Well, this is why we’re here. This is why I have permanent back damage and could sleep until next year’s Comic-Con at this point.

What do we have in store for us? RDJ intro’d the panel two years ago. Hiddleston did last year. Is James Spader going to bring on some Ultron? Are we going to see the Vision? Are we going to see the complete Phase 3 cast (Inhumans, Black Panther, IM 4, Hulk, Thor 3, Cap 3?)? Is Benedict Cumberbatch or Joaquin Phoenix Dr. Strange or is it a mystery third person (I can grow that beard, bitches)? Josh Brolin is here. Do we get a taste of Thanos?! Can I possibly adore Elizabeth Olsen any more than I already do? Will a woman or a black character get their own movie? Will Bradley Cooper show up in a garish raccoon costume? Will we somehow fit the entire Guardians of the Galaxy movie into the time slot? Will I ejaculate all over my neighbors? Stay tuned.

We’re on. Oh wait, we’re not. The audience is chanting, clapping in unison, we’re one minute away from the fucking wave.

For the record, the wave started exactly a minute later. The only time I’ve ever predicted something right this week.

Maybe the hour and a half gap before the WB TV panel will be filled merely by this panel starting so late. Which is disappointing, since I need a nap pre-Gotham.

Is a live blog truly live without me time stamping every comment? (Answer: No; but do you need to know I wrote this at 5:42:18 PM?).

Um, since when did Andy Serkis have an undisclosed role in Avengers: Age of Ultron? He’s apparently helping to mo-cap Hulk.

Eddie Ibrahim is up again.

We get an awesome recap of the entire Marvel Universe, capped with some great footage of Guardians of the Galaxy, which is going to be the best movie Marvel has made, btw (the 10th Marvel movies). Then we see Thanos in his space chair, threatening mankind. Awesome.

Kevin Feige is here, and so is Chris Hardwick of course.

Hardwick: has made a visually stunning film that’s hilarious. Big ups to James Gunn.

ANT-MAN time. Peyton Reed, the director. Paul Rudd and Michael Douglas are here (and Douglas is looking rough/awesome). Corey Stoll is here, the villain in the film: YELLOWJACKET. Playing the daughter of Hank Pym is EVANGELINE LILY as Hope Van Dyne. An interesting name choice.

This is the 20th anniversary of Peyton Reed’s first Comic-Con. Paul Rudd is popping his Comic-Con cherry, and clearly slightly overwhelmed.

Rudd is excited by challenge, thrilled to be working with such great people.

Michael Douglas admits to “popping up enough cherries.” Chris Hardwick wants to talk about that for the next hour, and so do I. Douglas has looked at Marvel from afar and has never really made a movie with the kind of technological tools this will have. Has clearly done his research: name-drops the year of Ant-Man’s creation, his creator, Stan Lee. Talks about his powers. This is the story of a heist, because his partner, Corey/Yellowjacket. Most of the budget will be removing Paul Rudd’s massive muscles.

Evangeline Lily on Hope Van Dyne: Very glad to announce it, and finally done evading press. Doesn’t have a script yet. But she is Hank Pym’s daughter, a crazy different detail from the source material. Professes love for us, been beloved in Hall H since Lost in 2005.

Corey Stoll on Yellowjacket: Was Hank Pym’s mentee, genius scientist as well. Have taken over the company, in what “judgmental people think is in an evil direction.” Attains some Pym particles (gross), and puts on a Yellowjacket suit.

Ant-Man starts filming in two weeks in Atlanta. Filmed something for us….we don’t see Paul or Michael, but we hear them, bickering about the nature of being a hero, and how Rudd isn’t a superhero, which is exactly why he’s perfect (and not a moron, like Douglas posits heroes are). We see the suit, we see ants, we see him flying on them, and get a brief glimpse at the visual flair in this movie. It’s fun.

Downey comes in a striking suit to Michael Jackson’s Don’t Stop Till You Get Enough. He throws roses from a briefcase into the crowd. Renner dances awkwardly. Mark Ruffalo comes in a little bit more unassuming. Chris Hemsworth. Cobie Smulders arrives, accepting a white rose from Downey. Samuel L. Jackson comes on, like he would. Chris Evans is buff as shit. Downey’s announcing them as they come in. Aaron Taylor-Johnson as Quicksilver. Paul Bettany as Vision. James Spader as Ultron. Elizabeth Olsen as Scarlet Witch. This is insane.

