I believe. It also houses the Serpentine Art Gallery, which was free to go inside, and it was a thrilling seven minutes. I almost went into the Kensington Palace because Kensington is a great British name (and I believe an Austin Powers broad), and because the Palace looked like some kooky Alice in Wonderland-like exhibit, but it required money, and I had more pressing business: I had to get my Mom a picture of the Peter Pan statue. Despite putting myself in danger of missing the free tour, I took the picture, even though kids were obscuring it for awhile, what the fuck? Because this paragraph wasn’t really exciting I feel like it’s worth mentioning that my Mom split her head open trying to fly like Peter Pan. She was 17.

I assumed I had plenty of time to get to the tour, but Hyde Park covers 350 acres. That’s like nine Ron Jeremy penises. Needless to say I barely made the tour in time, but I’m glad I did. I relished the company of Thomas the Tour Guide, a young Irish lad, and met my first couple fellow Americans (Nathan from Arizona and Iesha, yes Iesha, from Arkansas). Basically, we saw a lot: Buckingham Palace and I was able to see like three of the guards during the changing of the guard (because it’s a fucking zoo during the ceremony), the Houses of Parliament, Trafalgar Square, the Churchill War Museums, Big Ben (which is actually the name of the bells, not the actual clock), etc. And it was free! Great solid tour, and it’s been posited, and I concur, that these free tours may even be better than the ones that you actually pay for, because the tour guides are young, vivacious peeps working for tips, so it promises to be lively, informative, and a lot of fucking walking.

After we met at a pub I forgot, but it was probably an animal and a human, like The Lion and the Child (you combine animal-animal or animal-human or color-animal or famous British family-“Arms” to create an English pub. It’s taught in elementary school). Once there, I tipped Thomas, ate ice cream and waffles for lunch (I eat like a child when travelling, apparently), bought tickets for the London Pub Crawl through the tour company to meet some people and get drunk (conveniently forgetting my aforementioned plans with Maggie). Turns out Iesha was heading to Oxford in the next couple days, which happened to be my next destination. She put down my facebook information but never contacted me in Oxford, that bitch.

Huh. There’s a lot of parentheticals in this post. Get used to it (seriously).

Following some other girl’s advice on the tour I went back to Camden Town Market for dinner to purchase a Turkish wrap (sausage, cheese, spinach and yoghurt, yeah check out that ‘h’). Done. Divine. Also had like the equivalent of a prawn samosa at a Brazilian stand. Meh.

Then….PUB CRAWL.

Next time: Andy has a miserable time, a fantastic time, a drunk time and one of the more horrifying sleeping arrangements of his life.