The Scribbler is a fascinating cauldron of genre actors playing against type, or EXACTLY within type, an IMDB enthusiast’s wet dream. The comic book movie somehow stars Eliza Dushku, Michelle Trachtenberg AND Katie Cassidy, three of the most divisive actresses on some of the Internet’s favorite shows: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Dollhouse and Arrow. An acting clinic this is not, but I came away with a greater appreciation for every single person who appeared in this movie. I came away with a greater appreciation for life.

Based on a graphic novel by Dan Schaffer (who also wrote the screenplay), The Scribbler seeks to answer life’s most persistent question: is Katie Cassidy responsible for Laurel Lance being one of the worst characters on TV, or does the fault lie with the writers? After this movie, I’m team Katie Cassidy, which is one of the biggest surprises of my adult life. She goes for it, and doesn’t shy away from anything, owning a movie that’s particularly hard to own.

Eliza Dushku is a criminal psychologist actually named Jennifer Silk. Porn star (and burgeoning serious actress) Sasha Grey wears a bunny outfit (her character name? Bunny). THE Gina Gershon is a sex addict named Cleo who always has a boa around her neck. The great and weird Garrett Dillahunt (Deadwood, Raising Hope) is Hogan, one of the most unlikely romantic leads ever, who tried to kill himself so he could pick up chicks and sleep with all of the Sucker Punch rejects (but let me be clear: this movie is infinitely better than that Zack Snyder abomination). Michelle Trachtenberg is Hogan’s vindictive ex-girlfriend who pushes women down stairs (while her name is Alice, she’s fondly referred to as the “Stair Pusher”). Raj from The Big Bang Theory (Kunal Nayyar) is in the movie long enough to recognize, question your eyesight (does he exist outside of CBS?!), and wonder if he financed the film. No surprise here: The Sopranos’ Michael Imperioli is the disgruntled, annoyed cop. There’s a talking bulldog with a British accent (who’s THE BEST) and a fashion conscious, judgy patient who never wears clothes. I can’t even begin to explain The Scribbler, but if that doesn’t sell you on the fact that you have to experience this inexplicable movie, then nothing will.

But the movie revolves around Katie Cassidy, who is Suki, a woman plagued with multiple personalities. With tattoos, piercings and bleached hair, Cassidy is transformed. Despite being the reason I asked for a screener of this film, I barely recognized her at times. She’s like a punk version of Lauren Cohan (The Walking Dead), with a generous chaser of Harley Quinn, voices flitting around her head like Sookie from True Blood, except they are all her thoughts. This is ingeniously done, producing some of the best dialogue/moments in the movie.

She’s thrown in Juniper Towers, a halfway house for the mentally insane, a “psychiatric purgatory” and villainous construct that has never existed outside of movie thrillers. Nearly every day, a woman succumbs to her mental disease and jumps off the building, somehow attracting barely any interest from law enforcement…because who cares about suicides, especially when it’s crazy people dying? Of course, they aren’t suicides, and that’s why Suki finds herself interrogated by Silk and Gruff Cop at the beginning of the movie, as we work backwards and forwards and bounce around multiple personalities in this convoluted, but ultimately, fascinating and entertaining flick.

Suki gets tasked by an asshole of a doctor (The Killing and Helix‘s Billy Campbell) with using an experimental machine called the “Siamese Burn,” a Matrix-y shock therapy machine that eliminates multiple personalities with a click of a button, like a dystopian Bop-It. Suki starts the film with 12 personalities, and after each session, the machine counts down, assimilating or annihilating parts of herself into what’s left of her addled brain. Of course, whenever she uses the machine, Suki blacks out and wakes up without any recollection of the past few days…with new, disturbing writing on the wall, and another crazy girl shaped bloodstain on the sidewalk. The Scribbler is the name of her most nefarious, dangerous alter, a supernatural monster that can only speak with a pen, and may be behind the rash of deaths at Juniper Towers (which can’t possibly still be in business).

But we know it’s not that easy, and while I could do without the heavy-handed Yin/Yang obsessed monologue delivered by Suki throughout (“crazy people don’t play by the rules”), The Scribbler is undeniably entertaining, and has some no-shit cool moments, as we see the Siamese Burn unlock potential from some of the other patients, leading to a rainy, drag-out superhero fight on the top of Juniper Towers. You may love The Scribbler, you’ll probably hate it, but you won’t regret checking it out. The Scribbler is a movie made for a drunken/stoned communal viewing experience by Buffy, Arrow and Dollhouse fans.

THE SCRIBBLER arrives in theaters, VOD and iTunes this Friday, September 19th. 

If you have not seen CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE WINTER SOLDIER or the latest episode of Marvel’s AGENTS OF S.H.I.E.L.D., you’re not a very good nerd, nor should you read the rest of this post LEST YE BE SPOILED.

Week after week, Tuesday after Tuesday, I prepare myself to watch the next episode of what should be the greatest show on television: it lives in a world that has Gods, philanthropic-playboy-geniuses, a modern-day Robin Hood, and a goddamn Hulk. Yet, every week I have to give myself pep-talks and convince myself that maybe this time it’ll be better, maybe this is the episode that will make me go, “JOSS WHEDON IS BACK, BITCHES!” But here we are, seventeen episodes into its premiere season and I still cannot say that I am 100% committed to AGENTS OF S.H.I.E.L.D. for the duration of its television run no matter how long – or how short – that may be.

Let’s take a quick look at my lovers’ (most people call him Joss) television resumé.

BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER (1997-2003): Had it all. A kickass ladyhero, hot-as-hell vampires, a couple of lezzie Wicca’s, a few neat accents, sex, drama, blood, pain and lots and lots of laughs. While the wardrobe may be outdated now (sweet mother of God is it bad), everyone no matter if they’re a new found fan, or a lifer, can appreciate the language of Buffyisms that was created, the family that we all shared, and the everlasting hatred of the monster sibling that was Dawn. Joss Whedon was tired of watching horror movies where the blond girl always got the ax first, so he gave us a heroine that even over a decade later, everyone still wants to be when they grow up.

ANGEL (1999-2004): BtVS’s spinoff is all-too-often compared to its predecessor and the comments that follow are generally in the vain of, “…but not as good.” or “…it just wasn’t BUFFY.” And while, yes, those may be true because of HOW MUCH WE LOVE BUFFY, they don’t actually have any real merit. ANGEL was a great show in its own right, and no it wasn’t BUFFY… Because it wasn’t BUFFY. It was ANGEL. While Joss didn’t take the lead on this one, he left in the hands of his more than capable partner David Greenwalt who had been working on BtVS with him for years. They, together, knew the characters they created and so taking them out of Sunnydale and putting them in The City of Angels wasn’t something to be scared of. ANGEL may have fallen off the bandwagon a few times (Connor and evil Cordy, anyone?) its characters never changed past the point of recognition. Which is more than we can say for some other less fortunate folks on the telly (VAMPIRE DIARIES, I’m looking at you).

FIREFLY (2002-2003): If you haven’t seen FIREFLY, do everyone a favor and go impale yourself.

DR. HORRIBLE’S SING ALONG BLOG (TV Mini-Series, 2008): Neil Patrick Harris. Felicia Day. Nathan Fillion. Joss Whedon. Singing. DR. HORRIBLE was a brilliant, adorable and endearing work of fluffy fun. It was just a little reminder for all of Joss’ fans that he was still around and still making wonderful little things for us to treasure.

DOLLHOUSE (2009-2010): DOLLHOUSE was an interesting shift for Joss. Anyone who’s familiar with his aforementioned works, knows that he started to get very interested in technology and how that impacted the worlds he was writing about (BtVS Season 4 was the worst), and DOLLHOUSE absolutely felt like it was an experiment to see how far he could take his idea of implanting custom personalities into sleepers-for-hire. And honestly, had Eliza Dushku been replaced, DOLLHOUSE probably could have succeeded for many more seasons to come. I don’t say that because I don’t like Eliza (which to be fair, she isn’t my fave), but I say that because in order for us to believe that these “dolls” really were getting their brains wiped of personality implants, the actors that were cast needed have the range to portray anything and everything that the writers could think of, and Eliza does not have that range: she has the acting abilities of my mother ironing board. The concept of DOLLHOUSE was new, intriguing, had a fabulous crew of supporting cast, and was pretty fucking awesome all around – it just needed an equally awesome lead, which it did not.

And finally we come to AGENTS OF S.H.I.E.L.D. (2013-): Looking at all the components individually, characters (which to be fair, could use some major fleshing out; Fitz and Simmons need backgrounds and lives outside of their work together at the Academy and in S.H.I.E.L.D. and Skye could definitely improve with one of the Dollhouse’s personality implants) are decent enough, the concept is absolutely great looking at how big the Marvel cinematic universe is growing each year (OMG AVENGERS 2 OMG THE DEFENDERS OMG) and everyone loves Coulson. But what about AGENTS OF S.H.I.E.L.D. just isn’t working?

Could it be that Joss Whedon has not directed a single episode since the pilot?

Or the fact that Joss has only written one episode this entire season.

Hey, maybe it’s that Joss Whedon is not the show-runner, but merely titled “co-creator” and “producer”?

Had AGENTS OF S.H.I.E.L.D. been solely in Joss’ more than capable hands, I have no doubt that it would by far be one of the best shows to tune into weekly, but being left in the hands of another (it’s been proven time and time again that Maurissa and Jed together are not half the talent that Joss is alone) AGENTS OF S.H.I.E.L.D is suffering, and I don’t think that even the great Thor could stop it. The episodes are lackluster and #ItsAllConnected doesn’t mean a damn thing, but no one knows what’s going on anymore.

Ward is banging May, is in love with Skye, and now he’s HYDRA? Fitz and Simmons are adorable, easily flustered, and lacking any real substance, which immediately leads me to Skye. What, exactly, is the point of her? Something about her parents were important so she’s highly valuable or something… to who now? And why is that, again? Melinda May is a badass, sure, but her lack of any kind of expression has worn out its welcome. Is she in love with Coulson? She sure seems like she could be, yet she’s bumping uglies with Ward, assembled this team to put Coulson down if need be, and is apparently in contact with Fury behind everyone’s backs. Who knows what happened with Agent Hand last week since all I gathered from that entire episode is that she apparently got dead, and who knows if that was even real (Fury ain’t dead. No one can kill Sam Jackson. Be real. …And, you know, spoilers).

AGENTS OF S.H.I.E.L.D. seems to be moving in some sort of direction somewhere, somehow, but the individual storylines and overall plot have such little structure that the miniscule bit of information that is given is so haphazard and undeveloped that it feels like Maurissa and Jed took a page from the bible of LOST and are just making things up as they go. Joss may have made things up as he went (some story arcs were more ridiculous than others…ADAM) but you never quite felt this dazed and confused. While I know Joss is busy being all Avenge-y, it’d sure be nice if he stuck his head into the S.H.I.E.L.D. writers’ room once in a while to bust their balls about the hot mess that is AGENTS OF S.H.I.E.L.D.