Hardwick: “This is good. This is good. This is supposed to happen. Welcome, Avengers.”

Downey: Keeps getting better, and the bench gets larger.

Renner admits to wearing pants, unfortunately. “Always thrilling, man….glad to be here. Very honored.” Never envisioned this, but is blessed.

Ruffalo is fairly flabbergasted by the love. Hulk gets the first chant. Hardwick warns the crowd not to get him excited…

Hemsworth loves being part of this madness. What has he not been able to do yet? “Turn him into a woman. Great idea. I don’t want to speak too early and jinx it, but it could be my Oscar.” Incredible.

Smulders didn’t expect this to keep going on, but hoped that. Joss brought her into the world, and “so grateful.”

Evans and Hemsworth apparently compare muscle, and Hemsworth wins (“it’s not a costume, he is Thor”). Steve is up to speed, but still looking for a place to belong. Searching for home.

Taylor-Johnson intimidated to join the group, but happy Joss wanted him in. Loves the banter, enjoys Marvel movies, and excited for a part in this one.

Bettany know has to work for his money. He used to go to a dark room for 45 minutes and walk out with a bag of cash. “The most exciting thing that has ever happened to my kids.” “They had no interest in what I did until this month.”

James Spader always thought the world could never be crazy or weirder than he thought. Until SDCC. “This place might be the weirdest, craziest place I’ve ever been.” Thanks us. “I play an 8 foot robot in this movie…and I’d always played humans up to now.” As startling and exciting as coming to Comic-Con for the first time. Everything was “so entirely new”: the process, the people, the world he was entering.

Olsen: Fun to bring magic into the world…”mutated people,” which elicits ooohs. Adds a new dynamic, not just “awesome punching.” Apparently she stares at pencils for hours trying to make it move.

Then the world explodes when Scarlett introduces the video for Avengers: Age of Ultron. Um, SPOILERS follow. A delightful party scene with the team (that also includes Maria Hill and Rhodey): everyone takes turns trying to grab Thor’s hammer, a la the sword in the stone. Tony and Rhodey try together, with their armor, to no avail. Bruce Banner tries and fakes getting excited/angry, and it’s not funny (and so funny). Steve Rogers actually makes it move, slightly, a moment that gives me a partial chub. Thor announces that none of them are worthy…and that’s when Ultron makes his appearance, agreeing, saying their existence is all that can save the world. Then he sends other Iron Man armor toward the team. Then shit goes DOWN. It looks like the apocalypse has happened. Iron Man breaks out the hulkbuster armor, and it looks INSANE. Hulk also touches hands with Black Widow. We see our first full glimpse of Ultron on his throne…and it’s exactly what you want him to look like. Ultron is going to destroy our boys. Spader’s voice is a masterstroke. We see a glimpse of Andy Serkis with a beard. He’s not just helping with mo-cap. He has a role; let the rampant speculation begin. The clip ends on the craziest note ever: Iron Man looking at the carnage around him, all of his comrades in arms, collapsed or worse, Cap’s shield BROKEN IN HALF. Boom.

Then…Josh Brolin marches into the room wearing the Infinity Gauntlet. He demands a rose from Downey, who relents, and Thanos/Brolin EATS it. The excitement is almost suffocating in this room.

The panel appears to be over, but there’s one more clip to run: Chris Pratt and James Gunn joking around in London, wondering how they’d follow an Avengers panel. They jokingly talk about telling us about Guardians of the Galaxy 2 without Kevin Feige’s say so. It’s clearly staged, but Gunn and Pratt are so lovable it works anyways. And besides, GUARDIANS is getting a sequel before it even comes out: July 28th, 2017. Fuck yes.

What’s awesome about all this, is how into it the Avengers cast is. Robert especially loves his role as ring leader and host. Everyone’s psyched to be here. We might be looking at this moment as Marvel Studios’ pinnacle…or perhaps we’re just getting started, as Elizabeth Olsen intimated, now that they’re adding magic and mutated people.

Thank you Marvel for putting on a show, and good night everybody. Gotham, The Walking Dead Escape and sweet, sweet slumber awaits.

