I’ve never read the Twilight books. I’ve honestly never even seen one of the books in person. I had to see the movies (my sister dragged me, and there is no escaping that woman’s grip), but even for someone who loves tween drama (ABC Family is the shit, dudes), vampires and all that jazz, TWILIGHT was a nightmare. A boring, anti-self-respect lead female, one lead male that was super controlling and could do a lecture series on How to be a Stalker and a second lead male that had such serious anger management problems and only-child syndrome that when he didn’t get his way he, quite literally, turned into a monster. TWILIGHT is not the only fandom that has nutcase fangirls swarming about (search: Tom Hiddleston/Loki on Tumblr. Go on. I dare you.) but it is definitely the easiest to draw attention to. This insane, demeaning story captured girls’ attention all over the world, and I cannot understand why. Why would anyone – male or female – want to emulate that relationship?

Twilight – 0
Buffy – 1

I’m getting older, the fangirls are getting younger, and the media available (and targeted) to them is getting crappier and crappier.  But unfortunately, none of that answers the question of when we became crazy people. I get (I’m not sure why, and I definitely don’t know how) that TWILIGHT is important to a lot of people, specifically women. I absolutely understand the need to live vicariously through a character and to want so desperately to be part of the world they live in – that’s what a fandom is – but what I do not, cannot and will not accept is the fangirls that can’t control themselves. Please, enjoy Urban Dictionary’s definition:

Fangirl: A rabid breed of human female who is obsessed with either a fictional character or an actor. Similar to the breed of fanboy. Fangirls congregate at anime conventions and livejournal. Have been known to glomp, grope, and tackle when encountering said obsessions.

What’s so utterly pathetic about this, is that that’s actually what they do. There is no sense of dignity or respect for the person they’re fawning over, and many of them cannot distinguish between the actor and the character they play (see: Twihards, and even some SHERLOCK fans who HATE Amanda Abbington because her character Mary Morstan came between Johnlock). It seems that “our” uncontrollable need for Edward Cullen to be a reality brought us out of our dark rooms to go hunting for him (poor R-Pat) at every available moment, and that in turn drew every other fangirl out along with them.

Twilight – 0
Buffy – 2

So now the question becomes: are the crazy fangirls a reaction to the media that we’re giving them? Or was gasoline thrown on the tiny fire when the fangirls started being treated as crazy?

Of course, the obvious answer for all of this is: “daddy issues.” Is it the right answer for everyone? More than likely no. There will be some fangirls that fall into that category as well, but the biggest thing that I’ve been noticing on Tumblr and other social media sites that I peruse for fandom enjoyment, is that many of these young girls have very low self-esteem and self-worth. For whatever reasons – and I’m not going to even try to guess what they have going on in their personal lives – many of these crazy fangirls that can’t control their urge to attack don’t think very highly of themselves. It’s easy to assume that that’s why they’ve grown so attached to fictional characters; they see something in those characters they can identify with; it’s a way to escape their own hell; it’s a way of expressing themselves; I get it, but it’s still very sad to see. …Not to mention that it gives those of us that aren’t looneytunes really bad reps in the fandom communities.

There’s no one solution that will solve the problem of the maniacal fangirl and unfortunately most of them are too far gone to even see that they have a problem. Now, I’m not saying that all fangirls are crazy, or that all media directed towards them is bad – far from it – I’m just concerned that in desperate attempts to mimic a character or obsess over something fictional that they’re starting to lose more than just their minds; hello, nearly-naked cosplay outfits. Fangirls, try using actual clothing and not just lingerie, yeah?

Final Count:

Twilight – 0

Buffy – ALL THE POINTS

The terms “nerd” and “fanboy” have started to lose all meaning amongst pop culture fanatics. They used to signify a certain type of person: insanely smart or ridiculously obsessed with something, but now they’ve become synonymous with “geek.” The nerds are fanboys and fanboys are geeks, and all three are something to be embarrassed about. (Apparently. I didn’t know that was a thing. Ask the normie’s.)

But way back when – a whopping 10 years ago – “nerd” and “fanboy” were two completely different brands of human. A nerd was someone “whose IQ exceed[s] his weight… The person you will one day call ‘Boss’,”* and a fanboy was “a passionate fan of various elements of geek [to be discussed momentarily] culture, but who lets his passion override social graces.”*

Nerds were known for their high intellect, glasses, suspenders and floods whereas fanboys were those socially inept, overweight dudes wearing their Dungeons and Dragon robes and sporting the ever-fashionable light sabers. But never at the same time, obviously. (Insert why-D&D/StarWars-could-never-co-exist-in-the-same-universe-fanboy-rant-here.)

So… exactly when did “nerd” and “fanboy” become the same thing?

I advocate: the Geek. If Nerd and Fanboy had a secret lovechild it would absolutely be the Geek; the bridge between the two. Here’s a great little chart* I found:

The “normie” is the average Joe (or Jane!): No particularly special technical skills, but socially successful. They can have a conversation, and come in a variety of styles from nice to douchey, to whatever else normal people are. Honestly, I’m probably the wrong lady to ask about that.

Nerds are honored with technical skills, but lack social artistry (being social is absolutely an art) and fanboys tend to have a general lack of social prowess out in the real world, but have great communication with each other (probably because they all speak Klingon instead of English.)

The poor dorks are the bastard child that no one loves; “Someone who does things that are kinda silly and not necessarily cool.”* Lezbie honest, (yes, I will continue to make as many PITCH PERFECT references as possible until the day I croak) we all know at least one dork: the guy who reads the dictionary for fun, the girl who edited her science book back in high school. Not necessarily technical, but not lacking social skills, either. Just a wee bit strange.

However, after a painful journey through the bullied and scorned, we can finally revel in the masterpiece that is the Geek. The perfect amalgamation of nerds and fanboys, with both technical and social competence, the Geeks must have gotten all the good genes from both parents.

“An outwardly normal person who has taken the time to learn technical skills. Geeks have as normal a social life as anyone, and usually the only way to tell if someone is a geek is if they inform you of their skills… A geek does not have to be smart. A geek is someone who is generally not athletic, and enjoys video games; comic books; being on the internet; etc.”*

With a deep appreciation for fanboy culture but lacking the general obsessive compulsive behavior that goes along with it (which scares everyone else off) and fairly adequate technical experience, the Geek has overtaken the social rungs of its predecessors and formed a new, all-inclusive group of misfits.

“Wouldn’t geeks be the product of normie’s and nerds, though? Why fanboys?”

Unfortunately, through our scientific testing and research we have come to find that the control group “normie” does not exhibit any of the necessary traits that are found in the Geek sub-culture, so we must exclude them in our results.

Translation: They don’t have any love or excessive excitement for video games, anime, comics, TV, etc.

The Geek sub-culture allows anyone who has even a stitch of nerd, fanboy, or [so help us] dork in them to connect and relate over our favorite hobbies and interests. Some may go a little too far (I’m looking at you, Cumberbatch fangirls) and some may not go far enough (Ian McKellan/Patrick Stewart shippers) but props go out to the Geekdom who works really hard at giving everyone an awesomely decorated place to bond and delight in our crazy.

Can you imagine the jungle gyms we’d build?!

*You can always count on Urban Dictionary. The chart was altered to include the fanboy category, and general punctuation and grammar were edited because let’s face it: Urban Dictionary is not the place for award-winning writing. http://www.urbandictionary.com/