It’s the 7^th year of Warner Bros. and Comic-Con Preview Night. That means we get to see fall pilots months before they finally air, so we can talk shit or rave incessantly before most of y’all. This year’s lineup includes CW’s The Flash, NBC’s Constantine, Cartoon Network’s Teen Titans Go! and NOT CW’s iZombie, because of some casting changes. That certainly doesn’t bode well for the Rob Thomas show, but then again, they might be fixing the issue.

There are plenty of issues with CW’s The Flash, however, and I’m not sure they necessarily need fixing. This show really is Smallville redux, with the S.T.A.R. Labs particle accelerator mishap as the nexus/hellmouth/Nemeton/meteor rock generator for super powered (meta-humans, they call ‘em) heroes and villains. It’s also boundlessly cheesy, and not striving for the gritty Dark Knight world that Arrow drowns itself in every week. This is Flash, which is quirky, and will make you black out drunk if you drink for every fast/speed/running pun during the proceedings.

And let’s get to them, shall we? This episode hurtles you into the plot as fast as the fastest man alive, which would be Barry Allen. He was bullied when he was a kid (because of course; his glum comment to his parents made me gag: “I guess I wasn’t fast enough.”). His Dad, Henry Allen, calls him “slugger” for some reason, clearly wanting his son to win some of these fights (instead of hoping his son would avoid getting his ass kicked). Then, lickety split, 11 year old Barry wakes up, and finds violent red/yellow electricity orbiting his mother, Nora Allen. His Dad, or the Dad (John Wesley Shipp AKA Mitch from Dawson’s Creek AKA 1990’s Flash AKA why he’s on the show), joins Barry downstairs. Then Barry finds himself blocks away. When he returns, his mother is dead, his Dad is arrested as the killer, and Barry’s life officially kinda sucks.

Now an adult/or whatever Grant Gustin is, Barry has become a CSI for the Central City police force, and he’s always late (har har). Cliché Tough Guy detective (Person of Interest’s Al Sapienza) and Detective Joe West/replacement father figure find themselves at the scene of a bank robbery (where the Mardon brothers are at it again, those hoodlums). Barry arrives, Detective West (Law & Order’s Jesse L. Martin) covers for him, and Barry proves he’s worth the wait, using some residual Mentalist magic to figure out the make and model of the car based on its tire track, while also getting a poop sample, because all bank robberies involve excrement in some form (look it up).

The “poop problem” is soon (gratefully) solved, as he tracks the shite to one of four cow farms, letting him and Iris West (Candice Patton) AKA a woman who couldn’t Friend Zone him more, to go to S.T.A.R. Labs for the unveiling of the Particle Accelerator. Iris and Barry grew up together, she wants him to find someone, but she also sees them as almost like brother and sister. Because this is the CW and not HBO, that’s not going to be a turn on any time soon. Comic readers know that Iris West becomes Mrs. Barry Allen, but it’s clear that’s a long time coming (if ever; Danielle Panabaker’s Caitlin Snow is jockeying to be this show’s Felicity Smoak, and may very well succeed). His sexual frustration is only compounded because of the presence of Detective Pretty Boy (Rick Cosnett). I won’t even bother to look up his name (okay okay, it’s Eddie Thawne; not as good). Also, and this is the biggest stumbling block: I can’t say I liked Iris West in the slightest, as she seems doomed to follow in the footsteps of one Laurel Lance.

There’s just unintended hilarious moments littered throughout the episode. Iris and Barry are watching Dr. Harrison Wells (Ed and Scrubs’ Tom Kavanaugh) speech before he accidentally (?) unleashes the particle accelerator upon the unsuspecting Central City, when Iris gets her bag stolen. “It has my dissertation!” she cries (back it up in the cloud, grrl). Barry runs after him, and while he does catch up to the douche, he gets pummeled by the laptop bag in the process. Detective Pretty Boy is there, however, to save the day. Oof.

Elsewhere, West and Tough Guy Partner track down Clyde Mardon (Chad Rook) to a farm (good on Barry!), and soon, Clyde kills Tough Guy Partner, makes his escape (“I’ve got a plane to catch”), though that turns out badly when the particle accelerator explodes, shooting energy all over Central City. It blows up the plane, electrocutes Barry, and is what one would call the inciting incident/origin/hero is born moment.

Barry wakes up 9 months later (“lightning gave me abs?” is the best line in the pilot) to Lady Gaga’s “Pokerface” because guy-who-makes-toys-and-grins-more-than-the-Joker (or Cisco Ramon/the odd’s on favorite for my least favorite character) saw Barry liked her on Facebook. Whatever. It’s not long before Barry realizes the lightning gave him extraordinary power: he’s super fucking fast now, and I like that Harrison Wells, Caitlin Snow and Cisco (Carlos Valdes) all know about his gifts immediately (he does wake up in their lab, after all), as they test him in a goofy red suit that shows off Gustin’s nuts. While Barry’s learning curve is ridiculous, I suppose that makes sense given his power. Before too long, Cisco has Barry in the Flash suit, and before too long he’s fighting crime, after getting a pep talk from a certain emerald archer in Starling City (“the lightning chose you”), which made everyone in Ballroom 20 wet their pants. When both of them watch the other do their thing, they each say “Cool” in such a cheesy way that I walked out of the convention center with diabetes.

But who?! It’s clear that Barry isn’t the only one affected by the lightning storm. Nay: Clyde Mardon survived the plane explosion/crash landing/lightning bolt to the dome, and gets weather manipulation powers. Meet Weather Wizard (or “Fog Man” as I wrote in my notes), the first of Flash’s venerable Rogues (or more accurately, his brother). Hopefully it’s not a sign of things to come. Somehow, he’s even lamer than Storm. The actor is dreadful, blessed with a sneer born to be on a Most Wanted poster or mug shot, but not much else. He makes dumbass hand gestures whenever he summons “weather,” but does unfurl a pretty nifty tornado that he’s bringing directly to Century City, once he’s moved up from bank robbing.

I certainly like that The Flash is aiming to be lighter and goofier fare from Arrow, but some of the dialogue made me want to take the Flash’s lightning bolt logo and jam it in my ear drums. While they all represent traditional archetypes (and sometimes painfully so), the pilot successfully lays out tangible character dynamics and relationships, with clear paths for all of them to follow. I particularly want more Caitlin Snow, Harrison Wells and Daddy Allen. The speed effects don’t seem much different from Smallville, but they certainly have their moments, especially in the climactic scene (a Wells pep talk is all Barry needs to learn his powers). I’ll be intrigued how quick Flash delves into its Rogues Gallery and Barry’s Wall of Weird (they might as well call it that; Chloe 4 life), but the biggest hurdle has been achieved: Grant Gustin is charming, funny and bumbling. He’s like Peter Parker without the sarcastic quips. Hopefully Barry and The Flash stray away from milquetoast in its debut season.

GRADE: C+/B-

FLASH CARDS (Awesome Spoiler-y/Comic-book-y Moments):

-At S.T.A.R. Labs, there’s an animal cage broken out of, with a name tag: GRODD. Gorilla Grodd may actually not be too weird for this show, which is awesome. Apes really are taking over the planet, and if the CW can somehow cast Andy Serkis in the role, this show just won all the Emmy’s.

-The killer of Barry’s Mom is a man, wearing red and yellow. It’s pretty clearly Professor Zoom, or Barry Allen himself doing some crazy evil time travel.

-I love that Detective West finds out about Barry’s powers and is on his side from the start. It’s kind of funny that he goes from yelling at Barry to give up on his father’s innocence and his crazy theories, to believing EVERYTHING, because it’s not like Barry having powers means his father is innocent, necessarily. I also don’t like that he actually tells Barry not to tell Iris for her safety. Because lies and secrets keep people safe, as we’ve all learned.

-First there was Blur. Then there was the Hood. Now there’s…the Red Streak. I don’t think it’ll last long, since Ollie gifted Barry with the Flash nickname immediately. Thank Krishna.

-Barry and Dad have a tear-filled convo, complete with the hands against glass moment. Barry’s insistence that he believes his Dad’s innocent is all his father needs. I get that he appreciates his son’s loyalty, but WHAT?! Why is he so willing to just fester away in Iron Heights? Maybe he has his reasons…

-Harrison Wells is NOT a cripple, and clearly has some nefarious plans. Or definitely secrets. He brings up a newspaper from 2024 with the headline: “Flash vanishes, missing in crisis.” Not only is this a nod to THE Crisis of DC Comics fame, but it’s a mindfuck, and a cool glimpse of the future. CW is clearly pretty confident with the show if it’s projecting events ten years in the future. That said, I doubt this nugget doesn’t take 10 seasons to hit home.

On this “holiday,” that’s grown in meaning and popularity thanks to the promise of a bajillion new movies, I thought I’d riff on STAR WARS.

Like many in my generation, my first exposure to STAR WARS came with the re-releases in the 1990’s, preparing the world for EPISODE ONE. After watching and loving and being enthralled with the original trilogy…I launched myself into the Expanded Universe, devouring Rogue Squadron, Young Jedi Knights, the Jedi Academy trilogy, The Bounty Hunter and Timothy Zahn’s brilliant Thrawn trilogy. I think my addiction ended sometime during the New Jedi Order series, though not because I didn’t like it. I just moved on to different universes, and different book series, as STAR WARS not only made me love movies, but the Expanded Universe is what really got me into reading. And for that, I’ll be eternally grateful.

STAR WARS was one of the first things I was truly nerdy about, as I found room for Yoda and Han Solo alongside Shawn Kemp and Jay Buhner as idols, fitting in STAR WARS books with baseball and basketball practice. My first little league team name was Jedi Knights. Needless to say, we weren’t very good. I remember during the first All-Stars practice in 8th grade, my rival SS who was entirely too likable told the squad STAR WARS was his favorite movie (I’m not sure if he meant the first one, the franchise as a whole, or if he did say a specific episode). I said AMERICAN PIE to get laughs and garner popularity. I was a douche, and a liar, because I remember thinking to myself that Tim took my favorite movie.

I remember watching EPISODE ONE at the recently renovated Cinerama in Seattle, back when a visit to Seattle was a rare and exciting treat, for my friend Jacob’s birthday. Afterwards, I was excited about Senator Palpatine and seeing his transformation into Emperor Palpatine. For whatever reason, Jacob shot me down, calling me an idiot for thinking that would happen. It’s one of the more angry, perplexing, yet absolutely fortified memories of my life. What was he talking about? I honestly didn’t hate the movie when I first saw it. It wasn’t until I became older, smarter (not really) and more cynical, that I grew to loathe the Phantom Menace and everything it represented, though I’ll admit to deriving some satisfaction and joy from the rest of the trilogy. But it obviously wasn’t the same, not even close, and I think we all breathed a sigh of relief when it was over.

Now…it’s back, with Disney, Kathleen Kennedy and J.J. Abrams around to bring it into fruition. And…

I have no idea what to expect with EPISODE VII. I’m a huge J.J. Abrams fan, as LOST and ALIAS forever transformed the way I watched TV, and the kind of shows I watched. For my money, the first STAR TREK is one of the best blockbusters of all-time. But is the right person for STAR WARS? Is there a right person for STAR WARS? It rubs me (and everyone) the wrong way that they’re ignoring the EU, since the Thrawn trilogy just makes too much sense as inspiration for these three films.

While I’m as disappointed as anyone by the lack of ethnic and gender diversity with the announced cast, I expect the final ensemble to better reflect a more balanced galaxy far, far away (it better). Bring on Lupita. But I was impressed with all the young talent Abrams has cobbled together. I don’t know Daisy Ridley, but she looks the part of a Solo/Organa daughter, and certainly got my attention with this short film:

Adam Driver has one of the more enigmatic, unique and interesting screen presences on TV. GIRLS has all kinds of problems…but his character is fascinating, thanks to his performance. I wasn’t a fan of INSIDE LLEWYN DAVIS, but Oscar Isaac is going to win one of the very awards he may as well have been named after someday (unless STAR WARS ruins his career). John Boyega was terrific in ATTACK THE BLOCK, and is an awesome choice to headline the cast. And Domhnall Gleeson may be the guy I like the most of all of the young guns, since he’s just so charming and likable and funny. And then we get to Max von Sydow?! Andy Serkis?! Are you kidding me. Fucking sweet.

I can’t help but be caught up in it all, and speculate over what characters they’ll play, whether they’re Sith, Jedi, evil, good, both, alien, human, etc., while choosing to hope the original heroes are mostly background, supporting players there to help shepherd a new generation.

STAR WARS remains a part of me…and even if these future films blow…it always will. People love to complain about George Lucas, and what’s become of the STAR WARS universe since the original trilogy, but to me, it still doesn’t take away or tarnish my childhood. I will always love Chewy, I’ll always fantasize about Princess Leia and being a Jedi, and I’ll always want to be Harrison Ford. Well, that Harrison Ford.

And that’s what I choose to think about on May 4th (and not the below image). May the 4th be with you all.